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Smoking Marijuana Jokes

If smoking marijuana causes short-term memory loss,

what does smoking marijuana do?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you masturbate after smoking marijuana....

Is it high-jacking or weed-whacking?










Edit: Front and Gold. Thank you.

Edit 2: if this is in fact a repost, I apologise. I honestly am not sure if somebody else posted this before.

The surgeon general warns, "do not run while smoking marijuana".

It's hard on your joints.

I attribute my loss of memory to both age, and smoking marijuana.

Or maybe a combination of all three?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ok, serious question. If you masturbate after smoking marijuana,

Is it high-jacking or weed-whacking?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking marijuana and appeared in court. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, I'd like to give you a second chance. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday."

On Monday, the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew a little circle in a big circle and told them the big circle is your...

What do you call it when someone coerces you into smoking marijuana rolled into a cigar and it mentally scars you?

Blunt force trauma

Smoking marijuana has imbued me with cat-like abilities.

For example, just one brightly colored piece of paper can now entertain me for hours.

Did you hear about the group of Kansas City football players who all contracted skin infections while smoking marijuana?

The Joint Chiefs of Staph

What do you get when you discover a communist smoking marijuana?

High Marx.

What should the penalty for smoking marijuana be?

Getting stoned

What’s the difference between NSFW jokes and smoking marijuana?

The latter made me cough so hard I laughed.

I’m okay with smoking marijuana.

But cocaine is where I draw the line.

What are the negative effects of smoking marijuana?

You now have less marijuana.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Dad was always trying to get me to quit smoking marijuana, but I found it strange that he would only encourage me when I was using the toilet.

He'd be screaming from outside the bathroom door, "Shit or get off the pot!" Decisions, decisions...

What do you call a group of cows smoking marijuana.

High steaks

Teacher at parents meeting :

-Your boy was caught smoking marijuana !!!

The mother angrily :

-I can't believe it. I wonder where he found it from ??

-He said he got it from his best friend.

The father, wiping a happy tear :

-He really said that ... ?

The Monkey knows everything.

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.

The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk."

The monkey looke...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lee Smart was always a trouble maker throughout his life.

In school, Lee Smart was always getting in trouble. His friend, Isaac, always stuck by his side, though. They were always best friends.

Though Isaac was getting sick of Lee’s crap. Lee kept drinking and driving, he kept smoking Marijuana and snorting Cocaine. Isaac was so close to just leavi...

A man is pulled over at 2am by a state trooper

State trooper: Hey, where you headed at 2 am sir?

Elderly man: I'm just on my way to hear a lecture about the dangers of drinking and staying out late and smoking marijuana with friends who are a bad influence.

State Trooper: Really? Who's giving that kind of lecture at 2 in the morni...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking weed...

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking marijuana when a lizard walks past, looks up and says to the monkey, "What are you smoking?" The monkey says, "Some of the best weed I've ever had, come & try." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they both smoke the marijuana.

Af...

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