UPJOKE

mathematicsphysicsfunctionisaac newtoninfinitesimalalgebraeconomicsgeometrymathbiologytartarlimitintegralengineeringstone

They don't know how to integrate.

At this rate, he’ll never be in class on time.

The officer told me to never drink and derive.

He makes sure to grab it by the +c

It was impossible to differentiate between them.

He was viewing graphic material

But at least you know exactly how steep the learning curve is!

I sometime wonder why I thought I should SINE up for this.

I told them their opinion would change over time.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final. Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well

liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how mu...

liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how mu...

and all the functions are invited. Some of them are radical, at least 1/3 of them are rational, and like all parties, there are a few odd ones talking to their imaginary friends. Amidst all of this revelry, ln(x) is talking to some trig functions, when he sees his friend e^x sulking in a corner.

...

...

Because they don't like integration.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Two calculus professors are grabbing dinner together.

The first one says to the other: “Why do we teach our students calculus? They just cram it for the tests then forget it.”

The second professor says: “They don’t forget it after the final I’ll prove it to you. The next time the wai...

The first one says to the other: “Why do we teach our students calculus? They just cram it for the tests then forget it.”

The second professor says: “They don’t forget it after the final I’ll prove it to you. The next time the wai...

You have to know your limits.

They’re gonna replace u

Because a true pirate never forgets the C .

Derivative humor.

Verbatim from what my professor just showed in one of my engineering classes:

e^x and a constant are walking down the street together when the constant sees a differential operator coming their way. He starts to run away, and e^x asks "Why are you running away?" The constant answers, "That's...

e^x and a constant are walking down the street together when the constant sees a differential operator coming their way. He starts to run away, and e^x asks "Why are you running away?" The constant answers, "That's...

It just derives me crazy

…but geometry is where I draw the line.

Two professors are at a restaurant, arguing about the state of education today. "Nobody learns calculus anymore," lamented the first. "That's not true," replied the second, "it's part of the freshman curriculum."

"Okay, I'll tell you what," offered the first professor, "we'll ask the waitre...

"Okay, I'll tell you what," offered the first professor, "we'll ask the waitre...

After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's ligh...

Leibneiz: I've discovered calculus(1670s) Newton: Really? Seems derivative.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

F'- Can I be your derivative so I can lie tangent to your curves?

F''- Can I be your second derivative so I can test out your concavities?

F'''- Can I be your third derivative so I can jerk to you?

F''''- Can I be your fourth derivative so I can snap your neck?

F''- Can I be your second derivative so I can test out your concavities?

F'''- Can I be your third derivative so I can jerk to you?

F''''- Can I be your fourth derivative so I can snap your neck?

Because you should never drink and derive.

I thought it was pretty derivative.

It has its limits

Two college professors are having lunch at a local diner.

John (a math professor) says "you know, it really is sad how very little the general population understands higher math."

Bill (a physics professor) responds "There you go again with your holier-than-thou attitude, I'm sure more...

John (a math professor) says "you know, it really is sad how very little the general population understands higher math."

Bill (a physics professor) responds "There you go again with your holier-than-thou attitude, I'm sure more...

He wanted to test his limits.

He went out on a lim.

It's illegal to drink and derive.

I guess I should have known my limits. I could barely derive anything from what the teacher taught us.

Because everything on this site is a derivative.

He sits down and orders a pint. The barman notices him scribbling some notes on a napkin and asks what he's writing.

Calculus replies, "Oh this... I'm just working on a new formula..."

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." says the barman, "I can't let you drink and...

Calculus replies, "Oh this... I'm just working on a new formula..."

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." says the barman, "I can't let you drink and...

Never mind, actually it's just derivative.

Because everyone there hates integration.

Person 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin?

Person 2: A log cabin!

Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!

Person 2: A log cabin!

Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

A calculus professor explains an example problem to her class.

"To do this, you need to find the initial position of the object."

A confused student asks, "y?"

"y₀," says the professor.

"To do this, you need to find the initial position of the object."

A confused student asks, "y?"

"y₀," says the professor.

He calls it his Mathsters Degree.

...but he obviously couldn't understand the advanced calculus lectures from my university, so he stopped watching.

Der - ribbit - tives

Because secant tan

should be an integral part of this sub

Because they don't want to drink and derive.

Don't drink and derive.

Because they hated integration so much.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Four friends have been doing really well in their Calculus class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. So, when it's time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend's birthday party in another city - even though t...

