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Ogre Jokes

Why aren’t children allowed to watch movies about green ogres?

Because of all the Shrexual content.

What do you call an overweight average ogre eating beef flavored yogurt?

A mediocre meaty ogre eating meaty yogurt.

What currency do Jewish ogres use?

Shrekels.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know why are ogres so good in bed?

They don’t stop coming.

What do you call a Passive Aggressive Ogre with one eye?

A Sighcylops.

What do you get when you cross two squares with an ogre?

...a Shrektangle.

What do you call an ogre who gets a C in a test?

Mediogre

Giant Beast…

Two hunters were out in the woods and got lost. After a while they decided they were going to have to make camp for the night. While looking for a place to settle down the came across a giant green monster. After a struggle they manage to kill the beast.

A bit of time by and one of them says...

the Ogre and the Trids

Once upon a time long, long ago there were beings called Trids barely making a living on the side of a hill. They knew, however, that there was a beautiful field of valuable Flurd just on the other side of the hill, and if they could get their hands on some of that Flurd, their lives would improve i...

What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry??

Shrekspeare!!!

The kingdom of the ogre.

Once upon a time, an evil ogre ruled over the land of the Trids. Most of the time he left his subjects alone, and even managed the kingdom quite well, and times were prosperous. But once a week, he would come down from his hilltop castle and spend an hour *kicking* every Trid he saw. Doesn’t matt...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you call nonconcensual ogre sex?

Shreksual harassment

Judging by the sounds, there’s an ogre staying in the hotel room above me.

Hopefully he shreks out tomorrow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Brit, an Irishman, and an American are walking in the woods together and get lost.

They stumble upon a bridge over a deep ravine guarded by a menacing ogre.

"Halt! Stand where you are!" yells the ogre. "Only those who can answer my riddle can pass this bridge! If you get the answer wrong, you die!"

The three men are short on supplies and don't have a lot of options, ...

My friend once showed me a picture of a band of what he called "ogres"

I told him that they definitely weren't ogres, but They Might Be Giants.

The Rabbi and the Trids (Long)

A long time ago there was a land called Tridsdale whose people were called Trids and they were ruled by a mighty but generous Rabbi. All the Trids of the land would collect their food from across the river by crossing a bridge. One day, the Rabbi was wondering through his lands and the people looke...

What do you call it when Shrek gets mad?

Ogre-reacting!

Very long.

First off, let me describe to you a little creature.

There lives in the forest a little guy known as a 'Twid'. A Twid resembles nothing so much as a Smurf on psychedelics. They have punked out hair, multi-colored skin, tattoos and piercings. Also, the sole reason for a Twid's existence on th...

Why did no one want to be near Shrek?

He had terrible body ogre

How does Shrek like his eggs?

Ogre easy.

Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?

He ogre-dosed

My wife said she'd divorce me if I kept making Shrek puns

I told her to get ogre it

What’s it called when too many animals move into Shrek’s swamp?

Ogre-population

A Pondering thought on Shrek

Do you think Shrek ever told fiona that he was head ogre heels for her?

What the food critic say after eating Shrek?

"He was just meaty ogre"

A Jewish man traveled to a small mountain island

He was greeted at the harbor by a friendly resident who took him on a tour of the town. As they were walking, they heard a squeal and saw a small furry creature falling down the mountain, tumbling past them before rolling to a stop. The Jewish man looked on in astonishment at this exotic creature. <...

What does Shrek do when he’s too excited?

He has an ogre-gasm.

Stupid joke I made when I was young

What do you call a fat monster who’s okay-at-best at his job?

Meaty ogre

Once in a land far, far away there lived a group of people called Trids...

The Trids were happy except for the huge ogre that lived on the mountain. The ogre would periodically terrorize the Trids.

The Trids tired of the ogre and sought to reason with him. They thought one of their religious leaders would be a good intermediary. So a group of Trids and their ministe...

I'm quite disappointed with the lack of Shrek jokes in this sub

And I don't think I'll ever get ogre it

What did Shrek say when he tripped over Donkey?

Sorry, didn't see you ogre there.

I put on Shrek and fell asleep. I woke up and it was over.

I ogre slept.

Tom, a notorious womanizer...

...dies and goes to hell.

The devil is walking him down the brimstone corridors, showing him around the place. "You know, Tom," he says, "just because you're in hell doesn't mean you have to stay here. You can go to heaven if you'd like... and sit on a cloud all day, playing the harp... i...

The Rabbi in Trinidad

Once upon a time, there lived an Israeli Rabbi.  He was a kind old man who always meant well, and was well liked, even if he could be a little over zealous at times.  He heard one day that there was a spot being offered as a missionary to travel to a small village in Trinidad and teach the town's fo...

They say ugly girls have great personalities...

That's because ogres have layers

How was the sound quality of Shrek's musical keyboard?

Nothing special, it was just MIDI-Ogre

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