UPJOKE
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Cynical Jokes

A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had
any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the
porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?"


Delighted, the girl quickly responded,
"How about $50?"

...

Why was the horse always so negative and cynical?

He was a neighsayer

Know why New Yorkers are so cynical?

For them, the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

A cynical man wishes to a Genie that he would be a psychic.

The Genie nods and snaps his fingers, and the man is warped back to his home.

Eager to see if the Genie was telling the truth, the man tests his power on a friend. When he failed to make the right guess, he shouted in frustration.

"God. I KNEW this would happen!"

What do you call a room full of cynical plumbers?

A skeptic tank.

I want to be less cynical

But I know that'll never happen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a recent study said that scat fetishists are cynical and negative.

It said they're always shitting on people.

What do you call a cynical person who’s drunk on gin and tonic?

Sartonic

A train's co-conductor spotted a landmine on the train tracks up ahead.

"MINE!" the co-conductor shouted.
"What's that?" the head conductor asked cynically. "I thought I've already made it clear that this train is mine. Is that cle-"

Suddenly, the train ran over the landmine, creating a massive explosion, leaving an unfortunate amount of survivors. The head ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Body Transplant Operation

A family has a son who, due to an unfortunate accident in his youth, is now a disembodied head.

His mother and father take care of him year after year, trying to make his life as good as they can under the circumstances. Despite their efforts, however, their son is quite cynical and bitter a...

The Head Teacher

Once there was this fantastic head teacher, let's call him... Mr Johnson. He had single-handily turned around the fortunes of three failing schools in his city with his tight intelligent financial control, understanding of the school's inherent needs, and great relationships with all staff/pupils....

A Buddhist monk finds himself on a pilgrimage...

A Buddhist monk finds himself on a pilgrimage in The United States to become more affiliated with the innate mysticism that influences the modern world.



He decides to start in America's intellectual capital, New York City, mind open and ready to learn. He got plenty of strange looks ...

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