For Star Trek fans: What did Scotty tell Kirk when The Enterprise flew over western England?

"Thar be Wales here!"

Joke I just thought up: What did the orphan say to the Star Trek fan thinking of adopting?

Bring me up, Scotty!

Husband - My wife is missing. She went out yesterday and has not come home...

*Police Sergeant*:
What is her height?

*Husband*:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

*Sergeant*:
Colour of eyes?

*Husband*:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

*Sergeant*:
Colour of hair?

*Husband*:
Changes a couple times a ...

Why did Scotty check all the toilets of the Starship Enterprise?

He was looking for the Captain's log.

Young Jonny us playing golf for the very first time, with his grandfather

After a slow start, they reach a short par 3. Jonny reaches for his driver and hits it all the way to the fringe of the green. He very nonchalantly chips it to 2ft and mops up for par.

The old man is super proud, and after the round he gifts Jonny a magnificent Bronze coloured driver.
...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are on a train...

So an Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman are on a train, drinking and being loud together.

Dickie, Scotty and Paddy.

At the next stop an elderly priest and a beautiful nun get on, store their bags overhead and sit across from the three.

As the train gets under way, the pries...

What did Jesus say before He ascended to Heaven on the 40th day of Easter?

"Beam me up, Scotty."

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Virgin Australian men

A very nice, innocent Australian woman wanted to get married, but she was only willing to marry a man provided he had never had sex with another woman.

After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decided to take out a personal ad.

She ends up corresponding with Scotty Greer, who...

Star Trek: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Captain Kirk: "To boldly go where no chicken had gone before!"
Spock: "At the time, it seemed the logical thing to do."
McCoy: "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a barnyard psychologist!"
Scotty: "Because it couldna change the laws o' physics!"
Computer: "Insufficient data."

D...

A drunk guy was walking on his way home from the bar..

Along the way, he came across a man and his dog..

Drunk Guy: "Hey there! That's a nice monkey you got with you."

Confused, the man replied, "Uhm, sir, you might have had too many drinks for the night. This is Scotty, my Labrador."

Enraged, the drunk guy replied, "I wasn't talkin...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Why aren't there any Muslims on Star Trek?

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General.
As they talked the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what i have seen in America." The General said, "well anyth...

Be careful what you ask for!

A Scotsman was strolling across High Street one day wearing
his kilt. As he neared the far curb, he noticed two young blondes in
a red convertible eyeing him and giggling.

One of them called out, "Hey, Scotty! What's worn under the kilt?"

He strolled over to the side of the car ...

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