Why is the south bad at calculus?

They don't know how to integrate.

Calculus has a steep learning curve...

But at least you know exactly how steep the learning curve is!

I got arrested for doing calculus drunk.

The officer told me to never drink and derive.

How does Donald Trump do calculus integration?

He makes sure to grab it by the +c

My calculus professor was late 16 minutes for his first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes for the third.

At this rate, he’ll never be in class on time.

Why did the Calculus Teacher take the student's calculator away?

He was viewing graphic material

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Calculus Professors Are Grabbing Dinner Together

Two calculus professors are grabbing dinner together.

The first one says to the other: “Why do we teach our students calculus? They just cram it for the tests then forget it.”

The second professor says: “They don’t forget it after the final I’ll prove it to you. The next time the wai...

I hate calculus...

I sometime wonder why I thought I should SINE up for this.

When God integrated Planet Earth, he thankfully recalled his Calculus lesson.

He remembered to add the sea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Calculus

The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final. Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well
liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how mu...

What do you call recycled calculus jokes?

Derivative humor.

Drinking alcohol is like calculus.

You have to know your limits.

Baby you make me wish I was good at calculus.

Cauz they ain't no limit to how much I want to define the area under your curves.

ln(x) is hosting a calculus party....

and all the functions are invited. Some of them are radical, at least 1/3 of them are rational, and like all parties, there are a few odd ones talking to their imaginary friends. Amidst all of this revelry, ln(x) is talking to some trig functions, when he sees his friend e^x sulking in a corner.
...

Why are Redditors good at calculus?

Because everything on this site is a derivative.

A completely new joke about calculus.

Never mind, actually it's just derivative.

Why do racists hate calculus?

They hate integration.

dolphins doing calculus be like

(eᴱ)' = Eeᴱ

Alcohol and calculus don’t mix.

Don’t drink and derive.

Mike Tyson just received a graduate level certification in advanced calculus.

He calls it his Mathsters Degree.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four friends have been doing really well in their Calculus class...

Four friends have been doing really well in their Calculus class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. So, when it's time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend's birthday party in another city - even though t...

Why don't they teach Calculus in the Deep South?

Because they don't like integration.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A calculus pun for you math people

A calculus professor explains an example problem to her class.

"To do this, you need to find the initial position of the object."

A confused student asks, "y?"

"y₀," says the professor.

Why are pirates the best at calculus?

Because a true pirate never forgets the C .

Calculus walks into a bar.

He sits down and orders a pint. The barman notices him scribbling some notes on a napkin and asks what he's writing.

Calculus replies, "Oh this... I'm just working on a new formula..."

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." says the barman, "I can't let you drink and...

My house was raided and the cops carted off books on algebra, trigonometry and calculus, plus dice and other probability-demo stuff.

They said it was weapons of math instruction.

Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties?

# Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties?

Because you should never drink and derive.

How to stay in class

A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day. Our calculus instructor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus," the student says. "If she wasn't so drop-dead gorgeous I would have dropped the class already." "So I guess you could says she's easy on the ...

A Calculus student is stuck in traffic...

After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's ligh...

Someone told me they didn't like calculus

I told them their opinion would change over time.

If you want to pass your calculus exam, don’t sit in between two identical twins.

It’s very hard to differentiate between them.

Why do rednecks fail calculus?

Because they are really bad at integrating.

Newton: I've discovered calculus(1664).

Leibneiz: I've discovered calculus(1670s) Newton: Really? Seems derivative.

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There once was a mathematician.

He made it his life’s goal to tackle one of the greatest unsolved calculus problems in history. For months he worked, filling blackboards with numbers and lines, to no avail.

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

A friend of mine thinks that Isaac Newton is joke and was never born.

I told him that Newton was very important for inventing the laws of motion and calculus (which I wish he never had). He still didn't get how important he is in history. I guess he didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

A Calculus joke

Verbatim from what my professor just showed in one of my engineering classes:

e^x and a constant are walking down the street together when the constant sees a differential operator coming their way. He starts to run away, and e^x asks "Why are you running away?" The constant answers, "That's...

Don’t date a calculus teacher

They’re gonna replace u

Ever since I failed Calculus I can’t go into the woods

There’s too many natural logs for my liking

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a man do when he stays virgin for his whole life?

Invents calculus and fucks all the coming generations.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Calculus pick up line

F'- Can I be your derivative so I can lie tangent to your curves?
F''- Can I be your second derivative so I can test out your concavities?
F'''- Can I be your third derivative so I can jerk to you?
F''''- Can I be your fourth derivative so I can snap your neck?

Why don't calculus teachers go to bars?

Because they don't want to drink and derive.

Why do calculus teachers hate the Final Fantasy games?

The characters keep breaking their limits.

There are many problems with math puns.

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

You can't solve every problem with calculus

It has its limits

I'll do algebra. I'll do trigonometry. I'll even do calculus!

But graphing is simply where I draw the line.

I just saved 15% or more on my Calculus test...

by switching to radians.

What do you call a wizard who is good at calculus?

A mathemagician

A calculus joke:

A 120 pound camera sits atop a tripod. How much force does each leg hold?

Whoops. Meant to type 130. Forgot that the camera adds 10 pounds.

New deep learning system achieves state of the art in solving calculus problems

Hopefully it can show me how to integrate my natural log into someone else's vector space

Man I really hate calculus.

It just derives me crazy

I had a really good discussion with my calculus professor today

but after a while, it started going off on a really weird tangent.

I knew calculus would kill me some day

... I should have seen the warning sines.

Calculus jokes

should be an integral part of this sub

What do you call a group of 8th grade boys arguing about calculus?

Math debaters

What does a math wizard tell the lazy calculus student?

You! Shall! Not! Pass!

