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A guy gets a job on a construction site. On his first morning, the foreman is showing him around...

... when one of the workers there puts his tools down, hops up on a cinder block, and shouts out, "73!" All the other workers laugh uproariously.

A few minutes later, another worker goes over to the cinder block and shouts out, "12!" Again, everyone laughs. Puzzled, the new guy asks the fore...

George Foreman named all his kids George Foreman.

He even used the name when he had a little grill.

Light bulb

Paddy and John are working on a building site. Paddy says to John, “I need a day off, I’m going to pretend I’ve gone mad!”

Paddy climbs up to the rafters, hangs upside down from them and shouts, “I’m a light bulb! I’m a light bulb!” While John looks on in amazement.
The foreman shouts, “Pa...

For sale. Muhammed Ali DVD set. George Foreman Grill.

Both boxed.

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It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes since 15+ years ago.

There is a factory that makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. Th...

Bob calls his job foreman on Monday morning and says “I cannot come to work today. I’m a very sick man”.

The foreman replies “this is 2 Monday’s in a row that you’ve called out saying you’re sick. Do you have a drinking problem?”

Bob responds “I’m not an alcoholic. But my brother in law is. And for the last few weeks he’s been drinking too much and hitting my sister. So she comes to my house to ...

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An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese man are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the large, muscular, Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."

To the slightly less muscular but still large Italian man, he says, "You're in charge of sweeping."

And to the skinny Chinese man he says, "You're in charge of...

Quarry

I was walking through a quarry…I said to the foreman, "That sure is a big rock!" "Boulder," he corrected me. So I stuck out my chest and shouted, "THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!!"

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A man goes for a job

Guy goes for a job on a construction site.

Foreman asks: Can you drive a forklift

The man responds: yes I can

The foreman asks if he can make a cup of tea

The man responds: how bigs your fucking cup

Praying hands

In Tulsa, OK, on the campus of Oral Roberts University (Oral Roberts was one of those famous money hungry televangelists) there is a giant statue of a set of praying hands. It was discovered one day that they had broken apart and separated. They had construction engineers, all kinds of equipment, ex...

The foreman at my bridge construction site is always rushing things. But when I got the beams set ahead of schedule he didn't believe me.

Nobody expects the span is in position.

I got a new job at a quarry today, and the foreman was showing me around when

I saw this huge rock. I told him, "Wow! That's a really big rock!"
"Boulder." He says.
**"WOW!!!! THATS A REALLY MASSIVE ROCK,"** I say while puffing my chest out.

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A guy takes up a new job.

On Monday he calls in and says, ‘I can’t come in today, I’m sick.’ He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, ‘I can’t come in today, I’m sick.’

The boss asks the foreman about him and he replies, ‘He’s great. He does the work of two men. We need him.’
...

A foreman working on a construction site walks up to his only workers for the day...

They were an Irishman, Englishman and a Chinese.

The foreman walks up to the Irishman and tells him:

"I will be going out for a few hours to do some paperwork. In the meantime I want you to shovel this pile of gravel into the truck so it can be taken away when I get back."

He t...

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Nun walks over to a construction site foreman

There was a construction site next to a convent. Mother superior walks over and asked to speak with the foreman. Mother superior told the foreman that the men have been talking extremely vulgar and the other nuns are hearing this type of language. The foreman replies by explaining to mother superior...

As the foreman was inspecting the workmen on site, he was surprised to find one worker hanging from a rope in the middle of the room repeating, "I'm a chandelier, I'm a chandelier."

The foreman gives him a stern talking-to as the other men watch, and then orders him back to work.

During his next inspection of the same room, again the worker is hanging from the rope doing exactly what he was told not to.

Furious at his disobedience the foreman fires him on the spot...

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A joke about logs

So the foreman tells the lumberjack to go do some logging. The lumberjack leaves and comes back 6 months later. The foreman asks him what took him so long. The lumberjack pulls out a book and says "This is my autobiography. I logged my whole life in here."

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An English Carpenter, an Irish Plumber, and a Chinese Laborer are hired to work a construction site...

The night before they start, the foreman explains “ok, the Englishman is going to build the frame, the Irishman will be running the pipes, and the Chinese guy is responsible for bringing the supplies, got it?”

The three nod, and agree to start setting up the next morning at 8am.

The fo...

