A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, a...

A Frog goes into a bank to get a loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
...

What do you call a platypus wearing a tuxedo that takes out a loan to buy stock in a mortgage company?

Interesting

Post Malone has started his own Student Loan Company

It's called "Post Malone's Post Pone Ma Loans"

I asked the bank for a loan to open a "pizza delivery by drone" business.

They refused. Said my business case was just pie in the sky.

A dog wanted a loan for a new doghouse.

He picked up a valuable knick knack that he had sitting around and headed to the bank. Once there, he said that he wanted a loan, and was using the knick knack as collateral

The teller, named Patty Whack, looked at the knick knack and said that it wasn't valuable enough for the amount he wan...

What do you call a college student who joined the paratroopers to pay off his student loans?

Debt from above.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frog goes into a bank to get a loan. The frog hops up on the counter and the lady at the counter introduces herself.

Mrs. Wack “Hello my names Mrs. wack what do you want today?”

Frog “ I want a loan”

Mrs. Wack “I don’t know if you can get a loan. You’re a frog. What’s your name?”

Frog “Kermit”

Mrs. Wack “You’re not Kermit the frog.”

Kermit “ No No No, I was named after him. My na...

I loaned my girlfriend $100 sometime soon after we met. After 3 years, when I broke up with her, she returned exactly $100.

I guess I just lost interest in that relationship.

Cheating for "Good" Reasons

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "We...

A farmer goes to the bank for a loan

He needs money to lay in his annual crop of peanuts. Times have been hard and he’s hopeful the bank will lend him the funds to buy seed and hopefully he can get a good crop.

The banker apologises and explains that, although many farmers have asked, peanuts crops have been so poor that the ban...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, a...

Started my first job two months ago: low paying job but with good potential for growth. I’m yet to pay my student loan

During the job interview, my boss said I spend to much time thinking before I answered the questions, so they have doubts with my sincerity. Nevertheless, he said he saw my potential and picked me.

The board was going to meet today to discuss about an impending merger. My boss asked me to co...

Why did my cat get screwed on his student loans?

He forgot to read the second claws

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A notorious loan shark is driving drunk one night...

As he's speeding down some curvy mountain roads, the shark loses control of the vehicle and crashes head-on into a tree.

When he comes to, the man finds himself lying on a sofa in a fairly modest looking waiting room. Dizzy, he looks around and sees what appears to be a reception desk at the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Kendrick Lamar say when loaning out his sex toys?

Bitch don't kill my vibe.

I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism...

If I don't pay it back I'm going to get repossessed

If you get an loan at a bank, you'll be paying it back for the next 30 years

If you rob a bank, you'll be out in ten.

I'd like to take a moment to say thank you student loans for getting me through college.

I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you.

It’s weird how my friend quit her job and took out a loan to open an Etsy shop selling stickers, but whenever I ask how things are going it’s just...

*Cricut sounds*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A millennial walks into a bank

"I'd like to go $200,000 into debt please."

Banker: "What for?"

M: "Student loans."

B: "Great! Sign right here please."

M: "Nice. Can I also get a mortgage?"

B: "Absolutely the fuck not!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Simple Economics

SOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISMYou hav...

The employees at my bank are soo nice these days!

Occasionally they would call me and remind me that my loans have been outstanding!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lottery

A guy loses his job and has no other income to support his family. As he walks he starts praying to God asking him : please my God let me win the lottery I just lost my job I can't support my family.

A week later his wife leaves him and take his children with her. He starts praying again. Oh ...

A young well dressed blonde woman enters a high end New York City Bank seeking a loan.

The baker she sees checks her references and asks what she plans to use as collateral for the loan, which is only $5000, far less than most clients ask for at his bank.

She offers her Mercedes Benz as collateral. Everything checks out and the banker approves the loan, and the woman thanks him...

Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan?

Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest.

I just made my last student loan payment

I have more, I’m just not gonna make them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between my wife and my student loans?

My student loans fuck me with interest.

Are you a student loan?

Cause I'd like to have you around for the rest of my life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Cowboy from Ft. Worth, Texas walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.

