My brother broke my tooth with my pet turtle’s shell

That’s enamel abuse

A rich blonde woman from Beverly Hills was at the dentist about to get her tooth pulled.

The dentist asked, "Do you want a local anesthetic?"

She shook her head and said, "Let's not pinch pennies, doctor. I only want the best! Do you have anything imported?”

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When I was a kid, my parents fed me a lot of bullshit, like believing in the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. But I finally started thinking for myself and realized it was all wishful thinking.

Thank you Jesus!

I asked my dentist to put in a new tooth that matched my other teeth

He put in tooth with 4 cavities.

When I was a kid, I used to believe in such nonsense as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny.

Now that I've grown older, I don't believe in that rubbish anymore, thank God.

My dentist removed the wrong tooth.

It was accidental.

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A man went to the dentist with a severe toothache. The dentist looked into his mouth and told him he'd have to pull out a rotten tooth. The man said, "Whatever it takes. I can't stand the pain."

The dentist took out a needle and the man
said, "No, I'm scared to death of needles. Can
you use something else to kill the pain?"
The dentist said, "Sure, I'll just give you
some nitrous oxide instead."
The man said, "No can do, Doc. I'm allergic
to gas."
So the dentist gave hi...

Today was horrible. I chipped a tooth when playing hockey. I phoned a dentist for an appointment...

When I asked if he could fit me in today, he briskly said "twothirty?"

Then he seemed annoyed when I replied "Of course, that's why I'm calling!"

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A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.

“No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!” ...

What did the dentist say when he had to pull a tooth?

"I'm sorry for your floss."

Posting OC before bed is like waiting for the tooth fairy

You're always disappointed when you wake up

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A man walks into a pub and spots a jar full of notes

He asks the barman "whats all this money in this jar for?".
The barman replies "its prize money, for the person who completes my three challenges, never been done before".

The man fancies himself a competitor regardless of the challenges and asks what they are.
"First ,you have to knock...

What's a tooth fairy's side hustle?

Prostitooth

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In Ice Age, Diego and his pack of saber tooth cats attack the human village...

...while the men are distracted, Diego sneaks into a hut to find the human baby. The baby is there tucked in his bed but before the predator can pounce the mother cave woman grabs her precious package, hits the beast and runs to escape.

Diego chases her and corners the helpless mother at the ...

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How much weight do you lose after having a wisdom tooth taken out?

A molar mass.

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A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him,

He says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."

The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."

The man replies, "abs...

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A man sits down at a bar and see a jar full of $10 bills.

He asks the bartender, “Hey barkeep! Whats up with this jar of money?”
The bartender replies, “The game is simple. Put in $10, complete a challenge, and you win the jar.”
The man is intrigued and slides in a $10 bill. “Alright, whats the challenge?”
“First, you have to drink this entire bo...

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I picked a fight with some guy.

He punched me in the face and I swallowed a tooth.

That sure came back to bite me in the ass.

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A man is walking by a bar one evening

When he sees a sign in the window with the words “FREE Beer for a year! Inquire within!”
The man, having nothing better to do, decides go in:

“Hey, you’ve got a sign out there talking about free beer, what’s that all about?”

(The bartender)”Oh yeah, I put that up a couple of days ...

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The glass jar

A guy walks into a bar and sees a huge jar filled with money on the counter, he glances at it curiously but doesn't think much else of it, about two beers later he asks the bartender about it. The bartender tells him it's a simple game, you pay $50 to play and then you complete 3 tasks, the man gawk...

My daughter lost her first tooth today

I bet she won't touch my X- box again !

"Doc, I've got a sinus headache, an abscessed tooth, itchy eyes, and a canker sore. What is wrong with me? "

Doc: "Well, I'll be honest. I think it's all in your head."

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A man walks into a bar

*Please just keep reading*

He orders a drink and notices a jar of money sitting on the bar table. He then asks the bartender

“Hey bartender, what’s with that jar full of money?”

“It’s prize money” the bartender replies

Puzzled, since the man was not aware of any current c...

