UPJOKE
marsupialwallabyaustraliaqantasfrogjoeytoadostrichnew guineaqueenslanddingopouchelephantsrabbitelephant

What music to kangaroos like??

Hip hop!!!!

“What does a kangaroo get if it hurts itself really badly?”

“A hop-eration”

Courtesy of my 7yo daughter so be kind!

Did you know; you can fit 35 bananas in a kangaroos pouch

Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore...

A kangaroo at the zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night.

Knowing that mature kangaroos could hop very high, the zoo officials replaced the eight-foot fence with a ten-foot fence.

He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.

They tore down the ten-foot fence and put up a fifteen-foot fence.

He was out again the next mornin...

Why did the kangaroo cross the road?

It was hopping mad!

*My 5 year old niece made this up. I don't get it. She's been repeating it and giggling the whole day. I have to pretend to understand it.*

In Australia they use kangaroo broth to make

Marsoupial

[long] A kangaroo walks into a bar...

and says to the bartender, "gimme a beer." The bartender is stunned at the sight of a talking kangaroo and doesn't move. The kangaroo misinterprets this and says "I have money" while putting a $20 on the bar.

The bartender snaps to his senses and serves a beer. He takes the $20, then goes ...

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

Of course the Empire State Building can’t jump

What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?

A more-soupial

What do you call a dj-ing kangaroo?

Disc joey

A kangaroo enters a bar in the middle of the outback

Everyone stares at him awkwardly, wondering how an animal could be lost to the point of entering a human home. The kangaroo jumps up to the bar and says :

"Hey, gimme a pint of beer."

The owner, confused by this sight, points at the beer taps :

"Er, which one ?"

"Gimme an...

Did you hear about the beer made entirely out of rabbits, frogs and kangaroos?

It’s mostly hops.

what do you call a lazy kangaroo?

>!a pouch potato!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a kangaroo walks into a bar while on vacation...

A kangaroo walks into a bar while on vacation.

Bartender:Don't see to many kangaroos in here, what can I get ya?
Kangaroo: I'm not feeling myself, want something that takes me back to my roots.

The bartender pours a beer and gives it to the kangaroo. The kangaroo drinks it.

K...

Why wasn't the vet worried when I took my teenaged kangaroo in for an operation?

Because it was just roo teen surgery.

Why did the Easter kangaroo turn on the light?

Because it was so dark. (Original joke by my 3 year old. I'm dying)

A kangaroo walks into a bar

And orders an espresso martini.
While the Barkeeper serves the drink to the kangaroo another customer remarks:
"don't you find it weird that a kangaroo walks into a bar and orders an espresso martini?"

"Yes, normally he wants ginger beer."

Saw in the new year with some Australian kangaroo beer

Nice and hoppy

What do you get if you cross Godzilla with a kangaroo

Big holes all over Australia

Two momma kangaroos were talking.

ROO # 1 : "Oh, you look so good in that outfit."

ROO # 2 : "Thanks! It even has a pocket!"

Heating bills keep going up so I crossed a sheep with a kangaroo.

To make a wooly jumper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The No Poo Kangaroo

You know how you can buy booze cheap at the airport in foreign countries? Well this world traveler told me that some airports also sell exotic animals. He was in Australia recently and decided to buy the cutest kangaroo. He took it home and a few weeks later noticed that his furry friend hadn't p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rolf Harris called the prison governor over to see his latest work of art, a dusk scene of the Aussie outback with kangaroo, leaping its way toward two aboriginal huntsmen hiding behind a rockpile.

The governor took one look and announced "That's shit, that is."

"I know." Replied Rolf. "But if you'd let me have paints..."

What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?

A Kick-Ass

I went drinking with a bunch of kangaroos last night and they didn't buy me one drink all evening..

Talk about short arms long pockets...

Why does a momma kangaroo hate the rain?

Because on those days the kids have to play inside

A kangaroo broke both of its legs and was admitted to the ICU

The doctors say it has no hop

When the zookeepers come in the morning, they find a kangaroo wandering the zoo...

They put it back in its environment, and add barbed wire to the top of the fencing to keep it from jumping out. Yet the next morning once more the kangaroo is found out and about, relaxing near the arctic exhibit.

Perplexed but not perturbed, they return it to its enclosure and call in the c...

What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?

More-soup-y’all?

3 kangaroos walk into a bar

"Why in the world are there 3 kangaroos in the bar" says the bar tender

The kangaroos then wreak havoc on the bar as they are wild animals and belong outdoors where they can do wild animal things.

Why were a bunch of kangaroos arrested?

Because they were involved in gangaroo activity.

A kangaroo walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "I suppose you want a Fosters with a frosty mug." The kangaroo says,

"No, just give me something hoppy."

