I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.

He couldn't stand a chance.

A child asked his mom what dark humour was. She said “You see that man in the wheelchair? Ask him to do stand-up comedy.”

The child answered “But mom, I’m blind!”

A blind man and a man in a wheelchair are having a conversation.

The man in the wheelchair says: "hey look! A spider" to which the blind man replied "step on it"

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A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her then jogs away.


The next day he finds her crying again and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day the man sees her cryin...

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling. ~ Michael Kosta

Why did the kid in the wheelchair get bullied?

He was easy to push around

Why don't people In wheelchairs make food by a recipe?

The recipe needs to go step-by-step

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A person in a wheelchair walks into a bar

The bartender says: “What the fuck.”

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I was at a dinner party last night and was seated next to a girl in a wheelchair..

She wasn't the most gorgeous, but the more the wine flowed, the more attractive I found her.
"So tell me" I whispered flirtily in her ear, "have you ever been fingered under a table?"

"No." she replied. "But I once got fucked under a bus."

Wheelchair gang rise up.

Oh wait...

There was once a blind finn, deaf dane and a swede, who was in a wheelchair.

They found a bottle whose spirit promised everyone a wish.

The finn wished first, and soon yelled: I CAN SEE I CAN SEE!

then the dane wished, and soon yelled: I CAN HEAR I CAN HEAR!

Then the swede wished, and soon he yelled: NEW TIRES NEW TIRES!

As a paraplegic I wish the wheelchair jokes would stop

I can't stand them

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A man on a beach walks up to a woman in a wheelchair

This woman is crying, he asks “why Are you crying?” She says “ nobody has ever taken me on a date before” he says, “oh well, I’ll take you on a date!” So they go on a nice date and he takes her back to the spot on the beach he met her at, as he walks away, he hears crying again “what is it now?” He...

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back

I spend the mornings in my rocking chair, and in the afternoon I go out in my wheelchair.

I’ve got a real rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle.

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What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile

What do you call 2 people in a wheelchair

A pair of plegics

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket.

You can hide but you can’t run.

My wheelchair bound girlfriend broke up with me.

I think it was because she couldn’t stand me.

I saw a guy in a wheelchair wearing a camo outfit

I thought, man you can hide but you can't run.

My grandma took my ecstasy, so I took her wheelchair.

Now neither of us are rolling.

My girlfriend is in wheelchair

But I want to take the next step in our relationship

Did I ever tell you about the time I tried to give a girl in a wheelchair a lap dance?

She wasn't feeling it.

I dated a girl in a wheelchair

She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.

I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?"

Ever since I've needed to use a wheelchair, my wife has been so rude.

She's been pushing me around and talking behind my back.

Why are people in wheelchairs not funny?

Because they can’t do stand up

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I went outside the pub last night for a cigarette.

I got talking to a guy in a wheelchair, he said,

"Why do you smoke when you don't have to?"

I looked at him and asked, "Why the fuck are you wearing shoes?"

Probably unoriginal, thought of this over dinner

What do you call a hypothetical situation where two men in wheelchairs, wielding guns face each other, ready to fire?

Well you can't call it a stand-off, that's for sure.

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After my mother passed away, my wife & I decided that the best care for my wheelchair bound father was to move him into a nursing home.

After touring several, Dad finally agreed on one he seemed quite pleased with, but after only a week he called and wanted to leave ASAP.

"But why Dad?," I asked. "When you first got here, you acted as though you really loved the place."

"They're just too damn controlling."

""Wha...

I got my son a trampoline for his birthday

but all he did was cry in his wheelchair.

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A woman in her 70s decided it was finally time to get married.

She put an add out in the newspaper. "Husband wanted. Must not beat me, must not walk all over me, must still be good in bed"


She got many applicants but after a few weeks she didn't find anybody suitable. She was about to give up, when she heard her doorbell ring. She opens the door to f...

I used to bully someone in a wheelchair.

He didn't stand up for himself.

I burned a wheelchair today.

HOT WHEELS!

I have a confession. Lately I've been greasing up all the wheelchair ramps around town.

