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Kissing Jokes

AITA for telling daddy I saw mummy kissing another man?

Last night, I (7m) couldn't sleep so I went downstairs. I saw mummy (38f) kissing a strange man. I ran upstairs to tell daddy (41m) but he wasn't in his bedroom. I went back to bed crying.

In the morning, mummy woke me up saying, "Merry Christmas" but I ran straight to daddy. I said, "Last ni...

After kissing a girl on her sofa she said “let’s take this upstairs”

“Ok” I said “ You grab one end and I’ll grab the other”

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I was passionately kissing a Thai woman. I gently slid my hand up her thigh until I reached her panties, then I touched her crotch and I couldn't believe what I felt.

A vagina.

Boy: [kissing girl on couch] you wanna take this upstairs?

Girl: He-he, sure baby.

Boy: Awesome! Grab the other end, and try not to scuff the banister.

The problem with kissing a perfect 10

Is how cold the mirror feels on your lips.

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A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other.

Just then, the girl stops and sits up. “What’s the matter?” asks the guy. She replies, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a prostitute, and I charge $100 for sex.” The man thinks about it for a few seconds, but then reluctantly gets out a $100 bill, pays her, and they hav...

What do you contract from kissing pigeons?

Coo-ties

What do you call two french women kissing?

Les biens

They say kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray.

I’ll remember that the next time I get lonely.

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A man is kissing a tractor

A man is kissing and hugging a tractor Another man goes up to him and says "what on earth are you doing to this tractor" the man replies explaining that him and his wife are having some marriage problems so a friend said that he should do some sexy thing to a tractor.

I brought my dead girlfriend back to life by passionately kissing her neck

...I guess you could say I'm a neck-romancer

Have you heard of that disease that you get from kissing birds?

It"s called Chirpes.

It's one of those canarial diseases.

I hear it's untweetable.

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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lo...

My girlfriend doesn't typically like kissing, so instead I tried rubbing my nose on hers...

...And I think she Inuit

A little girl says to her mother: "Mummy, when you were away at work a strange lady came around"...

"Not now," says Mummy. "Wait until Daddy gets home."

So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says "Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?"

And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy says, "You keep quiet - I'll be talking to my attorney in the mo...

A kiss for $100 dollars

A husband decides to make a quick run to the store, while his wife waits at home. A few minutes after he leaves the house, his guy friend shows up, hoping to speak with him.

Seeing that the husband is not home, the friend says he’ll come back later but is invited in by the wife. As the two o...

A husband and wife see two people kissing.

The wife says, “He kisses her every time she comes home from work. Why can’t you do that?”

The husband says, “I would love to, but I don’t know her well enough.”

Why were the paleontologists kissing?

They were carbon dating

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I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause...

Daddy did too. Now they're getting a divorce. Merry Christmas my ass.

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I am Pierre

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.

Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!"

Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips...

Which is worse: kissing your mother or your sister?

It’s all relative

A girl takes a black guy home.

At the end of a night out on the town, a girl takes a black guy back to her house.

They're kissing and moving towards her bedroom when she looks at him with the most flirtatious eyes she can muster and says: "Is it true what they say about black guys? ;)"

To which the man responded "Of...

I saw a dolphin kissing a raven.

Didn't expect to see that as the highlight of the NFL game.

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A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, “Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?”

“Are you nuts?!” – she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

“Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” – he asks again.

“Listen you; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?” So the guy runs around the ...

Kissing her where it smells

I was making out with my mistress in the backseat and she said to me, “Kiss me where it smells!” So, naturally, I hopped into the driver’s seat and drove her to Secaucus.

Any of you from NJ?

I tried tongue kissing once.

Got kicked out the butcher's......

You burn 26 calories a minute kissing.

That's probably why I'm overweight.

A Michael Sam joke

After being drafted by the St. Louis Rams, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This is historic because it’s the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted by the St. Louis Rams. - Conan O'brien

What did Qatar get after spending billions of dollars to stop LGBTQ+ actions in FIFA 2022?

Half naked Argentinian Men Hugging and kissing each other in the end.

*kissing on small couch*

Her: We should have a threes-

Me: I'll call Karen

Her: ...three-seater. Karen?

Me: I believe Karen sells furniture

Study reveals 20% of men kiss wife goodbye when they leave the house. 80% of men kiss house goodbye when they leave their wife.

Conclusion. Want to keep your house, start kissing your wife.

Kissing The Blarney Stone

Donald Trump arrived in Ireland for a state visit, and complained constantly. The food was terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful.

Finally they arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. A guide met them "Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you...

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town...

After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager: 'Go upto the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the differ...

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Burned my lips kissing my vehicle on a hot summer day.

Kar-muah is a bitch.

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2 males kissing ain't gay

It's homiesexual

Kissing lead to foreplay...

She liked it when I used one finger,

She: "Now use two fingers"

Me: "Yeah you like that?"

She: "Now stick your hand in..."

Me: "Oh babe, you're kinky"

She: "Two hands now..."

Me: 😦"okay...."

She: "Now clap...

Me: "I can't..."

She: 😏 "I...

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My mom taught me kissing gets you pregnant

So when I fuck people, I don't use tongue

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