I woke up last night from a noise somewhere in the house.

My wife turned to me and whispered "It must be a thief. Go downstairs and check."

Reluctantly, i went downstairs. I checked every room but couldn't find the thief.

I knew this sneaky guy was hiding somewhere but where?

Then i remembered- i don't have a wife.

Two people were having a competition to name a storage unit, one of them wanted to call it a "sneaky shelf" and the other thought "deep cupboard" would fit nicely.

In the end the votes were almost even, so they called it a draw

Erections are so sneaky

They happen right under your nose

A rabbit, a fox and a bear have to enroll in the army.

Neither of the 3 are very happy about it and the only chance they have to avoid it is by being rejected during the medical exam. As They are waiting in line at the doctors office their desperation builds up untill right before it's the rabbits turn.
The rabbit turns to the fox: "Fox I might h...

With the massive downturn in international travel, aircraft manufacturer Fokker has started developing planes for the military. Their latest is a small, super stealthy reconnaissance plane that is almost undetectable!

It's called the Sneaky Little Fokker.

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A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

I pulled a lil sneaky on ya

A boy and a girl are standing by a flagpole. The boy asks the girl to climb up the pole, and take the flag down. She does so, and then gives the flag to the boy. The girl goes home later that day, and tells her mother what happened. Her mother responds with: "Oh, dear, that boy was just trying to lo...

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I was at the public swimming pool today and decided to have a sneaky piss in the deep end.

The lifeguard must have noticed - he blew his whistle so fucking loud, I nearly fell in.

Why do sneaky rogues wear leather armor?

Because it's made of hide.

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A sneaky question in a Police interrogation.

Investigator: "Now there's a couple of things I want to know; who's the murderer and what's the square root of -1?"

Suspect: "It is i."

Investigator: "Gotcha bitch!"

A Ninja was on a Mission

A ninja was on a very sneaky assassination mission. As he crept through the compound and avoided detection, he finally laid eyes on his target. As sort of a tradition, the ninja would always whisper to his weapons before going in for the kill. As he prepared to kill the target, the ninja equipped a ...

A man finds a genie

As expected he is grated three wishes, but the genie warns him that he is known to be very sneaky and usually turns wishes against their favor.
The man decides to gamble and waste his first two wishes on ensuring he has a perfect
First wish, the man says
'I wish for you to be comple...

What's the difference between a sneaky pig and yeast infection?

One's a cunning runt...

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A genie gives an Irish-man 3 wishes......

Irish lad:I wish to live forever

Genie:Sorry mate,rules say I cant let you wish to live forever

Irish lad: I wish to live intil Mayo win the All-Ireland

Genie: You sneaky bastard

The adventures of Farty Bart

Bart was a regular fellow, quite charming actually. But he farted often than most.


Bart has obatined that sweet sweet yes from the girl of his dream, they agreed to a date on his now girlfriend's house.


They were eating, chatting, laughing, until he had the sudden urge to fart....

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There once was a police dog...

The K-9 unit had decided to get some new dogs to sniff out drugs and the like. One of them happened to have an exceptional talent for this, and while training this dog, several notorious local drug dealers had already been caught. Eventually, the dog was assigned to a cop, and the cop named the dog ...

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A leperchaun and a bastard.

So there's this guy out golfing, and he looks over at his cart and he sees there's a leperchaun hiding behind it. He gets really excited and sneaks up behind him and catches him.

"Alright, you sneaky little bastard, now you owe me 3 wishes."
The leperchaun obliged, but warned the man "Ok, ...

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Two Hobos are walking along a train track.

The one hobo goes to the other hobo, "Did I ever tell you about the best day of my life? I was walking down these very same tracks and out of the corner of my eye I saw a 50 dollar bill stuck between a track. I bought myself a case of Thunder Ripple and me and Sneaky Pete and One Eyed Dan partied ...

A priest had a speaking parrot

One night when the priest went on vacation a burglar broke into his house. Trying to be as sneaky as possible he didn't used his flashlight. Suddenly he heard a voice say:" Jesus sees you!" He quickly turned on his flashlight and looked around. When he saw the parrot the parrot again said:" Jesus se...

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Newlyweds

One night, a newly married couple take to their bed after the party and after some smooching they decide they're ready to consummate the marriage. So the groom drops his pants and gets a shriek out of the Bride.

"What's wrong with you!" he shouts at her.
"Ohh! OOH! What's THAT?!" she repli...

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What's the Moral of the story?

Picture a tranquil pond and in this pond there’s a small fish swimming just under the water and he spots a fly hovering above the water and thinks to himself if that fly were to drop just 6 inches I would be able to jump up and get him. So the fish went about his business keeping an eye on the fly.<...

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A classic French/Belgian joke

(Translated from French. I always found the nationalism amusing that the French and Belgians use each other as the butt of jokes - sorry for any Belgians here that are offended, I'll raise a Belgian beer in your name later on!)

Two Belgians were in a delivery truck driving through France. Th...

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