I'm going to the dentist to have a bad tooth removed today.

Rip tooth.

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A guy walks into a bar, notices a "free beer for life challenge" on the front door.

A guy walks into a bar, notices a "free beer for life challenge" on the front door.

He goes inside, and asks the bartender what he needs to do to receive free beer for life. The bartender reaches under the bar and pulls out a bottle of vodka, " First, drink this whole bottle in one go, no cry...

My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth

It was accidental

My dentist told me I'm right on the brink of having tooth decay

He said the situation was precarious.

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A man walks into the dentist office and after the dentist exam him , he says,that tooth has to come out. I’m going to give you a shot of Novacaine and I’ll be back in a few minutes.

The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."

The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."

So the dentist steps out and comes ba...

Fergus goes to the dentist and asks about the cost of a tooth extraction.

$85 for an extraction sir," was the dentists reply.

"Och huv ye nay got unythin cheaper," replies the Scotsman getting agitated.

"But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir," replied the dentist.

"What aboot if ye didnae use uny anaesthetic?" asked Fergus hopefully. <...

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, H...

A woman walked into the dentist's clinic very nervously and said, "I'm scared. I'd rather have a baby than get a tooth pulled out."

"Fine with me," said the dentist, "but I'll have to adjust the chair."

I asked my friend what gift I should get him. He said, "All I want for Christmas is my one front tooth."

Man, Tom Cruise is so easy to shop for.

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A guy goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulled out a large syringe to give an anesthetic shot.

"No way, no needles! I hate needles!" the man exclaimed.
So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, and the man said, "I can't do the gas thing. Just the thought of having a mask on my face suffocates me!"
The dentist then asked the patient if he had any objections to taking a pill....

Why does the tooth hate minorities?

Because it is bracist

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Yo mama so gap-toothed...

She can floss with a dick!

My daughter lost her first tooth today

I bet she won't touch my X- box again !

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When I was a kid, my parents fed me a lot of bullshit, like believing in the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. But I finally started thinking for myself and realized it was all wishful thinking.

Thank you Jesus!

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An old joke from my parents' home country

At the international dentist convention the dentists from Iraq were displaying their new extraction technique.

With this device you can remove teeth from a patients mouth by entering through the rectum and navigating through their digestive track to pull the tooth out.

A dentist in the...

I have a major sweet tooth.

It's the black one.

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A man walks into a bar, and sees a huge jar sitting on the counter.

The jar is stuffed with $10 bills. There has to be at least twenty grand in there. Curious, he approaches the bartender.

He asks, "What's the deal with the jar?"

The bartender replies, "You put ten bucks in, and if you complete three challenges, you win the entire jar."

"What ar...

My wife asked me what time my dentist appointment is

“Tooth hurty”

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Kinda long, but I couldn't get the flair to work.

An explorer gets lost in the Amazon rainforest. While searching for a way out, he stumbles upon a tribe of cannibals. They all want to eat the man, but the chief pities the man. He says to the explorer:

"Look. I know you're lost, so I'm gonna give you a chance to save your life." And with tha...

She went missing !

Husband: My wife is missing. She went mountain biking yesterday and has not come home!

Officer: Age?

Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 25 and 35. We don't do birthdays.

Officer: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

OFFICER : Weig...

A rich blonde woman from Beverly Hills was at the dentist about to get her tooth pulled.

The dentist asked, "Do you want a local anesthetic?"

She shook her head and said, "Let's not pinch pennies, doctor. I only want the best! Do you have anything imported?”

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A man went to the dentist with a severe toothache. The dentist looked into his mouth and told him he'd have to pull out a rotten tooth. The man said, "Whatever it takes. I can't stand the pain."

The dentist took out a needle and the man
said, "No, I'm scared to death of needles. Can
you use something else to kill the pain?"
The dentist said, "Sure, I'll just give you
some nitrous oxide instead."
The man said, "No can do, Doc. I'm allergic
to gas."
So the dentist gave hi...

