Calculus Jokes

They don't know how to integrate.

Cauz they ain't no limit to how much I want to define the area under your curves.

He makes sure to grab it by the +c

The officer told me to never drink and derive.

At this rate, he’ll never be in class on time.

But at least you know exactly how steep the learning curve is!

He was viewing graphic material

Because they don't like integration.

They’re gonna replace u

I told them their opinion would change over time.

It was impossible to differentiate between them.

(eᴱ)' = Eeᴱ

I sometime wonder why I thought I should SINE up for this.

and all the functions are invited. Some of them are radical, at least 1/3 of them are rational, and like all parties, there are a few odd ones talking to their imaginary friends. Amidst all of this revelry, ln(x) is talking to some trig functions, when he sees his friend e^x sulking in a corner.
... read more

He remembered to add the sea.

I guess I should have known my limits. I could barely derive anything from what the teacher taught us.

Don't drink and derive.

Don't drink and derive.

They hate integration.

Verbatim from what my professor just showed in one of my engineering classes:

e^x and a constant are walking down the street together when the constant sees a differential operator coming their way. He starts to run away, and e^x asks "Why are you running away?" The constant answers, "That's... read more

There’s too many natural logs for my liking

You have to know your limits.

Because a true pirate never forgets the C .

…but geometry is where I draw the line.

I thought it was pretty derivative.

Because everything on this site is a derivative.

They said it was weapons of math instruction.

...but he obviously couldn't understand the advanced calculus lectures from my university, so he stopped watching.

Derivative humor.

He calls it his Mathsters Degree.

Leibneiz: I've discovered calculus(1670s) Newton: Really? Seems derivative.

After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's ligh... read more

Because you should never drink and derive

They don’t like calculus.

Never mind, actually it's just derivative.

It just derives me crazy

It has its limits

by switching to radians.

He sits down and orders a pint. The barman notices him scribbling some notes on a napkin and asks what he's writing.

Calculus replies, "Oh this... I'm just working on a new formula..."

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." says the barman, "I can't let you drink and... read more

Because they are really bad at integrating.

... I should have seen the warning sines.

Because they don't want to drink and derive.

Because everyone there hates integration.

The characters keep breaking their limits.

Two college professors are having lunch at a local diner.

John (a math professor) says "you know, it really is sad how very little the general population understands higher math."

Bill (a physics professor) responds "There you go again with your holier-than-thou attitude, I'm sure more... read more

He went out on a lim.

Two professors are at a restaurant, arguing about the state of education today. "Nobody learns calculus anymore," lamented the first. "That's not true," replied the second, "it's part of the freshman curriculum."

"Okay, I'll tell you what," offered the first professor, "we'll ask the waitre... read more

Cop said I was deriving over the limit.

but after a while, it started going off on a really weird tangent.

We would all derive fun from it

Der - ribbit - tives

A 120 pound camera sits atop a tripod. How much force does each leg hold?

Whoops. Meant to type 130. Forgot that the camera adds 10 pounds.

Math debaters

You integrate it

The cops said they were drinking and deriving.

Person 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin?

Person 2: A log cabin!

Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!

It’s the old meth math moth myth.

A mathematician goes a little wacky in the brain, so they put him in a Psychiatric Ward. While there, he realizes he can have a little bit of fun with the other patients. He walks up to one patient and says "Hey, get out of my face before I differentiate you!" Terrified, the mental patient runs away... read more

He wanted to test his limits.

So he'd use natural logs!

should be an integral part of this sub

A mathemagician

Calculus.

So his friend, curious now, asks :

\- 72043 divided by 17 ?

The man immediately replies :

\- 6.

\- But... that's wrong!

\- Yep. But it's fast!

Because they hated integration so much.

Drinking and deriving

Apparently they opposed integration.

You! Shall! Not! Pass!

...he was against integration.

Credit: Matthew Broussard

I found it a little derivative.

Integrals are more than just the sum of its parts!

A Nobel award winning physicist, who was afraid of flying, was on speaking tour of the nation's top colleges. He travelled by limousine to each destination to give his speech. After two dozen engagements, the physicist and the limousine driver were having dinner before the next speech. The limousine... read more

A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day. Our calculus instructor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus," the student says. "If she wasn't so drop-dead gorgeous I would have dropped the class already." "So I guess you could says she's easy on the ... read more

I told him that Newton was very important for inventing the laws of motion and calculus (which I wish he never had). He still didn't get how important he is in history. I guess he didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

They didn't believe in integration.

Because they have trouble whenever they try integration.

By the time I got to calculus in math, I realized I had reached my limit.

He gets stumped.

His calculus had advanced to trigonometry.

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

I just gave "alternative" answers on a few problems.

"Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

Apparently he was drinking and deriving

White people have never been good at integration.

... to this day I have Vieta flashbacks.

My Calculus teacher told me:"Degrees are essentially useless in this class, we will use radians instead."
I replied:"Is that why you're teaching Calculus?"