To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camo jacket

You can hide but you can’t run

Ever since I've needed a wheelchair, my wife has been so rude...

She's been pushing me around and talking behind my back

Why do people in wheelchairs always get bullied?

They can't stand up for themselves.

A blind man and a man in a wheelchair are having a conversation.

The man in the wheelchair says: "hey look! A spider" to which the blind man replied "step on it"

*Doing a stand up gig for a charity for people in wheelchairs*

Opening line - "If this was a YouTube video the comments would be disabled"

Mu girlfriend cheated on me, So I took her wheelchair.

Guess who came back crawling

I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.

He couldn't stand a chance.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her then jogs away.


The next day he finds her crying again and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day the man sees her cryin...

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors...

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other
residents tolerated her and some of the males actually joined in.

One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and
Kooky Kevin stepped out with his arm outstretched.

"STOP!" he shouted in a fi...

Grandma took my weed. So, I took her Wheelchair.

**NOW NEITHER OF US ARE ROLLING.**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A person in a wheelchair walks into a bar

The bartender says: “What the fuck.”

A child asked his mom what dark humour was. She said “You see that man in the wheelchair? Ask him to do stand-up comedy.”

The child answered “But mom, I’m blind!”

You know what the teenager said to the man in the wheelchair?

"uh, lame."

I used to bully someone in a wheelchair.

He didn't stand up for himself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend is in a wheelchair and was tired of people "trying"to help him by pushing his chair for him.

So to stop this he put 2 dildos on the handles.

heh , true story...

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling. ~ Michael Kosta

My girlfriend is in wheelchair

But I want to take the next step in our relationship

If you want to commit a crime, steal something from someone on a wheelchair

What are they gonna do, Run after you?

Wheelchair gang rise up.

Oh wait...

A guy in a wheelchair once applied for Stars in their Eyes with his nephew and they both successfully got on the show...

...when asked about his accident by the presenter, he stated "Well me and nephew are both glazers you see, and one day my nephew, who is here with me tonight, was up a ladder holding onto this double glazed window that we were both installing, when it suddenly slipped from his grasp and sliced strai...

(Offensive) How do people in wheelchairs go down the stairs?

Fast...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old lady is rolling up and down the halls of the nursin home in her wheelchair making sounds like a car. VROOM VROOM!

An old man jumps out of his room and says "Ma'am you were speeding. License and registration please." She digs around in her purse, pulls out a candy wrapper and gives it to him. He looks it over, hands it back and sends her on her way with a warning.

The old lady is rolling up and down the h...

I once saw a man in a wheelchair throw his trash on the ground

I guess he wasn't a stand-up guy

A man is walking his disabled dog that has a wheelchair for her front legs. It starts barking at a passerby that looks scared of the dog. The man assures the passerby that it's okay...

She's armless.

One joke I've heard

They say laughter is the best medicine. So, maybe, if we keep laughing at people in wheelchairs...

What are the only jokes people in wheelchairs don’t like?

Running jokes.

I burned a wheelchair today.

HOT WHEELS!

What do you call a ditch that has had accidents leading to making people wheelchair bound?

A crippling depression

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has been drinking alone all day at a bar and checks his clock

"1:30am, fuck. I need to go home now or my wife's going to rip my balls off", thinks to himself. But as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly to the floor.

"I'm just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up."

So he asks the barman for a coffee, he drinks it up and 30 minutes lat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Unbeknownst to his wife, Steve has secretly been drinking at the bar all day.

He looks at his phone only to realize that its 2a.m. and he should be getting home before his wife is pissed.

He tries to stand up but falls flat on his face. Deciding he needs to sober up, he gets some water and waits an hour. Again, he tries to stand up. Again, he falls flat on his face....

Why do people in wheelchairs try to argue?

Their argument doesn’t even have legs to stand on

I dated a girl in a wheelchair

She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.

I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy in a wheelchair asked me why I watch people play video games instead of playing them myself.

I looked at him and asked “Why the fuck are you wearing shoes?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today I bought my son a trampoline.

Instead of thanking me, he just starts bitching around in his wheelchair.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet
at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my mom took away all my weed the other day...

So I dumped the old bitch out of her wheelchair and marched off with it. Now neither of us will be rolling.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at the bar one night and having a drink with lady that was in a wheelchair due to a car wreck that left her without her legs. Which didn’t bother me at all, she was stunning. She was a tiny little thing and very beautiful, we hit it off pretty quick. So we decided to go back to her place.

