Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?

Yes, because a house can't jump.


(A German joke translated into english)

Why do mother kangaroos hate it when it rains?

Because the kids have to play inside

What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?

A Kick-Ass

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia.

a spider a snake and a kangaroo walked into a bar

it was a normal day in australia

What music to kangaroos like??

Hip hop!!!!

A kangaroo enters a bar in the middle of the outback

Everyone stares at him awkwardly, wondering how an animal could be lost to the point of entering a human home. The kangaroo jumps up to the bar and says :

"Hey, gimme a pint of beer."

The owner, confused by this sight, points at the beer taps :

"Er, which one ?"

"Gimme an...

What do you call a lazy kangaroo?

A pouch potato

An Australian man and his kangaroo walk into a bar

An Australian man and his kangaroo walk into a bar, and spend the night drinking shot after shot. After a few hours, the kangaroo passes out and slumps to the floor. The man goes to pay his tab and starts to leave. The bartender shouts “Hey! Are you just going to leave that lying there?” The man tur...

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?

Of course. Houses can’t jump

Did you hear about the beer made entirely out of rabbits, frogs and kangaroos?

It’s mostly hops.

Mama kangaroo is jumping along the bush.

Suddenly, a small penguin peeks out of her pouch, vomits and says, “Damn this student exchange!”

I went drinking with a bunch of kangaroos last night and they didn't buy me one drink all evening..

Talk about short arms long pockets...

A kangaroo at the zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night.

Knowing that mature kangaroos could hop very high, the zoo officials replaced the eight-foot fence with a ten-foot fence.

He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.

They tore down the ten-foot fence and put up a fifteen-foot fence.

He was out again the next mornin...

A Kangaroo walks into a bar

A kangaroo goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the kangaroo, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now t...

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Wedding night (slightly offensive to kangaroos)

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been (sexually) with another woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides make a profile on a dating site.

She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entir...

I went to Australia and tried a Kangaroo beer

The taste was good but it was too hoppy for me.

Did you know that kangaroos can jump higher than houses

This is due to the fact that kangaroos have very strong hind legs, and the fact that houses can't jump.

What do you call a kangaroo that's exhausted from trespassing?

Out of bounds.

What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?

More-soup-y’all?

A criminal sets up a small souvenir shop in Australia selling glass Kangaroos as a front for his drug smuggling business

The detective working the case walks in and says
"I can see straight through your roos mate"

A male kangaroo told me to get off my phone

Ok boomer

Well, a father and son from Germany went to a zoo in Australia

So upon arrival the little son pointed at the first animal he saw. Staring at a kangaroo he asked: "Daddy what is this animal called?"

"Well, my son, this animal lives especially in Australia and it's called a dangerou." answered dad.

The son looked around and saw a lion standing on a ...

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God woke up with a hangover.

He held His temples as one of His angels knocked gently on the door. He grumbled them inward.

"Sorry to disturb You, Sir," the angel said hesitantly. "But I wanted to congratulate you on yesterday's creations. For the most part, they were spectacular!"

"Wha...?" God mumbled. The angel ...

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

A sternly worded letter from the ethics committee and your funding revoked.

When the zookeepers come in the morning, they find a kangaroo wandering the zoo...

They put it back in its environment, and add barbed wire to the top of the fencing to keep it from jumping out. Yet the next morning once more the kangaroo is found out and about, relaxing near the arctic exhibit.

Perplexed but not perturbed, they return it to its enclosure and call in the c...

Yesterday i kidnapped a baby kangaroo.

I got arrested in charge of pickpocket

[long] A kangaroo walks into a bar...

and says to the bartender, "gimme a beer." The bartender is stunned at the sight of a talking kangaroo and doesn't move. The kangaroo misinterprets this and says "I have money" while putting a $20 on the bar.

The bartender snaps to his senses and serves a beer. He takes the $20, then goes ...

What do you call a kangaroo whos in love with a sheep?

A wolly jumper

A kangaroo, a dolphin, and a snake walk into a bar.

That’s all, it’s just kinda funny since none of them actually walk.