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Sorting out my shit for me! [Long]

Moe owns a bar, and he has been finding it really hard to manage the bar and take care of his personal life. Things are just piling up and getting on top of him. Recently his Aunt got divorced and so she has been sitting at the end of the bar drinking away his profits, his Rottweiler Chomper has jus...

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A joke from my grandfather who was a dentist for 40 years

How do you know that the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?

Because everywhere else it would be a teethbrush.

Why did the Spanish Inquisition yank out people's molars?

Because they wanted the tooth, the whole truth, so help them God.

What did the dentist say when he had to pull a tooth?

"I'm sorry for your floss."

Posting OC before bed is like waiting for the tooth fairy

You're always disappointed when you wake up

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How much weight do you lose after having a wisdom tooth taken out?

A molar mass.

A 70 year old woman finally agreed to a blind date.

After ordering his food, the man said, "I have to be careful what I eat. I have dentures. Do you wear dentures?"

The woman, who was also clearly wearing dentures, but was too self-conscious to admit that, answered, "No, not me."

"Oh really?" said the man, "I don't think you are very to...

What's a tooth fairy's side hustle?

Prostitooth

I was devastated when I found out the Tooth Fairy isn't real. Because that means it was my parents...

who molested me.



credit: Ryan Stout

A rabbit, a fox and a bear have to enroll in the army.

Neither of the 3 are very happy about it and the only chance they have to avoid it is by being rejected during the medical exam. As They are waiting in line at the doctors office their desperation builds up untill right before it's the rabbits turn.
The rabbit turns to the fox: "Fox I might h...

An electric toothbrush is basically a tooth vibrator.

It hits all the spots..

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The Pub Game

A guy walks into a pub in the middle of the countryside and orders a pint. While the barman is pouring his drink he notices a jar behind the bar that's stuffed with cash, must be close to £5000 in there. Curious, he asks the barman, "what's this about?"

"Ah, it's a little game we got 'ere" sa...

What did the Dentist say when he was being prosecuted in court?

YOU CANT HANDLE THE TOOTH!!!!!!

Went to dinner last night at a restaurant, and there was a fly in my soup.

I wouldn't have normally minded, but the zipper broke my tooth.

When I was 7 years old, I realized that Santa, The Tooth Fairy, and my dad all had the same handwriting.

Good thing none of those things actually exist.

Bad tooth NSFW

[Warning: NSFW content, long story]

A man walks into a new bar his friends told him about and they decided to check out together. He goes up to the bartender to give a description of his friends and ask him if he's seen them, but before he gets the question off he sees his friends on the far ...

A man and his wife go to the dentist to get a rotten tooth removed

The man tells the dentist, "Look doc, I don't want any painkillers. No gas, no needles, nothing. Just get in, yank out the tooth, and we'll get out of here.

"I wish more of my patients had your fortitude," says the doctor admiringly. "Which tooth is rotten?"

The man turns to his wif...

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A guy walks into a bar and sees a jar of $100 bills on the counter

He asks the bartender "Hey, what's with the jar?"

The bartender replies "Well, we have a running challenge here in the bar. It has three parts. If you look at the end there, you'll see Big Jim. Big Jim is the baddest motherfucker in town. You have to knock Big Jim out."

The guy looks d...

Like pulling teeth

I had a wisdom tooth going bad and the dentist told me it wouldn't be worth filling the cavity and she just sent me to an oral surgeon to get the tooth pulled.

So I get there and I'm in the chair and I tell the guy "I've never had a tooth pulled." He was pretty seriously bothered that I used ...

My son lost his first milk tooth today..

I hope that would teach him never to touch my PlayStation again ..

A dentist noticed his patient had a large gold tooth. He said, “Where did you get the gold?”

The patient replied, “Its mine.”

Did you hear the joke about the dentist who loves tooth extraction?

