Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?

The guy planted a light bulb and thought he'd get a power plant.

A foolish man gives his wife a grand piano...

... A wise man gives his wife an upright organ.

It's foolish for humans to try and take back the planet of the apes

Since they are incredibly good at gorilla warfare.

What is the difference between a tube and a foolish Dutchman?

One is a hollow cylinder and the other a silly Hollander.


Source (Cause I can't claim fame for Victorian era jokes): http://www.historytoday.com/blog/2011/10/victorian-jokes-best-19th-century-humour

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In the days before cell phones, a businessman wants to keep his wife "entertained" while he's away on business trips

In the days before cell phones, a businessman wants to keep his wife "entertained" while he's away on business trips. He tends to be away for a couple of weeks at a time, so he was always worried about his wife cheating on him. The man headed over to his local sex shop to see what he can find.
...

'A foolish person'

Two friends chilling in the park during their lunch, one is doing a crossword puzzle in the paper.

Man 1: How do you spell buffoon?

Man 2: Do you want the British, or American spelling?

Man 1: British or American!? What are you on about?

Man 2: Well the British spelling i...

He who stands with hands in pockets feels foolish

He who stands with holes in pockets feels nuts

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4 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

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Dave was thinking about men and woman and had an Epiphany.

He ran downstairs to tell his wife.

“Hey honey, I think I have figured out the difference between men and women!” Dave said.

“Oh?...” she replied with a concerned inquisition.

“Yeah see, it’s like wisdom vs intelligence. Guys, we’re pretty dumb, but we know how to handle tough s...

A drunkard hits on a nun in the bus

“How's it going sweety, you wanna come to my place?“ The nun, obviously flustered, declines. “Come on sweetheart, just a onetime thing, you're so goddamn cute!“ The nun slaps him and leaves at the next station.

The busdriver, who had noticed the other man hitting on the nun, winks him over. ...

Three Old Ladies

Two old ladies go visit their friend Mary. They sit down and after a while Mary says: "How foolish of me! I haven't even offered you coffee." So she gets up and gets the coffee. Some time later, old Mary says: "How foolish of me! I haven't even offered you coffee." So again she gets the coffee. Half...

three bulls walk in a field

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.


First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."


Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."
...

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An Englishman, Scotsman, and Irishman...

An Englishman, Scotsman, and Irishman are trekking through the jungle together. They’re hacking down trees, killing leopards, and generally doing manly things.

All of a sudden, they are confronted by a group of natives, who grab the trio and drag them to their little village and tie them to s...

A few guys grew some weed

A group of friends decided to experiment with growing weed one day. It proved to be a success and they were very proud of their work.

However, one member of the group decided to take all the credit for himself. This was foolish as it was obviously a joint effort...

Brothers John and Peter are lost in the woods...

They are both tired and hungry. The older brother Peter was hard working and obedient. The younger one was John, who is lazy and foolish. It was nightfall, and they were about to sleep when they heard a booming voice.

"BOTH OF YOU, GRAB A ROCK."

Earnest Peter did not hesitate and went ...

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A man is leaving for a business trip and is worried his wife might be unfaithful, so he stops by a sex shop.

He explains his situation to the owner of the store and the owner smiles widely, "I have just the thing for you." From behind the counter she pulls out an old wooden box with strange writing scratched all over it. "I will let you rent this," she says. She opens the box and inside is a large, smooth ...

"I'm NOT a window cleaner!"

(Inspired by IT crowd)

One gloomy day in London a man by the name of Roy walks in a park, taking a short break from his job in an IT department. Suprisingly, he runs into an old school friend named Alister during his walk, and they catch up. Alister is a local writer for a very famous publish...

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The proper way to call someone a bastard

Fred was about to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer (George) approached and asked if he could join him. Fred said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. They were even after the first few holes.

George said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for fiv...

The Lawyer's Car

A lawyer had just bought a fancy new car, and was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took off the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it would ...

Whose going to know?

There was a pastor at a local church who loved to golf, he would try to golf as much as possible whenever he could. He would always watch out for the weather to check if there were any days for golfing.

Now, it so happened that one of the days was the coming Sunday. So, the pastor called in s...

Fellowship of the ring

As the fellowship of the ring was being formed Bilbo had been eavisdropping outside of the meeting, not being able to help his curiosity.
He had heard young Frodo take upon himself the burden of the ring, Sam, Merry and Pippin joining him on the foolish quest. Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas and Boromir ...

The Lion and the Elephant

Everybody knows that the lion is the king of the jungle. Always has been, and for generations it seemed like he always would be. One afternoon, however, after a particularly poorly received watering hole decision, the elephant had had enough.

“Lion,” he said, “I’ve been your major domo for a...

The whole town is in trouble!! A joke, old yet good..

A boy called up his mom from hospital, “Mom, I took tests and they declared that I have AIDS.”

Mom, “What? Don’t come back home son, go away.”

Boy “Why mom, I’m your son.”

Mom, “You foolish boy! If you come back home, then your wife will be infected, from your wife to your broth...

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A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him

"What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest

"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says

"Follow me, Ill take you to the ...

A man finds a bottle with a genie inside.

*poof* “I will grant you one wish, what is thy bidding master?”

