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Censor Jokes

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

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I like how Japan censors pornography.

It allows me to watch it with my kids.

r/conservative is furious that their voices are being censored and that people are picking and choosing who can be heard

"This thread is for conservatives only"

Why did Tencent invest $150 million in Reddit?

[censored]

Please send help. I barely hacked onto the internet from China. My country is censoring and controlling us.

Edit: Just kidding. China is a wonderful place. They treat us well and care very much about our human rights. Thank you.

Joke Johnny Carson slipped by the censors

I'm not sure if this was an original Carson joke or one he could have borrowed:

One night Johnny got to talking about his Nebraska roots and he told this alleged true story during a sketch scene. Johnny mentioned that the most fearsome Indian tribe were not the Sioux, nor the Apache or even ...

Which writing style should come with a mouth censor?

Cursive writing

What do Russians use to censor websites?

The Inter-nyet.

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Japanese porn is the best, they censor the genitals so it is appropriate to watch with your family!

Censored*

Just in: Orchestras are now illegal on broadcast TV

Censors have determined that there's too much sax and violins

I bought 2 Chainz' latest album, but it was the censored edition.

It's easily one of the best instrumental CDs I've heard in a long time.

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I'm gonna make like a standards censor

and get the fuck outta here.

In China, film makers have to appease the Chinese censors, but people forget in America we have the same thing...

We also have to appease the Chinese censors.

For centuries the catholic church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings.

You know what I call that?

Chancel culture!

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My mum’s found out my Reddit password and is censoring all my posts...

That bitch **in' lady** can kiss my big fat **meat** ball s **andwich** and **doesn't need to** die **t**.

China banning things and censoring the rest of the world is mental.

But I guess China is fairly fragile and breaks easily so they are just living up to their name.

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TIL if you type your password for all to see it gets censored. Look: 1337Penis

Edit: GOD DANG IT

Joke about China

[censored]

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(Censored version so it doesn’t get taken down again) Three men climb to the top of a tall mountain

Suddenly, it begins raining, therefore the three men won’t be able to get back down safely until the rain stops. Suddenly, a genie appears and informs the men that if they name an object, they will be able to jump off the mountain and land on that object. “Pillows,” says the first man. The man then ...

Why did Jill Stein try to censor a movie where the hero uses a shop vacuum to save people?

Because she doesn't want anyone to think there's such a thing as good vac scenes.

I have evidence that the mods on r/jokes are censoring posts they dont like! More info in post!

[removed]

I'm going to sing in Chinese.

(censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored)

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Why do japanese miss the target while they are having sex?

Because they censor the holes.

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

How do Chinese people cross the sea?

on the censor-ship.

Two brothers want to find out the truth about Soviet Russia

Two brothers want to find out if Soviet Russia is really like the propaganda they hear in the West. They decide that the older brother will go to Soviet Russia to see for himself and write back what he sees. However, since the letter might get censored by the Soviet government, they decide that if t...

Theres a new computer that begins swearing whenever it gets too hot

They had to install a heat censor

What do you call a boat that doesn't allow criticism?

A censor-ship

What did the priest say after the incense burner fell on him?

“I fear I have been censored”

Invented by: Me.

I was gonna make a China joke…

[THIS CONTENT, FOR YOUR SAFETY, HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF CHINA.]

Why did Winnie the Pooh cross the road?

Becaus- Censored in China

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I found one of my dad's old porno videos today...

Did you know, back in the 70's, they used to use pubic hair to censor out the genitals?

Did you hear the one about the whistle-blower for the Church of Scientology?

###

Nobody did. He was swiftly killed and any evidence surrounding his existence was erased from history and censored from the internet.

Did you hear the joke about censorship?

You might expect to simply see the word \[removed\] here, but actually most censorship is self-censorship whereby people edit their own work to pre-empt any conflict with the censors, so please DM me for the answer to this joke

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What does the Chineese Govt and a pair of used anal beads have in common?

CENSORED

Letter from North Korea

When my friend moved to North Korea, he knew his mail would be read by censors, so he told me: "Let's establish a code. If a letter you get from me is written in blue ink, it is true what I say. If it is written in red ink, it is false."
After a month, I got the first letter. Everything was wri...

What did the /r/news mod say to the other /r/news mod?

[censored]

The Violin Ensemble playing in Carnegie Hall somehow got an R-18 rating...

The censors say it contains explicit scenes of violins encore.

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the limerick contest

An altar boy is sent up to the priest's office.
Priest: Now, I've heard you participated in a competition.
Altar Boy: Yes father, that is true.
Priest: And I heard, this was a competition in the art of writing limericks.
Altar Boy: Yes father, that is true.
Priest: And I hea...

The Russian brothers hear the propaganda about Siberia...

how beautiful the weather is, how the shops are stocked with all necessities and luxuries, and prices are low.
Boris worries "Maybe they're just saying that to get people to move out there and work in the salt mines. How can we tell?"
Vladimir thinks a while, and comes up with an idea....

Why did the Chinese Government cross the road?

[THE PUNCHLINE OF THIS JOKE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA, PLEASE REMAIN CALM WHILE WE WILL DEAL WITH THE OP IN A CIVIL MANNER].

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A woman asks her most understanding friend for advice before her date.

Her friend asks what she thinks the problem in her love life is.

"Well, they tend to leave as soon as I start talking about politics. It's a part of my identity and I just can't help it."

The friend advises her to say everything in her head and judge whether it's political before sayin...

A man from Moscow decides to move to a new collective farm in Siberia.

His family is excited at the possibility of leaving their cramped flat in the city for a nice country house, but they have heard mixed things about the new Siberian farms so the man agrees to go on his own first, and write back to let them know if they should follow him or not.

They know the ...

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Dirtiest joke on The Tonight Show (SFW)

Alan King was on The Tonight Show and told Johnny Carson that he was going to tell the dirtiest joke ever told on network TV and the censors wouldn’t bleep a single word. This was many years ago, so I’ve likely changed a few minor details.

Jim was a successful stockbroker, but finally grew w...

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Who is this?

An old Russian Jew, left behind decades ago when the rest of the family fled to Israel, had finally been granted permission to leave by the Soviet government. But not without a few last indignities. When he arrived at the airport, his luggage was confiscated and thoroughly searched in front of him. ...

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