I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

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When I was a kid, my parents fed me a lot of bullshit, like believing in the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. But I finally started thinking for myself and realized it was all wishful thinking.

Thank you Jesus!

Posting OC before bed is like waiting for the tooth fairy

You're always disappointed when you wake up

My dentist removed the wrong tooth.

It was accidental.

"Doc, I've got a sinus headache, an abscessed tooth, itchy eyes, and a canker sore. What is wrong with me? "

Doc: "Well, I'll be honest. I think it's all in your head."

What did the dentist say when he had to pull a tooth?

"I'm sorry for your floss."

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How much weight do you lose after having a wisdom tooth taken out?

A molar mass.

When I was 7 years old, I realized that Santa, The Tooth Fairy, and my dad all had the same handwriting.

Good thing none of those things actually exist.

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A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.

“No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!” ...

The plural of Tooth is Teeth, Foot is Feet, Goose is Geese, then Moose is...

Meese?

Just following up on that Gallagher joke.

My son lost his first milk tooth today..

I hope that would teach him never to touch my PlayStation again ..

What's a tooth fairy's side hustle?

Prostitooth

A man gets shipwrecked on a small island.

After a few days wandering, he comes across a tribe of natives who have just lost their chieftain.

The tribe's high priest tells the man that as he is the first outsider they have seen in twenty years, he must take three tests.

If he passes all three tests, the tribe will accept him as...

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Having had extremely bad breath for most of his adult life, and having tried every possible over the counter mouthwash and toothpaste, Larry finally decides to go see a Doctor.

The Doctor examines Larry, takes samples of his saliva, tooth plaque and does a tongue swab. He asks Larry to return Tuesday for the test results.

Tuesday Larry is sitting in the Doctor's office, hopeful for a cure.

"Larry", says the Doc, "Your breath could knock a buzzard off a shit ...

What does a dentist call his x-rays?

Tooth pics

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A Texas Man Moves To Alaska

So a Texas man moves to Alaska to find more oil for his company to drill. Here gets bored one night and goes to a local bar. The man sees "Impossible Challenge: Free beer for life for the winner!", out of curiosity he asks the bartender about it. "Hey bartender, what's the challenge?" The man asked....

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A man is passing through a small town when he decides to visit the local bar.

He walks up to the counter where he notices a large jar filled to the brim with $5 bills. Curious, the man asks the bartender about the jar. The bartender tells him “here in our lil town of ours we ain’t got much goin’ on. So we decided to host a series of challenges here. Anyone can take on the cha...

My 6 year old Niece told me this: What do you call a tooth that has been mashed?

Toothpaste

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Post in front of a bar. Complete 3 challenges win 10000$

A man sees the post and goes in to ask the bartender about it. The challenges are simple.

1. Drink two bottles of vodka.

2. Behind the door there's a crocodile with a loose tooth. Take out the tooth.

3. There's a stubborn girl in a room upstairs. Give her an orgasm.

He...

What do you call a boat full of dentists?

A tooth ferry

Everyone knows I have a sweet tooth.

Well, I used to, anyway. It fell off.

A dentist noticed his patient had a large gold tooth. He said, “Where did you get the gold?”

The patient replied, “Its mine.”

A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, "Free Beer For Life If You Can Pass Our Test!"

He asks the bartender, "What's this 'test' you have?" The bartender says, "Well first, you gotta chug a gallon of pepper tequilla. Next, you have to go out back and pull the sore tooth out of our angry alligator. And finally, we have a girl up stairs who's never slept with a man, and you gotta go ma...

Tooth Extraction

Woman at the dentist: "I'd rather get pregnant, than having a tooth pulled!"

Dentist: "Lady, please make up your mind so I can know how to adjust the chair."

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A guy walks into a bar and sees a jar of $100 bills on the counter

He asks the bartender "Hey, what's with the jar?"

The bartender replies "Well, we have a running challenge here in the bar. It has three parts. If you look at the end there, you'll see Big Jim. Big Jim is the baddest motherfucker in town. You have to knock Big Jim out."

The guy looks d...

A man walks into an unfamiliar bar

He sits down at the bar and sees a pot of cash filled to the brim with notes. As he orders his drink he ask the bartender "what's with the pot of cash?"

The barman replies "we have a 3 tier game going on, winner takes all. £100 entry."

"Just out of curiosity, whats involved?" Asks the ...

Bad tooth NSFW

[Warning: NSFW content, long story]

A man walks into a new bar his friends told him about and they decided to check out together. He goes up to the bartender to give a description of his friends and ask him if he's seen them, but before he gets the question off he sees his friends on the far ...

I was finishing an apple and I nearly chipped a tooth on it.

It was pretty hardcore.

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Three microbes on a woman

The tooth microbe, the ear microbe and the vaginal microbe


They are having a conversation:


Tooth microbe: It sucks being me, every morning and night, some hairy tool comes covered in toxic paste and tries to kill me


Ear Microbe: Something similar happens to me, there...

What’s it called when you trip and chip your tooth?

