Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer

the agony of defeat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is hitler like a boston marathon runner?

Neither can finish a race

I’m like a cross between a marathon runner and a sprinter

I can jog short distances

What do you call a Spanish marathon runner?

Ricardio

What is a marathon runner doing when he starts a marathon in Russia that ends in Finland?

Russian to Finnish.

Why did the marathon runner sprint at the start of the race?

His pacemaker was malfunctioning

There was once a marathon runner who had become quite famous and won many awards for his records.

He was so well liked that eventually he became the president of Iran. During his tenure he managed to take over multiple countries including Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Greece, Armenia, Georgia, Iraq and Syria. They were all assimilated and became a part of Iran. The only country he didn’t manage to take ...

Why did the marathon runner end up in jail?

For resisting a rest.

How are rookie marathon runners like people with erectile dysfunction?

There both just honestly happy to finish

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work

One day while in bed with her boyfriend, she hears her husband’s car pull into the driveway. She yells at the boyfriend, “Quick! Grab your clothes and jump out of the window. My husband has arrived home early!”

The boyfriend looked out the window and said, “It’s raining like hell out there!”...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know I'm not supposed to judge people by race...

But I fucking hate marathon runners.

Topical Jokes for 10/19

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

Carmaker Audi has tested a driver-less car at speeds of up to 140 mph. The driver-less supercar is perfect for the parent who’s too drunk to drive, but needs to pick their kids up from school in three seconds.

In Be...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sponsor tattoos

A pro marathon runner gets sponsor tattoos and can't wait to show his girlfriend. He says," Look honey, I have Nike on my arm and Starter on by back!" Later that night in bed, he pulls off his pants, the girlfriend sees "Aids" tattooed on his penis, screams and runs into the bathroom. The runner ye...

What kind of line gets thicker and thinner at the same time?

A line of marathon runners

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