I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.

He couldn't stand a chance.

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A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her then jogs away.


The next day he finds her crying again and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day the man sees her cryin...

*Doing a stand up gig for a charity for people in wheelchairs*

Opening line - "If this was a YouTube video the comments would be disabled"

A blind man and a man in a wheelchair are having a conversation.

The man in the wheelchair says: "hey look! A spider" to which the blind man replied "step on it"

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling. ~ Michael Kosta

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A person in a wheelchair walks into a bar

The bartender says: “What the fuck.”

A child asked his mom what dark humour was. She said “You see that man in the wheelchair? Ask him to do stand-up comedy.”

The child answered “But mom, I’m blind!”

Wheelchair gang rise up.

Oh wait...

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What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

To the guy in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket,

You can hide,
But you can’t run.

Ever since I've needed to use a wheelchair, my wife has been so rude.

She's been pushing me around and talking behind my back.

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I was at a dinner party last night and was seated next to a girl in a wheelchair..

She wasn't the most gorgeous, but the more the wine flowed, the more attractive I found her.
"So tell me" I whispered flirtily in her ear, "have you ever been fingered under a table?"

"No." she replied. "But I once got fucked under a bus."

My grandma took my ecstasy, so I took her wheelchair.

Now neither of us are rolling.

If you want to commit a crime, steal something from someone on a wheelchair

What are they gonna do, Run after you?

My girlfriend is in wheelchair

But I want to take the next step in our relationship

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back

Why don't people In wheelchairs make food by a recipe?

The recipe needs to go step-by-step

My wheelchair bound girlfriend broke up with me.

I think it was because she couldn’t stand me.

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors...

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other
residents tolerated her and some of the males actually joined in.

One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and
Kooky Kevin stepped out with his arm outstretched.

"STOP!" he shouted in a fi...

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A woman in her 70s decided it was finally time to get married.

She put an add out in the newspaper. "Husband wanted. Must not beat me, must not walk all over me, must still be good in bed"


She got many applicants but after a few weeks she didn't find anybody suitable. She was about to give up, when she heard her doorbell ring. She opens the door to...

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A man on a beach walks up to a woman in a wheelchair

This woman is crying, he asks “why Are you crying?” She says “ nobody has ever taken me on a date before” he says, “oh well, I’ll take you on a date!” So they go on a nice date and he takes her back to the spot on the beach he met her at, as he walks away, he hears crying again “what is it now?” He...

I saw a guy in a wheelchair wearing a camo outfit

I thought, man you can hide but you can't run.

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After my mother passed away, my wife & I decided that the best care for my wheelchair bound father was to move him into a nursing home.

After touring several, Dad finally agreed on one he seemed quite pleased with, but after only a week he called and wanted to leave ASAP.

"But why Dad?," I asked. "When you first got here, you acted as though you really loved the place."

"They're just too damn controlling."

""Wha...

I played golf yesterday, and saw a guy in a wheelchair on the course.

I asked him what his handicap was.

I used to bully someone in a wheelchair.

He didn't stand up for himself.

A guy in a wheelchair once applied for Stars in their Eyes with his nephew and they both successfully got on the show...

...when asked about his accident by the presenter, he stated "Well me and nephew are both glazers you see, and one day my nephew, who is here with me tonight, was up a ladder holding onto this double glazed window that we were both installing, when it suddenly slipped from his grasp and sliced strai...

Why are people in wheelchairs not funny?

Because they can’t do stand up

My wheelchair-bound friend said he wanted to run for president.

Guess he’ll just be sitting for president.

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An old lady is rolling up and down the halls of the nursin home in her wheelchair making sounds like a car. VROOM VROOM!

An old man jumps out of his room and says "Ma'am you were speeding. License and registration please." She digs around in her purse, pulls out a candy wrapper and gives it to him. He looks it over, hands it back and sends her on her way with a warning.

The old lady is rolling up and down the h...

I dated a girl in a wheelchair

She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.

I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?"

I have a confession. Lately I've been greasing up all the wheelchair ramps around town.

I've tried so hard to stop, but once you start it's a really slippery slope...

What are the only jokes people in wheelchairs don’t like?

Running jokes.

I burned a wheelchair today.

HOT WHEELS!

What do you call a ditch that has had accidents leading to making people wheelchair bound?

