UPJOKE
chairdisabilitywalkingtreadmillbicyclebath chairseatarmchaircrutchreclinersofacouchillnessfootstoolwheel

Wheelchair Jokes

I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.

He couldn't stand a chance.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her then jogs away.


The next day he finds her crying again and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day the man sees her cryin...

I dated a girl in a wheelchair

She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.

I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?"

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling. ~ Michael Kosta

Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?

Because they're easy to push around and never stand up for themselves

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket...

You can hide but you can't run!

My friend William recently broke his legs and is now in a wheelchair

We call him Wheeliam now

What's a similarity between a guy in a wheelchair and a bad comedian

They can't do standup

What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?

An RC-XD

Sorry for such dark humor lol

So I broke up with my handicapped girlfriend and stole her wheelchair..

But guess who came crawling back!!?!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A person in a wheelchair walks into a bar

The bartender says: “What the fuck.”

I burned a wheelchair today.

HOT WHEELS!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile

My friend in a wheelchair got mad at me.

He texted me "I cant stand you"

I said "Use punctuation, its 'I cant stand, you?' "

What do you call a funny person in a wheelchair?

A sit-down comedian.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in ...

There was once a blind finn, deaf dane and a swede, who was in a wheelchair.

They found a bottle whose spirit promised everyone a wish.

The finn wished first, and soon yelled: I CAN SEE I CAN SEE!

then the dane wished, and soon yelled: I CAN HEAR I CAN HEAR!

Then the swede wished, and soon he yelled: NEW TIRES NEW TIRES!

My uncle took my weed so I took his wheelchair.

If I'm not rolling, then nobody is.

As a paraplegic I wish the wheelchair jokes would stop

I can't stand them

A blind man and a man in a wheelchair are having a conversation.

The man in the wheelchair says: "hey look! A spider"

to which the blind man replied "step on it"

My sister is dating a guy in a wheelchair but I'm not sure it's a good idea.

I've been told he's not a stand up guy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a wheelchair-bound nun who lives high up on a mountain?

A) High roller
B) Virgin mobile
C) Nun of the above

What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?

The 2028 election.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at a dinner party last night and was seated next to a girl in a wheelchair..

She wasn't the most gorgeous, but the more the wine flowed, the more attractive I found her.
"So tell me" I whispered flirtily in her ear, "have you ever been fingered under a table?"

"No." she replied. "But I once got fucked under a bus."

A friend of mine have been in a wheelchair all his life

Having tried everything available to try and walk he trying to me for help. As a man of religion, the only thing I could consider what’s the take him to Lourdes in France, and try the healing water is there.

As we looked on m, a blind man went into the waters and was dipped, when he came out,...

I spend the mornings in my rocking chair, and in the afternoon I go out in my wheelchair.

I’ve got a real rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man on a beach walks up to a woman in a wheelchair

This woman is crying, he asks “why Are you crying?” She says “ nobody has ever taken me on a date before” he says, “oh well, I’ll take you on a date!” So they go on a nice date and he takes her back to the spot on the beach he met her at, as he walks away, he hears crying again “what is it now?” He...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wheelchair user rides towards a bar.

On his way in he notices a man stood by the door smoking a cig.

The wheelchair user looks at the smoker and says "you do know that there is no reason for doing that at all. It won't make you feel better. It won't help you to fit in. It won't make you look cool."

"Really" says the smoke...

Millennial old folks homes are gonna be awesome!

LAN parties, DnD nights, wheelchair races, having awesome songs from the 2000's as our golden oldies! It'll be great, especially if we can line up our work schedules!

My wheelchair bound grandpa is in the nursing home.

I went to visit him for the first time. As we’re discussing the local baseball team, he starts slowly leaning to the right in his chair. A nurse come running over and straightens him back up.

As the topic turns to football, he slowly starts leaning to the left. The same nurse rushes over to s...

Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude...

He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.

The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.

So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community?.

The law...

My wheelchair bound girlfriend broke up with me.

I think it was because she couldn’t stand me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not for the easily offended - my favourite politically incorrect joke...

Man is walking through park. He sees a girl in a wheelchair crying.
"What's wrong?" man asks.
"Never been kissed before" girl says.
Man kisses her and she goes home happy.

Next day man walking through same park. Sees girl in wheelchair again crying.
"What's wrong?...

A local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.

The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"


The lawyer thought about it for a minut...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet
at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years ...

Why couldn't the comedian in a wheelchair get an audience?

He couldn't do Stand Up comedy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After my mother passed away, my wife & I decided that the best care for my wheelchair bound father was to move him into a nursing home.

After touring several, Dad finally agreed on one he seemed quite pleased with, but after only a week he called and wanted to leave ASAP.