[removed]

I was finishing an apple and I nearly chipped a tooth on it.

It was pretty hardcore.

My 6 year old Niece told me this: What do you call a tooth that has been mashed?

Toothpaste

Everyone knows I have a sweet tooth.

Well, I used to, anyway. It fell off.

What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed it’s tooth?

The dentist

A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, "Free Beer For Life If You Can Pass Our Test!"

He asks the bartender, "What's this 'test' you have?" The bartender says, "Well first, you gotta chug a gallon of pepper tequilla. Next, you have to go out back and pull the sore tooth out of our angry alligator. And finally, we have a girl up stairs who's never slept with a man, and you gotta go ma...

I have 6 eyes, 3 ears, 2 mouths, but one tooth. What am I?

Ugly.

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Barnyard antijokes, written by an AI

Q:
What's the difference between a horse and a duck?

A:
A horse has legs but a duck has feathers.

Q:
Why do elephants play hide-and-seek?

A: They don’t have to worry about winning.

Q:
How much is a cow worth?

Answer:
100 Pounds.

Q: ...

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A man sits down at a bar and see a jar full of $10 bills.

He asks the bartender, “Hey barkeep! Whats up with this jar of money?”
The bartender replies, “The game is simple. Put in $10, complete a challenge, and you win the jar.”
The man is intrigued and slides in a $10 bill. “Alright, whats the challenge?”
“First, you have to drink this entire bo...

A man phones a dental clinic to inquire about the price of removing a tooth

"Hello. How much is it to get a tooth removed", asks the man


"That'll be $700, it includes anesthetic, tooth extraction by myself, and assistance from a nurse", replies the dentist

"That's a bit much for me, how much if the nurse extracts it?"

"Well I guess we could do that...

(X post) Weaponized Saber-tooth cats would be a real menace.

They're armed to the teeth.

Who is the odd one out between.... Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, Bill Cosby and the tooth fairy?

The Easter bunny, the rest only come when you are sleeping.

A father looks at his son after losing his first tooth. “Now that you’ve lost your first tooth, son, what have you learned?”

“Never interrupt you again while you’re talking”

How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?

They're always searching for the tooth.

My best friend Mat and I were captured by wild Indians

We pleaded and begged that they let us go. They finally conceited to allow Mat to take three trials. Ahead of us were three tepees. The chief told us the first had five barrels of fire water Mat must drink. The second had a grizzly bear with a wicked tooth ache, Mat must pull it's bad tooth. The thi...

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The Three Challenges

**TL;DR:** Jokes don't have TL;DRs.

A man named Andrew walks into a bar, makes his way to the stool and asks the bartender for some Whiskey, on the rocks.

As the bartender serves Andrew his order, his eyes fall on a relatively large jar of money filled with $100 bills. He gets curious...

The Tooth Fairy wasn't too impressed with the dentures I left under my pillow...

...Tooth be trolled.

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A former maths professor turned dentist shaved my infected tooth down into a single thin line...

I asked him, "What the hell is this?"

He replied, "A square root canal."

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Oh.. those Marines!

*A Marine walks into a bar and notices a Jar on the counter top with money in it.*

**Marine**: "This is new, what's it for?"

**Bartender**: "Its for our weekly challenge"

**Marine**: "Oh I love challenges, what is it for this week?"

**Bartender**: "Oh this one is a specia...

Have to charge you 25 dollars

Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.

Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of ...

[LONG] A guy was shipwrecked and ended up on an island..........

A guy was shipwrecked and ended up on an island. After wandering
around for a few hours he was captured by the local tribe of cannibals and
taken back to the village. After a good meal and a rest he was taken before
the king and told that, as it was the king’s birthday, he would get a ch...

A man gets shipwrecked on a small island.

After a few days wandering, he comes across a tribe of natives who have just lost their chieftain.

The tribe's high priest tells the man that as he is the first outsider they have seen in twenty years, he must take three tests.