A crippling depression

I had an accident and lost my one leg

And I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

Sketch Artist: [holds up drawing of a single strand of straw]

**Camel *[in a wheelchair, tears in his eyes]*:** that's him

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar

They all begin discussing their own churches and synagogue. As the night goes on, they drink more and more, and the discussion starts to turn competitive. Each starts to boast about how eloquent they are, and how great they are at converting non believers. Eventually, the bartender gets sick of it. ...

I once saw a man in a wheelchair throw his trash on the ground

I guess he wasn't a stand-up guy

A man is walking his disabled dog that has a wheelchair for her front legs. It starts barking at a passerby that looks scared of the dog. The man assures the passerby that it's okay...

She's armless.

Today I watched a video called 10 best wheelchairs in the world.

Below the video it said comments are disabled.

You know what the teenager said to the man in the wheelchair?

"uh, lame."

A pub's closing and a totally plastered customer struggles to get to the door

Then struggles to walk home, despite only living a few hundred yards from there. He literally crawls on the pavement all the way back home, drags himself up the stairs and eventually reaches his bed after two hours. He wakes up the next morning, and his wife tells him:

"You were really drunk ...

I went to a faith healing session at the local community centre last night but it was absolute rubbish.

Even the fella in the wheelchair got up and walked out.

A guy is walking along a pier.

A guy is walking along a pier and sees a lady in a wheelchair crying her eyes out. He asks her what's wrong and she says "im 30 years old, stuck in this chair and I've never been hugged in my life." He hugs her and goes on his way.

The next day he is out walking again and sees the same lady...

Why do people in wheelchairs try to argue?

Their argument doesn’t even have legs to stand on

Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?

Because they're easy to push around and never stand up for themselves

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I was at the bar one night and having a drink with lady that was in a wheelchair due to a car wreck that left her without her legs. Which didn’t bother me at all, she was stunning. She was a tiny little thing and very beautiful, we hit it off pretty quick. So we decided to go back to her place.

We got to her place and I got the wheel chair for her and lifted her little body out of the car and rolled her inside the house. Once inside we had a few more drinks and things started to heat up between the two of us. I took off her little shirt and her little bottoms she was wearing and she tells ...

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A guy in a wheelchair asked me why I watch people play video games instead of playing them myself.

I looked at him and asked “Why the fuck are you wearing shoes?”

Did you hear about the depressed guy in a wheelchair?

He couldn't stand himself.

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A man has been drinking alone all day at a bar and checks his clock

"1:30am, fuck. I need to go home now or my wife's going to rip my balls off", thinks to himself. But as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly to the floor.

"I'm just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up."

So he asks the barman for a coffee, he drinks it up and 30 minutes lat...

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A wheelchair user rides towards a bar.

On his way in he notices a man stood by the door smoking a cig.

The wheelchair user looks at the smoker and says "you do know that there is no reason for doing that at all. It won't make you feel better. It won't help you to fit in. It won't make you look cool."

"Really" says the smoke...

She left me because I pawned her wheelchair

Bet she'll come crawling back eventually.

A paraplegic is haggling the price of a wheelchair

He says "$300 or I walk"

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian woman and a girl in a wheelchair walk into a bar.

Just kidding, the girl is in a wheelchair.

A Group of Guys Were All Turning 30...

A group of guys were all turning 30, so they decided to go somewhere and celebrate. After some discussion, they finally settled on TJ's Tavern over in Summersville, because the prices were good and it stayed open late.

Ten years later, they were all turning 40, and they thought it might be fu...

r/offensivejoke

How did the kid in the wheelchair stop being bullied?


He stood up for himself.

What is the hardest part about cooking vegetables?

Getting the wheelchair in the oven.

More wheelchairs are being made,

after a long-standing period without them.

I asked my wheelchair bound friend if he ever got tired of getting pushed around all the time

He said “Not really, I usually just roll with it.”

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A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet
at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years ...

Did you hear about the wheelchair basketball team that was banned from the Paralympics?

They all tested positive for WD-40!

Wheelchair

My disabled friend in a wheelchair always pranks me and makes of fun of me.

But everytime I try I can't seem to pull his leg.

Can someone help me with my vegetable soup?

I can’t seem to fit the wheelchair into the pot.

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