We got to her place and I got the wheel chair for her and lifted her little body out of the car and rolled her inside the house. Once inside we had a few more drinks and things started to heat up between the two of us. I took off her little shirt and her little bottoms she was wearing and she tells ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I stepped outside for a smoke, and a guy in a wheelchair rolled up and said “why do you smoke if you don’t have to?”

So I asked him, “What the fuck are you wearing shoes for?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was having a drink in the pub when his wife called him and told him not to get drunk again

He promised he was only having a couple and would be home soon.

Some time later it’s closing time and the man needs to head home. feeling a bit worse for ware, he stands up he falls over straight away, tries to stand again, all falls again. Refusing all offers for help he starts to crawl home...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Amish vs Elevator

An Amish family from Pennslyvania decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Mother, Father and their son.

They go into the Empire State Building.

As they're walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered. ...

A rabbi, priest, and a shaolin monk walk into a bar.

When they sit down, they begin to debate over which of their religions is the correct one to follow.

After much debate and many drinks, the monk has an idea.

"What if we all tried to convert a very wild, very powerful creature, like a bear, to our own religion? Whoever succeeds must tr...

Madam, we brought your husband. He is very drunk,every time we lifted him he fell again.

Wtf, where is his wheelchair?!

Did you hear about the depressed guy in a wheelchair?

He couldn't stand himself.

"So how'd the blind date go?" I asked my wheelchair-bound friend.

"Awful," he said. "She just walked into the restaurant, lifted me out of my chair, propped me against the table, and left."

"Aw, man, that sucks," I said. "I can't believe she stood you up."

I was supposed to go an a date with someone in a wheelchair

But I thought I’d give her the opportunity to be stood up

Today I watched a video called 10 best wheelchairs in the world.

Below the video it said comments are disabled.

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian woman and a girl in a wheelchair walk into a bar.

Just kidding, the girl is in a wheelchair.

I asked my wheelchair bound friend if he ever got tired of getting pushed around all the time

He said “Not really, I usually just roll with it.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wheelchair user rides towards a bar.

On his way in he notices a man stood by the door smoking a cig.

The wheelchair user looks at the smoker and says "you do know that there is no reason for doing that at all. It won't make you feel better. It won't help you to fit in. It won't make you look cool."

"Really" says the smoke...

What part of the vegetable is hardest to eat?

The wheelchair

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman in her 70s decided it was finally time to get married.

She put an add out in the newspaper. "Husband wanted. Must not beat me, must not walk all over me, must still be good in bed"

She got many applicants but after a few weeks she didn't find anybody suitable. She was about to give up, when she heard her doorbell ring. She opens the door to find ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a woman is jogging in the park (NSFW)

As she runs past the pond she sees a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a wheelchair on the pier crying. Worried, she walks up to him and asks him what's wrong.

The man looks up at her sadly and says "It's because I've never been hugged." So the woman bends down, and gives him a giganti...

Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?

Because they're easy to push around and never stand up for themselves

Why was the kid in the wheelchair made fun of?

He couldn’t stand up for himself

A paraplegic is haggling the price of a wheelchair

He says "$300 or I walk"

More wheelchairs are being made,

after a long-standing period without them.

I'll tell you a joke!

There's a man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face. "Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside. He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud. "Screw it," he thought. "I'll just craw...

A few guys are out at a bar

when they see a guy who is so plastered that he can't even stand. So they decided to help get him home and end up having to carry him the whole way. They ring the doorbell and the wife answers and they tell her he was very drunk so they brought him home for her and she says "Thanks, but wheres his w...

I asked my friend (who is in an electric wheelchair) if he wanted a beer

He said: "No thanks, I'm still driving".

Did you hear about the wheelchair basketball team that was banned from the Paralympics?

They all tested positive for WD-40!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sitting at a bar orders a bottle of whiskey

He then starts taking long sips from the bottle until it's empty. An hour later he decides he's too drunk and he needs to go back home to his wife. He makes an attempt to stand up but fails miserably, throwing himself on the floor.

The bartender helps him back on his chair and tells him to wa...

Why didn't the cannibal eat the wheelchaired person?

They don't eat vegetables.

I thought my son would like that I bought him a trampoline, but oh sweet marry no.

Welp he just wants to sit. And cry in his wheelchair.

Misplaced stuff

After nearly breaking my neck on a pair of bright pink roller skates on the stairs, I shouted at my son, "Are these yours?!"

He said, "Well, obviously they're not mine."

"Oh yeah, of course they aren't," I replied. Then laughed at him in his little wheelchair.

My friend's new flame is in a wheelchair. Despite that he is madly in love and can't stop talking about her.

Personally i find her pretty lame.

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