The Cowboy told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the old cowboy handed over...

A man took out a loan to pay for an exorcist...

However he couldn’t make the repayments so the house was repossessed.

When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan

But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution

My friend just phoned and asked me if I could loan her $500 to help her pay her rent...

My friend just phoned and asked me if I could loan her $500 to help her pay her rent... And you know me always willing to help my friends and family out... I told her..."give me a minute let me check my account and I'll phone u right back." Before I could check my account my friend's mom phones and ...

A fight broke out between two loan officers

They piqued my interest.

Did you hear about the cowboy who worked in a bank?

He was the loan ranger.

Careful who you loan em to...

I never let anyone borrow my car, my lawnmower, or my wife... cause someone’s liable to slip a rod in all three of them

A university student placed an inter-library loan request for Your Mom

The file was too large to be delivered.

A £10 loan & a deaf Scotsman...

Angus is a bit short of money so he rings his friend Dougal to ask if he can borrow £ 10.

He reverse the phone call & Dougal accepts the charge.


Angus says: 'Can you lend me £ 10? & I'll pay you back'

Dougal says: 'I cant hear, You'll have to speak up'

<...

Did you know you can borrow cheese from the bank in Utah?

Yeah, it's called a Provo-loan

I've learned to always forgive and forget.

Anyway, I'm not a loan officer anymore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Now we know where little Johnny got it from

When little Johnny was 8 years old, he asked his father if he could have a bb gun. His father looked him in the eyes, and asked him; "I don't know son, does your dick reach your asshole?"
Little Johnny ran to the bathroom to check, only to come back disappointed.

"No sir"

"Well, th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having student loans is like being in a shitty marriage.

They fuck you once a month for 25 years,

they make you feel guilty about every dollar you spend,

and you spend an unhealthy amount of time wondering if you could fake your death to get out of the whole arrangement.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked an employee at the bank if they had any specials or promotions on loans and she said "Yeah! Zero interest!"

To which I responded, "Uhhhh, then can you maybe fuckin go find someone who's *interested* in helping me?"

People can be so rude.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frog goes into a bank for sizable a personal loan.

He finds himself at the desk of a man with a name plate that reads "J. Paddywack: Sr. Loan Officer"

Paddywack says, "This is quite an amount you're asking for Mr..."

"Richards," the frog says, "My dad, Keith, said you'd be able to help me."

"Um...yes. Do you have any collateral?...

A little old man goes to the bank to take a house loan

The person behind the desk begins to shuffle around the papers and looks the old man in the eye and asks:

Banker: Aren't you a little bit too old to get a house loan?

Man: I know I'm 65 but I do have some funds saved as well. It's mostly my father who suggested I get a place of my own...

Did you know that Adele used to be a loan collector?

One day she got frustrated and asked herself "Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing payments, even if it leads nowhere?"

[Edit: typo]

Did you hear about the musician who borrowed money from a loan shark?

He's in a whole lot of treble.

A frog walks into a bank for a loan...

A frog walks into a bank for a loan and is greeted by the teller.

“Well goodness me! In all 30 years of working here I’ve never once seen a frog come in! How can I help you today?”

“Well ma’am, I’ve come in for a loan.”

“I see. I can definitely help you begin the process for th...

Good old #162, the Frog Joke

Patricia Whack, a bank teller, was having an unusual day: a frog had appeared in front of her teller and asked in perfectly elocuted English, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to obtain some credits from your establishment, on consideration of this blue marble elephant as collateral."

Ms. Whack knew immed...

The U.S. just passed the student loan forgiveness act!

We're now required to forgive the government for our student loan debt.

After years of hard work after college, I finally paid back my student loans.

I wish I can post this in a different sub.

I loaned my girlfriend five hundred dollars a couple years ago. Today she gave me the money back.

I broke up with her because I lost interest in the relationship.

Kermit the Frog went to the bank to request a loan.

The teller, Patty Whack, asked him for references.

"Well, my dad's Mick Jagger," Kermit replied.

Uncertain, Patty then asked him if he had any collatoral.

"Here's something from my shelf", he answered, handing her a small decoration.