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Foreman Problems

A foreman was at the base of a building being constructed and could not locate his trusty hammer. He spots a worker a few floors up and yells to him "Hey could you toss me down a hammer?" The worker apparently couldn't hear what was yelled and he yelled back "What?"
Again the foreman yells "Toss...

Two mechanics are starting a long work day.

Greg: "I don't feel like working today. I think I'm going to get myself sent home early."

Al: "Just how do you think you're going to do that?"

Greg: "Watch me."

Greg climbs up the tire rack, and hangs upside down from the rafters with his arms spread out.

Just then the sh...

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Another man accepts a job in a village with no women...

He asked his foreman "what do you do without any women here?"

The foreman replies "there's a barrel with a knothole in the side. Stick your dick in it and you'll be able to get off".

The new recruit is surprised but eventually gets horny enough to give it a try. He is amazed: it feels ...

A construction worker goes to the foreman and says "Sir, there's something wrong with the wheelbarrow"

The foreman says "What do you mean?" and the worker says "Well, when I push it, it goes 'Squeak... *squeak*... Squeak... *squeak*... Squeak... *squeak*... Squeak... *squeak*... ' "

The foreman says "You're fired!" and the worker says "What for?"

"Because," says the foreman, "it shoul...

Blonde Construction Worker

Every day, three construction workers, one Mexican, one Italian, and one blonde, climb up to the highest steel girder in the building that they are all working on and eat their lunch.

One day, the Mexican worker opens up his lunchbox and sees that yet again his wife has packed him bean burrit...

Patrick O’Leary passed away at his job at the brewery.

His workmates realized that they would have to be the ones to inform his widow of his passing.

They trooped over to Patrick’s cottage at the end of their shift and solemnly gathered in a semicircle before the door. The foreman politely knocked. Mrs. O’Leary opened it, and looked at the assemb...

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The New Owner

A rich man bought a failing factory, and decided he was going to turn it around himself.

The first day the new owner grabs the factory foreman, and tells him he’s going to get some real progress out of these lazy workers. They walk out onto the factory floor and see a young man lounging up ...

A teddy bear applies for a job at a building site...

... The foreman is a bit surprised, but the teddy bear is quite insistent, so Monday rolls around and the teddy bear is put on the payroll, and issued with a hard hat, a safety jacket, a pick and shovel.

The teddy bear works hard all day, and the foreman is pleasantly surprised. In the evenin...

There were 3 crews that worked for a telephone pole company. A German crew, a Norwegian crew, and a Swedish crew.

The foreman told each crew to put in telephone poles for the day and left. At 5:00 PM he came back and asked each crew how many poles they put in.

The German crew tells him they put in 9 poles today.
"Good job, head on home" the foreman tells them.

The Norwegian crew tells him they ...

An Irish Lumberjack

A large Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the Foreman's door.

The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. "Just give me a chan...

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Boudreaux and the foreman

Here is a nice corny oke im sure has been posted before

A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

Here is your first question, the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'

'Without numbers?' The Cajun says...

A log chopper came looking for a job in a lumber camp

The foreman said, "I don't know if this is the kind of job you want; here we chop trees." The woodchopper said, "That's precisely the sort of work I do." The foreman replied, " Okay, here's an axe-let' s see how long it takes you to chop down this tree here." The woodchopper went over to the tree a...

"Hi, My name is John Foreman and I run a cabinet making business."

John said counter-productively.

A blind guy (Dale) goes to a lumber yard looking for a job. Once he finds the freemans office he introduces himself and asks for a job.

The foreman (Greg) is unsure how a blind guy can work at a lumber yard and expresses his concerns.

Dale explains that bind people usually have heightened senses in the other areas. In his case his sense of smell is extra keen.

Greg tells him Dale that he doesn't understand how that wi...

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"Your one and only job is to supply the miners"

The foreman told the asian man before leaving the job site.

Upon the foreman's return a week later he noticed one of the job site workers lackadaisically lounging in the sun.

"Hey Bob! How are ya? Why arent you workin boy?" said the foreman.

"Im too hungry to work. That chinama...

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A man starts a new job on a construction site.

The site is 500 miles away from anybody else but it pays good so he's happy to start. On his first day the foreman is showing him around the job site. Where he will be working, sleeping, and everything else. 


While on tour, the man notices a line of men waiting to go behind a wooden fence...

An African Lumberjack

An African lumberjack is interviewing for a job at a major logging company. The foreman decides to take a practical route and hands the lumberjack an axe.