“I want a freeway to Hawaii from Santa Barbara with a tollbooth that only I can enter!”

The genie scoffs. “Foolish mortal, that is not possible, even for a genie like myself. The logistics of designing and building such a ...

Donald Trump was admiring the Sistine chapel

Trump : this is the bestest painting I’ve ever seen

Docent : yes indeed Mr. President , it was painted by Michaelangelo ..

Trump : I know the fake news media makes me look like an idiot but I’m not foolish to believe that it was painted by a freaking turtle

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They asked Stephen King to write a horror story about a gorilla...

He told his publishers that he wanted to write it under his *nom de plume* "Richard Bachman." The problem, he said, was that he'd already written "The Monkey" under his own name. He didn't want people to think this new story was a sequel, or derivative in some way. Legally, since he'd sold the ri...

A farmer walked into a hardware store

and while purchasing some tools was asked by the proprietor if he would like to buy a bicycle.
“You won’t have to keep a bicycle fed,” said the storekeep, “and you can ride around your farm on it. They’re getting cheaper now, and I can let you have one for 35 dollars.”
“I’d rather put the 35 d...

My friend told me this joke

It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in and eat dinner with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon back up." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "bu...

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Old man sitting on his porch

When three young men walk by carrying chicken wire. Curious, the old man asks "where are you boys going with that chicken wire?" The young men reply "we're going to catch some chickens!" The old man smiles, remembering his young and foolish years, and shakes his head. A couple hours later, the same ...

Drunk Sean Spicer

Sean Spicer had a few extra shots at the White House ball. Drunk as a skunk, he wandered the grounds until he came upon the Rochambeau statue in Lafayette Square.

As he sat puking in the bushes, he suddenly heard a distinct pssssttt... Afraid that a MSNBC journalist might catch him in this st...

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Is it too soon to joke about 9/11?

There's an urban legend amongst pilots from that day that goes something like this:

It's 9/11. All aircraft have been grounded and diverted to other airports. As news of the tragedy begins to spread, a somber mood permeates all flight crews as they whisper amongst themselves and discretely on...

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The leader of China is growing restless so he tries to find a country that wants to fight his army, so he called Sweden...

The leader of china calls Obama and says: "Hey man, we havn't had a good fight in a while, how about we see who has the best army?"
To which Obama said: "Look pal, you know me, we never say no to a big show down but we have so much on our plate right now. The election, the syrian crysis, superbow...

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A guy bets the bartender for a drink

Guy bets the bartender $100 that he can lick his own eyeball.

The bartender agrees. The man takes out his glass eye and licks it. "Gimme a jack and coke" he orders, smiling.

About a half hour later the man returns and bets the bartender $200 that he can bite his nose.

There'...

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Three mean have all died and arrive at the Pearly Gates all together.

They are greeted by a small ball of light that introduces itself as an angel, and lets them know that due to budget cuts, only one of them may be admitted. When amazingly, nobody questioned the idea of heavenly budget cuts, the angel continued. In order to decide who would ultimately get the spot, h...

I just read a joke from world war 1

The captain asks for a volunteer to go out in no man's land and retrieve a message that has come with a carrier pigeon. No one volunteers, except foolish Paddy. He says, "I will go for my country!". He then climbs up out of the trench, and all you hear after are bullets, grenades, bombs, etc. And ev...

A thief goes to the Louvre

Recently a man nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out, and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such...

On a hot afternoon, Scrooge the miser and his grandson, Tim, were walking home from a party.

Tim complains, "Gramps, it's still a long way back to our house. It's hot and I'm tired. Look, there's a bus stop here. Can we please take the bus home?"

Scrooge is aghast. "It'll cost us six dollars to get home from here! What a waste of money! We'll walk it."

Tim sighs, but he's a ...

L. Ron Hubbard's brothers

These come to mind as I drive.

L. Ron Hubbard's . . .

. . . corporate swindler brother--Enron Hubbard
. . . foolish brother--Moron Hubbard
. . . oil executive brother--Chevron Hubbard
. . . political candidate brother--Electron Hubbard
. . . scientist brother--Neutron Hubba...

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A rabbit and a bear dig up an old lamp

A rabbit and a bear are digging for some tasty roots when they come across an old lamp. The bear immediately claims it and yanks it out of the rabbits grasp. Wiping off the dirt from the lamp with them in the process.
Immediately a genie bursts from the lamp shouting: *"Thank you for freeing me ...

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Sherlock and Watson go camping... (reposted from the intelligent jokes thread)

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping in the woods one night during an investigation. As they lay out under the stars, Holmes asks Dr. Watson a question...

"Watson!" Holmes said imperiously. "Look at the stars and tell me what you can deduce." Watson sighed, recognizing one of Holmes' fr...

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In the 1950's....

The Americans trained spies from birth to enter the Soviet Union and find out information. They had trained one American for 20 years, taught him the culture, the language, food, and their general way of life. By the time the American was 21, they had shipped him off to Moscow. As soon as he got off...

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A man walks into a bar...

After a while of socializing, the man walks up, places a Pilsner glass on the end of the bar counter and says to the bartender: "I'll bet you $100 I can stand at the opposite end of the counter, take a leak, and get every single drop of piss into that glass without even grazing your counter." The b...

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