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A man sees a huge jar of cash sitting on the bar counter.

He asks the bartender what it’s for.
The bartender says “ oh anybody can win that all you have to do is three things! First, you see that huge guy sitting in that dark corner? You have to knock him out. Second, there’s a viscous Rottweiler in the back room over there that has a bad tooth. You h...

The toothbrush was invented in Alabama

If it were invented anywhere else they would have called it a teethbrush.

When I was 7 years old, I realized that Santa, The Tooth Fairy, and my dad all had the same handwriting.

Good thing none of those things actually exist.

The plural of Tooth is Teeth, Foot is Feet, Goose is Geese, then Moose is...

Meese?

Just following up on that Gallagher joke.

My dentist was kind enough to ask me what time I was available for the next appointment.

I just told him tooth hurty.

My son lost his first milk tooth today..

I hope that would teach him never to touch my PlayStation again ..

A dentist noticed his patient had a large gold tooth. He said, “Where did you get the gold?”

The patient replied, “Its mine.”

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The moonshine, the pitbull & the old lady.

John walks into a bar. As he orders a beer he sees a jar filled with 100$ bills on the counter. The bartender tells him that in order to win the jar of money, he has to complete 3 challenges, but the entry fee is 100$.

After some thinking, he decides to enter the contest. The bartender t...

Went to dinner last night at a lovely restaurant in Bristol, and there was a fly in my soup.

I wouldn’t have normally minded, but the zipper broke my tooth.

My 6 year old Niece told me this: What do you call a tooth that has been mashed?

Toothpaste

I was devastated when I found out the Tooth Fairy isn't real. Because that means it was my parents...

who molested me.



credit: Ryan Stout

A man gets shipwrecked on a small island.

After a few days wandering, he comes across a tribe of natives who have just lost their chieftain.

The tribe's high priest tells the man that as he is the first outsider they have seen in twenty years, he must take three tests.

If he passes all three tests, the tribe will accept him as...

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A long time...

A school class was given the homework over the weekend to learn about the word contagious.

Come Monday the teacher calls on little Becky to stand in front of the class and use the word contagious in a sentence.

"My Daddy is a Biomedical Engineer and says that Covid-19 is a contagious d...

Everyone knows I have a sweet tooth.

Well, I used to, anyway. It fell off.

Tooth Extraction

Woman at the dentist: "I'd rather get pregnant, than having a tooth pulled!"

Dentist: "Lady, please make up your mind so I can know how to adjust the chair."

A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, "Free Beer For Life If You Can Pass Our Test!"

He asks the bartender, "What's this 'test' you have?" The bartender says, "Well first, you gotta chug a gallon of pepper tequilla. Next, you have to go out back and pull the sore tooth out of our angry alligator. And finally, we have a girl up stairs who's never slept with a man, and you gotta go ma...

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A guy walks into a bar and sees a jar of $100 bills on the counter

He asks the bartender "Hey, what's with the jar?"

The bartender replies "Well, we have a running challenge here in the bar. It has three parts. If you look at the end there, you'll see Big Jim. Big Jim is the baddest motherfucker in town. You have to knock Big Jim out."

The guy looks d...

Bad tooth NSFW

[Warning: NSFW content, long story]

A man walks into a new bar his friends told him about and they decided to check out together. He goes up to the bartender to give a description of his friends and ask him if he's seen them, but before he gets the question off he sees his friends on the far ...

I was finishing an apple and I nearly chipped a tooth on it.

It was pretty hardcore.

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A Texas Man Moves To Alaska

So a Texas man moves to Alaska to find more oil for his company to drill. Here gets bored one night and goes to a local bar. The man sees "Impossible Challenge: Free beer for life for the winner!", out of curiosity he asks the bartender about it. "Hey bartender, what's the challenge?" The man asked....

What do you call a boat full of dentists?

A tooth ferry

A man and his wife go to the dentist to get a rotten tooth removed

The man tells the dentist, "Look doc, I don't want any painkillers. No gas, no needles, nothing. Just get in, yank out the tooth, and we'll get out of here.

