Why are Americans so bad at playing league of legends?

Because they can’t defend their towers.

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[NSFW]The legend of the King sperm

So one day, all the sperm in a guy’s nuts were having a meeting.

“We always wait for our moment to shine, our shot to glory land, to do our mission, but we get stopped by the latex barrier! We never get to fulfill our duty!”

Thousands of sperm moaned and complained.

“But today...

The Legend of Curtis

So imagine a dude named Curtis. Curtis had a marker, and a billion sheets of paper. On each of the sheets, he drew the letter E as big as he can fit it into the page. When he finished, he scattered each and every one of those pages all over Earth. They’re pretty much everywhere, there may even be on...

I met the man who invented the part of a map that explains what each symbol means.

What a legend.

You play League of Legends AND World of Warcraft??

Wow, Lol.

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The Terrible Legend of Bahuda

Three explorers are making their way through a one of those generic jungles that always shows up in these sorts of jokes, when they are suddenly ambushed by a tribe of massive cannibals. (That's "massive" in the sense that they are very large, although they are also particularly passionate about eat...

My friends told me I could never milk a unicorn

After searching for 30 years, I finally found one, and milked it.

It was Legend Dairy

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There's a little known legend about Attila the hun

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.

But his snake lost its appet...

How the Canadians prepare their army

A new recruit arrives on the front lines during world war 2. When he gets there he is told resources are stretched thin and they have not rifles to spare him, although they still expect him to go on patrol. He goes straight to his captain and explains the situation, the captain hands him a broom and...

Legend tells of an incredible hero...

Legend tells of an incredible hero: Carto-Man. Half of his body is a regular human, but the other half is made up of a key from a map.


The man, the myth, the legend

My wife was leaving me because I made too many Legend of Zelda references

My wife was leaving me because I made too many Legend of Zelda references. She packed up her suitcase, and she walked out. As soon as she walked out of the door, I noticed that she had left her suitcase here. We live in a bad neighborhood, so she packed some pepper spray in it just in case. I quickl...

A teacher asked in class: “How is your dad?”

A kid sits up and tries to answer: My dad is a legend for me!”
- Why, Billy? asked the teacher.
- Because he doesn’t exist!

In "I Am Legend", Will Smith survived alone for years.

24 hours after a woman shows up, he dies.

AND that girl stole his bacon.

I heard if you look in a map's corner and see the words "BLOODY ROSEMARY," you'll die.

But that's just an herb in legend.

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A few puns I thought of while trying not to get out of bed

What did the Alabama sister say to her sibling?

"Cum at me bro".



\-

Why did the wild fowl sneak into the girls washroom?

He was a peeking duck



\-

What did the fruit farmer say when asked about his crops?

"It's bananas"



\...

The legend of the three kingdoms

There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all. The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires.

Th...

Here's an old legend with a new twist

Once upon a time, in a magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the tow...

I heard a rumor that the next Legend of Zelda game is to be set in a Hyrule version of Spain. No one believes me

They don’t expect a Spanish Link decision

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Driving is like League of Legends

Everyone but me is fucking terrible.

What do you call mythical cheese?

Legend dairy

What does a depressed person do when they leave the toilet?

I don’t know, they just feel empty inside

(Courtesy of my ten-year-old cousin. He told me he made it up, what a legend)

Did you hear the urban legend about the creepy ghost that appears when you use artificial sweetener?

He's called Splendaman.

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The Bus Driver and The Legend Dave......and also his wife

On Dave's Birthday his wife decided to take him to a Strip Club.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a ...

Bikers were riding west on when they saw a girl about to jump off a Bridge.

They stopped and George, the leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit ...

What did people call Iron Man after he started playing "League of Legends?"

The Toxic Avenger.

Centuries ago, on a remote island in the North Atlantic...

Vikings arrived and began a settlement with help from their Irish thralls. But they weren't alone. All manner of otherworldly beings lurked in the island's hidden corners. The Vikings called these beings *vættir*; the Gaels called them *Aes Sídhe*.

Among these beings were the selkies who frol...

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One day a business man notices a little shop and decides he’ll check it out.

Where stands an old man. Before the business man could introduce himself. The old man, thinking that he is the town’s famed storyteller, began his great legend.

He started,”Do ye feel the sturdiness of this here frame? I built it with mine own two hands. But they don’t call me Poltroon the bu...

Did you hear about the Legend of Zelda gardening sim?

You play as Link, the hero of Thyme.

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A team of Nazi spies parachutes in Britain during WW2.

They're all well-trained, they know their mission, they have their legends. But when they're still above the ocean, suddenly a terrible thunderstorm hits them. The hurricane scatters them, some of them smash into the cliffs, others hit the waves and drown. Only one last spy, by sheer luck or miracle...

My granddad was something of a legend: he actually went down in history

and on one occasion, fingered a girl in geography.

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Why does NA never do well at worlds in League of Legends?

Cuz Americans are shit at defending towers

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild was originally intended to be for Wii U

But mid-way through development they made the switch.

Ones that fall in the area 51 raid will be remembered.

Coz legends Nevada

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A legend of the Native Americans

While many people know of Sequoya, the Native American genius who developed the Cherokee alphabet, fewer have heard of another visionary – yet he made a discovery no less groundbreaking, owing nothing to the white man’s knowledge.

It fell out like this: In the early 1800s, a certain chief, ...

