After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's ligh...

He makes sure to grab it by the +c

At this rate, he will never be in class on time.

Derivative humor.

should be an integral part of this sub

Because it’s hard to differentiate between them.

Two calculus professors are grabbing dinner together.

The first one says to the other: “Why do we teach our students calculus? They just cram it for the tests then forget it.”

The second professor says: “They don’t forget it after the final I’ll prove it to you. The next time the wai...

The first one says to the other: “Why do we teach our students calculus? They just cram it for the tests then forget it.”

The second professor says: “They don’t forget it after the final I’ll prove it to you. The next time the wai...

I sometime wonder why I thought I should SINE up for this.

So Newton's work was merely derivative

It really pushed their *limits* on *integration*

Because they don't like integration.

Because you should never drink and derive.

There’s too many natural logs for my liking

Cauz they ain't no limit to how much I want to define the area under your curves.

They’re gonna replace u

but after a while, it started going off on a really weird tangent.

I told them their opinion would change over time.

He remembered to add the sea.

... I should have seen the warning sines.

One of her homework problems was assigned to page 45 in the textbook, but she couldn't find the problem. I suggested, "Maybe you have the Chinese edition of the book." She goes, "The Chinese edition?"

Y'know, the Wong one.

Y'know, the Wong one.

They don't know how to integrate.

White people have never been good at integration.

...he was against integration.

Credit: Matthew Broussard

Credit: Matthew Broussard

This joke *may* contain offensive words. 🤔

They're both hard for you

This joke *may* contain offensive words. 🤔

F'- Can I be your derivative so I can lie tangent to your curves?

F''- Can I be your second derivative so I can test out your concavities?

F'''- Can I be your third derivative so I can jerk to you?

F''''- Can I be your fourth derivative so I can snap your neck?

F''- Can I be your second derivative so I can test out your concavities?

F'''- Can I be your third derivative so I can jerk to you?

F''''- Can I be your fourth derivative so I can snap your neck?

Apparently he was drinking and deriving

Because they hated integration so much.

Because a true pirate never forgets the C .

Verbatim from what my professor just showed in one of my engineering classes:

e^x and a constant are walking down the street together when the constant sees a differential operator coming their way. He starts to run away, and e^x asks "Why are you running away?" The constant answers, "That's...

e^x and a constant are walking down the street together when the constant sees a differential operator coming their way. He starts to run away, and e^x asks "Why are you running away?" The constant answers, "That's...

The cops said they were drinking and deriving.

It has its limits

You have to know your limits.

Because you might not be able to differentiate between them.

I found it a little derivative.

He went out on a lim.

... to this day I have Vieta flashbacks.

Two professors are at a restaurant, arguing about the state of education today. "Nobody learns calculus anymore," lamented the first. "That's not true," replied the second, "it's part of the freshman curriculum."

"Okay, I'll tell you what," offered the first professor, "we'll ask the waitre...

"Okay, I'll tell you what," offered the first professor, "we'll ask the waitre...

We would all derive fun from it

Because they have trouble whenever they try integration.

I just gave "alternative" answers on a few problems.

But graphing is simply where I draw the line.

Der - ribbit - tives

Because everyone there hates integration.

My Calculus teacher told me:"Degrees are essentially useless in this class, we will use radians instead."

I replied:"Is that why you're teaching Calculus?"

I replied:"Is that why you're teaching Calculus?"

and all the functions are invited. Some of them are radical, at least 1/3 of them are rational, and like all parties, there are a few odd ones talking to their imaginary friends. Amidst all of this revelry, ln(x) is talking to some trig functions, when he sees his friend e^x sulking in a corner.

...

...

I said," I like my logarithms like my women, all natural".

You integrate it

Cop said I was deriving over the limit.

They hate integration.

To L'Hopital.

Apparently they opposed integration.

A student calls his college and says "I want to take calculus, but the system won't let me enrol". The woman on the other line looks at his record and says: "it looks like you're already taking a full course load! don't you know what the limit is?", to which he replies:

"That's what I'm tryi...

"That's what I'm tryi...

This joke *may* contain offensive words. 🤔

The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final. Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well

liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how mu...

liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how mu...

