UPJOKE
petroleumcrude oilliquidcrudegasolineanointvegetable oilpennyroyal oilfuellipidmineral oilfuel oilolive oilfossil fuelgas

Oils Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was watching a show about Ancient Egypt, and they mentioned that there were Seven Sacred Oils that they used to anoint the dead with.

I thought that sounded interesting, so I decided to Google "Seven Sacred Oils of Egypt" and the entire front page of results is about where I can buy the essential oils the Egyptians used, you know mlm shit.

I cannot stress enough how this is not what I was looking for, but in hindsight I p...

I went to the library today and asked where I could find books on greases, oils and lubricants.

The librarian suggested I try the non-friction section.

I'm in my 40's and have never used essential oils in my life...

...which makes me think they're not really essential at all

Essential oils

I told my wife that I have a headache, she says to rub this essential oil on my forehead. So I do. After a few hours my wife asked “is your headache gone?”

I replied “nope.......you’re still here!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Essential oils are bullshit.

I've drank three bottles and now I have a headache AND diarrhea.

As much as these Karens talk about their essential oils

They sure do want nonessential businesses to reopen

They said essential oils would solve all my problems.

I tried it but my car still won't start.

I tried my wife's essential oils for the first time today.

Worst french fries I've ever had.

Oil

So an 80 yr. old man runs into a hospital with his 20 yr. old wife, and says "Help! My wife is having a baby!" So, they deliver the baby, and then one of the nurses asks the man "How do you still make babies at your age!?" He cooly replies "Just gotta keep the motor running,"
A few months pass a...

I set up a production business for oils that clear up colds and nasal blockages.

An olfactory oil factory

I just learned this morning of the whale oil harvesting process…

In the 1800s when sailors were hunting whales for oils, it would take days while one is harpooned to get it into the boat while it passes and fights and the oils would even seep out making it very slippery and challenging to get into the boat so they had to use these beef hooks like butcher beef hoo...

I have now survived 21,364 days and 13 hours without using essential oils or eating kale.

Thank you for your prayers and support during these trying times.

Did you know they changed the word snake to essential

And people started buying the oils again.

Sting has launched his own range of aromatherapy oils.

They're a massage in a bottle

Olive oil sale prohibited during COVID-19 lockdown

Only essential oils can be bought.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.