My wife and I childproofed our home yesterday.

It was a total waste of money. They all got back in within minutes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little old lady went to buy cat food. She picked up three cans but was told by the clerk, "I'm sorry, but we can't sell this to you without proof you have a cat

Too many seniors are buying cat food to eat. Management wants proof that you are buying this for your cat." So the lady went home, brought in her cat and was sold the cat food. . . . The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food and was again told she couldn't buy them without proof. So the la...

Proof that the moon landing is fake

If the moon landing actually happened, then why can it still be seen in the sky in broad daylight

It turns out my front lawn is chicken proof.

It's impeccable.

I have proof that God is a woman

God's held a grudge for 6000 years.

Against me. For something a naked woman did.

That I've never even met.

What's an absolutely fail-proof way to make a Redditor curious?

[removed]

Flat Earthers keep telling me I don't have proof the Earth is round because I've never seen it with my own eyes.

I get a bit confused, because I've definitely seen your mom before.

True Evil - Mathematical Proof

We have all heard the saying that Time is money.

We also know that Girls take time and money.

There is also a saying that Money is the root of all evil.

Thus if my math is correct...


Time = Money

Girls = Time x money = Money^2

Money =√Evil

Thus by...

Your taste buds change every month. Want proof? Follow these steps.

1. Take a piece of bread or a fruit of your choice.

2. Take a bite of said food.

3. Wait a month.

4. Take another bite of that *same* piece of food.

If all goes correctly, you should have tasted something different.

Trumps wall is fool-proof...

Take china for example, they've had a wall for 2000 years and still no mexicans.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have proof Jesus was a black man...

He loved Gospel, he called everyone 'Brother', and he couldn't get a fair trial.

My bullet proof vest is...

Going ballistic

I like proof by induction...

...as much as the next guy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump is a closet communist, and I have proof.

When he says he likes to grab them by the pussy, he's really saying he wants to seize the means of reproduction.

I have proof that God is black

Everyone refers to him as “father”, but no one’s ever seen him

When I found out my watch wasn’t water-proof

I was shocked.

Proof that 9/11 wasn't a government plot:

It worked.

Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.

Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd

Hey you want more proof that Donald Trump is a bad gambler?

Well just this Tuesday he lost the House!

What do you call a bullet proof Irishman?

Rick O'Shea

Dave, Einstein, and the bus driver get together to write OC for this sub and they send me the material to proof. My response is always the same though.

Already Reddit.

I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass.

I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The invention of the Penis is proof God exists...

And the size of mine proves that, so does the Devil.

Too soon maybe, but today's event are proof that men do everything better than women...

Active shooter couldn't even kill anyone but herself

America is racist

When Barack Obama gives his speech, he stands behind a bulletproof glass . That shows how racist America still is.

Just because he's black, doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone



Thanks Frankie Boyle

What happened to all the proof about Russia rigging the elections?

(removed)

Proof that Donald Trump is a racist

Tomorrow he is going to throw a black family out of their house.

What is proof that Santa is a man?

No woman would ever wear the same outfit every year.

My sister asked me to help her baby proof her house.

I told her, 'I helped you burglar proof the place last year, that should be enough to keep the babies out, too.'

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart.
But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth.
6 respected 9, even thoug...

Everyone says athiests tell terrible jokes

But I won't believe that until I have proof.

Reddit's being run by an evil cabal of hyper-intelligent cow-people, and I have proof!

[remoooved]

It's a real shame that, in this day and age, Barrack Obama had to give his speech about Martin Luther King Jr., while standing behind bullet proof glass...

Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot somebody...

I have proof that the FBI has no sense of humor

[REDACTED]

Proof of God

Every atheist becomes a theist if you give them a little space

A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ...

We did Proof by Induction today at school

I got up to leave very shortly after the teacher had set all the questions. He told me to sit back down as there was no way I could have finished that fast. So I explained to him,

"I did question 1, then assumed I could do question 2. All the other questions are the same but with different nu...

Trump being elected is proof that we never developed time travel.

Today I know why we never developed time travel.

The President of Earth wants proof that he's real...

And he won't believe the scientists and the psycologists until he sees his own face. Of course they tell him "look in a mirror!" but he says "not good enough. I want more."

So many years pass, and the Pres manages to go about business like he doesn't mind, but as soon as he hears about how s...

how many anti-vaxxers does it take to change a lightbulb?

none, they'll just sit there and talk about how it's gonna blind them and how there no proof that light bulbs provide light

Hi Reddit! My name is Joseph, and I am the son of Stephen King. AMA!

I would post proof, but it's obvious that I'm Joe King.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Proof that men are logical:

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder. This evidently pissed the driver off enough, that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off.

"Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myse...

I've developed a FOOL-PROOF, GUARANTEED method to lose 5 pounds or more in only MINUTES, and to keep it off PERMANENTLY!!!

Find out more in my new book, "The Idiot's Guide to Self-Amputation."

My wife was arguing that women are naturally more compassionate and selfless creatures. I asked her to show me proof.

So she ordered me to sleep on the floor.

You want proof that Donald Trump's a schemer?

He's got little fingers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well.

One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, "Very quick!"

The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions: LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

POLE: "An acre and...

Not proof-reading ruins lives

A husband wrote the following to his wife: "I'm having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

A fool proof way to never feel lonely.

If you're ever feeling lonely, watch a horror movie. You won't feel alone anymore.

A man goes to a bank and asks to deposit $5,000 into his account.

The next day, he comes back and deposits $10,000.
The next day, he comes back and deposits $7,500. As he walks out, the banker asks him how he gets so much money in a day.
The man walks up to him and whispers, “I make bets with people.”
The banker tells him, “How do you make so much?”
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Both of them.

A guy visits his friends house and finds his friend tired and hungover. His friend asks him to bring his slippers from upstairs. When he goes upstairs he sees two escorts his friend called for the night and tells them that the guy told him to bang both of them. The girls reply “are you sure ?, that...

I hate proof reading.

I like to think that whatever I wrote the first time around is already perefct.

How do you find an inconvenient proof?

With an Al-Gore-rithm

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband suspects his wife is having an affair.

But he fails to gather the adequate proof necessary to blame her.
One day after coming home he sees her wife in bed, stark naked.
"So my suspicion was right! Where is that bastard?" he shouts in anger and swiftly rushes to look for him.
He doesn't find anyone but right when he was about to ...

Reddit wanted proof that I work as a mailman, but I just got fired

Sorry guys, I can't deliver.

The election of Donald Trump is proof that we live in a computer simulation

We found a bug!

We finally have definitive proof that Osama bin Laden is dead.

He just registered to vote in Chicago.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My English teacher is living proof that Grammar Nazis still exist.

Sorry... Alt-Write.

I got bit by my dog last night so I had to dog-proof my bedroom.

My wife no longer sleeps with me.

Donald Trump is a proof

that internet comments can turn into a human and run for a president

Cows have taken over Reddit, and here's the proof: ...

[remoooved]

What is a great way to baby-proof a house?

Condoms

How do you know if a chef is also a mathematician..

...the proof is in the pudding...

Proof That Men Have Better Friends

A woman fails to come home one night. When she gets home the next morning she tells her husband she stayed at a friend’s house. The husband calls ten of her best friends and none of them know anything about it.

A man fails to come home one night. When he gets home the next morning he tells hi...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.