Downhill Jokes - 71 Hilarious Downhill Jokes

What advice did Obi-Wan give Luke as his marriage was going downhill?

Use divorce, Luke

There was a guy in our Downhill Skiing Club but we had to kick him out for creating drama over every little thing.

He was always making a mountain out of a mogul.

I don't really like having fights going downhill...

...but sometimes you just gotta roll with the punches

I touched myself and my life went downhill

It was a stroke of back luck

United really has gone downhill. Their service used to be great.

Hell, 16 years ago they would fly you right to your office!

How does Harry Potter get downhill?

Walking.

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I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license and all just because of a stupid police officer...

The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you ...

Somebody asked me recently why I took up downhill skiing

I told them uphill skiing was far too difficult

Downhill Skiing

3 rock climbers (Bob, Tim, Jack) were attempting to climb Everest. In a freak accident, Bob and Tim lost all of their supplies. Unable to progress any further, they decide to make camp and share jack's supplies. The three of them slept side to side, with bob and Tim on either side of jack. In the mo...

Did you hear that the US bobsled team put Donald Trump's picture on the front of the sled?

Apparently nobody else can make America go downhill faster.

A friend asked me to walk downhill with him.

I declined.

You know your town is going downhill when the most popular new pet is a...

Meth lab

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A wife says to her husband, "I called the surgery saying I think I'm pregnant, and they said to bring in a specimen. What do they mean?"

He says "I don't know, but Mary next door has been pregnant loads of times, so why not go and ask her?"

So off she goes, and she comes back later with a fat lip, a thick ear, a nosebleed, a black eye, and half her clothing ripped to shreds, and her husband says "What in the name of Jesus, Mar...

So apparently an Olympic downhill skier was injured so many times she donated a huge sum to the local hospital's critical care unit.

Of course they called it the Picabu ICU.

A pessimistic hiker gets to the peak of Mt. Everest

He says to his friend, "It's all downhill from here"

I felt it deserved better

Context: Me and my wife are setting up to rent an airbnb apartment, conversation earlier that went like this.

Me: We need to decide how many towels to give our guests.

Wife: 2 for the shower, 1 big 1 small,

Me: And how many tea towels do we put in the kitchen?

Wife: 1
...

My grandad was feeling unwell, so I put grease on his back

He went downhill really quickly after that

What’s Harry Potter’s favorite way to go downhill?

Walking...

JK Rowling

I'm so bad at sledding...

I'm not even entirely sure where I go wrong. I walk up to the top, I get on my sled, and it all goes downhill from there.

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What did Tenzing Norgay say to Sir Edmund Hillary when they reached the summit of Mt. Everest?

It’s all downhill from here.

A New Yorker Was Teaching A Midwesterner How To Ski

A Midwesterner is on vacation in the Poconos. Over there, he decides to take up downhill skiing. He's done a lot of cross country skiing, but he's never skied downhill, since there are no mountains over in Fargo. Fargo's flatter than a pancake.

He decided to try downhill skiing. "How hahr...

I got the ball rolling

It only went downhill from there

My wife and I had a great romantic courtship and then got married on the summit of Mt Everest

But it was all downhill from there.

The worst thing about being a profession skier...

...is that your career can only go downhill

I am a little worried about the future of the sport of Olympic skiing.

It’s just going downhill.

Fast.

The popularity of skiing has decreased somewhat lately

In fact, it's going downhill fast.

Why are climbers always depressed when they reach the top of the mountain?

'Cause it's all downhill from there.

I haven’t heard of the band: “The Rolling Stones” in a while,

I guess they went downhill

When my father started getting ill his doctor told him to cover the back of his legs and his entire back in lots of goose fat

I swear, he really went downhill fast after that

I visited my grandfather in hospital……

he didn’t look well and had gone downhill from last time I saw him. He told me that he is now incontinent.
I said I know grandad, you are in Australia!

Police: "Why did you kill those 52 people?"

Driver: "I was going downhill and my brakes weren't working, I had to hit myself against something to stop.

There were 2 cliffs, one with 50 people in front of it and one with 2.

I decided that getting two people killed is better than killing 50 so I went towards them.

And then ...

What do physicist and cyclist have in common?

When they see a slope, they go downhill

My girlfriend and I have been really stressed and having some issues so we decided to take a mini vacation, a weekend trip to a ski resort.

Everything started off well, but things went downhill really fast.

I was passing gym class with flying colors until we got to the skiing unit.

It was downhill from there.

