Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.

*Baste on a True Story.*

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm.

What do you call a cooked pig that was beautiful?

Baecon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So some jerks cooked and ate an Ewok.

It was a little Chewy.

I tried to make some slow cooked pork today

But I forgot to plug in the crock pot before I left for work.


It really sucked coming home to my wife giving me the cold shoulder.

I cooked my friend a steak, perfect medium rare.

He said, I like it well done. I said thanks.

The first French fries weren't actually cooked in France...

They were cooked in Greece.

I cooked and ate a rugby team

Tasted scrummy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest hooks a huge fish

A priest hooks a huge fish

Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!".

"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.

Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish".<...

My pickle order was totally under-cooked.

It was really a raw dill.

Waiter: “And how would you like your steak cooked?” Me: “ Like winning an argument with my wife.”

Waiter: “Rare it is.”

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

A man was deathly allergic to mushrooms. After a huge fight, his wife cooked a mushroom into his dinner. He ate it and died.

The morel of the story.. killed him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There used to be an amazing Indian restaurant that cooked everything in clarified butter. It was called "The Ghee Spot".

Went out of business because no one could find it...

What do you call a Goldfish cracker cooked on a stove?

A gilled cheese

I cooked something so good a culture was built upon it.

However according to the EPA it was a biohazard.

What do you call a mockingbird cooked in alcohol.

Tequila Mockingbird

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a millennial in 2019, I'm really appreciative for all the meals my mother cooked for me as a kid...

Because now whenever I eat ass it always reminds me of home.

My kids got so mad when I cooked pancakes for breakfast

Seems he was their favorite rabbit

I don't think making the world's biggest piece of cooked beef was McDonalds' greatest ideea.

In fact, I believe it was quite a huge McSteak.

I hit Chewbacca with my car, and killed him. I feel bad, but I didn't want the meat to go to waste, so I cooked it.

It was chewy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] Two brothers, a vegan and a carnivore, sit down to Thanksgiving dinner together with their family...

The father intones, "on this day of thanks, let us give thanks to God..."

The vegan brother interrupts..."I'm not eating the turkey..."

The carnivore brother replies, " that's fine, there's plenty of other food on the table."

The vegan then says " I'm not eating any of the stuff...

Picked up a homeless girl today

She was just lying on the side of the road, cold and wet. So, being the good samaritan I am, I picked her up and popped her in the back of my car.

I took her home, bathed her, clothed her, and cooked us a lovely hot meal.

Then I took her to bed, and that's where things started to get a...

I’ve just brought a dyslexic girl home

She cooked my sock

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy and a Catholic priest go on a fishing trip

The priest catches a large fish.

Boy: *"Look at that bastard!"*
Preacher: *"Watch your language!"*
Boy: *"Sorry father, it's called a Bastard fish".*
Preacher: *Chuckles and says "that's OK then".*

The preacher takes the fish back to the church and hands it to the Bish...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was watching football while his wife was outside cutting the grass.

He went out and asked her what she was going to make for dinner. She said "How dare you ask me that! You're sitting around while I'm working. Pretend I'm out of town and make your own dinner!" So the guy cooked a T-bone steak and began eating it. When his wife came in she said "Hey, where's mine?" a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Betsy makes a home cooked meal for her husband Bob

For their 30th wedding anniversary. She fixes every one of his favorites. Medium-rare steak, mashed potatoes and gravy, a nice salad with homemade cheesecake for dessert.

After dinner Bob leans back feeling great and exclaims to Betsy “That was an amazing meal, honey! Had I known all these ye...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are in a plane that crashes in the Amazon...

They are swiftly captured by a tribe of cannibals. The leader of their tribe tells them that outsiders from the sky are to be sacrificed for the good of the people. They will be cooked alive, the village will feast on their flesh, they will make weapons from their bones, and use their skin for canoe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In a small town there's a priest who makes good friends with his congregation. One Sunday, a fisherman invites the priest to go fishing with him.

The next weekend, they get in a boat and spend the day fishing. Unfortunately, neither of them has much luck, until all of a sudden, the priest feels a huge tug in his line. With some help from the fisherman, he reels in what must be a thirty pound largemouth bass.

Forgetting himself, the fis...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.