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How does Donald Trump do calculus integration?

He makes sure to grab it by the +c

Why is the south bad at calculus?

They don't know how to integrate.

Baby you make me wish I was good at calculus.

Cauz they ain't no limit to how much I want to define the area under your curves.

I got arrested for doing calculus drunk.

The officer told me to never drink and derive.

Calculus has a steep learning curve...

But at least you know exactly how steep the learning curve is!

My calculus professor was late 16 minutes for his first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes for the third.

At this rate, he’ll never be in class on time.

Why did the Calculus Teacher take the student's calculator away?

He was viewing graphic material

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Calculus Professors Are Grabbing Dinner Together

Two calculus professors are grabbing dinner together.

The first one says to the other: “Why do we teach our students calculus? They just cram it for the tests then forget it.”

The second professor says: “They don’t forget it after the final I’ll prove it to you. The next time the wai...

Don’t date a calculus teacher

They’re gonna replace u

I hate calculus...

I sometime wonder why I thought I should SINE up for this.

dolphins doing calculus be like

(eᴱ)' = Eeᴱ

Why don't they teach Calculus in the Deep South?

Because they don't like integration.

Someone told me they didn't like calculus

I told them their opinion would change over time.

ln(x) is hosting a calculus party....

and all the functions are invited. Some of them are radical, at least 1/3 of them are rational, and like all parties, there are a few odd ones talking to their imaginary friends. Amidst all of this revelry, ln(x) is talking to some trig functions, when he sees his friend e^x sulking in a corner.
...

When God integrated Planet Earth, he thankfully recalled his Calculus lesson.

He remembered to add the sea.

Alcohol and Calculus don't mix.

Don't drink and derive.

Have you read the new calculus novel?

I thought it was pretty derivative.

LPT: You will fail your calculus exam if you sit next to identical twins.

It’s hard..to differentiate between them.

What did the calculus professor say when he saw his students at the bar?

Don't drink and derive.

Why do racists hate calculus?

They hate integration.

My 5 year old son found videos meant for adults only...

...but he obviously couldn't understand the advanced calculus lectures from my university, so he stopped watching.

I'll do algebra. I'll do trigonometry. I'll even do calculus!

But graphing is simply where I draw the line.

Drinking alcohol is like calculus.

You have to know your limits.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Calculus

The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final. Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well
liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how mu...

Why are pirates the best at calculus?

Because a true pirate never forgets the C .

Why don’t calculus majors throw house parties?

Because you should never drink and derive

Calculus walks into a bar.

He sits down and orders a pint. The barman notices him scribbling some notes on a napkin and asks what he's writing.

Calculus replies, "Oh this... I'm just working on a new formula..."

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." says the barman, "I can't let you drink and...

What’s the similarity between talking about calculus and talking about getting a girlfriend?

It’s confusing and I’ll never use it.

My house was raided and the cops carted off books on algebra, trigonometry and calculus, plus dice and other probability-demo stuff.

They said it was weapons of math instruction.

A Calculus joke

Verbatim from what my professor just showed in one of my engineering classes:

e^x and a constant are walking down the street together when the constant sees a differential operator coming their way. He starts to run away, and e^x asks "Why are you running away?" The constant answers, "That's...

What do you call recycled calculus jokes?

Derivative humor.

Mike Tyson just received a graduate level certification in advanced calculus.

He calls it his Mathsters Degree.

A Calculus student is stuck in traffic...

After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's ligh...

Ever since I failed Calculus I can’t go into the woods

There’s too many natural logs for my liking

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Calculus pick up line

F'- Can I be your derivative so I can lie tangent to your curves?
F''- Can I be your second derivative so I can test out your concavities?
F'''- Can I be your third derivative so I can jerk to you?
F''''- Can I be your fourth derivative so I can snap your neck?

Why are Redditors good at calculus?

Because everything on this site is a derivative.

A completely new joke about calculus.

Never mind, actually it's just derivative.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

why did newton die a virgin

Because he wasn't integrals (into girls) (he invented calculus)

Why do rednecks fail calculus?

Because they are really bad at integrating.

Newton: I've discovered calculus(1664).

Leibneiz: I've discovered calculus(1670s) Newton: Really? Seems derivative.

Man I really hate calculus.

It just derives me crazy

You can't solve every problem with calculus

It has its limits

I just saved 15% or more on my Calculus test...

by switching to radians.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four friends have been doing really well in their Calculus class...

Four friends have been doing really well in their Calculus class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. So, when it's time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend's birthday party in another city - even though t...

Calculus Joke

Two professors are at a restaurant, arguing about the state of education today. "Nobody learns calculus anymore," lamented the first. "That's not true," replied the second, "it's part of the freshman curriculum."

"Okay, I'll tell you what," offered the first professor, "we'll ask the waitre...

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A calculus pun for you math people

A calculus professor explains an example problem to her class.

