Too much Sunshine is bad, they said. Look at the Sun and you go blind, stay in the Sun and you get cooked. So I decided to live for the night.

Too much Moonshine is bad too. Now I am blind and cooked.

I met an Irishman who cooked beans and he would just use exactly 239 beans per pot. I asked him, why? He said

If I added just one more bean, it would be too farty!

My wife called me and said “ If you’re not home from the bar in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked for you to the dog.”

I was home in 3 minutes, I’d hate for anything to happen to the poor dog.

My vegetarian wife wanted the egg smell gone from the pan in which I cooked scrambled egg

So i cooked beef in it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: What's it called when a steak is over cooked?

Dad: Well done, son

Me: I finally got you to say it, you son of a bitch

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two explorers are caught by cannibals and put in a large pot of water to be cooked. As the cannibals start the fire beneath them, one of the explorers starts chuckling to himself.

"What is so damn funny? We're going to die here!"

*"I just pissed in their soup."*

I cooked for my girlfriend's parents for the first time

I cooked for my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I handed out the rarely cooked steak her father said, "I like it well done."



I said, "Thanks, that means a lot."

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner

So I took the batteries out of the smoke detector.

Whats the difference between a cooked sweet potato and a flying pig

One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham

You cant argue with people who like their beef well cooked

They are still chewing

French Fries aren't cooked in France.

They're cooked in Greece

NASA had a supply of rib eye on the last flight to the international space station to see how meat cooked in space. They called it their most important mission.

Because the steaks were never higher.

What do you call a fish that's been pressure cooked ?

fishhhh...



fishhhh...



fishhhh...

Yesterday I attended a cannibal dinner where the food was cooked only on one side.

It was quite a half-assed BBQ.

Waiter: How do you like your steak cooked?

Me: Like winning an argument with
my wife.

Waiter: Rare it is.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My husband has cooked me a lovely meal and bought some very nice wine. I'll bet he's after sex.

Well he can forget that. He's staying in with me.

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

TIL ramen is fully cooked before packaging

Otherwise it would be called rawmen

My wife cooked me a beautiful Islamic dinner from the Middle Ages last night.

It was very Moorish.

Zeus entered the cooking contest

I heard he cooked up a storm

A Korean couple.

A Korean couple were sitting on the couch in front of the television when they hear a loud fart.

“ It was the dog” said the man smiling.

“Don’t blame the dog” the woman said “ I cooked it perfectly”

The secret to making slow cooked chili is placing the bay leaf on top, not the bottom.

A good chili doesn't rest on its laurels.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest hooks a huge fish

A priest hooks a huge fish

Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!".

"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.

Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish".<...

Waiter: How did you find you steak sir

Me: It was delicious. Cooked to perfection.

Waiter: That's not what I meant

Me: The cook told me where you hid it

I hate being cooked alive.

It makes my blood boil.

My coworker is in the hospital after eating a medium-well cooked cheeseburger

It was my cheeseburger.

I tried to make some slow cooked pork today

But I forgot to plug in the crock pot before I left for work.


It really sucked coming home to my wife giving me the cold shoulder.

I put my dog on a vegan diet

He prefers them cooked

Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.

*Baste on a True Story.*

Three people became shipwrecked on an island inhabited by cannibals.

They were swiftly captured and told they would be killed, cooked, eaten, and their skin would be used to line the tribe’s canoes, but they would be able to choose how they died.

The first man, a British man, decided he wanted to die by the sword. In an instant, a tribesman cut his head off. ...

The legend of the three kingdoms

There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake.For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lke.One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires.

The ni...

My mouth waters when I smell steak being cooked on the grill.

I wonder if the same happens to vegans when they're mowing the lawn?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So some jerks cooked and ate an Ewok.

It was a little Chewy.

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