The 16+ Best Theology Jokes

Difference between Physics, Philosophy and Theology

Physics is like going after a black cat in a dark room.

Philosophy is like going after a black cat in a dark room, while blindfolded.

Theology is like going after a black cat in a dark room, while blindfolded, shouting "Heureka, I found her!"

According to theology, if you commit 90 sins, you’ll only get caught half the time.

Because ….sin90 = cot45

My pot smoking college roommate decided to choose Theology as his major.

He’s now a high priest.

If you want to destroy science, you are a fundamentalist; if you want to destroy spiritual theology, you are a scientist; if you want to destroy both, you are

Nietzsche

A Catholic priest, a Baptist minister and a rabbi are camping together

Around the campfire they each claim to be the best at winning converts to their respective faiths. To settle the friendly dispute they decide to seek out a bear and try to convert it. The next day they fan out in different directions into the woods, planning to meet back at the campsite in twelve ho...

What did the atheist say when he caught an evangelical fish?

Ick, theology!

What profession?

The father of a bright young son went to a wise friend for advice as to what profession the youth should be fitted for. The sage was brusque.

"Let the boy choose for himself," he said.

"But," protested the father, "he's too young."

"Well," responded the wise man, "put him in a ...

Is Theology the study of people named Theo?

That's actually the whole thing sorry.

Dad joke but it's mine.

Edit 1: at the request of a punchline

"I was just Theorizing"

Edit 2: Aww now you guys are just being kind.

Clergy with terrible, terrible habits.

A Catholic priest, a Methodist pastor, a Baptist minister, and an Episcopalian rector were attending an ecumenical conference. After the conferences were done and they had supper, they were relaxing in the hotel restaurant, talking.

The Catholic priest said, "You know, it's great to get to k...

In a terrible car accident, 3 nuns die at the same time

They all appear in front of the gates of Heaven to meet Saint Peter. When they arrive, Peter informs them that those who lived a life of the cloth must answer some basic questions about theology before they are permitted to enter Heaven. Each of the nuns has studied their bible well, so they don't f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In medieval times in Rome, the Pope, influenced by some conservative advisers, decided to expel all Jews from the city

The Pope, not wanting to seem as forcing his decision on the Jews, allowed a debate to be held so the Jews could defend their citizenship.

That night, the Jewish Rabbis gathered in the synagogue to decide who will debate against the Pope. However none of the Rabbis wanted to debate against hi...

Opposites

A theology professor at a rural community college started the class by asking the students, "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said one student. "And the opposite of depression?" "Elation," said another. "And how about the opposite of woe?"

A redneck in the back of the class stood up f...

[Long] 4 Rabbis were on a hill...

They would argue day in and day out about theology. There seemed to be one Rabbi, however, that was always on the odd end of the argument. The other 3 Rabbis seemed to always team up on him.

He knew he was right so one day he called out to the heavens, "Oh God, I know that I am right and they...

So there's this barber in a small town...

So there's this barber in a small town. One day he's sitting in his barbershop and a man walks in wearing a pair of sandals, and a long brown robe with a hood. The man sits down in the barber's chair. "Excuse me," says the barber. "I was wondering: why are you dressed like that?"
"Well," says th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young minister was just starting out at his first pastoral job.

He was still very shy and unconfident, having recently graduated Theology Classes in the lower percentile of his class.
His first appointment was to visit one of his members that supposedly was very ill and needed cheering up. This was his first visit to any of his congregation, and he nervously ...

A Catholic priest walks into a bar...

Him clearly being depressed, the bartender asks him whats wrong, however the priest is insistent that they cut the chatter and asks for the strongest drink they've got. He goes at it for hours, keeps up longer than anyone the bartenders ever seen. Finally the bartender asks "Y'know, I always wonde...

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