You shouldn’t drink and derive

They don't know how to integrate.

He makes sure to grab it by the +c

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Two calculus professors are grabbing dinner together.

The first one says to the other: “Why do we teach our students calculus? They just cram it for the tests then forget it.”

The second professor says: “They don’t forget it after the final I’ll prove it to you. The next time the wai...

The first one says to the other: “Why do we teach our students calculus? They just cram it for the tests then forget it.”

The second professor says: “They don’t forget it after the final I’ll prove it to you. The next time the wai...

I couldn’t differentiate between them.

After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's ligh...

Because you should never drink and derive

The officer told me to never drink and derive.

At this rate, he’ll never be in class on time.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

A calculus professor explains an example problem to her class.

"To do this, you need to find the initial position of the object."

A confused student asks, "y?"

"y₀," says the professor.

"To do this, you need to find the initial position of the object."

A confused student asks, "y?"

"y₀," says the professor.

There’s too many natural logs for my liking

Cauz they ain't no limit to how much I want to define the area under your curves.

You! Shall! Not! Pass!

Derivative humor.

I sometime wonder why I thought I should SINE up for this.

They’re gonna replace u

So Newton's work was merely derivative

He remembered to add the sea.

Because a true pirate never forgets the C .

Drinking and deriving

Because it’s hard to differentiate between them.

Because they don't like integration.

but after a while, it started going off on a really weird tangent.

You have to know your limits.

Math debaters

So his friend, curious now, asks :

\- 72043 divided by 17 ?

The man immediately replies :

\- 6.

\- But... that's wrong!

\- Yep. But it's fast!

\- 72043 divided by 17 ?

The man immediately replies :

\- 6.

\- But... that's wrong!

\- Yep. But it's fast!

should be an integral part of this sub

I told them their opinion would change over time.

It really pushed their *limits* on *integration*

... I should have seen the warning sines.

...he was against integration.

Credit: Matthew Broussard

Credit: Matthew Broussard

but graphing is where I draw the line!

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

F'- Can I be your derivative so I can lie tangent to your curves?

F''- Can I be your second derivative so I can test out your concavities?

F'''- Can I be your third derivative so I can jerk to you?

F''''- Can I be your fourth derivative so I can snap your neck?

F''- Can I be your second derivative so I can test out your concavities?

F'''- Can I be your third derivative so I can jerk to you?

F''''- Can I be your fourth derivative so I can snap your neck?

Apparently he was drinking and deriving

I owned a car and I was good at calculus. They made me the "designated deriver".

One of her homework problems was assigned to page 45 in the textbook, but she couldn't find the problem. I suggested, "Maybe you have the Chinese edition of the book." She goes, "The Chinese edition?"

Y'know, the Wong one.

Y'know, the Wong one.

Because they hated integration so much.

It has its limits

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

They're both hard for you

Verbatim from what my professor just showed in one of my engineering classes:

e^x and a constant are walking down the street together when the constant sees a differential operator coming their way. He starts to run away, and e^x asks "Why are you running away?" The constant answers, "That's...

e^x and a constant are walking down the street together when the constant sees a differential operator coming their way. He starts to run away, and e^x asks "Why are you running away?" The constant answers, "That's...

I found it a little derivative.

Because you might not be able to differentiate between them.

Integrals are more than just the sum of its parts!

The cops said they were drinking and deriving.

Two professors are at a restaurant, arguing about the state of education today. "Nobody learns calculus anymore," lamented the first. "That's not true," replied the second, "it's part of the freshman curriculum."

"Okay, I'll tell you what," offered the first professor, "we'll ask the waitre...

"Okay, I'll tell you what," offered the first professor, "we'll ask the waitre...

We would all derive fun from it

... to this day I have Vieta flashbacks.

Because everyone there hates integration.

and all the functions are invited. Some of them are radical, at least 1/3 of them are rational, and like all parties, there are a few odd ones talking to their imaginary friends. Amidst all of this revelry, ln(x) is talking to some trig functions, when he sees his friend e^x sulking in a corner.

...

...

Cop said I was deriving over the limit.

Der - ribbit - tives

I said," I like my logarithms like my women, all natural".

To L'Hopital.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final. Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well

liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how mu...

liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how mu...

Some time after his death, the local townspeople found him sitting upright in his grave, furiously rubbing out page after page of calculus.

At first they were alarmed by the sight, but then they realised... he was only disintegrating.

At first they were alarmed by the sight, but then they realised... he was only disintegrating.

He went out on a lim.

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

Because they have trouble whenever they try integration.

You integrate it

I just gave "alternative" answers on a few problems.

Apparently they opposed integration.

White people have never been good at integration.

They hate integration.

A student calls his college and says "I want to take calculus, but the system won't let me enrol". The woman on the other line looks at his record and says: "it looks like you're already taking a full course load! don't you know what the limit is?", to which he replies:

"That's what I'm tryi...

"That's what I'm tryi...

Sir Isaac Newton, genius scientist, father of gravity, and inventor of calculus: Why do things fall?