"I wish more of my patients had your fortitude," says the doctor admiringly. "Which tooth is rotten?"

The man turns to his wif...

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Having had extremely bad breath for most of his adult life, and having tried every possible over the counter mouthwash and toothpaste, Larry finally decides to go see a Doctor.

The Doctor examines Larry, takes samples of his saliva, tooth plaque and does a tongue swab. He asks Larry to return Tuesday for the test results.

Tuesday Larry is sitting in the Doctor's office, hopeful for a cure.

"Larry", says the Doc, "Your breath could knock a buzzard off a shit ...

What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed it’s tooth?

The dentist

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A man is passing through a small town when he decides to visit the local bar.

He walks up to the counter where he notices a large jar filled to the brim with $5 bills. Curious, the man asks the bartender about the jar. The bartender tells him “here in our lil town of ours we ain’t got much goin’ on. So we decided to host a series of challenges here. Anyone can take on the cha...

Did you hear the joke about the dentist who loves tooth extraction?

[removed]

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Post in front of a bar. Complete 3 challenges win 10000$

A man sees the post and goes in to ask the bartender about it. The challenges are simple.

1. Drink two bottles of vodka.

2. Behind the door there's a crocodile with a loose tooth. Take out the tooth.

3. There's a stubborn girl in a room upstairs. Give her an orgasm.

He...

A man phones a dental clinic to inquire about the price of removing a tooth

"Hello. How much is it to get a tooth removed", asks the man


"That'll be $700, it includes anesthetic, tooth extraction by myself, and assistance from a nurse", replies the dentist

"That's a bit much for me, how much if the nurse extracts it?"

"Well I guess we could do that...

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A man walks into an unfamiliar bar

He sits down at the bar and sees a pot of cash filled to the brim with notes. As he orders his drink he ask the bartender "what's with the pot of cash?"

The barman replies "we have a 3 tier game going on, winner takes all. £100 entry."

"Just out of curiosity, whats involved?" Asks the ...

Mom asks her kid, "now that you've lost your first tooth what did you learn?"

Kid: "don't interrupt you while you're talking."

I have 6 eyes, 3 ears, 2 mouths, but one tooth. What am I?

Ugly.

Who is the odd one out between.... Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, Bill Cosby and the tooth fairy?

The Easter bunny, the rest only come when you are sleeping.

A father looks at his son after losing his first tooth. “Now that you’ve lost your first tooth, son, what have you learned?”

“Never interrupt you again while you’re talking”

A man walks Into a bar were he sees a jar full of money,

"What do I have to do in order to get the money?" -he asked the bartender.

"Behind me are 3 doors, you have pass a test in every one of them. Behind the first door are 20 shots you have to drink within 20 minutes. Behind the second door is a bull, you have to bring back one of his teeth, behi...

The Tooth Fairy wasn't too impressed with the dentures I left under my pillow...

...Tooth be trolled.

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A man walks into a bar,

**he notices a very large jar on the counter,** **and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10.00 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it.**

**He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"**

**"Well ... , you pay $10.00, and ...

The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the tooth fairy walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says “What is this, some kind of joke?”

How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?

They're always searching for the tooth.

What did the molar 1 say to the wisdom tooth?

Ouch! Move, oral get you extracted.

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Challenge Jar

A man walks into a bar. He approaches the bartender to order his drink and can’t help but notice a huge glass jar packed to the brim with $100 bills.

So the man asks the bartender, “What’s the deal with that jar?”

The bartender replies, “That’s our challenge jar. You put $100 in and i...

My wisdom tooth came out the other day.

I still love him no matter what.

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A man walks into a bar

This is a long'un. Strap yourselves in.

A man walks into a bar and notices a large jar on the counter filled to the brim with cash, $50's, $20's. Must be a good few $thousand in the jar. The guy orders a drink and asks about the jar on the counter. "Oh that's for anyone who can beat the three...

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What do tooth cavities and anal cavities have in common?

