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Cranky Jokes

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A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you. Don't bother coming after me.”

Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom.

She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.

After a few minutes, he wrote something on it befo...

I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her…

As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"

What’s the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling?

One is a whiny toddler and the other is a tiny waddler.

My friend was cranky from fasting all day for Yom Kippur yesterday.

I’m sure it will Passover.

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Carl is always really cranky in the morning...

"Carl, you should really do something about your bad mood," Says his boss, as Carl enters office with a long face once again.

"I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do about it, boss."

"You know how I prevent this?" Answers his boss, "I make sure to have sex with my wife every time befo...

Why is Mrs. Claus so cranky?

Santa only comes once a year and it’s down a chimney.

Why was the ocean so cranky?

You'd be cranky too if you had crabs on your bottom.

What do you call a cranky grandfather?

A grumpa.

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A young boy and his cranky grandfather ...

... are sitting on the front porch. The grandfather picks up his jug of moonshine and takes a big swig from it.

The boy asks, "Can I have a sip of that, Grandpa?"

"Can your dick touch your ass?" the grandfather asks.

"No..." says the boy

"Then you're too young to drink li...

I took my daughter to my office for, "Bring your kid to work day". BIG MISTAKE!

After meeting everyone she started getting cranky and began to cry. As everyone gathered around to try to console her, she looked at me and in a loud voice complained, "Where are all the clowns you tell me & mommy you work with everyday?"

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What do you call a donkey who is always getting up to mischief, is tall and thin, forgot his morning coffee, is handsome and strong, smells really bad, loves country music, has one eye, and three legs?

A hanky-panky, lanky, cranky, spunky, hunky, stinky dinky, honky tonky, winky, wonky donkey!

Why is President Trump so cranky?

Because he owns my username but only I have the password.

What do you call a really cranky shaman with bad breath and osteoporosis?

A Super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis

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A female gorilla is alone in a cage at the zoo...

... She has become very cranky due to her isolation and has become increasingly aggressive. Her problematic behavior has become a concern of the zookeeper who decides to try to fix it. While trying to come up with a solution he notices the janitor, a very sleazy redneck type and gets an idea. He wal...

I told my son to believe in his dreams, and my wife got mad.

She is probably just cranky though since we both just got woken up by our son who had a nightmare.

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[Almost a real story] My middle school friends and I, when we were in middle school, were talking about our wet dreams. everyone was having a good time talking about the naughty stuff, but my friend Hassan was all quiet and unamused. Later he came to me and said that he wants my thought.

\- So what's up Hassan?

\+ Ali all the guys are having wet dreams and I am not. Am I sick or something?

\- I don't think so. but there must be a reason that you don't. tell me, Do you fap?

\+ Of course I fap.

\- Do you fap a lot...?

\+ not really. once or twice...

Senior Shoplifter

A cranky older woman "in her senior years" was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away. She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process.

Whe...

A man was voting for his favorite movie, he wanted to say it was Pixar’s UP because he loves the story about the cranky old man and the little kid. But he also doesn’t like crying in public and the opening sequence makes him cry every single time and that makes him angry. He eventually said . . .

Take my angry Up vote

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There was an angry ape

Ever since it lost his mate, he has been mean, throwing feces, and acting aggressive toward staff and visitors.

Into this, a young apprentice zookeeper was thrown. For some reason, George the ape was taken by him. Maybe it was his thick beard.

So the man was waiting for his boss in ...

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40 Cents

There was a country family who had struggled with poverty all their lives. Then the daughter got married to the wealthiest bachellor of the nearest town.
All of a sudden their lives started to improve. The husband employed all the wife’s siblings, his company started to buy the family ranch’s...

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Rabbit and Bear at the bar

Rabbit and Bear meet each other one day in the forest. As they're making smalltalk, Rabbit invites Bear over to the nearest bar in order to buy him a drink. When they arrive, Rabbit goes to the bar and orders "A beer for me and a coke for my friend, Bear". Everyone then stops and laughs at Bear's "m...

A man finds a gorilla in his tree.

One morning a man wakes up and looks out his second-story window only to see a big mean looking gorilla sitting in his tree. A bit panicked, he googles “gorilla removal” and finds a local animal removal service. The removal service owner responds that he will be right over.

A half hour lat...

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