How many rednecks does it take to eat a ‘possum?

Two. One to eat and one to watch for cars.

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter..

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. Bu...

Tonight I'm going to have possum soup made from Himalayan possum...

... because I found Himalayan on the road.

How did possums learn to play dead?

When scientists learned that possums can survive up to 80 rattlesnake bites

What do you call a possum that goes back for seconds on soup

A more-soupial

What do you get when you cross a bull and a possum?

Pfft... Don't be stupid... That's a possum bull.

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Did you know that possums die when they have sex?

Well at least the ones I had sex with did

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Clem goes hunting.

Clem decided to take his annual hunting trip up near the Great Smokey Mountains around the borders of North Carolina, Tennessee and Georgia. He had been out most of the day small game hunting when he came across a Game Warden.

The Game Warden walks up to Clem, points to his game bag and says...

HOW TO DRIVE IN ATLANTA

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, Atlana. Old-timers are still allowed to call it Alana.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on I-285 is...

What do you call a possum who can't pee

Awesome

A man walks up to the counter at the airport holding a dead possum. The attendant asks “Sir, will you be checking that?”

The man replies “No, it’s carrion.”

Went on a trek one time...

Down south in the backwoods. Along my way I met a friendly family that took me in for the night. Despite being impoverished they insisted that I stay the night and have dinner.

When we had dinner it seemed they were serving a kind of stew. Quite aromatic. I asked them what it was and the re...

What is the only marsupial indigenous to Ireland?

the O'Possum

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A Bright Future In Sales

A country boy moves to the city and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says "Yeah. I worked at the general store back in Possum Holler."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he lik...

How do we know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama?

If it had been invented anywhere else, it would be called a teethbrush.

What's the latest invention to come out of the UA engineering program? A solar-powered flashlight.

How can you tell if someone's a UA graduate? Look at the ring while they're picking their nose.

Why are crim...

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Some old folk are sitting around complaining about their ailments.

One afternoon a few older folk are sitting around outside complaining about various ailments that come with old age.

One says, "My eyesight keeps getting worse and worse as the days go by. The other day, I washed the cat, and didn't realize it was possum until it bit me several times"

...

We must follow our policy. . .

I was at the airport the other day to pick someone up but their flight was delayed so I wandered around a bit. I noticed a big scene at one of the airline check ins. there was this agitated vulture holding a couple of dead possums arguing loudly with a whole group of ticket agents. I kinda felt ba...

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THINGS I LEARNED LIVIN' IN LOUISIANA Enjoy!

1) A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2) There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Louisiana .

3) There are 10,000 types of spiders, and all 10,000 of them live in Louisiana .

4) If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite ...

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