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Fastest Jokes

Which country has the fastest growing capitol?

Ireland. It's Dublin every year.

what's the fastest way to get banned from r/conservative?

source?

What's the fastest liquid on earth?

Milk. It's pasteurized before you see it.

What is the fastest way to become sober?

Touching your pockets and not feeling your phone.

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A woman submitted a speedrun for “Fastest Female Orgasm”

It was rejected though, turned out to be a TAS

Fastest thing

During an interview, the interviewer posed a question to four applicants: "What do you consider the fastest thing?"

The first applicant promptly replied, "The blink of an eye!"

The second applicant chimed in, "I'd say it's a thought."

The third applicant confidently stated, "The...

What's the fastest way to earn money as a photographer?

By selling your camera.

A Slovenian, American and German are bragging, who has the fastest workers …

German says, we start developing a brand new Mercedes in August, I can already drive my wife in it to Octoberfest.

American says, that is nothing, we start building a new rocket in June 20th, on July 4th is already on the way to Moon.

Slovenian says ha, rookies, we start building a new...

What is the fastest way to get a small fortune?

Start with a large one

What’s the fastest way to lose 150 pounds?

Get booked at the Fulton County Jail

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fastest thing

4 guys are discussing the fastest thing in the world.
First guy says thinking as thoughts instantly pop in your head.

2nd guy says blinking because we do it all the time and barely notice our eyes closing.

3rd guy says light since when you turn a light on the room is instantly fille...

Fastest Bolt at the Olympics?

Was it Usain Bolt or Ryan Lochte's ride to the airport?

What's the name of the fastest Chinese online game player?

Lo Ping

Who were the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims. Went through 87 stories in 10 seconds flat.

The fastest dad alive

Three kids were on a school playground bragging about their fathers.

The first kid said, “ My dad is the fastest man alive. He can shoot an arrow at a target and run and catch it before it hits the target!”

The second kid said, “That’s nothing! My dad can shoot a gun and catch the bul...

Fastest E in the world is known as..

Quick E

What’s the fastest land mammal?

_*A toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.*_

What's the fastest way to become a Millionaire?

Be a Billionaire and invade Ukraine.



>NK Lukoil PAO
>
>6.96 USD
>
>\-84.96 (-92.43%)past month

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There’s these three guys, and they’re sitting around a table.

The first guy says “You know what, I’m fast.
I think I’m so fast, I might be the fastest guy in the world”
So his buddies time him, take a picture, and send it to the Guinness book of world records.

The second guy says “You know what, I’m tall.
I think I’m so tall, I might be the...

Snakes are the fastest growing animals, said a kid to his father.

The father: how did you know ?

The kid: my old brother killed a 40-inch-long snake, and everytime he tells the story the snake's length increases by 20 inches.

Who are the fastest readers?

Apple users, they can read 30 pages of terms and conditions in just one second.

What is the fastest way to become a millionaire?

Step 1: become a billionaire.

Step 2: buy an EA game.

The world’s fastest-selling chess book

Do you know what was the world’s fastest-selling chess book?

It was wrapped in simple brown paper and called: "Recently translated from the original French: twenty-six new mating positions".

Fastest thing in the Universe

Three scientists were discussing what was the fastest thing in the universe.

"Light! Light is the fastest thing in the Universe. You turn the light switch and light comes instantly!", said the first one.

"No, you are wrong", said the second one. "Thought is fastest. You think and it's ...

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The fastest thing in the world

Four men go for a job interview.

The first one is called into the office, and the boss asks him a question: "What's the fastest thing in the world?"

The man thinks for a moment before answering, and finally says, "A thought!"

"Interesting answer," says the boss.

"Yeah, ...

Which celebrity is known as the fastest house-flipper?

The Incredible Hulk

Why is the white bishop piece in chess the fastest?

Because it's on F1.

When you were the fastest sperm

but now you're slow af.

Fastest turtle in the world

A man and his dog walk into a bar, they see another gentleman with a turtle wrapped in bandages. He sits down and asks “what’s the deal with your turtle?”
The gentleman replies “ this is the fastest turtle in the world!”
“Yeah right”
“No really, I’ll bet you 100$ that my turtle can beat yo...

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest

Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes

Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes

Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama...

Two Police officers.

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:

“Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site.”

Teacher asked some students, what's the fastest thing in universe;

First student said, that the light is fastest, because light can reach 290000+ kilometers per second.

Second student argued that thinking is faster than light, because our brain can send thoughts within milliseconds.

Last student simply stated, that diarrhea is faster than speed of tho...

The fastest chicken

There was once a mountain village in which a certain chicken had unparalleled speed. It boasted to be even quicker than demonic beasts. The owner often bragged to people, saying that his chicken was the fastest.”

A rich man came to the village and fell in love with the chicken at first sight....

What kind of horse is the fastest?

>! A pregnant one, because it has 2 horsepower !<

Which whales have the fastest websites?

Cachalots

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"What is the fastest thing you know?"

"What is the fastest thing you know?" the interviewer asked to 4 candidates.

Dave, the American, replied,"A THOUGHT”. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interv...