"Take a couple swings at that tree over there." The foreman said.

The lumberjack walks over to the tree and fells it in a single ch...

Two power companies were competing for a bid to install telephone poles

A city needed telephone poles installed and there were two companies competing for the bid. To choose the finalist, both companies were instructed to install as many poles as possible in one day. The company with the most poles would win the contract.

Both companies got to work the next day, ...

What's the difference between a girder and a joist?

it's my cake day, so here's my favorite joke.

An Irishman is out of work and decides to go to a construction site and apply. The foreman is an older English fellow who doesn't care for Irishmen, thinks they're drunks and dumb and unreliable. But he knows he can't just come out and say that.<...

A man went to jury duty. During a break in deliberations he and a female juror he had been flirting with snuck into the coat closet and she started giving him head. Someone knocked on the door, startling him, and he knocked himself out cold on the closet shelf.

When the jury filed back into the courtroom, the judge noticed one was missing. “What happened to my 12th juror?”
The jury foreman replied, “Head in-jury your honor, but I hear he just came to.”

Me: You know, sometimes abbreviating names can be confusing.

GF: You think so?

Me: Definitely.

George Foreman: That’s interesting.

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A lawyer's trick . . .

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the...

Lost in Translation

An Italian guy, a Mexican guy and a Chinese guy are hired to do some construction labor. The Foreman pulls them together and says, “I need you three to move this big pile of sand to the other side of the jobsite.”

He tells the Italian,”You’re in charge of shoveling the sand into the wheelbar...

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A woman applies for work at a construction site.

Her skills and recommendations are superb, so the foreman is ready to offer her the job. "We are kinda rough here. And we use body parts in our "sign language" to get around the noise and distance on the site."

"No problem," she replies, "all part of the job."

Soon, the foreman is on...

Men at work (1930's)

Three men are working a construction site. One man is Irish, one Italian, and one Polish. Every day the men eat lunch together. The Irishman opens his lunch and it's bangers and mash. It has been bangers and mash every day since he's started the job. He says to the other men, "If I get bangers and m...

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A brand new lumberjack is being shown around the work site where he will be felling trees.

The foreman takes him to the barracks, "Here's where you'll be sleeping, son, you have the top bunk over there" and motions to the corner of the room, "Up at 5 a.m., lights out at 10 p.m." The new hire looks at the shabby conditions but thinks he can put up with it for the pay he'll be receiving....

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A young family moves into a house next to a vacant lot

One day a construction crew turned up to build a new house on the empty lot. Soon the family’s five year old daughter took an interest in what the construction crew was doing and started hanging around them, well soon they adopted her as their mascot of sorts and let her sit with them during their c...

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A

black man starts work on a construction site. The other workers nickname him "Wog".

Feeling upset by this, the black man goes to speak with the foreman. The foreman laughs and tells him, "But we all have nicknames. We've got Mick and Paddy, they're Irish. Wac from Liverpool. And Mack from Sco...

Timmy Got a Job!

Timmy boy, a young hobo who left home in search for wealth, got his 14th job in the 3 months he has been traveling. His first shift at Bob’s Animal Candies Inc. started at 9 am, Tuesday. After working for hours at the breath fresheners’ line, he began to get bored, so Timmy decided to take a break t...

Open and Shut

A man’s wife disappears and he’s accused of killing her. At the trial, his lawyer tells the jury, “Ladies and gentlemen, I have amazing news. Not only is my client’s wife actually alive, but she’ll walk through that door in ten seconds."

An expectant silence settles over the courtroom, but no...

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A man wants to leave work early

Two men are bullshitting at work, when the one says, "I'm gonna try to get out of work early today, I'll act like I'm crazy." The other man shrugs and tells him to go for it, so he does; he just starts hooping and hollering, banging on all the machinery, and finally climbing up the rafters shouting ...

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Some construction workers are putting up a building...

The foreman is five stories up on the roof, about to cut some 2 x 4's when he realizes he doesn't have a saw. He shouts down to a worker on the ground.

"Hey!," the foreman yells. "I need a saw!"

The worker shrugs, unable to hear him over the machinery.

So the foreman shouts agai...

Bob is having trouble finding workers for his house construction company

So he decides to open the position up to people with more general skills. The first candidate doesn't have much experience in construction, but insists that his previous experience will be an asset.

