My parents treat their puppers and kittys like they rule the home.

I guess they're reigning cats and dogs.

Last year, kitty litter companies everywhere took part in a competition...

a competition for 'who could create the best cat litter'--suggesting there was a 'huge trophy' for first place, but it all went horribly wrong.

They should've known, though, after all the grand prize was just one massive catastrophe.

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Do cats stutter?

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.

"Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.

A little girl raises her hand "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked t...

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A mans wife isn't happy with her husbands performance in bed...

So she goes to the doctor and explains her troubles. The doctor gives her a bottle of pills and says to the wife "Slip your husband 1 pill to be good. Give him 2 pills to be great. Give him 3 pills to be amazing. and give him 4 pills if you want to go all out and have a sore vagina for a week" <...

What do you call a forgetful kitty?

A fur-gato

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Fuck you kitty!

Just kitten.

What do you call books written for cats?

Kitty Litter-ature.

True story: Kitty cat had PUPPIES!

Recently attended my great aunts funeral. This was a beautiful story that accompanied.

My great aunt ran a beauty shop. One day, while tending to a female client in the beauty shop, her female client's highly acclaimed husband sat in a chair as company.

One of my young cous...

The Talking Cat.

A 2 bit magician had a show called "Goldie, the Magic Talking Cat". He wasn't that skilled of a magician, so he had to make up for his lack of talent with cheesy 2 bit tricks.

He found this cat that looked like it was clearly abandoned. It had fleas and ticks, wasn't fixed and it didn't ...

Kitty Pryde walks into a bar

Something is disrupting her mutant power.

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August 31
Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Karratha , Western Australia .
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful.
I've fi...

Going to Heaven

A man comes home to find his daughter crying at the front door. She sobs, “I think kitty is dead, she’s on her back and not moving”. Sure enough the girls kitten is on the ground paws in the air. Trying to come up with a reasonable story, the man tells his daughter that Kitty is reaching up as God ...

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A wife is unsatisfied with her love life [long][nsfw]

So she goes to a doctor to see if they can help. The doctor suggests a few things but they don't make a difference. Still frustrated and on the advice of her friend, she decides to consult a herbalist in Chinatown. The herbalist gives her some herbal pills and advises her to put 1 in her husband's a...

A man goes into a confessional. "Father", he said, "I slept with Kitty Greene last night".

"Say 5 hail Marys, my son, and all shall be forgiven." the father said.

Later that day, another man came into the confessional and said "Father, I slept with Kitty Greene 4 times last week."

"Say 20 hail Marys, and all shall be forgiven."

Later, The father is in his office havi...

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Once upon a time

Once upon a time, a woman complained to her doctor that she and her husband never had sex anymore. So the doctor gave her a bottle of pills and told her to put them in his drink and she would be 'satisfied.'

The woman, somewhat disbelievingly, put one pill in his coffee that evening. ...

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A Pig walks into a pub.

He goes up to the bar and sees a curious looking bottle bubbling away with mist emanating from the top. Slightly flummoxed he asks the barman, “What’s this about then?”

The barman replies, “Well, this is a mystic potion, a concoction of my very own. Take a sip and it’ll magically release your...

A woman on a business trip calls her husband to check on her cat.

“How’s Princess Fluffs?” she asks.

“Oh, she died this morning, honey. Ran into traffic. Sorry.”

His wife breaks into sobs, and he feels terrible. When she gathers her composure she yells at him,

“How can you break the news like that to me? You have no sensitivity whatsoever.”...

Man walks into a bar with a cat under his arm.

He orders a gin for himself and a tonic water for his pet.

"I'll serve your gin, but I won't make him anything", says the barman, pointing at the kitty.

"Why not", asks the man

"I don't want to end up in an unresponsive stupor", the barman replies

"What are you on about...

A man walks into the vet with his dog in his arms... [Long]

He brings the dog up to the counter and says "I need to see a vet, my dog won't wake up!" So the secretary brings him to an inspection room and he says the same thing to the vet "My dog won't wake up, he's been like this since yesterday!". The vet inspects the dog and can conclude only one thing. "S...