"But why Dad?," I asked. "When you first got here, you acted as though you really loved the place."

"They're just too damn controlling."

""Wha...

I used to bully someone in a wheelchair.

He didn't stand up for himself.

A Viking is out shopping when he comes across an old woman in a wheelchair crying.

"What's wrong?" asks the Viking.

"Well," the woman says, wiping her tears, "I have been living on my own for many months now, and my daughter and son-in-law have at last come to visit me. My daughter has brought me along on this shopping trip, but it's the first time I've really been out and ...

My wife's attitude has changed since I've been in this wheelchair.

Now she talks behind my back and pushes me around.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman got married not long after high school and her husband broke her heart when he ran off with another woman. She eventually got back into the dating scene, and fell in love again with another man. They married but he turned out to be an asshole who hit her when he was angry.

She divorced him as well. Over time she met a third man who seemed perfect for her in every way but one- he was terrible in bed. She married him anyway, reasoning that sex would improve the more they knew eachother but it didn’t, and after a year she finally divorced him.

Having now been div...

would you call a guy in a wheelchair doing a stand-up comedy

WHEELy good Comedy

I have a confession. Lately I've been greasing up all the wheelchair ramps around town.

I've tried so hard to stop, but once you start it's a really slippery slope...

Did I ever tell you about the time I tried to give a girl in a wheelchair a lap dance?

She wasn't feeling it.

I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

Don't even try and tell me that joke was offensive. Atleast it wasn't a blind joke. I can't see how those are funny.

My Son is such a c**t...

I bought him a new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

A blind guy, a deaf guy and a disabled guy in a wheelchair pass by a magic lake.

Just for fun, they decide to try out this supposedly miraculous lake. The blind guy stumbles in first and stays around in the water for a while, Then he comes out, bouncing with joy, saying "My sight has returned! I can see now!". The deaf guy went in right after and took a swim. He came out just as...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly lady is sitting in a wheelchair ....

A young man approaches and asks her what her last wish is, she says "I've never been kissed" so he kisses her. "Any more last wishes?" He asks, "I've never been fucked" she replies, so the young man takes her to the river side and leaves her there. "Well you're fucked now"

The devil is surprised one day to find a habitual liar, a pervert, an idiot and a man in a wheelchair entering hell.

Still, he keeps his professional demeanor and extends a warm welcome saying, "Greetings, Representative Cawthorn. You're just in time, the daily GOP cocaine orgy is just beginning."

Wanna bully someone? Bully the wheelchair kids cuz they can’t stand up for themself!

This is a joke, don’t cancel me

A doctor lacking empathy

"A woman has a serious accident and ends up in the hospital undergoing surgery.

Her husband waits in the waiting room, distraught, when several hours later the surgeon exits the operating room and approaches him.

'Hello, the surgery went well. Unfortunately, the recovery will be very...

An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night.

When he stands up to leave, he falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, but to no avail. Again, he falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stands up and, sure enough, he falls flat on his face. T...

What is the hardest thing to chew while eating a vegetable?

The wheelchair

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair,

and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of the males actually joined in.

One day, Ethel was speeding ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman in her 70s decided it was finally time to get married.

She put an add out in the newspaper. "Husband wanted. Must not beat me, must not walk all over me, must still be good in bed"


She got many applicants but after a few weeks she didn't find anybody suitable. She was about to give up, when she heard her doorbell ring. She opens the door to...

Obama went on a run

and fell in a river.

-

three young boys pulled him out of the river. Obama said my god, you saved the president of your country. name any one thing you want and you'll have it.

-

The first boy said he wanted a house for his mother, they'd never had a house. Obama bought i...

My wheelchair-bound friend said he wanted to run for president.

Guess he’ll just be sitting for president.

Mexican word of the day: wheelchair

Theirs only 1 taco left, so wheel chair.

A guy in a wheelchair once applied for Stars in their Eyes with his nephew and they both successfully got on the show...

...when asked about his accident by the presenter, he stated "Well me and nephew are both glazers you see, and one day my nephew, who is here with me tonight, was up a ladder holding onto this double glazed window that we were both installing, when it suddenly slipped from his grasp and sliced strai...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old lady is rolling up and down the halls of the nursin home in her wheelchair making sounds like a car. VROOM VROOM!

An old man jumps out of his room and says "Ma'am you were speeding. License and registration please." She digs around in her purse, pulls out a candy wrapper and gives it to him. He looks it over, hands it back and sends her on her way with a warning.

The old lady is rolling up and down the h...

What does a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common?

They both can be used to carry vegetables....

You know what the teenager said to the man in the wheelchair?

"uh, lame."

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.