Live In Jokes

But I know that can't possibly be true. Because every American knows that America is the best country in the world.

And I gotta say I counted 17 inaccuracies on my right hand alone.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses.
He yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see."
He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells,
"Was I going up the stairs or com... read more

...a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

If someone in a Home Depot store
Offers you assistance and they don't work there,
You may live in Canada .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You may live in Canada .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation
With someone who dialed a wrong number,... read more

He responded, “can’t complain.”

Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6

"Go down to the beach and fill that bucket up with snails for tonight's dinner," The woman tells her husband, "and once you've done that maybe I'll be able to stand being around you again."

The man reluctantly agrees and heads down to the beach with the bucket. It takes him several hours, bu... read more

But the biggest car park near me is outside the Crown Court

Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

Then he got a puncture, now he lives in a flat

A state of depression | A state of poverty | Mississippi

Because they are still alive!

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa

Missouri

should bang with the light off.

Because pepper water would make them sneeze.

(Roughly translated from a recent issue of *Acadie Nouvelle*)

Because someone blessed the rains down in Africa

Staten Island

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, live in Arkansas.

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.

He walks into the house and says to his wife ‘Notice anything different about me?’

Margare... read more

People who live in Dubai never watch The Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabi do.

US Bees

He feels better if he’s surrounded by lawyers.

Electricity!

Because they don’t like Nunavut.

DEAR NEIGHBOUR Hi, Morris . This is Saul, next door. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell youface-to-face. When you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it athome rec... read more

Because that's a condom idiom.

One day a pancake breakfast is set up around the mole hole. One of the three moles sticks his head out of the hole and says, "I smell syrup!"

The second mole sticks his head out of the hole and says, "I smell ketchup!"

The third mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but cannot ... read more

The white house.

Ham-burg

The males are usually only half the females size.

The spain, i don't live in spain

Because it's in a dam-nation.

'Cause Botswana.