The man seems earnest, so Bob decides to give him a chance. He tells the foreman to watch the ...

Three workers show up for their first day in a mine

The foreman eyes them up to determine their respective roles. There’s a Polish man, Irish man, and a Chinese man.

“Kowalski, you’re a big guy. You’ll swing the pick and chip away at the coal” says the foreman.

“OKeefe, you’re strong too. Shovel the coal in this cart and wheel it up to...

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A man with a stutter started his new job on a construction site...

Not sure if this is a repost, my father told me it when I was 11 years old.

A man with a stutter (Dave) started his new job on a construction site and was walking around with one of his colleagues (Jim) being given a tour of the site.
“Th-th-this is a pretty cool p-p-place. I’m so h-happ...

A law joke that isn't a lawyer joke

A man is put on trial for the charge of stealing his neighbor's pig.

After both sides rest, the jury leaves to deliberate, and an hour later it returns.

"Have you reached a verdict?" the judge asks.

"We have, your honor," the foreman says. "We find the defendant not guilty, but ...

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An American, an Englishman and a Japanese man.....

.... were all seeking work on a building site. The foreman looks at them each and says "Ok, you Americans are hard workers, you can mix the cement, you British are good craftsmen, you can lay the bricks and you Japanese are good with logistics, you can be in charge of supplies."
The American and ...

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construction gal

A female carpenters first day on the job.She was told to assist the carpenters with tools and materials.Mary is in the process of bringing materials across field to work site when she notices foreman signaling to her.he touches his eye then his knee then his crotch.Mary returns his signal with her o...

A weak little man applied for a job as a lumberjack...

...but the foreman refused to take him because he was too small. "I may look puny," protested the man, "but I'm not. Just give me a chance to show you my strength."

The foreman consented and told the man to go chop down a giant redwood that stood nearby. Half an hour later, to the foreman's s...

Did you hear Muhammad Ali burnt his hand in a few fights?

That's what happens when you punch George Foreman in the grill.

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This joke made me chuckle

A Chinese guy, an Italian and an Irishman arrived for their first day working on a construction site and reported to the foreman's office.

The foreman pointed to a huge pile of sand and said, "I want you three guys to make a huge dent in that sandpile there!"

The foreman then grabbed t...

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A guy gets a job as a lumberjack

He's in a logging camp in the middle of nowhere and everything is going great. After a couple of weeks he's talking to his foreman when he says, "I notice there's no women around for miles, what do you guys do to satisfy your needs?" The foreman hands him a map and tells him to follow this to the bi...

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My grandma Edna had to get a job...

...so she applied and was hired at the toy factory where they make Tickle-Me Elmo dolls. She was led to her station near the end of the assembly line where the foreman told her what was expected of her.

A couple hours later, the foreman came back to check on her. He stood behind her and o...

So a man gets a job working as a highway stripe painter

The foreman gives the guy a paint brush and a fat bucket of paint and tells the dood where to paint and off the guy goes.

End of the first day the newbie comes back and tells the foreman he did 10 miles. "Outstanding!" The foreman says.

Second day newbie comes back to the shop at th...

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Russians on space

The 60's. Some construction site in Poland.

"Have you heard the news, foreman? The russkies have gone to space!"

"Wha, all of them?"

"No, just one."

"The fuck do I care then? Pass the hammer!"

A Man named McMurphy is accused of robbing a bank...

On the last day of his trial, the foreman of the jury stands up.

"Have you reached a verdict?" asked the judge.

"We have your honor..." replied the foreman. "Not guilty!"

"Excellent!" shouted McMurphy "Does that mean i get to keep the money?"

A German, a Polak, and a Chinaman all get hired at a coal mine.

The foreman takes them down to show them what they need to do. "OK, German, take that pick and start knocking coal out of the wall. Polak, shovel the coal and put it in the railcar. Chinaman, you will be in charge of supplies. I'll be back later to check on you guys." So about an hour later, the ...

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A black guy, a white guy, and a Chinese guy...

Get a job on a construction site.
One day the foreman has to keep an early appointment, so he leaves the black guy and the white guy in charge of building, and leaves the Chinese guy in charge of supplies.
Hours later, the foreman returns to find the black and white guys standing around, and...

