What do you call a Passive Aggressive Ogre with one eye?

A Sighcylops.

What do you get when you cross two squares with an ogre?

...a Shrektangle.

What do you call an overweight average ogre eating beef flavored yogurt?

A mediocre meaty ogre eating meaty yogurt.

Why aren’t children allowed to watch movies about green ogres?

Because of all the Shrexual content.

What currency do Jewish ogres use?

Shrekels.

What do you call an ogre who gets a C in a test?

Mediogre

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you call nonconcensual ogre sex?

Shreksual harassment

What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry??

Shrekspeare!!!

What do you call it when Shrek gets mad?

Ogre-reacting!

How does Shrek like his eggs?

Ogre easy.

Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?

He ogre-dosed

the Ogre and the Trids

Once upon a time long, long ago there were beings called Trids barely making a living on the side of a hill. They knew, however, that there was a beautiful field of valuable Flurd just on the other side of the hill, and if they could get their hands on some of that Flurd, their lives would improve i...

The kingdom of the ogre.

Once upon a time, an evil ogre ruled over the land of the Trids. Most of the time he left his subjects alone, and even managed the kingdom quite well, and times were prosperous. But once a week, he would come down from his hilltop castle and spend an hour *kicking* every Trid he saw. Doesn’t matt...

My friend once showed me a picture of a band of what he called "ogres"

I told him that they definitely weren't ogres, but They Might Be Giants.

Why did no one want to be near Shrek?

He had terrible body ogre

remember when shrek used his giant green hands to take the helmet off of his giant green head

and fiona was shocked he turned out to be an ogre

My wife said she'd divorce me if I kept making Shrek puns

I told her to get ogre it

Why did the troll fall back with his army?

He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy

A Pondering thought on Shrek

Do you think Shrek ever told fiona that he was head ogre heels for her?

What’s it called when too many animals move into Shrek’s swamp?

Ogre-population

What the food critic say after eating Shrek?

"He was just meaty ogre"

What does Shrek do when he’s too excited?

He has an ogre-gasm.

Stupid joke I made when I was young

What do you call a fat monster who’s okay-at-best at his job?

Meaty ogre

Very long.

First off, let me describe to you a little creature.

There lives in the forest a little guy known as a 'Twid'. A Twid resembles nothing so much as a Smurf on psychedelics. They have punked out hair, multi-colored skin, tattoos and piercings. Also, the sole reason for a Twid's existence on th...

Tom, a notorious womanizer...

...dies and goes to hell.

The devil is walking him down the brimstone corridors, showing him around the place. "You know, Tom," he says, "just because you're in hell doesn't mean you have to stay here. You can go to heaven if you'd like... and sit on a cloud all day, playing the harp... i...

They say ugly girls have great personalities...

That's because ogres have layers

The Rabbi in Trinidad

Once upon a time, there lived an Israeli Rabbi.  He was a kind old man who always meant well, and was well liked, even if he could be a little over zealous at times.  He heard one day that there was a spot being offered as a missionary to travel to a small village in Trinidad and teach the town's fo...

What did Shrek say when he tripped over Donkey?

Sorry, didn't see you ogre there.

I put on Shrek and fell asleep. I woke up and it was over.

I ogre slept.

A Jewish man traveled to a small mountain island

He was greeted at the harbor by a friendly resident who took him on a tour of the town. As they were walking, they heard a squeal and saw a small furry creature falling down the mountain, tumbling past them before rolling to a stop. The Jewish man looked on in astonishment at this exotic creature. <...

How was the sound quality of Shrek's musical keyboard?

Nothing special, it was just MIDI-Ogre

Once in a land far, far away there lived a group of people called Trids...

The Trids were happy except for the huge ogre that lived on the mountain. The ogre would periodically terrorize the Trids.

The Trids tired of the ogre and sought to reason with him. They thought one of their religious leaders would be a good intermediary. So a group of Trids and their ministe...

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