"To do this, you need to find the initial position of the object."

A confused student asks, "y?"

"y₀," says the professor.

Why do calculus teachers hate the Final Fantasy games?

The characters keep breaking their limits.

I had a really good discussion with my calculus professor today

but after a while, it started going off on a really weird tangent.

Why don't calculus teachers go to bars?

Because they don't want to drink and derive.

Got pulled over while doing calculus in my car last night

Cop said I was deriving over the limit.

I knew calculus would kill me some day

... I should have seen the warning sines.

Calculus joke...

Two college professors are having lunch at a local diner.

John (a math professor) says "you know, it really is sad how very little the general population understands higher math."

Bill (a physics professor) responds "There you go again with your holier-than-thou attitude, I'm sure more...

How did Isaac Newton formalize calculus?

He went out on a lim.

[Calculus Joke] Why didn't the derivative of sec(x) go to the beach?

Because secant tan

What do you call a wizard who is good at calculus?

A mathemagician

Why aren't there any Calculus teachers in Little Rock, Arkansas?

Because everyone there hates integration.

Our school should start a calculus club

We would all derive fun from it

What kind of calculus do frogs use?

Der - ribbit - tives

Calculus jokes

should be an integral part of this sub

A man brags before his friend : "I'm very fast at calculus !"

So his friend, curious now, asks :

\- 72043 divided by 17 ?

The man immediately replies :

\- 6.

\- But... that's wrong!

\- Yep. But it's fast!

What do you call a group of 8th grade boys arguing about calculus?

Math debaters

How do you use calculus in real life?

You integrate it

A group of people were hospitalised after a calculus midterm.

The cops said they were drinking and deriving.

My whole family bonded over math. Calculus was our religion. Except my grandfather...

...he was against integration.

Credit: Matthew Broussard

A calculus joke...

Person 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin?

Person 2: A log cabin!

Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!

Have you heard about the calculus professor who tried some bad amphetamines and ended up believing he was a moth?

It’s the old meth math moth myth.

Calculus Joke

A mathematician goes a little wacky in the brain, so they put him in a Psychiatric Ward. While there, he realizes he can have a little bit of fun with the other patients. He walks up to one patient and says "Hey, get out of my face before I differentiate you!" Terrified, the mental patient runs away...

Why did Newton invent calculus?

He wanted to test his limits.

Why did the hippy teach the lumberjack calculus?

So he'd use natural logs!

What's a dentist's favorite subject?

Calculus.

Why did the Klansmen fail calculus?

Because they hated integration so much.

Why did the calculus teacher lose his license.

Drinking and deriving

TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's.

Apparently they opposed integration.

What does a math wizard tell the lazy calculus student?

You! Shall! Not! Pass!

They said calculus would be integral to my education

I found it a little derivative.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the worst advice calculus can give you?

Integral of e^x because that's Se^x dx and it's never a good idea to sex the ex!

Two calculus professors get together

for lunch at a diner near campus.

"What really frustrates me about our profession," says the first, "is that the average student, not to mention member of the general public, doesn't know the first thing about mathematics beyond the four basic operations, *if that*."

"Well, now I'm not...

Nobel award winning physicist and his limo driver

A Nobel award winning physicist, who was afraid of flying, was on speaking tour of the nation's top colleges. He travelled by limousine to each destination to give his speech. After two dozen engagements, the physicist and the limousine driver were having dinner before the next speech. The limousine...

How to stay in class

A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day. Our calculus instructor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus," the student says. "If she wasn't so drop-dead gorgeous I would have dropped the class already." "So I guess you could says she's easy on the ...

A friend of mine thinks that Isaac Newton is joke and was never born.

I told him that Newton was very important for inventing the laws of motion and calculus (which I wish he never had). He still didn't get how important he is in history. I guess he didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

Did you know that calculus was never taught in southern schools before the 1960s?

They didn't believe in integration.

Why are the southern states so bad at calculus?

Because they have trouble whenever they try integration.

Father in law just made an accidental calculus joke

By the time I got to calculus in math, I realized I had reached my limit.

What happens when a calculus teacher with one arm can't figure out a proof?

He gets stumped.

I once knew a guy with teeth so bad

His calculus had advanced to trigonometry.

There are many problems with math puns.

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

Why do Americans suck at calculus?

White people have never been good at integration.

A calculus professor enters a bar, and is arrested an hour later...

Apparently he was drinking and deriving

I didn't fail my calculus test....

I just gave "alternative" answers on a few problems.

As an IT student who failed calculus twice....

... to this day I have Vieta flashbacks.

"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague.

"Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a mathematician.

He made it his life’s goal to tackle one of the greatest unsolved calculus problems in history. For months he worked, filling blackboards with numbers and lines, to no avail.

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

Math joke

My Calculus teacher told me:"Degrees are essentially useless in this class, we will use radians instead."
I replied:"Is that why you're teaching Calculus?"

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