Me, a fellow Batman enthusiast: So they can learn to pick themselves back up.

Me, a fellow Batman enthusiast: So they can learn to pick themselves back up.

by switching to radians.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Integral of e^x because that's Se^x dx and it's never a good idea to sex the ex!

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

A girl was starting to study for her AP exams, and her parents bought her a new calculator to help her out. The next day, she took the calculator in to class and started using it. The moment she started hitting the keys, she heard a guitar playing country music. Startled, she stopped and put it bac...

Two college professors are having lunch at a local diner.

John (a math professor) says "you know, it really is sad how very little the general population understands higher math."

Bill (a physics professor) responds "There you go again with your holier-than-thou attitude, I'm sure more...

John (a math professor) says "you know, it really is sad how very little the general population understands higher math."

Bill (a physics professor) responds "There you go again with your holier-than-thou attitude, I'm sure more...

They didn't believe in integration.

A mathematician goes a little wacky in the brain, so they put him in a Psychiatric Ward. While there, he realizes he can have a little bit of fun with the other patients. He walks up to one patient and says "Hey, get out of my face before I differentiate you!" Terrified, the mental patient runs away...

Because secant tan

By the time I got to calculus in math, I realized I had reached my limit.

Person 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin?

Person 2: A log cabin!

Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!

Person 2: A log cabin!

Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!

But I teach calculus to international students at my local university, and they all integrate really well.

So he'd use natural logs!

Because he didn't believe in integration.

His choices are a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer.

His test is simple: Whoever can determine the volume of a red rubber ball will be the new chief advisor, provided his explanation makes sense to the king, and that the king can trust the calculation.

The physicist goes firs...

His test is simple: Whoever can determine the volume of a red rubber ball will be the new chief advisor, provided his explanation makes sense to the king, and that the king can trust the calculation.

The physicist goes firs...

I'm not really good at writing stories so bear with me.

Simon, a high school student, passed his sophomore year with a 100% in Algebra 2. Thinking he was the most outstanding student ever, he went to his counselor to ask if he can skip directly to Calculus AB.

"Calculus is a very rigor...

Simon, a high school student, passed his sophomore year with a 100% in Algebra 2. Thinking he was the most outstanding student ever, he went to his counselor to ask if he can skip directly to Calculus AB.

"Calculus is a very rigor...

Calculator!

... Apparently, I shouldn't drink and derive.

It’s the old meth math moth myth.

He gets stumped.

and begin to argue about the intelligence of the waitresses. One mathematician gets up, and on his way to the bathroom stops his server. He tells her: "I'll give you $5 is you answer "one-third x cubed" to the next question I ask you, ok?"

The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician...

The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Once there, he takes a Calculus II class notorious for its difficulty. Unlike his classmates, he isn't worried, but that all changes when he gets his first exam grade back.

"37%?! How did I do that badly?!" he asks his teacher, Admiral Smith.

"I suggest you study harder, cadet." he re...

"37%?! How did I do that badly?!" he asks his teacher, Admiral Smith.

"I suggest you study harder, cadet." he re...

A Nobel award winning physicist, who was afraid of flying, was on speaking tour of the nation's top colleges. He travelled by limousine to each destination to give his speech.

After two dozen engagements, the physicist and the limousine driver were having dinner before the next speech. The limous...

After two dozen engagements, the physicist and the limousine driver were having dinner before the next speech. The limous...

My Calculus teacher told me:"Degrees are essentially useless in this class, we will use radians instead."

I replied:"Is that why you're teaching Calculus?"

I replied:"Is that why you're teaching Calculus?"

He should have them take Calculus tests instead of Citizenship tests.

The robot can clean, cook, do calculus, balance a budget, play music, and so much more.

The scientist holds a conference to announce the robot and announces that it will be released publicly for all the world to enjoy. The robot is branded with the name "Gudynuv" and is soon mass produced and s...

The scientist holds a conference to announce the robot and announces that it will be released publicly for all the world to enjoy. The robot is branded with the name "Gudynuv" and is soon mass produced and s...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

This joke was told to me by an older man that is a retired engineer.

>Back in the 60's when I was in engineering school, I needed an easy filler class. I was already loaded down with calculus, physics, and engineering classes, so when I saw Ornithology, I decided to sign up. It only met 1 ...

>Back in the 60's when I was in engineering school, I needed an easy filler class. I was already loaded down with calculus, physics, and engineering classes, so when I saw Ornithology, I decided to sign up. It only met 1 ...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

So in my calculus class last year in math, there were these two Chinese twins. Ving, and Ling. Ving was always super cool with me. In exchange for answers (he was super smart) I would hang out with him and be his friend and stuff. After I cheated off of him and studied with him though, I did get to ...

The first one says: "The average person is, mathematically, an idiot. People don't know algebra, can't figure out percents, can't read a simple graph, and don't even get me started on calculus..."

The second professor disagrees, "Surely you're exaggerating. Most people know all the math they ...

The second professor disagrees, "Surely you're exaggerating. Most people know all the math they ...

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