A criminal sets up a small souvenir shop in Australia selling glass Kangaroos as a front for his drug smuggling business

The detective working the case walks in and says
"I can see straight through your roos mate"

What does a kangaroo do when it gets COVID?

Pure comedy gold from my 10 year old:

What does a kangaroo do when it gets Covid? Goes to the hop-spittle.

Did you know that kangaroos can jump higher than houses

This is due to the fact that kangaroos have very strong hind legs, and the fact that houses can't jump.

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

A sternly worded letter from the ethics committee and your funding revoked.

An Australian man and his kangaroo walk into a bar

An Australian man and his kangaroo walk into a bar, and spend the night drinking shot after shot. After a few hours, the kangaroo passes out and slumps to the floor. The man goes to pay his tab and starts to leave. The bartender shouts “Hey! Are you just going to leave that lying there?” The man tur...

a spider a snake and a kangaroo walked into a bar

it was a normal day in australia

Yesterday i kidnapped a baby kangaroo.

I got arrested in charge of pickpocket

The kangaroo joke

A man is driving down the road, looks out the window, and sees a kangaroo. He's confused, but he takes the kangaroo into the car, and drives to the police station. He asks the officer there what to do with this kangaroo he found. The officer tells him to take it to the zoo right away. The next day, ...

A Texan visits Australia

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says: “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”

Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter..

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. Bu...

Mama kangaroo is jumping along the bush.

Suddenly, a small penguin peeks out of her pouch, vomits and says, “Damn this student exchange!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I visited Australia this summer, I saw a a guy fucking a kangaroo and a one legged man jacking off in a bar.....

I asked the bartender, what's wrong with this place?

He said, "What do you mean what's wrong with this place?"

I said, "On the way over here I saw a guy fucking a kangaroo, and that one legged man is jacking off over there!"

The bartender said, "That man in the corner, poor fell...

What do you call a kangaroo that's exhausted from trespassing?

Out of bounds.

A kangaroo hops into the bar, the bartender, says "sorry we're closed"

The kangaroo says, "I thought you needed a bouncer"

*Ba dum tiss*

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Kanga…

Kanga Who?

Actually, it’s kangaroo!

What's something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?

Baby kangaroos.

An Australian and his two friends, kangaroo and wombat, were arguing who the best fighter were among them.

When suddenly a Crocodile appears in search of trouble. The friends thought this was their chance to prove their respective points.
The wombat was a master of Brazilian Jiu-jitsu and quickly took down the crocodile and have him tap out.
They let the latter rest and forced him to fight the kang...

A kangaroo walks into a bar

A kangaroo goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the kangaroo, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now t...

911 What's your emergency?

**Kangaroo:** I CAN'T FIND MY KIDS!

**911:** Did you check your pockets?

**Kangaroo *[pats pocket]*:** Oh... nevermind.

A kangaroo walks into a bar

A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. He pays with a twenty and the bartender figures, "What does a kangaroo know about money?" gives him a single in change.

Then his curiosity gets the better of him. "You know," he says to the kangaroo, "we don't get a lot of kangaroos in this pla...

What do you call a kangaroo whos in love with a sheep?

A wolly jumper

A kangaroo keeps escaping his enclosure at the zoo.

In an effort to keep him inside at night, the zookeepers construct a 10-foot fence around his habitat. The next morning, they find the kangaroo wandering around the zoo. The zookeepers construct a 20-foot fence to keep the kangaroo from escaping, but the next day he is loose once again. The zookeepe...

A kangaroo, a dolphin, and a snake walk into a bar.

That’s all, it’s just kinda funny since none of them actually walk.

I just learned that you can get drunk from Kangaroo meat!

I'm pretty sure it has something to do with all the hops.

Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?

Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!

A male kangaroo told me to get off my phone

Ok boomer

A Male kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a scotch and starts talking about the good old days when nobody was on their phones, when video games were for the rich, and the ozone layer was whole.

“Ok boomer”

A kangaroo is jumping around in Australia

When ever she stops a little penguin pocks his head out of her pouch.

In Antarctica a little kangaroo is sitting with some penguins, sneezing and grumbling: Fucx this student exchange program!

Why are Kangaroos only qualified to be teachers?

Because they're Kangurus

[Siri Beta] What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an alien?

A mars-upial

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wedding night (slightly offensive to kangaroos)

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been (sexually) with another woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides make a profile on a dating site.

She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when four kangaroos have sex?

A kangbang

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Kangaroo with bad manners?

Kangarude

So there I was in the outback....

With a kangaroo and wombat. So the wombat says to the kangaroo, “Hey mate, Oi herd ya thirty year ol’ son’s moved back in withya...” Kangaroo says, “ Yeahh, he’s a real pouch potatah.”

People are like kangaroos

They die when they get shot

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.