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Put Out Jokes

I put out a poll to see if anyone out there was interested in insect based burgers.

All I’m hearing is crickets!

A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.

A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get...

LeAnn Rimes put out a double CD - one was her greatest hits, and the other was her biggest flops.

It was the best of Rimes, it was the worst of Rimes.

When a gangster put out a hit on Daffy Duck, what was their one condition?

Just send me the bill.

Are candles happy or sad when they are put out?

They are delighted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does the ashtray tell the truth everytime someone uses it to put out a cigar?

It likes big butts and it cannot lie

How was the Canadian able to put out a fire while vacationing in Mexico?

With the help of a hose eh.

What do you call a duck that can put out fires?

A fire quacker
-my dad

How did Santa put out a fire?

He used the ho ho hos.

What does a pimp use to put out fires?

Hose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the .

The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the .

The authorities put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

Apparently the CDC is even limiting JOKES now? The CDC put out humor guidelines today asking Americans to limit themselves to

only telling inside jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two criminals break into a drugstore and steal all the . The store owners call the police and they put out an alert.

An officer in the vicinity turns to his partner and says “Alright, we’re looking for two hardened criminals”

I put out a Want ad for a psychic...

It said, "You know when and where to show up. Don't be late."

I put out my grades for adoption.

I couldn't raise them.

What do you do when your girl doesn’t put out?

Take the matter in your own hand.

A group of veterans decided to put out a cover of an Aretha Franklin song

They're calling it RESPTSD .

Did you hear about the new cologne Chris Brown put out?

I heard it was a real hit with the ladies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Due to coronavirus, an all owner put out a sign at the entrance of notifying customers of halted business operations

“Clothed for business”

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A Physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are all locked in separate burning buildings

The Physicist runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.
The engineer pulls out a calculater, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds 10 times tha...

Im reading about a horrific clothing fire in the china. They have the fire put out already but firemen are still searching the building.

Thankfully they have not discovered any casual Ts.

The mining industry wants to put out a radio advert to help with recruitment. They hire a jingle writer, and he asks them what key he should write it in.

They said: "B minor".

Donald Trump put out an ad that said, "I can make you a millionaire in three months" with one small caveat...

Billionaires only.

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We now have the technology to build a new .

Doctor Cohen comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however your was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The m...

I got an e-mail from a buddy of mine. He always has trouble spelling certain words. He said he quit his job at the glue factory. Upper management wanted everyone to put out 2,500 tubes per hour

I guess he's not the type to work in a fast paste environment.
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