I don't really like having fights going downhill...

...but sometimes you just gotta roll with the punches

I touched myself and my life went downhill

It was a stroke of back luck

I wanted to give my brother a gift for his 40th birthday that says “It’s all downhill from here.”

He told me not to, he already has a picture of me.

Somebody asked me recently why I took up downhill skiing

I told them uphill skiing was far too difficult

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license...

and all just because of a stupid police officer...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagin...

How does Harry Potter travel downhill?

Walking.






JK Rolling

So apparently an Olympic downhill skier was injured so many times she donated a huge sum to the local hospital's critical care unit.

Of course they called it the Picabu ICU.

You know your town is going downhill when the most popular new pet is a...

Meth lab

A friend asked me to walk downhill with him.

I declined.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Little Dirty Golf Joke For All You Fellow Golfers Out There (NSFW)?

Was unsure if this joke would qualify as “NSFW” so I specified any just in case.
Also, I’m sure someone at some point has posted this joke (or a version of it) before but it’s too good to not share.


So one day 3 of the boys go out for a nice sunny day of golf. They get paired up with...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman threatens to break up with her boyfriend if he can't make sex last longer, so the boyfriend decides to see his doctor to find out how he can make sex last longer.

"Try masturbating before sex," says the doctor.

The guy drives home trying to think about where to masturbate. "I can't masturbate out in the open, and I can't do it at home because my girlfriend might catch me."

Finally, the guy comes to a decision. He pulls over his car, crawls under...

I went on a hike yesterday.

It peaked with some great views, but went downhill from there.

I was enjoying a sandwich on a cliff, but it fell from my hands.

I thought to myself...

“This sub has gone downhill”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grandfather, father, and son are paired with a very attractive woman for a round of golf

The three are amazed to find that this woman is an amazing golfer. She outplays them on almost every hold, and come up to the 18th green at 1 over par with a 20ft Birdie putt. She tells the three guys

"Alright, this is the first time I've ever had a chance at shooting par. Whoever correctly h...

United really has gone downhill. Their service used to be great.

Hell, 16 years ago they would fly you right to your office!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A big trip to the mountains with married women and their mothers-in-law was organized. They would go there by separate busses (the women in one bus and the mothers-in-law in another).

During the trip to the mountains, the bus carrying the mothers-in-law had a flat tire. Suddenly the bus driver lost control and the bus fell off the mountain, at least a couple thousand meters downhill. No chance anyone in that bus survived it. Obviously all of the women started cheering up, startin...

I was doing well in gym class until we got to the skiing unit.

It was downhill from there.

What’s Harry Potter’s favorite way to go downhill?

Walking...

JK Rowling

About a month before he died, my grandfather asked us to spray WD-40 all over his back.

After that, he went downhill fast.

Did you hear about the guy who invented base jumping?

It was the highpoint of his career. It was all downhill after.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pretty meta bro

Cake day posts are annoying and uncreative, so many people make anti cake day posts. These can be just as bad, and are only rarely funny if they are posted on the poster's cake day, (aka: anti cake day cake day posts). This possess a bit of a conundrum, as here in Reddit, we make fun of things, but ...

Once I started falling down the mountain,

It all went downhill from there.

As I stared at the hot water flowing towards my shower drain I realized something.

It's all downhill from here.

As I parked my car for work, I didn't notice that I left the stick in neutral

Things only went downhill from there

Downhill Skiing

3 rock climbers (Bob, Tim, Jack) were attempting to climb Everest. In a freak accident, Bob and Tim lost all of their supplies. Unable to progress any further, they decide to make camp and share jack's supplies. The three of them slept side to side, with bob and Tim on either side of jack. In the mo...

What's big, black and loaded with aids?

A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.

A businessman and a gambler were travelling in the same plane. They were seated next to each other.

Businessman: Lets play a game of questions and answers. If you are not able to answer my question then you will give me $100. However if I am not able
to answer your question then I will give you $1000. Deal?

Gambler: Oh really? Its a deal then.

Businessman: How many countries are...

Everything was great until gravity was invented.

Things went downhill after that.

So this farmer named Juan wants to run for city council.

He notices his small town is going downhill and wants to make a difference. He asks his wife what his slogan should be and she says: "Well you don't beat me, the kids, or your cow, so use that."

So Juan runs for city council using the slogan: "I don't beat my wife, I don't beat my kids, I don...

Did you hear that being on a mountaintop is the best thing you can ever do?

Really, its all just downhill from there.

If the Earth is flat...

...how come my life is perpetually going downhill?

Check mate, flat earthers

Why do people get depressed when they reach the peak of Mount Everest?

Because it's all downhill from there

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I like pooping in the upstairs bathroom of the company I work for..

Because for once I’m the one causing the shit to roll downhill

The worst thing about being a profession skier...

...is that your career can only go downhill

Every president has a secret service codename.