A mathematician goes a little wacky in the brain, so they put him in a Psychiatric Ward. While there, he realizes he can have a little bit of fun with the other patients. He walks up to one patient and says "Hey, get out of my face before I differentiate you!" Terrified, the mental patient runs away...

... I should have seen the warning sines.

It’s the old meth math moth myth.

So he'd use natural logs!

Because they are really bad at integrating.

A 120 pound camera sits atop a tripod. How much force does each leg hold?

Whoops. Meant to type 130. Forgot that the camera adds 10 pounds.

Whoops. Meant to type 130. Forgot that the camera adds 10 pounds.

But graphing is where I draw the line!

Actually, graphing is fine, but calculus is my limit.

Actually, graphing is fine, but calculus is my limit.

The characters keep breaking their limits.

Cop said I was deriving over the limit.

We would all derive fun from it

You integrate it

Drinking and deriving

You! Shall! Not! Pass!

I just gave "alternative" answers on a few problems.

Plus C vs. Ferguson

By the time I got to calculus in math, I realized I had reached my limit.

He gets stumped.

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day. Our calculus instructor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus," the student says. "If she wasn't so drop-dead gorgeous I would have dropped the class already." "So I guess you could says she's easy on the ...

A mathemagician

A Nobel award winning physicist, who was afraid of flying, was on speaking tour of the nation's top colleges. He travelled by limousine to each destination to give his speech. After two dozen engagements, the physicist and the limousine driver were having dinner before the next speech. The limousine...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

A girl was starting to study for her AP exams, and her parents bought her a new calculator to help her out. The next day, she took the calculator in to class and started using it. The moment she started hitting the keys, she heard a guitar playing country music. Startled, she stopped and put it bac...

Because they have trouble whenever they try integration.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Integral of e^x because that's Se^x dx and it's never a good idea to sex the ex!

many calculus books…my exam is tomorrow

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

He made it his life’s goal to tackle one of the greatest unsolved calculus problems in history. For months he worked, filling blackboards with numbers and lines, to no avail.

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

"Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

I told him that Newton was very important for inventing the laws of motion and calculus (which I wish he never had). He still didn't get how important he is in history. I guess he didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

The first mathematician insisted that the general American populace was woefully inadequate when it came to understanding even basic math, while the second felt the average person knew more than they were given credit. They made a friendly wager and agreed that the next time their waitress came by, ...

and begin to argue about the intelligence of the waitresses. One mathematician gets up, and on his way to the bathroom stops his server. He tells her: "I'll give you $5 is you answer "one-third x cubed" to the next question I ask you, ok?"

The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician...

The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician...

Calculus has always been derivative

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Because he wasn't integrals (into girls) (he invented calculus)

... to this day I have Vieta flashbacks.

They don’t like calculus.

His calculus had advanced to trigonometry.

The man was sitting at a library table

A young lady approached him and asked what was wrong

He replied “It’s complicated”

And showed his calculus homework

A young lady approached him and asked what was wrong

He replied “It’s complicated”

And showed his calculus homework

Calculus still ain't been able to define the area under her curves

The calculus had built up, and it was starting to get quite hard.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

This student comes to class only a quarter of the time, never turns in homework, never speaks in class or participates in group exercises, etc. However, he always does well on exams and quizzes, even when it seems like he hasn't studied at all. The strangest thing is that every time there's an exam,...

Calculus homework.

But I teach calculus to international students at my local university, and they all integrate really well.

My Calculus teacher told me:"Degrees are essentially useless in this class, we will use radians instead."

I replied:"Is that why you're teaching Calculus?"

I replied:"Is that why you're teaching Calculus?"

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

This joke was told to me by an older man that is a retired engineer.

>Back in the 60's when I was in engineering school, I needed an easy filler class. I was already loaded down with calculus, physics, and engineering classes, so when I saw Ornithology, I decided to sign up. It only met 1 ...

>Back in the 60's when I was in engineering school, I needed an easy filler class. I was already loaded down with calculus, physics, and engineering classes, so when I saw Ornithology, I decided to sign up. It only met 1 ...

His choices are a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer.

His test is simple: Whoever can determine the volume of a red rubber ball will be the new chief advisor, provided his explanation makes sense to the king, and that the king can trust the calculation.

The physicist goes firs...

His test is simple: Whoever can determine the volume of a red rubber ball will be the new chief advisor, provided his explanation makes sense to the king, and that the king can trust the calculation.

The physicist goes firs...

Calculus.

I owned a car and I was good at calculus. They made me the "designated deriver".

White people have never been good at integration.

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