What is a word meaning "an obnoxious person", beginning with C-U-?

Customer

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A priest is riding a cab

A priest gets a taxi. While driving, the taxi driver is being extremely obnoxious. Every time the car gets into a small pit in the road, the taxi driver says "Fuck!" or "Shit!". The priest is silent. Then they accidentally hit a pothole, and the taxi driver goes "Motherfucker!". Then they hit a crac...

How do you measure the obnoxiousness of middle-aged white women?

In degrees Karenheit.

My friend keeps obnoxiously bragging that he broke my record for deep sea diving.

That’s a new low.

The Beggar Girl

In the beginning of the 20th century, a young girl called Edit left her home country of Sweden, and crossed the Ocean to make a new life in America. Unfortunately, it did not go all that well, and she found herself soon homeless, begging for food or money to survive.

She used to occupy a stre...

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This is a joke my dad always used to tell. Hope no one has heard it before

The Red Baron, a French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend for picnic by the river Seine. It's a beautiful day, and love is in the air. The girlfriend leans over to The Red Baron and says, "Baron kiss me!" The Red Baron grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on his girlfriends Lips. "What ar...

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how many shitty obnoxious youtubers does it take to change a lightbulb?

You won't find out, at least in the next 10 minutes ald 5 seconds but who cares when there's such a SICK DEAL at dollar shave club? Now SUBSCRIBE AND SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON!

My new neighbor is fat, obnoxious, and loud.

Now I know how Canada feels.

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I considered eating my neighbor's obnoxious kid.

Then I realized he'd still be a little shit and a pain in the ass.

Bill is infatuated with his own farts.

Bill and Mary have been married for a long time.

Bill is infatuated with his own farts. Mary is not, but she tolerates it.

Every morning, as Bill climbs out of bed, he rips an obnoxious fart as he heads to the bathroom.

And every morning Mary tells Bill, “one of these days you’r...

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A husband and wife had been arguing all day. They pass a herd of obnoxious jerks. The wife says "Relatives of yours?"

The husband says "Yep, in-laws."

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The Tale of Kevin Bopper

Back in high school there was this kid named Kevin Bopper. He was... strange, to say the least. He was that quiet kid with long, greasy, dandruff-ridden hair, a face full of acne, and wore a leather jacket- you know the type. The thing that made him stand out, however, was his weird fixation on traf...

An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar

An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, "No way, buddy, you're too drunk."

A few minutes later, the drunk comes in though the bathroom.

Again he slurs, "Give me a drink," and the bartender says, "No, man, I told you last time, ...

My next door neighbour is loud and obnoxious

I really do feel like Canada.

If I bring you breakfast in bed it means that I love you.

Just say thanks and stop asking me so many obnoxious questions like "Who am I?", "What do I want?", "How did I get into your house?" or whatever...

What do you call an obnoxious potato?

A dictator.

Little 8-year-old Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the youngster was doing, he asked: “What are you doing there, Nancy?”

“My goldfish died,” Nancy sobbed. “And I’ve just buried him.”

The obnoxious neighbour laughed and said condescendingly: “That’s a really big hole for a little goldfish, don’t you think?”


Nancy patted down the last heap of earth with her shovel and replied: “That’s because he’s insi...

Little Johnny kept getting into trouble for disrupting his third grade class, seems he was regularly busting out obnoxiously loud farts.

His teacher kept him after school to have a talk with him and, maybe, resolve the problem. When she insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behavior, Little Johnny said, “I do it because I can do it better than anybody, and I’m proud of it.” The teacher, in a moment of despiration, says,...

One day an obnoxious atheist asked a pious Muslim man to explain to him why people suffered If God existed. The Muslim calmly thought for a minute

And then hacked that disbeliever's head clean off.

There are so many obnoxious people in the world, but do you know who really drives me to drink?

Designated Drivers.

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A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.

“Rabbi,” he said, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”

“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.

“Well, Ra...

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A German liked to amuse himself by scaring every Jew he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious Yamaka.

He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them. One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down ...

After 50 years of failed embargoes and isolation the US has recently unleashed its most obnoxious weapon on Cuba to date…

The American tourist!

I Recently I received a parrot as a gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else I could think of to "clea...

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist.

The  religious man prayed every single day and night, spending much time at  church, while the atheist never even thought of such acts.
However, the atheist's had a good life. An excellent, well-paid job, and a beautiful wife, lovely, healthy, children, whereas the religious  man's job was stres...

For my girlfriend's 25th birthday I got a bloke to come over to our house.

While we were sat on the sofa, the bloke said, "There's this pub nearby, it's good but the people there are kind of loud, obnoxious, 2/10. Then there's a club a few miles down the road. Huge venue with loud music and expensive drinks, 7/10. Then even further away, perhaps four or five miles out, the...

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What do a library and a toilet have in common?