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The Fucking Tree

A guy looking for a job finds that a certain mill is hiring
lumberjacks. So he goes out to the mill and talks to the foreman
who tells him all about the job, pay, and housing for all of the
lumberjacks. Everything looks perfect and the guy is ready to go
to work at once.


But w...

Bobby Teem

It's Monday morning, and Bobby Teem has just begun his shift in a cabinet shop.

He takes a board over to the table saw, and just as he starts to make his cut there is a loud snapping sound.

Before he can move, the blade is projected from the saw and cuts into his face, right at eye l...

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Blind Carpenter

A blind carpenter walks into a lumber mill and shouts out, "I am a blind carpenter and I need a job."The foreman walks over to the blind carpenter and says, "If you're blind, how can you work in a lumber yard?"The blind carpenter says, "I can tell any piece of lumber by it's smell."The foreman says ...

Laziest Of All

A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.

“I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he
announced. “Will the laziest man please put his hand up?”
Nine hands went up.
“Why didn’t ...

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It's Spring Break, and Little Johnny has been home for a week.

He's been tearing the house up and breaking things every day. Finally his Mom has had enough.

"LITTLE JOHNNY! I'm sick of you destroying everything! They're building a house across the street. Go hang out with the foreman and don't come back until you've learned something about construction. ...

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At the logging camp...

A Newfie goes to northern Ontario to work in a logging camp. His first day, the foreman gives him a chainsaw and sends out to cut trees. He comes back at the end of the shift and the foreman asks him how it went.

“Jeeze, dat was hard work, but I did cut down two trees.”

The foreman say...

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A building firm hires a new Asian employee...

So the foreman tell the Asian man to go into a room and count the supplies. Having heard nothing for several hours, the foreman goes in to check the progress and can't find the man. So the Asian man jumps out from behind a shelf and yells "SUPPLIES!!"

A cowboy shows up the morning of his first...

A cowboy shows up the morning of his first cattle drive. He notices a small flock of sheep with the cattle but thinks nothing of it. After a few weeks on the trail, he was watching the herd one night when he notices a drover go to the flock of sheep, pick one out, and take it over a hill. He brought...

Guy applies for a job at a warehouse

The foreman asks him: "Can you make coffee?"

"Sure."

"Can you drive a forklift?"

"Just how big is this coffeemaker?"

&nbsp;&nbsp;

(Stolen from Thorne: Sleepyhead)

Not guilty

Paddy went to trial for armed robbery.
After a long drawn out trial, the jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."

"That's grand!" shouted Paddy. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

Bubba wants to be a Lumberjack

Bubba is a good old boy from Texas who visits Alaska and is amazed at the size of Alaska. He visits a lumber camp and wants to be a Lumberjack he tells the foreman. The boys have a little fun with Bubba and they tell him you have to pass 3 tests. Test one is to chop a hole in the frozen lake and swi...

A Small Man Goes to Oregon to become a Lumberjack

The Small Man walks up to the Foreman and says, "I want a Job as a Lumberjack"

The Foreman says, "How big are you?"

Small Man "Five Foot-Four Inches and 90 pounds"

Foreman "No chance; you are far too small to be a Lumberjack on my Crew"

Small man replies "But I'm the best...

So a teddy bear got a job at a mine...

Once upon a time, there was a teddy bear, and that teddy bear got a job at a mine.

On his first day there, he got up in the morning, grabbed his pick, and did a good day of mining, then he went to sleep.

The next day, he got up, grabbed his pick, and did an even BETTER day of mining,...

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An Italian, a Frenchman and a Chinese man are hired to dig a tunnel

The foreman assigns the tasks before they begin to work.

"Alright Gino here will dig the tunnel, Henri will reinforce it with wood and Wang will be in charge of the supplies."

And so the Italian, the Frenchman and the Chinese man set off to work.

The following afternoon, the for...

What's Intelligence?

Joe and his buddy Jim are digging a ditch, while their foreman sits on a lawn chair in the shade, drinking lemonade. It's a hot day, and Joe starts wondering why the foreman isn't doing any of the work. "Hey Jim?" he asks. "How come we're down here digging the ditch, and the boss is up there, drinki...

Meanwhile in Italia...

Late on Friday afternoon the foreman tells Enrico that he is going to have to work late. So Enrico asks his friend, Gondolfo, to stop at the house and tell his wife, Lucia.

Gondolfo knocks on the door and Lucia opens it. ”Your old man is not coming home till late,” says Gondolfo. ”How about w...

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