What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get off of my cloud," but a Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe."

What did Gandalf say to the sheep farmer that wanted to cross his land?

Ewe shall not pass.

It’s easier to take Wales out of the EU...

...than it is to take a Welshman out of the ewe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the sheep who thought she was a rope but couldn’t hold it together?

Shit ewe knot she fell fell apart!

Where do sheep go to watch funny videos?

EweTube

Husband doing crossword with wife..

Husband : emphatic no, five letters
 

Wife : never

H : pistol, three letters
 

W : gun

H : disgust, three letters
 

W : ugh

H : charity, four letters
 

W : give

H : female sheep, three letters...

A farmer decides its time to tell his son how he breeds the animals.

He explains about the cows and the bull, the mares and the stallion and the ewes and the ram. But he also decides to tell his boy about their one lame pig.

‘Unfortunately she can’t walk far, so when she’s in heat I put her in the wheelbarrow and cart her down to my friend’s farm for some alo...

I pretended to be a female sheep in order to satisfy a man’s unique fetish.

We actually ended up in a relationship but I didn’t like living a lie so I decided I had to break up with him.

I said “it’s not ewe, it’s me!”

A female sheep walks into a bar with a baby cow and a baby goat

Bartender says: Ewe Calf to be Kidding me!

What is a New Zealanders favourite love song?

I cant help falling in love with a ewe..

Poseidon, God of the Sea, wanted to take one day off...

"Zeus" he says, "I'm tired of this whole 'God of the Sea' business."

Zeus says he can take a day off and give his powers, for just one day, to the first animal he sees when he goes ashore.

He puts his powers into a sheep.

Suddenly, the sheep levitates, and walks out into the s...

You're gonna ask me why i have a sheep's skull on my bathroom scale, arent you?

Weigh a head of ewe there.

Meta-meta-joke

# Joke

A joke is something funny because unpredicatable that makes people laugh, giggle or smile. This is a a joke :



>I met a shepherd, we talked about ewe.



The fact that it takes a second to realize that "we talked about ewe" sounds like the well known sente...

A cornea, a female sheep, a tire and a nerd walk into a haunted house

The cornea bounces in first, making plenty of noise all throughout the house, and leaves terrified and satisfied.

The female sheep prances in next, and terrified bleeting can be heard by all, before she leaves in fear.

The tire rolls in next, making loud, frightened rubbery noises insi...

Sheep are grass.

Ewe are what ewe eat.

Scientists have determined that it's impossible to change a female sheep into a male.

They'll never make a man out of ewe.

What was the ram’s favourite Christmas carol?

All I Want for Christmas is Ewe

What was the first thing the farmers daughter said after watching a sheep give birth for the first time?

Ewe

Every time I visit my Uncle’s farm I think the sheep are pointing and laughing at me when I’m not looking..

Are ewe kidding me

What did Dolly the Sheep’s friend say to her right after her clone was born?

“Look, it’s a little ewe.”

A group of sheep walk into a buffet.

The waiter approaches the group and says, "the ladies can eat, but the men will only be able to order drinks".

"Baaa... care to explain yourself?" asks one of the rams

"I'm sorry Sir, but as the sign stated on the door, this is an all ewe can eat buffet".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I accidentally walked in on my daughter masturbating

I accidentally walked in on my daughter masturbating with a cucumber and I immediately shut the door.

"Ewe gross, I was going to eat that later, now it's going to taste like a cucumber"

A group of monks have an encounter with the almighty while tending their flower garden.

The experience so transforms them that they decide to form a new order, with a monastery, dedicated to growing flowers as a form of worship. Two years into the venture they realize that they are running out of funds and decide to begin selling some of their flowers as a way to raise funds to support...

A Welsh policeman heard a commotion at a nearby farm and went to investigate.

He walked into the barn to see the farmer making love to a sheep.

"Bloody hell, Farmer Greg! Don'tcha know that's wrong?"

The farmer looked up at the policeman and said, "If loving ewe is wrong, I don't wanna be right!"

I lacked confidence in my ability as a sheep shearer....until I started shearing female sheep....

Ewes make me feel like a natural woolman....

Donald Trump hired a group of drag queen sheep...

They were called the “Fake Ewes”

Why did the Sheep run off the cliff?

He didn't see the ewe turn

What did the fat sheep say to her husband?

"I love being a round ewe"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A ship goes down at sea and two survivors wash up on the shore of an island--a man and a Chihuahua.

The only other inhabitants of the island are harmless native sheep that roam and feed aimlessly on the lush grass. Conditions are primitive, but the man and Chihuahua coexist peacefully for several years.

The man eventually comes to the realization that he will never be rescued. Sadly he beg...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Jamaican restaurant informed me that they're getting low on lamb meat.

Or in other words:

THE JERK STORE CALLED AND THEY'RE RUNNING OUT OF EWE.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is shipwrecked on an island

A man is sailing off the coast of Australia when a storm hits. He ends up shipwrecked on a little island.

There are just pastures and a few farms, so he goes up to one of the farms and asks if he can stay. A couple of grizzled old shepherds are there, and they give him lodging.

The ne...

That's baaad

A sheep goes to see a doctor.


"How are ewe doing today," he asks.


"I'm a little horse," she says.


"Ma'am," says the doctor, "I'm afraid you have a dissociative identity disorder."

Making love to a woman is like a Ram playing a violin...

He may not be very good at it, but it's still better than ewe

If I carved a sheep from this tree trunk, would you buy it bro?

Wood ewe?!

what did the ram say when his mom found drugs in his dresser drawer?

I learned it from watching ewe!

How do men in New Zealand address their women?

"Hey! Ewe!"

What's a sheep's favourite band?

Ewe 2

What did the baby sheep say to its mother on the phone?

"Miss ewe!"

What did the ram say as his lover lay on her deathbed?

There will never be another ewe.

The Chuckle Brothers hold the record for the World's biggest sheep

They've got a 2 metre ewe.

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