This joke *may* contain offensive words. 🤔

Integral of e^x because that's Se^x dx and it's never a good idea to sex the ex!

by switching to radians.

Courtesy of my math professor:

Two mathematicians go to a bar after a rigorous day of number crunching. After a few drinks, the first mathematician begins to lament the current state of the general public's mathematical knowledge.

"People just don't know their calculus anymore!"

...

Two mathematicians go to a bar after a rigorous day of number crunching. After a few drinks, the first mathematician begins to lament the current state of the general public's mathematical knowledge.

"People just don't know their calculus anymore!"

...

Calculator!

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

It’s the old meth math moth myth.

They didn't believe in integration.

... Apparently, I shouldn't drink and derive.

By the time I got to calculus in math, I realized I had reached my limit.

Two college professors are having lunch at a local diner.

John (a math professor) says "you know, it really is sad how very little the general population understands higher math."

Bill (a physics professor) responds "There you go again with your holier-than-thou attitude, I'm sure more...

John (a math professor) says "you know, it really is sad how very little the general population understands higher math."

Bill (a physics professor) responds "There you go again with your holier-than-thou attitude, I'm sure more...

A mathematician goes a little wacky in the brain, so they put him in a Psychiatric Ward. While there, he realizes he can have a little bit of fun with the other patients. He walks up to one patient and says "Hey, get out of my face before I differentiate you!" Terrified, the mental patient runs away...

He gets stumped.

Person 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin?

Person 2: A log cabin!

Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!

Person 2: A log cabin!

Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!

So he'd use natural logs!

Because he didn't believe in integration.

But I teach calculus to international students at my local university, and they all integrate really well.

This joke *may* contain offensive words. 🤔

A girl was starting to study for her AP exams, and her parents bought her a new calculator to help her out. The next day, she took the calculator in to class and started using it. The moment she started hitting the keys, she heard a guitar playing country music. Startled, she stopped and put it bac...

This joke *may* contain offensive words. 🤔

...over who was the better teacher. The first professor boasts that he could teach anybody any subject in a matter of days, so the second professor makes a proposal. He tells the first professor that if he really can teach anyone, then he should have no problem going downtown, finding a prostitute, ...

This joke was told to me by an older man that is a retired engineer.

>Back in the 60's when I was in engineering school, I needed an easy filler class. I was already loaded down with calculus, physics, and engineering classes, so when I saw Ornithology, I decided to sign up. It only met 1 ...

>Back in the 60's when I was in engineering school, I needed an easy filler class. I was already loaded down with calculus, physics, and engineering classes, so when I saw Ornithology, I decided to sign up. It only met 1 ...

for lunch at a diner near campus.

"What really frustrates me about our profession," says the first, "is that the average student, not to mention member of the general public, doesn't know the first thing about mathematics beyond the four basic operations, *if that*."

"Well, now I'm not...

"What really frustrates me about our profession," says the first, "is that the average student, not to mention member of the general public, doesn't know the first thing about mathematics beyond the four basic operations, *if that*."

"Well, now I'm not...

Unfortunately, I had to take him to the dentist.

He had calculus on his teeth.

He had calculus on his teeth.

His choices are a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer.

His test is simple: Whoever can determine the volume of a red rubber ball will be the new chief advisor, provided his explanation makes sense to the king, and that the king can trust the calculation.

The physicist goes firs...

His test is simple: Whoever can determine the volume of a red rubber ball will be the new chief advisor, provided his explanation makes sense to the king, and that the king can trust the calculation.

The physicist goes firs...

This joke *may* contain offensive words. 🤔

The first (and somewhat snotty) mathematician claims that the average American has trouble counting, much less doing complex math; the second (and rather down with the modern student, if he does say so himself) mathematician says people are generally smarter than they know, and you just have to enco...

I'm not really good at writing stories so bear with me.

Simon, a high school student, passed his sophomore year with a 100% in Algebra 2. Thinking he was the most outstanding student ever, he went to his counselor to ask if he can skip directly to Calculus AB.

"Calculus is a very rigor...

Simon, a high school student, passed his sophomore year with a 100% in Algebra 2. Thinking he was the most outstanding student ever, he went to his counselor to ask if he can skip directly to Calculus AB.