An accidental

I was devastated when I found out the Tooth Fairy isn't real. Because that means it was my parents...

who molested me.



credit: Ryan Stout

A man and his wife go to the dentist to get a rotten tooth removed

The man tells the dentist, "Look doc, I don't want any painkillers. No gas, no needles, nothing. Just get in, yank out the tooth, and we'll get out of here.

"I wish more of my patients had your fortitude," says the doctor admiringly. "Which tooth is rotten?"

The man turns to his wif...

What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed it’s tooth?

The dentist

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Challenge Jar

A man walks into a bar. He approaches the bartender to order his drink and can’t help but notice a huge glass jar packed to the brim with $100 bills.

So the man asks the bartender, “What’s the deal with that jar?”

The bartender replies, “That’s our challenge jar. You put $100 in and i...

A man phones a dental clinic to inquire about the price of removing a tooth

"Hello. How much is it to get a tooth removed", asks the man


"That'll be $700, it includes anesthetic, tooth extraction by myself, and assistance from a nurse", replies the dentist

"That's a bit much for me, how much if the nurse extracts it?"

"Well I guess we could do that...

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3 people walk into a bar

3 people walk into a bar
1 of them offer a challenge;
Whoever can drink 10 beers, pluck a tooth of a lion and have sex with a woman wins.
So each of them got 10 beers
The first drinks 6 and passes out.
The second drinks all of his beers take the other 4 from the previous person and he...

Stone-age

While Fred the caveman was just relaxing after a tedious hunt, his wife came running to him, all in tears. "Fred, come quick, a sabre-toothed tiger just entered my mothers cave!"
Quite calm, Fred took another sip from his beer and said "So what? Who the hell cares what happens to a sabre-toothed ...

A man walks Into a bar were he sees a jar full of money,

"What do I have to do in order to get the money?" -he asked the bartender.

"Behind me are 3 doors, you have pass a test in every one of them. Behind the first door are 20 shots you have to drink within 20 minutes. Behind the second door is a bull, you have to bring back one of his teeth, behi...

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A man walks into a bar,

**he notices a very large jar on the counter,** **and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10.00 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it.**

**He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"**

**"Well ... , you pay $10.00, and ...

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[NSFW] A few days after his 10th birthday, Little Johnny’s parents sit him down for a talk ...

Dad: “Johnny, you are ten years old, and in a few months you will have a little sister. It’s time you learned where babies come from.”

Johnny: “Mom! Dad! Not again! Last year, you told me Santa wasn’t real. The year before, it was the tooth fairy. Are you about to tell me that people don’t ac...

Did you hear the joke about the dentist who loves tooth extraction?

[removed]

(X post) Weaponized Saber-tooth cats would be a real menace.

They're armed to the teeth.

How did god create the big bang?

The first universe was designed for everyone to be happy, but the physics was poorly designed and threw a gear tooth and exploded.

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I once watched porn with no sound

After fifteen minutes, my dad returned my blue tooth speaker

I have 6 eyes, 3 ears, 2 mouths, but one tooth. What am I?

Ugly.

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A man walks into a bar

This is a long'un. Strap yourselves in.

A man walks into a bar and notices a large jar on the counter filled to the brim with cash, $50's, $20's. Must be a good few $thousand in the jar. The guy orders a drink and asks about the jar on the counter. "Oh that's for anyone who can beat the three...

Who is the odd one out between.... Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, Bill Cosby and the tooth fairy?

The Easter bunny, the rest only come when you are sleeping.

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A man walks into a bar

And orders a few drinks. As the night goes on, he notices a sign on the wall.

It reads FREE DRINKS FOR LIFE! TAKE ON THE BAYOU CHALLENGE!

The man asks the bartender about the sign, and the bartender replies.

It’s a challenge to see who the manliest man in the bayou is. If you...

Why didn't the dentist let Jack Nicholson keep his extracted wisdom teeth?

He can't HANDLE the tooth!

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Russian soldier

The US and Russia have gone to war.  Several rowdy American soldiers have taken a Russian soldier as,a POW. After several days of failing to extract any useful intelligence, the soldier is told that if he can perform three tasks he will be set free but if he fails then he will face firing squad. 1st...

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A dentist, doing his first extraction on a patient was nervous

When he got the molar out, his hand shook, he lost his grip on the instrument, and the tooth dropped into patient's throat

Dentist: Sorry, you are outside my specialty now, you should see laryngologist (throat specialist)

By the time patient went to laryngologist, tooth had worked its ...

What's at least 6 inches long, goes in your mouth, and is more fun if it vibrates?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

..



.

.

.

.

.

.

A toothbrush. Come on.

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A man had spent all day drinking in a bar

By 10 at night he was incredibly drunk but still wanted more. However, he had run out of money.

"I've got to have another drink," he told the bartender. "Can't you give me one on credit?"

"You know the rules," replied the bartender. "No credit. But I'll tell you what I'll do. It's a ...

A father looks at his son after losing his first tooth. “Now that you’ve lost your first tooth, son, what have you learned?”

“Never interrupt you again while you’re talking”

My wisdom tooth came out the other day.

I still love him no matter what.