Both are places where assholes go to be loud and obnoxious

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Two lions walk into a bar.

They sit down and start drinking. Soon after, a woman comes into the bar. She’s drunk and obnoxious. As she staggers by the lions, she carelessly bumps into the first one and spills his drink. Annoyed, the lion frowns and orders another drink. The two lions continue drinking and the woman staggers b...

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Joe, Dave, Tommy, and Rodney start a folk rock band. Joe plays cymbals, Dave is on the 6-string, Tommy has the drums, and Rodney adds his unique twang to the vocals.

Their very first rehearsal, they come up with a great idea for an original composition. It takes heavy liberties with the cymbal part. Joe is ecstatic; cymbal players rarely ever get the recognition they deserve. This could be a revolution in the music industry!

They begin tuning and setting ...

2 Monocles walk into a bar

The new bartender can tell that they are already well on their way to intoxication but obliges them anyway when they order 2 shots.

As the night goes on they continue to get drunker and drunker and their behaviour becomes obnoxious. From loud arguments to inappropriate comments to women and e...

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The tale of Louise.

Once upon a time there was a 7-year-old girl named Louise. Now from a young age Louise had always had an interest in science. Someday she wanted to be an astronaut, to pilot a spaceship, and to explore alien worlds, but she didn't have time for any of those things. You see, Louise's family owned thi...

Van Gogh Family

Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lesser known relatives:

* The really obnoxious brother - Please Gogh
* The brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh
* His dizzy aunt - Verti Gogh
* An aunt who taught positive thinking - Wayto Gogh
* And his ma...

Winter is like Justin Bieber

It was cute and fun at first, but now it's obnoxious and should probably stay in Canada.

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First farmer's market of the year

A farmer was on her way to the first farmer's market of the year. She was lucky to have secured a spot, year after year, at a very popular farmer's market, but rather than feeling excited, she was bummed out in anticipation of having to endure, yet again, the obnoxious antics of two almond growers ...

Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives

His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: M...

A guy spots a nice TV in a yard sale and stops by to take a closer look..

He doesn't see a price tag. "That's a nice TV!! How much are you asking for it?" he asks.

Owner replies, "Yes, this is an excellent television and it is all yours for just $1!"

Confused, the guy inquires, "One dollar?! Does it even work? What is wrong with it?"

The owner reassu...

The imgur community is essentially the reddit community's younger sister

She likes to think that she's edgier and smarter than you are, but she's really just obnoxious, pretentious, rude, and offensive

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So I was in a bar...

and this really loud obnoxious guy bumps into me and ends up spilling both our beers all over me. I get pretty pissed and challenge this guy to step outside so I can smack him in the face.
"No no, I'm a lover! Not a fighter!" He says.
So I kissed him. Turns out he WAS a fighter.

I used to try and slip into bed quietly, pretending to be asleep after coming home late after a night out with the guys but my wife always woke up...

But I found out that if I come in making as much noise as possible, stumble around a bunch, strip down naked, fall into bed and make obnoxious advances at her, she pretends she's asleep.

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Two Redneck

Two rednecks, Jake and Bubba, were sitting in a bar one night watching
rasslin' on the tube. At the end of the match was an advertisement.
A loud, obnoxious character came on screaming about $10,000 dollars in
prize money for anyone who could defeat "The Killer".

Jake looked at Bubb...

Men always believe what they want to hear.

So a girl can tell the most obnoxious lies and the guys will believe them every time — “This is my first time” — “That’s the biggest I’ve ever seen” — or both, which, if you really think about it, is not possible in a single lifetime.

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So, I'm in the stall of a public bathroom...

...And this guy comes in. First thing he does is belch extremely loudly. Twice. Walks to the urinal, starts obnoxiously banging his fist on the wall; I guess trying to make some sort of shitty beat. Farts, finishes, and leaves. No washing his hands or anything. All I can think is "Wow, I don't under...

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Women are like Wine

(I've submitted this one to another thread before, let's see how it goes here)

A man sits in his study, a book in his hand and a full glass of inky cabernet by his side. There's a sheepish knock at the door. "Come in," the man says without lifting his eyes from the page.

The door crea...

An American man walks into a bar...

An American man walks into a bar and grabs a seat. While ordering a pint, he can't help but overhear an obnoxiously loud but indiscernible conversation from three massively large ladies down the bar.

The man calls out to them,, "Hey babes, are you from Scotland?"

Quite rudely, one lad...

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Johnny Hated Math....

...his grades were terrible and he had stopped trying. Johnny's attitude in school was obnoxious, and his parents didn't know what to do.

Finally, they decided to enroll Johnny in the local Catholic school, even though they're not religious people and have never stepped foot in a church.
...

2 walruses walk into a bar..

the first walrus is swearing and acting extremly obnoxious, the second walrus turns to him and says "tusk tusk"

Gotta love dad jokes

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