UPJOKE

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He makes sure to grab it by the +c

They don't know how to integrate.

Cauz they ain't no limit to how much I want to define the area under your curves.

The officer told me to never drink and derive.

But at least you know exactly how steep the learning curve is!

At this rate, he’ll never be in class on time.

He was viewing graphic material

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Two calculus professors are grabbing dinner together.

The first one says to the other: “Why do we teach our students calculus? They just cram it for the tests then forget it.”

The second professor says: “They don’t forget it after the final I’ll prove it to you. The next time the wai...

The first one says to the other: “Why do we teach our students calculus? They just cram it for the tests then forget it.”

The second professor says: “They don’t forget it after the final I’ll prove it to you. The next time the wai...

They’re gonna replace u

I sometime wonder why I thought I should SINE up for this.

(eᴱ)' = Eeᴱ

Because they don't like integration.

I told them their opinion would change over time.

and all the functions are invited. Some of them are radical, at least 1/3 of them are rational, and like all parties, there are a few odd ones talking to their imaginary friends. Amidst all of this revelry, ln(x) is talking to some trig functions, when he sees his friend e^x sulking in a corner.

...

...

He remembered to add the sea.

Don't drink and derive.

I thought it was pretty derivative.

It’s hard..to differentiate between them.

Don't drink and derive.

They hate integration.

...but he obviously couldn't understand the advanced calculus lectures from my university, so he stopped watching.

But graphing is simply where I draw the line.

You have to know your limits.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final. Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well

liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how mu...

liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how mu...

Because a true pirate never forgets the C .

Because you should never drink and derive

He sits down and orders a pint. The barman notices him scribbling some notes on a napkin and asks what he's writing.

Calculus replies, "Oh this... I'm just working on a new formula..."

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." says the barman, "I can't let you drink and...

Calculus replies, "Oh this... I'm just working on a new formula..."

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." says the barman, "I can't let you drink and...

It’s confusing and I’ll never use it.

They said it was weapons of math instruction.

Verbatim from what my professor just showed in one of my engineering classes:

e^x and a constant are walking down the street together when the constant sees a differential operator coming their way. He starts to run away, and e^x asks "Why are you running away?" The constant answers, "That's...

e^x and a constant are walking down the street together when the constant sees a differential operator coming their way. He starts to run away, and e^x asks "Why are you running away?" The constant answers, "That's...

Derivative humor.

He calls it his Mathsters Degree.

After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's ligh...

There’s too many natural logs for my liking

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

F'- Can I be your derivative so I can lie tangent to your curves?

F''- Can I be your second derivative so I can test out your concavities?

F'''- Can I be your third derivative so I can jerk to you?

F''''- Can I be your fourth derivative so I can snap your neck?

F''- Can I be your second derivative so I can test out your concavities?

F'''- Can I be your third derivative so I can jerk to you?

F''''- Can I be your fourth derivative so I can snap your neck?

Because everything on this site is a derivative.

Never mind, actually it's just derivative.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Because he wasn't integrals (into girls) (he invented calculus)

Because they are really bad at integrating.

Leibneiz: I've discovered calculus(1670s) Newton: Really? Seems derivative.

It just derives me crazy

It has its limits

by switching to radians.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Four friends have been doing really well in their Calculus class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. So, when it's time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend's birthday party in another city - even though t...

Two professors are at a restaurant, arguing about the state of education today. "Nobody learns calculus anymore," lamented the first. "That's not true," replied the second, "it's part of the freshman curriculum."

"Okay, I'll tell you what," offered the first professor, "we'll ask the waitre...

"Okay, I'll tell you what," offered the first professor, "we'll ask the waitre...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

A calculus professor explains an example problem to her class.

"To do this, you need to find the initial position of the object."

A confused student asks, "y?"

"y₀," says the professor.

"To do this, you need to find the initial position of the object."

A confused student asks, "y?"

"y₀," says the professor.

The characters keep breaking their limits.

but after a while, it started going off on a really weird tangent.

Because they don't want to drink and derive.

Cop said I was deriving over the limit.

... I should have seen the warning sines.

Two college professors are having lunch at a local diner.

John (a math professor) says "you know, it really is sad how very little the general population understands higher math."

Bill (a physics professor) responds "There you go again with your holier-than-thou attitude, I'm sure more...

John (a math professor) says "you know, it really is sad how very little the general population understands higher math."

Bill (a physics professor) responds "There you go again with your holier-than-thou attitude, I'm sure more...

He went out on a lim.

Because secant tan

A mathemagician

Because everyone there hates integration.

We would all derive fun from it

Der - ribbit - tives

should be an integral part of this sub

So his friend, curious now, asks :

\- 72043 divided by 17 ?

The man immediately replies :

\- 6.

\- But... that's wrong!

\- Yep. But it's fast!

\- 72043 divided by 17 ?

The man immediately replies :

\- 6.

\- But... that's wrong!

\- Yep. But it's fast!

Math debaters

You integrate it

The cops said they were drinking and deriving.

...he was against integration.

Credit: Matthew Broussard

Credit: Matthew Broussard

Person 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin?

Person 2: A log cabin!

Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!

Person 2: A log cabin!

Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!

It’s the old meth math moth myth.

A mathematician goes a little wacky in the brain, so they put him in a Psychiatric Ward. While there, he realizes he can have a little bit of fun with the other patients. He walks up to one patient and says "Hey, get out of my face before I differentiate you!" Terrified, the mental patient runs away...

He wanted to test his limits.

So he'd use natural logs!

Calculus.

Because they hated integration so much.

Drinking and deriving

Apparently they opposed integration.

You! Shall! Not! Pass!

I found it a little derivative.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Integral of e^x because that's Se^x dx and it's never a good idea to sex the ex!

for lunch at a diner near campus.

"What really frustrates me about our profession," says the first, "is that the average student, not to mention member of the general public, doesn't know the first thing about mathematics beyond the four basic operations, *if that*."

"Well, now I'm not...

"What really frustrates me about our profession," says the first, "is that the average student, not to mention member of the general public, doesn't know the first thing about mathematics beyond the four basic operations, *if that*."

"Well, now I'm not...

A Nobel award winning physicist, who was afraid of flying, was on speaking tour of the nation's top colleges. He travelled by limousine to each destination to give his speech. After two dozen engagements, the physicist and the limousine driver were having dinner before the next speech. The limousine...

A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day. Our calculus instructor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus," the student says. "If she wasn't so drop-dead gorgeous I would have dropped the class already." "So I guess you could says she's easy on the ...

I told him that Newton was very important for inventing the laws of motion and calculus (which I wish he never had). He still didn't get how important he is in history. I guess he didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

They didn't believe in integration.

Because they have trouble whenever they try integration.

By the time I got to calculus in math, I realized I had reached my limit.

He gets stumped.

His calculus had advanced to trigonometry.

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

White people have never been good at integration.

Apparently he was drinking and deriving

I just gave "alternative" answers on a few problems.

... to this day I have Vieta flashbacks.

"Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

He made it his life’s goal to tackle one of the greatest unsolved calculus problems in history. For months he worked, filling blackboards with numbers and lines, to no avail.

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

My Calculus teacher told me:"Degrees are essentially useless in this class, we will use radians instead."

I replied:"Is that why you're teaching Calculus?"

I replied:"Is that why you're teaching Calculus?"

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