If he passes all three tests, the tribe will accept him as...

My wisdom tooth came out the other day.

I still love him no matter what.

The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the tooth fairy walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says “What is this, some kind of joke?”

What did the molar 1 say to the wisdom tooth?

Ouch! Move, oral get you extracted.

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In a tribe, a man wants to marry the chief's daughter.

The chief says "You will have to pass three tests to marry her. First, in the cage behind you, you will have to kill a lion with your bare hands. Then, you will see a gorilla. This time, you will have to remove his aching tooth. Finally, there will be a young British lady. You will have to give her ...

NSFW My buddy asked me if I ever had a girl lose a tooth while giving me head?

Of course, but she had most of her adult teeth so does it still count

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What do tooth cavities and anal cavities have in common?

They both feel better when they get filled in.

Don’t tell me about the Birds and the Bees

A father asked his ten year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know,” the child said, bursting into tears. “Promise me you won’t tell me.” The dad was perplexed. “Why don’t you want to know?”

“When I was six, I got the ‘there’s no Easter bunny speech.’ When I wa...

Last night, my daughter shouted downstairs, "Dad! My tooth has just fallen out into my drink!" "That's great, darling!" I said. "Put it under your pillow and see what happens."

A few minutes later she shouted, "Nothing's happened dad and now my bed is completely soaked!"

I think my parents might be meth heads.

The tooth fairy keeps taking my money and leaving behind teeth.

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A man is walking by a bar one evening

When he sees a sign in the window with the words “FREE Beer for a year! Inquire within!”
The man, having nothing better to do, decides go in:

“Hey, you’ve got a sign out there talking about free beer, what’s that all about?”

(The bartender)”Oh yeah, I put that up a couple of days ...

I asked my advisor why he didn’t recommend me for dental school.

He said I wouldn’t be able to handle the tooth.

What did the beaver say when he chipped his tooth?

Dam it!

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The moonshine, the pitbull & the old lady.

John walks into a bar. As he orders a beer he sees a jar filled with 100$ bills on the counter. The bartender tells him that in order to win the jar of money, he has to complete 3 challenges, but the entry fee is 100$.

After some thinking, he decides to enter the contest. The bartender t...

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A man sees a huge jar of cash sitting on the bar counter.

He asks the bartender what it’s for.
The bartender says “ oh anybody can win that all you have to do is three things! First, you see that huge guy sitting in that dark corner? You have to knock him out. Second, there’s a viscous Rottweiler in the back room over there that has a bad tooth. You h...

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A man walks into a bar

*Please just keep reading*

He orders a drink and notices a jar of money sitting on the bar table. He then asks the bartender

“Hey bartender, what’s with that jar full of money?”

“It’s prize money” the bartender replies

Puzzled, since the man was not aware of any current c...

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The glass jar

A guy walks into a bar and sees a huge jar filled with money on the counter, he glances at it curiously but doesn't think much else of it, about two beers later he asks the bartender about it. The bartender tells him it's a simple game, you pay $50 to play and then you complete 3 tasks, the man gawk...

5 year old: Mommy, do you know how long a tooth paste tube lasts?

Mother: No honey?

5 year old: 2 laps around the TV table, and one around the couch

A Lumberjack Named Chuck is Working at a Mill

His job is to throw lumber down the chute to the saw that cuts them in half. One day, he's in a horrible accident, and loses both of his arms. Obviously he can't work, and fights tooth and nail with his union to get him the pay he would've received if he could work the rest of the year. They send a ...

A patient says to a dentist : " you pulled out a tooth in like 3 seconds and you get the money, not fair! What an easy career"

The dentist replies: " sounds right. Let's make it 3 hours long."

What do you call a boat full of dentists?

A tooth ferry

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Son, what do you have to say after your first tooth has fallen out?

"To not to piss you off anymore or more will fly?"

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