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Runners Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The naked runner

A couple of lovers were in the midst of action in bed when suddenly they heard a noise at the door. The woman panicked and said to her lover, 'My husband, my husband is here! Jump out of the window!'

Without thinking twice, the lover jumped naked out of the window and landed in some bushes. H...

Why are runners bad in bed?

They always finish first.

Why are librarians excellent runners?

Because they are always bookin' it!

What do runners eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast!

What is the best country for retired runners?

Iran

Relay Runners

You’ve got to hand it to them.

There is a running joke among marathon runners ...

... that has even won some medals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.

“Oh My God – Hurry! Grab your clothes,” she yelled to her lover. “And jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”

I can’t jump out the window. It’s raining out there.

If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both, she replied.

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are Mussolini and Hitler the best runners?

They were the fascists

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer

the agony of defeat.

What type of underwear do long distance runners wear?

Marathongs

Who were the fastest runners ever?

Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.

Did you know that most nuns are very good runners?

It’s because they’re always being chaste.

What do sneeze attacks and runners both have?

Tennis shoes

The 50 states and DC each send their fastest runner to compete in a marathon...

The route they are running takes them around Washington DC, and the finish line is the front door of the White House.

At the sound of the starting pistol, all fifty-one runners take off. It's an exciting race.

Meanwhile, at the White House, the President waits in the Oval Office for t...

How are rookie marathon runners like people with erectile dysfunction?

There both just honestly happy to finish

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother joined a marathon with poop in his pants. There were 2 runners ahead of him.

He came in turd.

Last year I entered the New York City marathon.



The race started, and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing.
The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?"
I replied, "You really want to know?"
Then I dropped out of the race.<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One guy is in bed with a woman, when he hears her husband's footsteps

The woman tells him to get his clothes and jump out the window. He complains because it's raining a lot but, having to other option, he jumps out and falls in the middle of the street, where a marathon is taking place.

Trying to go unnoticed, he joins the runners and starts running too. Every...

My favorite part of a marathon is...

My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.

I believe that marathons are bad. They are an excess; a perversion of healthy running. Running anything more than a few miles puts serious wear and tear on the joints without any benefit. Runners should be limited to no more than a 5k at the most, and marathons should be banned.

… and don't tell me that I'm just being racist.

Why didn't Mexico win any medals at the Olympics?

Their best runners and swimmers are in America

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know I'm not supposed to judge people by race...

But I fucking hate marathon runners.

Why doesn't Mexico host the Olympic games?

All the good runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in the US.

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