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Once there were 3 people in an airplane.

One took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane.

The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane.

Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too ...

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I don’t know what to do, this morning I caught my cat using the internet.

He was searching for kitty porn.

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A married couple are having some sex issues....

.....The wife is always prepared for it at the end of the day, but the husband just doesn’t have the libido he had in their younger days. The wife does her best to work solo, but no matter what, she is never really satisfied.
To correct this issue, the wife decides to see a specialist wi...

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A desperate wife was talking to her doctor...

She told the doctor, "My husband isn't interested in sex anymore and I don't know what to do! I love him so much but I have my own sexual needs as well. Do you have anything to help us?"

Doctor pulled out his prescription pad and started to write, "Slip one of these pills in his dinner to...

What did Catwoman get fined for?

Kitty litter

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The tale of Louise.

Once upon a time there was a 7-year-old girl named Louise. Now from a young age Louise had always had an interest in science. Someday she wanted to be an astronaut, to pilot a spaceship, and to explore alien worlds, but she didn't have time for any of those things. You see, Louise's family owned thi...

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Grown-Up Words

It was Monday morning in Ms. Green's kindergarten class, and the children were taking turns telling the class how they spent their weekend.

Adam raised his hand and said, "I went on a choo-choo!"

Ms. Green replied, "Very nice Adam, but let's try to use grown-up words. You went on a *t...

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Why did the furry get arrested?

For looking at kitty porn.

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A woman goes to the doctor... [long][nsfw]

A woman goes to the doctor, "Doctor! Doctor!" she says, "You've got to help me. Every day my husband comes home from work, doesn't say a word, wolfs down whatever I fix for supper, grabs a 6-pack of beer and falls asleep in front of the TV watching sports. We haven't made love in years and I'm s...

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One time Bob told his friend John that he had pain in his arm

One time Bob told his friend John that he had pain in his arm. Being a helpful guy, John tells him there's a new robot in a store down the road that, if you pour your urine into it and insert a dollar bill, it will diagnose any illness that you may have. Hardly believing what he was told, Bob pees i...

My cat had a hairball caught in her throat

It was awful, she couldn't get it out. She'd wander around hacking, trying to get it out. I chatted with a vet about this and he suggested i put vaseline on her front paws. I...uh what? He explained further - vaseline is a non-toxic lubricant. If you put it on her paws, cats hate the feeling and ...

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Married woman and viagra pills..

A married woman walks up to Santa Claus and tells him that all she wants for Christmas is for her husband to be interested in sex.

Santa then proceeds to give her a bottle of pills. He tells her to give them a try and then let him know how it's working.

So she takes the pills home an...

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Magic aphrodisiac

A man and woman had been married for fifteen years and their sex life was starting to die so they went to a doctor, who prescribed an aphrodisiac. He gave the bottle to the wife, telling her to put them in her husband's drink every evening and that their sex life should improve.

Despite bein...

Fondling Fingers

A typical married couple was lying in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book.

As he was reading, he paused and reached over to his wife and started fondling her "kitty". He did this only for a very short while. Then he wo...

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A man is having problems pleasing his wife...

so he goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I'm having trouble pleasing my wife in bed." So the doctor prescribes the man some sex enhancement pills.

The man goes home and get's ready to have sex with his wife, but before he does he gets his pills. He reads the label and it say "For good sex, tak...

Ur mum is so ugly

That hello kitty said goodbye

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my dogs in jail..

for watching kitty porn

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You've probably heard it before, but it is one of my favorites.

Timmy came home from school one day, and his father told him he was sick, and asked if Timmy could go to doctor and get him some sick pills. So on the way to the doctor Timmy is saying "sick pills, sick pills, sick pills", he runs into a tree "sex pills, sex pills sex pills". Timmy arrives and the d...

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What happened to the peadophile Tom Cat?

He got arressted for possession of kitty porn.