I've tried so hard to stop, but once you start it's a really slippery slope...

I played golf yesterday, and saw a guy in a wheelchair on the course.

I asked him what his handicap was.

A guy in a wheelchair once applied for Stars in their Eyes with his nephew and they both successfully got on the show...

...when asked about his accident by the presenter, he stated "Well me and nephew are both glazers you see, and one day my nephew, who is here with me tonight, was up a ladder holding onto this double glazed window that we were both installing, when it suddenly slipped from his grasp and sliced strai...

Today I watched a video called 10 best wheelchairs in the world.

Below the video it said comments are disabled.

My wheelchair-bound friend said he wanted to run for president.

Guess he’ll just be sitting for president.

Lawyers

The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity....

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A man joins a new hunting club.

His first night at the lodge, he asks around for the guy with the best hunting stories.

“The man over there in the wheelchair is named James. He’s 90 years old and has been hunting all over the world for 70 years. He’s got some great stories”.

So the man walks over, introduces himself...

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I bought my Son a bike for his birthday.

He started screaming and crying about it.

Just because he's in a wheelchair doesn't excuse the fact that he's an ungrateful little shit.

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An old lady is rolling up and down the halls of the nursin home in her wheelchair making sounds like a car. VROOM VROOM!

An old man jumps out of his room and says "Ma'am you were speeding. License and registration please." She digs around in her purse, pulls out a candy wrapper and gives it to him. He looks it over, hands it back and sends her on her way with a warning.

The old lady is rolling up and down the h...

I once saw a man in a wheelchair throw his trash on the ground

I guess he wasn't a stand-up guy

A guy is drinking real hard at the bar one night...

even though he promised his wife he won’t because he always gets too drunk. After many drinks he decided it’s time to go. He pays his tab and pushes himself off of the bar stool. He lands face first on the floor. So he pulled himself back up onto the bar stool. After a few minutes and a cup of coffe...

< Healing >



A guy in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked
the waitress for a cup of coffee. The guy looked across the
restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress
nodded "yes," so the guy requested that she give Jesus a cup of
coffee...

Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?

Because they're easy to push around and never stand up for themselves

What are the only jokes people in wheelchairs don’t like?

Running jokes.

A man is walking his disabled dog that has a wheelchair for her front legs. It starts barking at a passerby that looks scared of the dog. The man assures the passerby that it's okay...

She's armless.

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair,

and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of the males actually joined in.

One day, Ethel was speeding ...

Did you hear about the depressed guy in a wheelchair?

He couldn't stand himself.

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A wheelchair user rides towards a bar.

On his way in he notices a man stood by the door smoking a cig.

The wheelchair user looks at the smoker and says "you do know that there is no reason for doing that at all. It won't make you feel better. It won't help you to fit in. It won't make you look cool."

"Really" says the smoke...

Box

I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. “What happened to your face?” I asked. “I’m a Paralympian,” he replied. “Boxing?” “No, … hurdles.”

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A daughter takes her old father to a retirement home

A daughter takes her old father in a wheelchair to a retirement home for the first time. The nurse, expecting their arrival, greets them with, "Welcome to the Johnson family retirement home! We think you'll feel quite at home here! Please follow me and I'll show you around." The nurse pushes the...

I gifted trampoline to my son on his 7th birthday

I think he was so happy he bust into tears. He cried so hard that he fell out of his wheelchair

What has 50 legs but doesn't walk?

25 people on wheelchair

You know what the teenager said to the man in the wheelchair?

"uh, lame."

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NSFW what's the hardest part of fucking a vegetable?

Putting her back in her wheelchair

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian woman and a girl in a wheelchair walk into a bar.

Just kidding, the girl is in a wheelchair.

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A man has been drinking alone all day at a bar and checks his clock

"1:30am, fuck. I need to go home now or my wife's going to rip my balls off", thinks to himself. But as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly to the floor.

"I'm just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up."

So he asks the barman for a coffee, he drinks it up and 30 minutes lat...

More wheelchairs are being made,

after a long-standing period without them.

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