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Whisker Jokes

An old cowboy walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut and he tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he’s finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’s had in years.

But he wanted to know what would have happened if ...

What has long ears, whiskers and says, "You talkin' to me?!"

Rabbit DeNiro

I'm sad to say that my cat Whiskers doesn't have long to live… he's got curiosity.

Stage 9.

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I saw a homeless man with a sign that read “$1 for a dirty joke”

Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.

Homeless man: “Look there, you can see a Rooster right? How many legs does it have?"

Me: “Two?”

Homeless man: “Correct, now how many wings does this Rooster have?”

Me: “Two?”

Homeless man: “Right...

I put Whiskers down today. It was time to end the suffering.

I'm not that sad about it though. It was a dumb name for a kid anyway.

Fortunately my cat Whiskers did not win the feline booty contest...

We avoided a cat-ass-trophy

Why do cats make the fluffiest omelettes?

They have the best whiskers

I got catcalled today.

I am impressed Mr. Whiskers has learned to use a phone.

What's flat & have 4 legs?

Dad : Here's a riddle, son. What's flat & have 4 legs?

Son: A table.

Dad : Wrong.

Son : A stool.

Dad : Wrong again, son.

Son : I don't know dad. What's the answer?

Dad : It's Mr. Whiskers, our cat which I had just accidentally ran over with the car.

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A young man is eating pussy in his bedroom when his mother barges in.

She screams “Mr. Whiskers!”

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A man asked his friend how many legs a black rooster has

The friend says “2.”

Then the man asks “How many eyes does a black rooster have?”

The friend responds “2.” Again

Lastly the man asks “How many whiskers a white cat has?”

The friend says “I don’t know 8?”

The man then says “Well I’m curious on why you know more abou...

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This one got me

A man and his best friend are chatting.

"How much legs does a black rooster have?"

The man responded with 2.

"How much beaks do they have?"

"1"

"How much eyes do they have?"

"2"

"Okay final question: How many whiskers does a white cat have?"

Th...

How does a cat make whipped cream?

With it's whiskers.

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A mouse was sitting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar. The mouse looked over at her and ordered her a drink...

Soon he had moved down beside her and ordered her another drink.

After a third round, the bartender looked up and they were leaving the bar together.

The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely crawled up on the barstool and sat there gasping for air.

His whiskers were b...

The first rule of Chinese Whispers Club is...

...don't talk about Tiny Whiskers Grub

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Last night for Fathers Day I drove home from college to have dinner with my dad...

He asked me if I had chosen a major and I said yes, that I'm learning about agriculture and domestic animal husbandry.

"Have they taught you about roosters yet?"

Actually, yes, it came up in my poultry farming class.

"How many legs does a black rooster have?"

Two, I answe...

A little girl's cat died.

A little girl's cat died. She loved the cat very much, and so when it died, she was devastated beyond belief. Her mother and her take the cat to the backyard so they could have a funeral for it. The little girl is in tears as they bury her cat.



"Don't worry, sweetie," says the mom in...

A new bartender is working the saloon in Dodge City

When a cowboy burst through the doors from the street shouting, "Look out everybody, Big Bill Johnson is coming to town!"

The saloon burst into a panicked commotion as everyone scrambled for the door. In the rush, the bartender is knocked down and passes out.

When he came to, he heard...

What's a cats favourite alcoholic drink?

Whiskers on the rocks

The curse of the coffin

Three men, Gary, Dan, and Job, grew up together as best friends. They dreamed of one day becoming rich and would do anything to attain wealth. One day, as they were sitting in the local bar, they overheard another group of men discussing the long lost buried treasure of Captain Sleazybeard. The thre...

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A polar bear cub nervously approaches his mother...

The mother was feasting on a seal, and the young fellow finally had the nerve to interrupt her.

"Mom? Mom?"

"Yes dear?"

"Are...are you sure I'm a polar bear?"

The mother lifts her snout and says, "Goodness, of course you are."

"But...but how do you know? For sure?"...

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3 Black Roosters are sitting on a fence

How many wings do they have?

How many Beaks do they have?

How many feet do they have?

There's a white cat sitting on the fence.

How many furs does it have?

How many Whiskers does it have?

How come you know sooo much about black cock and nothing about white p...

How would the Church of England deal with the statement that "the cat sat on the mat" if it appeared in the Bible?

The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted according to the customs and practices of the period.

This ...

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A man and his friend walk into a bar and see 5 roosters...

A man and his friend walk into a bar and see 5 black roosters and two white cats. He asks his friend "between the five roosters how many feet do they have?"

His friend responds "Ten of course!"

"Right, and between the roosters how many beaks do they have?"

"Five of course!"
<...

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a man and his cat walk into a bar...

bartender: Gentlemen, how can I help you?

man: One jack and coke please.

cat: and I'll have an ice and whiskey

bartender: Don't you mean whiskers?
*bartender giggles*

cat: Ha Ha. Very funny. Because i'm a cat right? Good one.

man: *begins to look bothered*
<...

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The Dead Rabbit

A while back I was driving across the countryside on my home. I saw a sudden flash of brown from the side of the road and felt something hit the car. I pulled over and saw I had hit rabbit. It's little whiskers were twitching, and I could tell he wasn't going to make it. I was trying to think how to...

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Mouse and Lion are sitting at the bar...

...checking out the wildlife. Lion says, "Check out Gazelle! I'd love the chase that."

Mouse replies, "Hmm... not sure how that would work out for her... but Giraffe, now she is FINE."

Lion almost falls off his stool laughing! "Giraffe?!? Uh... I'm not sure you're really up for th...

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