What music to kangaroos like??

Hip hop!!!!

What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?

A Kick-Ass

A kangaroo at the zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night.

Knowing that mature kangaroos could hop very high, the zoo officials replaced the eight-foot fence with a ten-foot fence.

He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.

They tore down the ten-foot fence and put up a fifteen-foot fence.

He was out again the next mornin...

Did you know that kangaroos can jump higher than houses

This is due to the fact that kangaroos have very strong hind legs, and the fact that houses can't jump.

I went drinking with a bunch of kangaroos last night and they didn't buy me one drink all evening..

Talk about short arms long pockets...

I'd definitely go to the party organized by a Kangaroo and a Donkey..

Its going to be Kick-Ass!

What do you call a kangaroo whos in love with a sheep?

A wolly jumper

A Male kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a scotch and starts talking about the good old days when nobody was on their phones, when video games were for the rich, and the ozone layer was whole.

“Ok boomer”

A criminal sets up a small souvenir shop in Australia selling glass Kangaroos as a front for his drug smuggling business

The detective working the case walks in and says
"I can see straight through your roos mate"

A kangaroo walks into a bar

A kangaroo goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the kangaroo, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now t...

A kangaroo keeps escaping his enclosure at the zoo.

In an effort to keep him inside at night, the zookeepers construct a 10-foot fence around his habitat. The next morning, they find the kangaroo wandering around the zoo. The zookeepers construct a 20-foot fence to keep the kangaroo from escaping, but the next day he is loose once again. The zookeepe...

Pickpockecting is the same as kidnapping.

If your victim is a kangaroo!

A kangaroo is jumping around in Australia

When ever she stops a little penguin pocks his head out of her pouch.

In Antarctica a little kangaroo is sitting with some penguins, sneezing and grumbling: Fucx this student exchange program!

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?

Of course. Houses dont jump.

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What do you call a Kangaroo with bad manners?

Kangarude

What do you get if you mix a kangaroo with a elephant?

Bloody big holes all over Australia

What do you call a prison full of kangaroos?

Australia

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

A sternly worded letter from the ethics committee and your funding revoked.

Just tried kangaroo beer

It was a bit too hoppy for me.

Yesterday i kidnapped a baby kangaroo.

I got arrested in charge of pickpocket

A recently discovered type of kangaroo can jump higher than the empire state building...

... because Empire State building cannot jump at all.

An Australian and his two friends, kangaroo and wombat, were arguing who the best fighter were among them.

When suddenly a Crocodile appears in search of trouble. The friends thought this was their chance to prove their respective points.
The wombat was a master of Brazilian Jiu-jitsu and quickly took down the crocodile and have him tap out.
They let the latter rest and forced him to fight the kang...

When the zookeepers come in the morning, they find a kangaroo wandering the zoo...

They put it back in its environment, and add barbed wire to the top of the fencing to keep it from jumping out. Yet the next morning once more the kangaroo is found out and about, relaxing near the arctic exhibit.

Perplexed but not perturbed, they return it to its enclosure and call in the c...

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What do you call it when four kangaroos have sex?

A kangbang

A kangaroo hops into the bar, the bartender, says "sorry we're closed"

The kangaroo says, "I thought you needed a bouncer"

*Ba dum tiss*

Why are Kangaroos only qualified to be teachers?

Because they're Kangurus

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

[long] A kangaroo walks into a bar...

and says to the bartender, "gimme a beer." The bartender is stunned at the sight of a talking kangaroo and doesn't move. The kangaroo misinterprets this and says "I have money" while putting a $20 on the bar.

The bartender snaps to his senses and serves a beer. He takes the $20, then goes ...

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Virgin Australian men

A very nice, innocent Australian woman wanted to get married, but she was only willing to marry a man provided he had never had sex with another woman.

After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decided to take out a personal ad.

She ends up corresponding with Scotty Greer, who...

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While driving through the Australian outback, an English tourist noticed a man at the side of the road having sex with a kangaroo.

While driving through the Australian outback, an English tourist noticed a man at the side of the road having sex with a kangaroo.
A few miles further down the road, he came to a small dusty town.
So he parked his car, and went into the town pub for a drink.
He sat there enjoying a ni...

Where does a dyslexic kangaroo go when he's sick

The Hopsital

[Siri Beta] What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an alien?

A mars-upial

The kangaroo joke

A man is driving down the road, looks out the window, and sees a kangaroo. He's confused, but he takes the kangaroo into the car, and drives to the police station. He asks the officer there what to do with this kangaroo he found. The officer tells him to take it to the zoo right away. The next day, ...

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope you're are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. B...

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A hooker decides to marry...