I was so busy with maths homework that I didn't brush my teeth for a week

The calculus had built up, and it was starting to get quite hard.

Calculus Joke

Two professors are at a restaurant, arguing about the state of education today. "Nobody learns calculus anymore," lamented the first. "That's not true," replied the second, "it's part of the freshman curriculum."

"Okay, I'll tell you what," offered the first professor, "we'll ask the waitre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Calculus and my Dick have in common?

They're both hard for you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's a terrible student...

This student comes to class only a quarter of the time, never turns in homework, never speaks in class or participates in group exercises, etc. However, he always does well on exams and quizzes, even when it seems like he hasn't studied at all. The strangest thing is that every time there's an exam,...

Got pulled over while doing calculus in my car last night

Cop said I was deriving over the limit.

What kind of calculus do frogs use?

Der - ribbit - tives

A man brags before his friend : "I'm very fast at calculus !"

So his friend, curious now, asks :

\- 72043 divided by 17 ?

The man immediately replies :

\- 6.

\- But... that's wrong!

\- Yep. But it's fast!

Why did the Klansmen fail calculus?

Because they hated integration so much.

Why aren't there any Calculus teachers in Little Rock, Arkansas?

Because everyone there hates integration.

My whole family bonded over math. Calculus was our religion. Except my grandfather...

...he was against integration.

Credit: Matthew Broussard

How do you use calculus in real life?

You integrate it

How did Isaac Newton formalize calculus?

He went out on a lim.

Calculus joke...

Two college professors are having lunch at a local diner.

John (a math professor) says "you know, it really is sad how very little the general population understands higher math."

Bill (a physics professor) responds "There you go again with your holier-than-thou attitude, I'm sure more...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl was going to study for her AP exams... [long]

A girl was starting to study for her AP exams, and her parents bought her a new calculator to help her out. The next day, she took the calculator in to class and started using it. The moment she started hitting the keys, she heard a guitar playing country music. Startled, she stopped and put it bac...

Why did the calculus teacher lose his license.

Drinking and deriving

A group of people were hospitalised after a calculus midterm.

The cops said they were drinking and deriving.

Our school should start a calculus club

We would all derive fun from it

TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's.

Apparently they opposed integration.

What is it called when Fergy argues with his calculus teacher?

Plus C vs. Ferguson

They said calculus would be integral to my education

I found it a little derivative.

A calculus joke...

Person 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin?

Person 2: A log cabin!

Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the worst advice calculus can give you?

Integral of e^x because that's Se^x dx and it's never a good idea to sex the ex!

Calculus Joke

A mathematician goes a little wacky in the brain, so they put him in a Psychiatric Ward. While there, he realizes he can have a little bit of fun with the other patients. He walks up to one patient and says "Hey, get out of my face before I differentiate you!" Terrified, the mental patient runs away...

A student calls his college to enrol in a calculus course...

A student calls his college and says "I want to take calculus, but the system won't let me enrol". The woman on the other line looks at his record and says: "it looks like you're already taking a full course load! don't you know what the limit is?", to which he replies:

"That's what I'm tryi...

I didn't fail my calculus test....

I just gave "alternative" answers on a few problems.

Did you know that calculus was never taught in southern schools before the 1960s?

They didn't believe in integration.

Have you heard about the calculus professor who tried some bad amphetamines and ended up believing he was a moth?

It’s the old meth math moth myth.

Why did the hippy teach the lumberjack calculus?

So he'd use natural logs!

Two mathematicians were having lunch at a diner and got into a rousing discussion about the state of mathematics education in the US.

The first mathematician insisted that the general American populace was woefully inadequate when it came to understanding even basic math, while the second felt the average person knew more than they were given credit. They made a friendly wager and agreed that the next time their waitress came by, ...

Nobel award winning physicist and his limo driver

A Nobel award winning physicist, who was afraid of flying, was on speaking tour of the nation's top colleges. He travelled by limousine to each destination to give his speech.
After two dozen engagements, the physicist and the limousine driver were having dinner before the next speech. The limous...

A calculus professor enters a bar, and is arrested an hour later...

Apparently he was drinking and deriving

Two calculus professors get together

for lunch at a diner near campus.

"What really frustrates me about our profession," says the first, "is that the average student, not to mention member of the general public, doesn't know the first thing about mathematics beyond the four basic operations, *if that*."

"Well, now I'm not...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the worst aspect about Calculus teachers?

They always go off on tangents in class.

There was a young man weeping

The man was sitting at a library table

A young lady approached him and asked what was wrong

He replied “It’s complicated”

And showed his calculus homework

Why do Americans suck at calculus?

White people have never been good at integration.

Why are the southern states so bad at calculus?

Because they have trouble whenever they try integration.

My teacher took off points when I spilled my juice on my Calculus homework...

... Apparently, I shouldn't drink and derive.

As an IT student who failed calculus twice....

... to this day I have Vieta flashbacks.

Father in law just made an accidental calculus joke

By the time I got to calculus in math, I realized I had reached my limit.

I once knew a guy with teeth so bad

His calculus had advanced to trigonometry.

What happens when a calculus teacher with one arm can't figure out a proof?

He gets stumped.

What's long, hard, and scary when you first see it?

Calculus homework.

Two mathematicians walk into a bar...

and begin to argue about the intelligence of the waitresses. One mathematician gets up, and on his way to the bathroom stops his server. He tells her: "I'll give you $5 is you answer "one-third x cubed" to the next question I ask you, ok?"
The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician...

When Gottfried Leibniz passed away, he was buried in his hometown

Some time after his death, the local townspeople found him sitting upright in his grave, furiously rubbing out page after page of calculus.
At first they were alarmed by the sight, but then they realised... he was only disintegrating.

In high school math class ...

I owned a car and I was good at calculus. They made me the "designated deriver".

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