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A woman threatens to break up with her boyfriend if he can't make sex last longer, so the boyfriend decides to see his doctor to find out how he can make sex last longer.

"Try masturbating before sex," says the doctor.

The guy drives home trying to think about where to masturbate. "I can't masturbate out in the open, and I can't do it at home because my girlfriend might catch me."

Finally, the guy comes to a decision. He pulls over his car, crawls under...

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The 4 rules of plumbing

Payday is Friday

Shit flows downhill

The boss is an ass

Don't chew your fingernails

A man climbs Mount Everest.

He manages to reach the top, looks out at the amazing view, and promptly bursts into tears.

"Sir, what is wrong?" His guide asks.

The man struggles to get himself under control. "I- I just- I just realized..."

"My entire life will be all downhill from here."

Everything was great until gravity was invented.

Things went downhill after that.

I went on a hike yesterday.

It peaked with some great views, but went downhill from there.

When my Grandad fell seriously ill we covered his back in lard.

He went downhill rapidly after that.

I went to a scenic overlook to get away from it all.

I got too close to the edge, and then it all went downhill from there.

I used to be a professional ski athlete

It just went downhill from there

As I stared at the hot water flowing towards my shower drain I realized something.

It's all downhill from here.

Once I started falling down the mountain,

It all went downhill from there.

Did you hear about the guy who invented base jumping?

It was the highpoint of his career. It was all downhill after.

How can Trump improve both his golf game and presidency?

Reduce the number of downhill lies.

Why do people get depressed when they reach the peak of Mount Everest?

Because it's all downhill from there

As I parked my car for work, I didn't notice that I left the stick in neutral

Things only went downhill from there

Did you hear that being on a mountaintop is the best thing you can ever do?

Really, its all just downhill from there.

My uncle decided to get involved in a sport as his health was failing.

But he took up bobsleigh and went downhill rapidly

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I like pooping in the upstairs bathroom of the company I work for..

Because for once I’m the one causing the shit to roll downhill

I haven’t seen many kids sledding this winter

It’s really gone downhill

In the weeks leading up to my grandfathers death he had to use a wheelchair.

After that he went downhill very quickly.

I had a friend in a wheelchair but i had to let him go

Now hes going downhill fast

I used to be a Flat-Earther until I realized this

The Earth can't be flat because my life keeps on going downhill.

A few of my friends took a road trip from Iowa to California

Things were great as they drove through Nebraska. But driving through Wyoming was a disaster! First, one of them got sick and they had to pull over. Then they got to the Great Continental Divide and it was all downhill from there.

On my one month anniversary

My girlfriend made it a point to ask me where i see us heading as couple. Apparently downhill wasn't the correct answer.

Yesterday was brutal. I forgot to apply the parking brake on my car...

And then it just went downhill from there.

A pessimist finished building a majestic slide.

"Things can only go downhill from here."

I broke up with my girlfriend on a ski trip

Our relationship was going downhill.

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Religion is like masturbation.

It's okay to practice it at home in private, but when people start gathering to do it together shit goes downhill.

Grandpa was a healthy 82 when he fell in a vat of lard.

After that, he went downhill really fast...

My grandfather was terminally ill...

The doctors said there was nothing they could do for him so we took him to see a naturopath who told us to cover his back in grease.

But after that he just went downhill very quickly.

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Blatantly stolen from the great Milton Jones

What's worse than fighting an uphill battle?

Getting to the top and realizing it's all downhill from there.

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What are the three rules of being a plumber?

Hot on left; cold on right.

Shit runs downhill.

Never, ever, put your tools in your mouth.

I finally reached the Top of Mount Everest!

But things went really downhill from there...

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Old people love

My grandma rubbed butter on granddad's feet when he was ill. He went downhill fast after that.

Every president has a secret service codename.

The current president is “Mogul”. I looked it up.
Mogul: a member of the Muslim dynasty of Mongol origin
Nope, that can’t be it, unless he’s a total self-hater. Try alternate definition:
Mogul: In downhill skiing, an ice-cold lump; an extremely dense obstacle to human progress, a destabil...

There hasn't really been any natural disasters lately

Even the mudslides have gone downhill.

With all the sadness and trauma

going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which went almost un-noticed.

Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully on 11 April 2016 aged 83.

The most traumatic part for his family was get...

A businessman and a gambler were travelling in the same plane. They were seated next to each other.

Businessman: Lets play a game of questions and answers. If you are not able to answer my question then you will give me $100. However if I am not able
to answer your question then I will give you $1000. Deal?

Gambler: Oh really? Its a deal then.

Businessman: How many countries are...

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