A Male kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a scotch and starts talking about the good old days when nobody was on their phones, when video games were for the rich, and the ozone layer was whole.

“Ok boomer”

A recently discovered type of kangaroo can jump higher than the empire state building...

... because Empire State building cannot jump at all.

A kangaroo is jumping around in Australia

When ever she stops a little penguin pocks his head out of her pouch.

In Antarctica a little kangaroo is sitting with some penguins, sneezing and grumbling: Fucx this student exchange program!

What do you call a prison full of kangaroos?

Australia

Why did the first koala fall out the tree

It was dead

Why did the second koala fall out the tree?

It got hit by the first koala

Why did the third koala fall out the tree?

Thought it was a race to the bottom

Why did the fourth koala fall out of the tree?

Peer pressure

Why did the kangaroo die...

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

A kangaroo keeps escaping his enclosure at the zoo.

In an effort to keep him inside at night, the zookeepers construct a 10-foot fence around his habitat. The next morning, they find the kangaroo wandering around the zoo. The zookeepers construct a 20-foot fence to keep the kangaroo from escaping, but the next day he is loose once again. The zookeepe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Kangaroo with bad manners?

Kangarude

A kangaroo hops into the bar, the bartender, says "sorry we're closed"

The kangaroo says, "I thought you needed a bouncer"

*Ba dum tiss*

Why are Kangaroos only qualified to be teachers?

Because they're Kangurus

The kangaroo joke

A man is driving down the road, looks out the window, and sees a kangaroo. He's confused, but he takes the kangaroo into the car, and drives to the police station. He asks the officer there what to do with this kangaroo he found. The officer tells him to take it to the zoo right away. The next day, ...

What's something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?

Baby kangaroos.

911 What's your emergency?

**Kangaroo:** I CAN'T FIND MY KIDS!

**911:** Did you check your pockets?

**Kangaroo *[pats pocket]*:** Oh... nevermind.

[Siri Beta] What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an alien?

A mars-upial

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Orgy at the Zoo

(row row row your boat tune)
Fuck fuck fuck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. Sixty nine a porcupine. Orgy at the zoo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when four kangaroos have sex?

A kangbang

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I visited Australia this summer, I saw a a guy fucking a kangaroo and a one legged man jacking off in a bar.....

I asked the bartender, what's wrong with this place?

He said, "What do you mean what's wrong with this place?"

I said, "On the way over here I saw a guy fucking a kangaroo, and that one legged man is jacking off over there!"

The bartender said, "That man in the corner, poor fell...

An Australian and his two friends, kangaroo and wombat, were arguing who the best fighter were among them.

When suddenly a Crocodile appears in search of trouble. The friends thought this was their chance to prove their respective points.
The wombat was a master of Brazilian Jiu-jitsu and quickly took down the crocodile and have him tap out.
They let the latter rest and forced him to fight the kang...

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An Elderly British Couple Takes a Trip to Australia

After seeing the beaches and tourist attractions they decided to rent a car to go and see the Outback. They ask the man at the rental car counter if it's a pleasant drive, and he assures them that it is beautiful and they'll have a lovely time.

After several hours the couple storm into the r...

People are like kangaroos

They die when they get shot

I just learned that you can get drunk from Kangaroo meat!

I'm pretty sure it has something to do with all the hops.

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.

There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,
"Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large". 

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, <...

Where does a dyslexic kangaroo go when he's sick

The Hopsital

A kangaroo walks into a bar

A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. He pays with a twenty and the bartender figures, "What does a kangaroo know about money?" gives him a single in change.

Then his curiosity gets the better of him. "You know," he says to the kangaroo, "we don't get a lot of kangaroos in this pla...

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope you're are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. B...

A small quiz

Think of a number between 2 & 5.
Now times it by 9.
Now take the sum of the two numbers in that number(example: 42: 4+2=6).
Now subtract that number by 5.
Next see which letter corresponds with that number(1=a 2=b 3=c and so on).
After that think of a country that is NOT in North ...

Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?

Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!

TIL you can fit 30 bananas in a Kangaroo's pouch.

Also, I'm not allowed at the zoo anymore.

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