After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near her age.

She took ...

I just learned that you can get drunk from Kangaroo meat!

I'm pretty sure it has something to do with all the hops.

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I visited Australia this summer, I saw a a guy fucking a kangaroo and a one legged man jacking off in a bar.....

I asked the bartender, what's wrong with this place?

He said, "What do you mean what's wrong with this place?"

I said, "On the way over here I saw a guy fucking a kangaroo, and that one legged man is jacking off over there!"

The bartender said, "That man in the corner, poor fell...

People are like kangaroos

They die when they get shot

TIL you can fit 30 bananas in a Kangaroo's pouch.

Also, I'm not allowed at the zoo anymore.

What's something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?

Baby kangaroos.

A kangaroo walks into a bar

A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. He pays with a twenty and the bartender figures, "What does a kangaroo know about money?" gives him a single in change.

Then his curiosity gets the better of him. "You know," he says to the kangaroo, "we don't get a lot of kangaroos in this pla...

Why do kangaroos hate rainy days?

Because all the kids have to play in side.

Fear the wrath!

Things that people who come to Australia are afraid of: Spiders, Scorpions, Snakes, Sharks, Crocs, Jellyfish, Octopus, Stone Fish, Feral Pigs, Giant bulls, Emus, and Kangaroos.
Things that Australians are afraid of: Magpies.

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.

There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,
"Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large". 

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, <...

Why are Australians racist?

Because they're all Kangaroos, Koalas and Kookaburras

Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?

Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!

The Aussie and Texan

A Texan had flown to Australia to see his cousins farm. As the Texan arrives he remarks,

"Wow you call the little thing a truck, Over in Texas our trucks are three times as big" the Aussie farmer, standing next to ute shrugs and starts to show the Texan around.

As they a reach paddock ...

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A traveler arrives in a remote village

He receives a warm welcome. The villagers gather around him, asking him to tell them about his adventures.

"Well.. what do you want to know?" he asked.

After a brief pause, they answered:

"Tell us what animals did you see?"

"What animals do you know?" He asked them.
...

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Young Johnny at school

Young Johnny at school: "Teacher! Teacher!
My dad hit hit a kangaroo up the arse with his
truck"
Teacher: "Rectum Johnny"
Johnny: "Wrecked 'im alright. Friggin annihilated
'im."

A Texan goes to Australia for vacation...

... while there, he takes a tour with a local guide. While driving around the guide points out a large wheat field. "In Texas, we have wheat fields twice as large!" They then drive past a herd of cattle. "Our long horns are at least twice that large in Texas!" the Texan drawls. The guide is becoming...

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"My wife got hurt after annoying the marsupials on our trip to a Malaysian zoo."

""Kuala Lumpar?"
"No, a kangaroo kicked her up the arse".

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A blonde participates in the television show Who wants to be a millionaire...

The TV host asks her the following questions:

1st
How long did the 100-year war last?

a) 116 years
b) 99 years
c) 100 years
d) 150 years

The blonde chooses to use the opportunity not to respond.

2nd
In which country did you find the Panama Cabin?

a) ...

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Best country in the world

An American, Chinese man, Englishman and Australian are sitting at a bar, arguing who has the best country in the world.

American: Sorry partners but we've got the best country in the world because we've got the greenest grass.

Chinese man: I don't about you three but we've got the bes...

A legend of the Native Americans

While many people know of Sequoya, the Native American genius who developed the Cherokee alphabet, fewer have heard of another visionary – yet he made a discovery no less groundbreaking, owing nothing to the white man’s knowledge.

It fell out like this: In the early 1800s, a certain chief, ...

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Australia sensation

So, this guy from Europe was working in Australia for a few months and one day as he finishes his work he decided to go to the bordel. He was far from home, far from his wife, so he thought to himself "well, my wife will never know if I fuck a hooker here". So, there he is in this bordel and he goes...

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Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?

A: Beause it was dead!



Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree?
A: It was stapled to the first Koala.



Q: Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
A: peer group pressure.


Q: Why did the kangaroo fall over?
A: A bunch of fu...

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An American and his wife are on a trip to australia.

They're driving down the outback when the man sees a person fucking a kangaroo.

"that's disgusting" he says to his wife.

after another couple miles he sees ANOTHER man fucking a kangaroo.

"that's it, we're going to the police."

he drives to the police station where he see...

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Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you hav...

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You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

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Tourists in Australia

George and Ethel retired, and decided to take a vacation in Australia and see the Outback. While driving through the Outback, they came over a hill, and on the side of the road was a bushman having sex with a kangaroo. George quickly shielded his wife's eyes while they drove by.

A few miles...

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