The current president is “Mogul”. I looked it up.
Mogul: a member of the Muslim dynasty of Mongol origin
Nope, that can’t be it, unless he’s a total self-hater. Try alternate definition:
Mogul: In downhill skiing, an ice-cold lump; an extremely dense obstacle to human progress, a destabil...

I used to be a professional ski athlete

It just went downhill from there

My uncle decided to get involved in a sport as his health was failing.

But he took up bobsleigh and went downhill rapidly

With all the sadness and trauma

going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which went almost un-noticed.



Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully on 11 April 2016 aged 83.



The most traumatic part for his family was get...

I haven’t seen many kids sledding this winter

It’s really gone downhill

A few of my friends took a road trip from Iowa to California

Things were great as they drove through Nebraska. But driving through Wyoming was a disaster! First, one of them got sick and they had to pull over. Then they got to the Great Continental Divide and it was all downhill from there.

In the weeks leading up to my grandfathers death he had to use a wheelchair.

After that he went downhill very quickly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When my granddad was ill the doctor told us to put butter on his back

after that he went downhill very quickly

My grandfather was terminally ill...

The doctors said there was nothing they could do for him so we took him to see a naturopath who told us to cover his back in grease.

But after that he just went downhill very quickly.


.
.
.
Blatantly stolen from the great Milton Jones

How can Trump improve both his golf game and presidency?

Reduce the number of downhill lies.

So I found out one of my friends was a Cannibal

We were having an argument, but suddenly everything went downhill when I said "Bite me"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple who met on Tinder are out in the countryside riding their bikes...

The sun is shining, it's a warm day in early summer, and a couple who recently met on Tinder are riding their bicycles through the countryside. They are both attracted to each other, looking athletic in cycling gear, and getting a buzz out of the sexual tension, the sensation of speed, and the liber...

On my one month anniversary

My girlfriend made it a point to ask me where i see us heading as couple. Apparently downhill wasn't the correct answer.

I don't know why people get so excited about skiing vacations

Right from the start they go downhill very fast.

[LONG] A book and a diary.

A book and a diary had a fairy tale relationship for the longest time. They were inseparable, got married, and had two baby papers. After that, things went downhill and the married couple started fighting constantly. One day, Book decided to have an affair with Binder. Diary found out and filed for ...

If the world suddenly became frictionless...

things would go downhill fast.

Yesterday was brutal. I forgot to apply the parking brake on my car...

And then it just went downhill from there.

I had a friend in a wheelchair but i had to let him go

Now hes going downhill fast

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brothers and I were carrying my dad's casket...

My dad recently passed away due to pneumonia. Naturally, my brothers and I were paul bearers at his funeral. The funeral home was up on a hill with a busy road leading down into the valley. As we were carrying his casket out of the hearse, it slipped out of our hands and begin to tumble downhill. We...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Religion is like masturbation.

It's okay to practice it at home in private, but when people start gathering to do it together shit goes downhill.

Say what you want about skiing...

..but the sports going downhill, Fast!

A pessimist finished building a majestic slide.

"Things can only go downhill from here."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are the three rules of being a plumber?

Hot on left; cold on right.

Shit runs downhill.

Never, ever, put your tools in your mouth.

I broke up with my girlfriend on a ski trip

Our relationship was going downhill.

Grandpa was a healthy 82 when he fell in a vat of lard.

After that, he went downhill really fast...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The round of her dreams (NSFW)

Jeff plays golf with his brother, his son, and his dad every Saturday. His brother has to back out one day and so they are asked if they would mind picking up a single player. They say it's fine. As they are stepping onto the first tee a gorgeous blonde walks out and says she's their 4th. As they ar...

What's worse than fighting an uphill battle?

Getting to the top and realizing it's all downhill from there.

A month before my grandfather died

A month before my grandfather died we had tried everything to cure him. We then heard you could try covering him head to toe in baby oil - after that he went downhill very quickly.

There hasn't really been any natural disasters lately

Even the mudslides have gone downhill.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men go camping..

3 dudes go camping, sharing the same tent sleeping side by side.

They wake up in the morning, the man on the right says "I had this dream last night, that someone pulling my dick." The guy lying on the left said "that's strange, I had the exact same dream". The guy in the middle replies "that...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thomas is an alcoholic...

... every night after work he swings by the bar to sneak in a round or two on his way home. One night in particular he goes a bit too heavy. He realizes this when he closes his tab and gets up to leave and immediately falls on his face. After a couple failed attempts to get up, knowing that he must ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old people love

My grandma rubbed butter on granddad's feet when he was ill. He went downhill fast after that.

A friend of mine got married on top of a mountain last year.

Aye they say it was all downhill from there.

Today somebody told me about a bear that climbs a mountain...

...But the story goes downhill from there.

I Gave Up Cross Country Skiing.

Ever since it's all been downhill.

Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn had a huge argument over whether to circumcise their son

Lindsey went downhill from there, but Tiger made the cut.

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