They both feel better when they get filled in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A few days after his 10th birthday, Little Johnny’s parents sit him down for a talk ...

Dad: “Johnny, you are ten years old, and in a few months you will have a little sister. It’s time you learned where babies come from.”

Johnny: “Mom! Dad! Not again! Last year, you told me Santa wasn’t real. The year before, it was the tooth fairy. Are you about to tell me that people don’t ac...

Stone-age

While Fred the caveman was just relaxing after a tedious hunt, his wife came running to him, all in tears. "Fred, come quick, a sabre-toothed tiger just entered my mothers cave!"
Quite calm, Fred took another sip from his beer and said "So what? Who the hell cares what happens to a sabre-toothed ...

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3 people walk into a bar

3 people walk into a bar
1 of them offer a challenge;
Whoever can drink 10 beers, pluck a tooth of a lion and have sex with a woman wins.
So each of them got 10 beers
The first drinks 6 and passes out.
The second drinks all of his beers take the other 4 from the previous person and he...

During quarantine - Lonely at home

I am lonely at home quarantined:

Day 1. Oh, that's nice.

Day 3. I read books and rest.

Day 5. I bingwatched "Friends".

Day 7. I talked to the washing machine, but I had worse days.

Day 9. My washing machine is angry. I never had worse days.

Day 11. I'm fine…...

What's at least 6 inches long, goes in your mouth, and is more fun if it vibrates?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

..



.

.

.

.

.

.

A toothbrush. Come on.

Last night, my daughter shouted downstairs, "Dad! My tooth has just fallen out into my drink!" "That's great, darling!" I said. "Put it under your pillow and see what happens."

A few minutes later she shouted, "Nothing's happened dad and now my bed is completely soaked!"

NSFW My buddy asked me if I ever had a girl lose a tooth while giving me head?

Of course, but she had most of her adult teeth so does it still count

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A man walks into a bar

And orders a few drinks. As the night goes on, he notices a sign on the wall.

It reads FREE DRINKS FOR LIFE! TAKE ON THE BAYOU CHALLENGE!

The man asks the bartender about the sign, and the bartender replies.

It’s a challenge to see who the manliest man in the bayou is. If you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once watched porn with no sound

After fifteen minutes, my dad returned my blue tooth speaker

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A guy walks into a bar

He sits down and orders a scotch, he takes a few sips and notices a jar filled with 20 dollar bills on the counter. He asks the bartender, " what's with the jar?" The bartender replies, "you put in a 20 to enter, if you complete the 3 challenges I give you, you get all the money in the jar." The guy...

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Russian soldier

The US and Russia have gone to war.  Several rowdy American soldiers have taken a Russian soldier as,a POW. After several days of failing to extract any useful intelligence, the soldier is told that if he can perform three tasks he will be set free but if he fails then he will face firing squad. 1st...

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A man had spent all day drinking in a bar

By 10 at night he was incredibly drunk but still wanted more. However, he had run out of money.

"I've got to have another drink," he told the bartender. "Can't you give me one on credit?"

"You know the rules," replied the bartender. "No credit. But I'll tell you what I'll do. It's a ...

Why didn't the dentist let Jack Nicholson keep his extracted wisdom teeth?

He can't HANDLE the tooth!

What did the beaver say when he chipped his tooth?

Dam it!

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The Tough Man Contest

A man walks into a bar and is greeted by a woman. The woman asks the man if he would like to partake in the tough man contest. He agrees, and asks her how to win.

She says, "Well, first you'll have to pour yourself 10 shots of whiskey, knock that guy out cold at the bar, pull the dogs rotten ...

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A dentist, doing his first extraction on a patient was nervous

When he got the molar out, his hand shook, he lost his grip on the instrument, and the tooth dropped into patient's throat

Dentist: Sorry, you are outside my specialty now, you should see laryngologist (throat specialist)

By the time patient went to laryngologist, tooth had worked its ...

All these jokes about Alabama but no one acknowledges their contributions, like inventing the toothbrush

At least I think it was Alabama. Anywhere else they’d have called it a teethbrush.

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