"Calculus is a very rigor...

Once there, he takes a Calculus II class notorious for its difficulty. Unlike his classmates, he isn't worried, but that all changes when he gets his first exam grade back.

"37%?! How did I do that badly?!" he asks his teacher, Admiral Smith.

"I suggest you study harder, cadet." he re...

"37%?! How did I do that badly?!" he asks his teacher, Admiral Smith.

"I suggest you study harder, cadet." he re...

and begin to argue about the intelligence of the waitresses. One mathematician gets up, and on his way to the bathroom stops his server. He tells her: "I'll give you $5 is you answer "one-third x cubed" to the next question I ask you, ok?"

The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician...

The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician...

A Nobel award winning physicist, who was afraid of flying, was on speaking tour of the nation's top colleges. He travelled by limousine to each destination to give his speech.

After two dozen engagements, the physicist and the limousine driver were having dinner before the next speech. The limous...

After two dozen engagements, the physicist and the limousine driver were having dinner before the next speech. The limous...

He should have them take Calculus tests instead of Citizenship tests.

This joke *may* contain offensive words. 🤔

So in my calculus class last year in math, there were these two Chinese twins. Ving, and Ling. Ving was always super cool with me. In exchange for answers (he was super smart) I would hang out with him and be his friend and stuff. After I cheated off of him and studied with him though, I did get to ...

This joke comes from my father, who taught at a mostly black high school

During a calculus lecture:

"Can someone come to the board and integrate this?" he says, pointing to an equation

He looks around, wondering why no one has answered

Once again, he asks "Can someone com...

During a calculus lecture:

"Can someone come to the board and integrate this?" he says, pointing to an equation

He looks around, wondering why no one has answered

Once again, he asks "Can someone com...

The robot can clean, cook, do calculus, balance a budget, play music, and so much more.

The scientist holds a conference to announce the robot and announces that it will be released publicly for all the world to enjoy. The robot is branded with the name "Gudynuv" and is soon mass produced and s...

The scientist holds a conference to announce the robot and announces that it will be released publicly for all the world to enjoy. The robot is branded with the name "Gudynuv" and is soon mass produced and s...

I've seen this help students reading old material and I could definitely see why some English teachers do this, but I had no idea why my Calculus teacher was having us try it out.

...who used a ladder to solve a calculus problem written at the very top of his blackboard?

He really rose to the equation.

He really rose to the equation.

...such as teaching them calculus and microbiology.

Especially when they heard in Calculus they'd have to integrate.

Though I could have sworn the syllabus said "Calculus 2".

The first one says: "The average person is, mathematically, an idiot. People don't know algebra, can't figure out percents, can't read a simple graph, and don't even get me started on calculus..."

The second professor disagrees, "Surely you're exaggerating. Most people know all the math they ...

The second professor disagrees, "Surely you're exaggerating. Most people know all the math they ...

This joke *may* contain offensive words. 🤔

So a man who has lived in this particular apartment complex for a few years goes to get his mail and he notices an absolutely breathtaking woman getting her mail. He realizes she must have recently moved in because he has never seen her before. He makes small talk with her and they start flirting, a...

Algebra puns are too linear, arithmetic puns are too basic, trigonometry puns are too graphic, calculus puns are all derivatives. Only the statistic puns are the occasional outlier.

Nothing! You can't cross a vector with a scaler.

(Great math joke that came up in Calculus the other day)

(Great math joke that came up in Calculus the other day)

He decides that to break the ice at his party, he'll ask his guests what their I.Q. is. Hopefully this will strike up an appropriate conversation from there. The day of the party rolls around, and when the first guest knocks on the door, Bob asks the person what her I.Q. is. "275" came the reply. "W...

This joke *may* contain offensive words. 🤔

...is starting his term at an American university. He is assigned to teach an introductory calculus sequence for freshman.

"What topics should I cover?", he asks a few colleagues.

"Oh, simple stuff" they say; "start off with some facts about the real numbers, move into limits and dif...

"What topics should I cover?", he asks a few colleagues.

"Oh, simple stuff" they say; "start off with some facts about the real numbers, move into limits and dif...

My calculus professor was no help at all.

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