Why is Legend of Zelda better than Star Wars?

It has triple the force.

Legend says that if you stand in front of the mirror in your room at 3 and say "Bloody Mary" loudly

Then your mom will appear, throw sandals at you and tell you to shut the hell up and go to sleep.

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My Grandad told me this one (the guy is a legend)

A girl is sat in the hairdresser's, eating some cake.

She is sat quite close to the barber, so she asks,

"Excuse me sir, would you mind moving away from me a bit, I'm going to get hair on my muffin"

He replies, "Yeah, and your gonna get tits aswell."


NOTE: I have no c...

A Canadian accidentally bumped into a hard of hearing person.

Legend has it that they're still saying sorry to each other.

I hate how if a guy sleeps with a ton of girls hes a legend

But when a girl does it, its my wife.

Why do the french hate League of Legends?

They have to wait 20 minutes before surrendering

[ True Story / Legend ] A group of guys walk by Arnold working out on Venice beach..

One of the guys says "Look at this guy, I would never want to be that big".

To which Arnold replys, "Goode because you neva vill", as he finishes a pump.

What do you call good ice cream

Legend-dairy

Did you hear that Nightblue3 and Eminem played League of Legends together yesterday?

Eminem got one shot

An old Tahitian legend...

As the legend goes, when the Tahitians first found their island, after they had settled in, they decided to build a grand central hall for their new settlement. Unlike contemporary Europeans, though, they built their dwellings not out of timber or stone but out of the materials they had at hand: ree...

A friend of mine can float one inch off the ground when he drinks Jack Daniels.

He’s a bourbon legend.

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Legend says that Chuck Norris smashes your head into the table wherever you are if you talk shit about him on the internet

What a load of buhsjsksbd37y3g4urovnbbafauld42g88

The Spanish assassin

There was once a hitman who was known for his skill and stealth. Nobody really knew his identity, except for the fact that he always used to count to three before shooting his victim.

One time, a mob leader wanted a hit on a rival leader, so he hired him. He said "I want the kill to be clean,...

My school did a performance called League of Legends.

It was a play on wards.

I wish there was a "Where's Waldo" for "The Legend of Zelda"

It should be titled "The Missing Link"

My friend said my taste in dark humor is really messed up.

I think he's just racist; Pryor, Rock, and Chappelle are legends.

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Mahatma Gandhi The Wise?

I thought not. It's not a story the British would tell you.

It's a Hindi legend. Gandhi was an Indian activist, so powerful and wise he could walk miles and miles without shoes, developing blisters on his feet. He had such a knowledge of resilience, he could even live through hunger strikes w...

What do you get when you cryogenically freeze a genetic copy of basketball legend Kareem Abdul Jabbar?

An ice Kareem clone

I have this friend, he's a real legend.

he's always telling me what the different symbols mean on maps.

The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.

Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.

And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.

I see that software legend Photoshop is turning 25 this week.

Actually, it's turning 38. It just looks 25.

Why is Donald Trump not a fan of League of Legends?

Because there's too much Faker news.

What do the game over screen in the Legend of Zelda and disgruntled redditors have in common?

Link is dead

An architect

An architect storms into the CEOs office holding a towel to his bloody nose. "Good God, man, what happened to you!?" the CEO exclaimed.

"Sir, the lead architect on the Legend project just punched me in the face for questioning his designs, which frankly are impossible. Take a look." The ar...

The Legend of Zelda Joke

Do you know why Ganon can't use the internet?

There's too many Links.

I was trying to think of a Legend of Zelda pun...

But I don't want to tri and force it

What do you do when you want to find a mythical location on a map?

Well legend has it...

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Mr. Punn could not save them

I remember years ago when in my remote town in Alaska there were 10 men stuck underground. I don't recall the circumstances that got them into this situation but it was clear that if they didn't get out soon they weren't going to make it.

All of our local rescue and public services were unabl...

An Old Man and a Young Man are watching a play. The young man having issues with his wife, notices the Old Man staring at him. When he asks what’s wrong, the old man replies:

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of ...

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A chicken walks into a bar..

..and orders five flagons of mead. After the fourth alcoholic beverage, the bartender asks him..

  

"Hey buddy why the long fac..oh wait not a horse lol."

  

The chicken gulps down his fifth drink and laments.

  

"You see, that ott...

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What do you call a small hairy man of folk legend who's selfish during an orgy?

A knob-hoggin' hobgoblin!

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A golfer was on vacation in Ireland

and while playing he made a hole in one. With that, a leprechaun jumps out from the trees and says, "I am the lucky leprechaun of the 13th hole. I'll grant you any wish."

The player thought a bit and said, "Could you make my weenie a bit larger?"

Well, by the time he got to the 14th te...

A frog walks into a bank.

The frog hops up on the counter of the nearest available teller and says "I want a loan."

Confused, the teller asks for the frog's name.

"My name is Kermit Jagger, son of Rolling Stone's legend Mick Jagger, and I want a loan" he says. "And what is **YOUR** name?"

"My name is Pat...

A young man, who fell in love with this beautiful princess always wished to be her lover, but being the poor peasant that he is, he didn't believe he could do so.

One day though, he found a mysterious lamp dug somewhere near the ground. He has heard a lot about the legends of genies and believed that rubbing it, might just be the answer to all his wishes. He then proceeded to rub the lamp, where he thought a genie would show up from, but instead though...a ge...

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