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The Tough Man Contest

A man walks into a bar and is greeted by a woman. The woman asks the man if he would like to partake in the tough man contest. He agrees, and asks her how to win.

She says, "Well, first you'll have to pour yourself 10 shots of whiskey, knock that guy out cold at the bar, pull the dogs rotten ...

The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the tooth fairy walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says “What is this, some kind of joke?”

What did the molar 1 say to the wisdom tooth?

Ouch! Move, oral get you extracted.

The Tooth Fairy wasn't too impressed with the dentures I left under my pillow...

...Tooth be trolled.

How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?

They're always searching for the tooth.

What time did the kid go to the dentist?

Tooth hurt-y

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What do tooth cavities and anal cavities have in common?

They both feel better when they get filled in.

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The man and the crocodile

A man walked into a bar that was offering a £10,000 reward for anyone who completed a 3 part challenge. The man was homeless and poor so agreed to the challenge. The bar owner explained all he had to do was 10 shots, then head out back where he had to remove the sore tooth from a crocodiles mouth. F...

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A guy walks into a bar

He sits down and orders a scotch, he takes a few sips and notices a jar filled with 20 dollar bills on the counter. He asks the bartender, " what's with the jar?" The bartender replies, "you put in a 20 to enter, if you complete the 3 challenges I give you, you get all the money in the jar." The guy...

A dentist opened an office on a boat. What was the boat's name?

The *Tooth Ferry*.

The little boy sees a police officer and runs up "Hey, come quick! My father is in a fight with another man!"

The officer follows him around the corner, and sure enough, there are two men fighting tooth and nail.

"Ok, sonny, now which one's your father?"

"I DON'T KNOW! That's what they're fighting about!"

Last night, my daughter shouted downstairs, "Dad! My tooth has just fallen out into my drink!" "That's great, darling!" I said. "Put it under your pillow and see what happens."

A few minutes later she shouted, "Nothing's happened dad and now my bed is completely soaked!"

NSFW My buddy asked me if I ever had a girl lose a tooth while giving me head?

Of course, but she had most of her adult teeth so does it still count

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A guy walks into a bar

He is drinking, minding his own business, when he sees a huge jar with a bunch of cash in it behind the bar. He asks the bartender, what's that all about? Bartender says, oh that's for anyone that can complete 3 things that are hard to do. The guy is now pretty drunk, feeling bold, and asks what the...

All these jokes about Alabama but no one acknowledges their contributions, like inventing the toothbrush

At least I think it was Alabama. Anywhere else they’d have called it a teethbrush.

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So a guy is having drinks at a bar .....

After a while he looks over and sees a huge jar stuffed to the brim with 20 dollar bills. He asks the bar tender " hey whats with the jar? Theres gotta be at least 4 grand in there?" to which the bar tender replies " oh, you wouldn't wanna know. Its just a running bet" The guy says " try me. I love ...

A ladu goes to the dentist..

...he looks in her mouth and says "that tooth needs to come out".

She says "oh no I'd rather have a baby than have a tooth pulled".

He says "ok but make up your mind I need to adjust the chair"

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So, a man walks into a bar,

his bar is, unique to say the least. Every day they have a challenge for you to complete, hes never tried one before so he gives it a shot.

Man: Bartender, what are the challenges for today?

Bartender: Well first, you must drink a bottle of tequila, secondly there is an alligator outsi...

At the dentist's

Patient : How much it will be for tooth extraction ?
Dentist : 250$.
P : That much for a few minutes of work ?
D : If you want, I'll extract it very very slowly.

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"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

Story with a moral

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out t...

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A man walks into a bar...

He sits at the bar and orders a shot of whisky. While his drink is being poured, the man spots a jar of ten dollar bills sitting by the peanuts labeled, “bar challenge”.
Curious, the man asked the bartender what was up with that.
“That there is the current jackpot for this months bar challen...

Do all three and get the money

A guy goes into a bar and sees a huge jar filled to the top with money. He asks the bar tender what's with the jar of money?

The bar tender says if you want that money you have to knock out the huge dude at the end of the bar, go back in the alley and pull the sore tooth out of the junkyard...

What did the beaver say when he chipped his tooth?

Dam it!

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A drunk man walks up to the bartender

A drunk man walks up to the bartender and asks for a drink.

The bartender tells him, “No way man. You’re already hammered and your tab comes out at over $200.”

The man responds, “Please I’ll do anything. I’m having really bad withdrawals I just need a beer or two.”

“Really? Any...

Even though my girlfriend is addicted to meth, I still love her.

She's so beautiful. Those lips, those eyes, that tooth.

What time do people usually wake up with toothache

Tooth hurty

A patient says to a dentist : " you pulled out a tooth in like 3 seconds and you get the money, not fair! What an easy career"

The dentist replies: " sounds right. Let's make it 3 hours long."

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A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of 10 dollar bills sitting on the counter.

He figures there must be thousands of dollars in that jar because it is quite large and nearly filled to the brim.

The man then approaches the bartender and inquires him about the jar of money.

The bartender tells him, "If you drop a 10 dollar bill into that jar and pass three challeng...

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