Husband doing crosswords with his wife

Husband: emphatic no, five letters

Wife: never

H: pistol, three letters

W: gun

H: disgust, three letters

W: ugh

H: charity, four letters

W: give

H: female sheep, three letters

W: ewe

H: Pixa...

What's the ram's favorite letter?

Double ewe.

What’s the difference between Mick Jagger and an Irishman?

Mick Jagger would say hey you get off my cloud.

An Irishman would say hey McLeod get off my ewe.

Turns out shepherds don't like being referred to as

'ewe people'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the sheep who thought she was a rope but couldn’t hold it together?

Shit ewe knot she fell fell apart!

Where do sheep go to watch funny videos?

EweTube

What is a New Zealanders favourite love song?

I cant help falling in love with a ewe..

A female sheep walks into a bar with a baby cow and a baby goat

Bartender says: Ewe Calf to be Kidding me!

In England, the saying goes “hey you, get offa my cloud!”

In Scotland, the saying goes “hey Cloud, get offa my ewe!”

You're gonna ask me why i have a sheep's skull on my bathroom scale, arent you?

Weigh a head of ewe there.

I pretended to be a female sheep in order to satisfy a man’s unique fetish.

We actually ended up in a relationship but I didn’t like living a lie so I decided I had to break up with him.

I said “it’s not ewe, it’s me!”

Meta-meta-joke

# Joke

A joke is something funny because unpredicatable that makes people laugh, giggle or smile. This is a a joke :



>I met a shepherd, we talked about ewe.



The fact that it takes a second to realize that "we talked about ewe" sounds like the well known sente...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sheep are grass.

Ewe are what ewe eat.

A cornea, a female sheep, a tire and a nerd walk into a haunted house

The cornea bounces in first, making plenty of noise all throughout the house, and leaves terrified and satisfied.

The female sheep prances in next, and terrified bleeting can be heard by all, before she leaves in fear.

The tire rolls in next, making loud, frightened rubbery noises insi...

Scientists have determined that it's impossible to change a female sheep into a male.

They'll never make a man out of ewe.

What was the ram’s favourite Christmas carol?

All I Want for Christmas is Ewe

What was the first thing the farmers daughter said after watching a sheep give birth for the first time?

Ewe

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Gandalf say to the sheep farmer that wanted to cross his land?

Ewe shall not pass.

What did Dolly the Sheep’s friend say to her right after her clone was born?

“Look, it’s a little ewe.”

A group of sheep walk into a buffet.

The waiter approaches the group and says, "the ladies can eat, but the men will only be able to order drinks".

"Baaa... care to explain yourself?" asks one of the rams

"I'm sorry Sir, but as the sign stated on the door, this is an all ewe can eat buffet".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I accidentally walked in on my daughter masturbating

I accidentally walked in on my daughter masturbating with a cucumber and I immediately shut the door.

"Ewe gross, I was going to eat that later, now it's going to taste like a cucumber"

A group of monks have an encounter with the almighty while tending their flower garden.

The experience so transforms them that they decide to form a new order, with a monastery, dedicated to growing flowers as a form of worship. Two years into the venture they realize that they are running out of funds and decide to begin selling some of their flowers as a way to raise funds to support...

Why did the ram run off the cliff?

He missed the ewe turn

A Welsh policeman heard a commotion at a nearby farm and went to investigate.

He walked into the barn to see the farmer making love to a sheep.

"Bloody hell, Farmer Greg! Don'tcha know that's wrong?"

The farmer looked up at the policeman and said, "If loving ewe is wrong, I don't wanna be right!"

It’s easier to take Wales out of the EU...

...than it is to take a Welshman out of the ewe.

I lacked confidence in my ability as a sheep shearer....until I started shearing female sheep....

Ewes make me feel like a natural woolman....

What did the fat sheep say to her husband?

"I love being a round ewe"

Donald Trump hired a group of drag queen sheep...

They were called the “Fake Ewes”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A ship goes down at sea and two survivors wash up on the shore of an island--a man and a Chihuahua.

The only other inhabitants of the island are harmless native sheep that roam and feed aimlessly on the lush grass. Conditions are primitive, but the man and Chihuahua coexist peacefully for several years.

The man eventually comes to the realization that he will never be rescued. Sadly he beg...

That's baaad

A sheep goes to see a doctor.


"How are ewe doing today," he asks.


"I'm a little horse," she says.


"Ma'am," says the doctor, "I'm afraid you have a dissociative identity disorder."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is shipwrecked on an island

A man is sailing off the coast of Australia when a storm hits. He ends up shipwrecked on a little island.

There are just pastures and a few farms, so he goes up to one of the farms and asks if he can stay. A couple of grizzled old shepherds are there, and they give him lodging.

The ne...

what did the ram say when his mom found drugs in his dresser drawer?

I learned it from watching ewe!

If I carved a sheep from this tree trunk, would you buy it bro?

Wood ewe?!

How do men in New Zealand address their women?

"Hey! Ewe!"

What's a sheep's favourite band?

Ewe 2

What did the ram say as his lover lay on her deathbed?

There will never be another ewe.

What did the baby sheep say to its mother on the phone?

"Miss ewe!"

The Chuckle Brothers hold the record for the World's biggest sheep

They've got a 2 metre ewe.

Professor San Holo

Prof San Holo was busy at his lab. He was experimenting with splicing genetic material from rams into eggs of bees. With global warming, certain species of flowering plants flourish while others perish. The idea was to give bees the ability to digest leaves and grass to make honey and thereby reduc...

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