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Coot Jokes

Two old coots were sitting on a park bench...

Two old coots were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.

One leaned over to the other and said, “Man! Life is boring, we never have any fun these days. For $50.00, I’d take my clothes off and streak through the flower show!”

“You’re o...

a father and his son are having a heart-felt talk.

“my boy”. the father started. “you are now about to became the old coot that i had been, so thus i entrust you with this book, and i hope it would be useful as it was to me.”

the son, curious on the present his father gave him, looked at the title of the book:

“1001 best dad jokes, eve...

There was a jungle tribe of people who lived entirely off the land...

They hunted and foraged, and built structures with wildgrasses and leaves. Most of the tribe was kind and giving, except for the one greedy old coot. He did not live modestly: full feasts when others were hungry, 2-story hut when the rest were 1, and the rarest dyes on all of his clothes. This old c...

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Knock knock. "Who's there?" Pizza. "Pizza who?"

Pete's a fucking asshole. He promised me that he would cover my shifts during this outbreak, but apparently we weren't eligible for government benefits due to some shady shit in his past. So instead of handling it like a GOOD ~~manager~~ HUMAN BEING, he decides to double up my shifts. Which, of cour...

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Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower:



Mongrel, Coot and Bluey .

As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife.

Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensiti...

There was once an old trapper drinking in a tavern.

He didn't have much money, so he loudly made a bet to every one in the room,"Blind fold me and bring me any pelt! I'll tell you what animal it was and how you killed it! If I'm right, you buy me a drink. If I'm wrong, drinks on me!"

The first taker stepped up to the bar. "Alright, old man. ...

Doctor Doctor

A newly graduated doctor opened a clinic with a novel idea to bring in patients. If he were able to solve the patient’s problem he would charge them $500. However, if he couldn’t treat the patient, he would give them $1,000.


The new doctor was soon making more money than the old doctor’s ...

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Grandpa was down on his luck so his grandsons (in their mid-20's by now) Wanted to do something to cheer him up.

The youngest of the 3 said he knew of a brothel that would be perfect and every Monday they have a thing they call "Super Sex" and not getting into to much detail but it would knock the socks off the old coot. So the youngest drops Grandpa off and tells him to go to the door and drives away. She an...

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Hot and Cold

After an examination, the doctor said to his patient: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"

"In fact, I do." said the old man. "After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the seco...

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So there is this guy in the old folks home

He’s talking with Barbara and the subject of sex comes up. Barbara says “Ray you old coot, you couldn’t get it up if you wanted to.” “I know I know but I wished I had someone to just hold it sometimes.” Ray says. “Well I could do that.” Says Barbara.

And they got to a secluded place and she ...

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana.

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retri...

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What you got there, boy?

A boy is walking down a country lane, past an old codger's house, carrying a roll of chicken wire.


"What you got there, boy?" asks the old man.


"Well, sir. This here's chicken wire so I'm gonna go git me some chickens", replies the youth.


"Pshaw! You're crazy son", ...

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