Who are the worlds fastest readers

The 911 jumpers, one hundred stories in a few seconds

Who were the fastest runners ever?

Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.

Want to know that fastest way to lose weight?

Amputation

A team of Swedes and a team of Norwegians are hired one day to put up telephone polls...

Their manager explains to them how to drive the poles into the ground, and leaves them to their work while he goes off to attend to other business. At the end of the day, he comes back to see what progress has been made. First, he sees that the Norwegian team has put up 15 poles.

"For a job w...

What's the fastest thing on land?

Stevie Wonder's speedboat

Three men are discussing what they think is the fastest thing in the world

The first man says “The fastest thing in the world is a thought... I think something and pops into my head”

The second man says “The fastest thing in the world is light... I turn on the light switch and the room lights up instantly”

The third man thinks for a second and says “you are b...

What's the world fastest fruit?

A tomato, nothing else can ketchup :)

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What is the fastest way to get rid of a boner?

<removed>

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What the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?

You pull down its genes

What is the fastest type of wind?

A Hurrycane

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The fastest thing in the universe

Four friends were discussing in a bar what would be, in their opinion, the fastest thing in the universe.

The first friend says :"it's obviously the light, it can fast travel through the universe in a short amount of time".

The second friend says instead:" Meh... It surely is the thoug...

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The worlds fastest masturbator died yesterday

Wrist. In. Peace

Which country's capital has the fastest growing population?

Ireland. Everday it's Dublin.





\*Idk if this has been on here yet. My co worker told me this and I about had a stroke.\*

What's the fastest ride at the carnival?

You would think it would be the roller coaster.

But really the carousel has the most horse power.

What's the fastest spinning country?

France, because it has the most revolutions per minute.

What’s the fastest cake?

Scone

Right I did my job on my cake day now you do yours

What is the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through the fifth left intercostal space, mid-clavicular line.

3 Kids are arguing about who's dad is the fastest...

At lunch, the first boy says his dad is the faster because he is a brick layer & when he drops a brick from the 5th floor he can run to the ground level & be there before the brick hits...


Not bad says the 2nd boy, but my dad is faster.


He is a professional archer. ...

What is the fastest cell phone service provider?

Sprint.

I'll see myself out.

At 828m, the Burj Khalifa is the tallest building in the world. But what's the fastest building?

The Wiz Khalifa.

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3 vampires are having a competition to prove who's the most vicious vampire among them.

3 vampires are having a competition to prove who's the most vicious vampire among them.
The strongest one started 1st, "watch this," He said as he flies so fast, about 100 miles/hour. After only 10 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth. "what happened?" they asked. "did you see tha...

Who is the fastest rapper in the middle east?

Salim Shady

Fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?

Just switch off the light!

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The fastest thing in the world

Three old rednecks were sitting in their favorite bar. They'd been drinking for awhile when they started a lively debate on what the fastest thing in the world could be.

The first redneck says, "Well, I think the fastest thing in the world is thinking. 'Cause I can think 'bout a million thoug...

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The Fastest Thing in the World

Four guys were sharing their thoughts on the fastest thing in the world.
The first guys says, “It’s easy, the fastest thing is a thought. Before you can think about it, you’ve had a thought.”
The second guy laughs and says, “Nope. It’s blinking. That is the fastest thing in the world. You ...

The fastest way to quit being vegan is...

Cold turkey

I was the fastest track star ever

But I smelled horribly as a result no one wanted to be near me.

When asked what was my secret my response was I GOT THE RUNS!

What is the fastest way to make a friend?

Tell a girl that you love her.

The slowest people have the fastest comebacks

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear v...

I entered a competition to see whose muscles could whither away the fastest.

The winner got atrophy.

My grandmother bakes cookies the fastest

It literally takes her nanaseconds

What state has the fastest readers?

New York, they set the world record for fast reading in 2001 for going through 110 stories in about 10 seconds.

What’s the fastest way to end an argument with a girl?

Tell her to calm down. You’ll be dead but the argument will be over. Noticed I said “fastest” way, not “best”.

What's the fastest way to make your wife angry?

Refer to them as your ex-girlfriend

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The fastest thing in the world

Three friends are discussing about the fastest thing in the world:

The first says: I believe that the fastest thing in the world is lightning; When it falls from the sky, it goes down so fast that you do not even see it.
The second says: I think the fastest thing is light, because when you...

A man asked what was the fastest way to the next town.

“Are you going by car or are you going to walk?”he said.”I’m going by car” he replied.”That would be the fastest way then”

Contrary to popular belief, the fastest man alive is actually Zeus

because with his lightning powers he's Using Bolt

What’s the fastest speed at which a seahorse swims?

At a scallop.

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The fastest thing...

Science teacher asks the kids, what is the fastest thing they know.

Timmy: Electricity!

Teacher: Why? Tell us?

Timmy: Whenever I press the light switch in my room, it takes less than a second to be on.

Teacher: Good example Timmy.


Fred: A lightning!

Teac...

What is the fastest way to learn surviving a car crash?

A crash course

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