Now confused, Patty told him she had t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I loaned a guy 50 bucks and he gave me a puppy today.

Paybacks a bitch.

Why is the SBA so slow at processing EIDL loans?

You try working in the dark and see how much you get accomplished.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker...

He’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.”

She’s standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, “How much?”

She says, “A h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a black man who has just paid off his house loan?

Mortgage Freeman.

So there’s this frog.

He just got married, and he and his wife are looking to buy a house. The only problem is, he doesn't have any money in the bank :(

He and his wife realize that their only choice is to try to apply for a pretty big loan. The frog heads to the local bank, and meets with the loan officer - a lov...

A virus comes to a bank to get a loan. "Are you employed?" asks the bank assistant.

"No," replies the virus, "I'm contracted."

What do you call a starship that works multiple jobs and can't pay of it's student loans?

The Millennial Falcon

A very wealthy man goes in a New Your bank and loans $10, leaving his Rolls Royce for collateral.

He then goes on a trip overseas, and returns a month later. He immediately goes to the bank, pays the $10 plus 5 cents interest, and turns to leave.

The president of the bank can't contain himself, and rushes up to the man to ask "Why did you borrow $10 when you're so rich? And why leave a ...

Sub-Zero paid off his student loans...

Frugality...

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what happens after you take out a loan

Looks like it's paying off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frog walks into a bank to apply for a loan

He addresses the teller by the name on her name badge and says "excuse me, Ms. Whack. I need a loan."

She says "Holy shit, a talking frog!"

"Actually my name is Kermit. And I need a loan."

"You're Kermit the frog?"

"No but I was named after him. My dad is Mick Jagger. He...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Frog Walks Into a Bank

A frog walks into a bank, and sees the teller’s name is Patricia Whack. The frog says, “Hi Miss Whack, I’d like a loan of $50,000 for a vacation. You see, my name is Kermit Jagger, and my dad is Mick Jagger.” Surprised at the situation, Patricia replies, “Uh, well sir, I’m going to need some sort of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for a $5K loan

The loan officer requested collateral, and the man gave him the keys of the Rolls-Royce. The car was driven into the bank's underground parking and the man was given the $5K.



Two weeks later the man goes to the bank and asks to settle up his loan. The officer tells him "It will be $5...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bicycles are bad for national economy

Oh Yes Mr. Reader, Bicycles are bad for national economy, even if its sounds ridiculous but it is always true that: -

Cycling is a danger to the country

Now reasons:

• He doesn't buy cars

• He doesn't take loans

• He does not insure the car

• He doesn't b...

The Department is Education is canceling $150 million in student loans.

Those are a lucky 4 people.

My student loan providers said that they're going to "garnish" my wages?

I guess it's true that thyme is money

Frog wants a million dollar loan



A frog walks into a bank, and approaches the teller. He sees the tellers name tag read Paddy Black and says



"I'd like to take out a loan, Mrs. Black"



"Certainly," says the teller, "how much would that be for?"



"One million dollars." replies the fr...

A frog goes to get a bank loan.

He hops up on the desk of Patricia Whack, one of the bank employees, and says, “I want to borrow $500,000.”

Patricia says, “Well that’s a lot!”

Frog says, “It’s okay, my dad’s Mick Jagger.”

“That’s nice,” Patricia answers, “but if you want to borrow that much, the bank needs som...

A frog goes to the bank wanting to take out a loan...

...he goes up to the counter and starts talking to the clerk. Her name tag reads “Patricia Wack” so he says “ Mrs. Wack I would like to take out a line of $10,000.” Mrs. Wack looks at him skeptically and says “I’m going to need your name and account number as well as collateral for the loan.” The f...

Respectfully cheating

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"

"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."

"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."

"Well, all right. ...

A 90 year old farmer goes to the banker for a loan to buy land.

The banker has some concerns due to the old codgers age.
"What happens if you die before the loan is paid off?" The banker asks.
"I'll send you a check from heavan, because God would want all my obligations taken care of," The old farmer answered.
"But what if you go the other direction?" t...

What's the difference between herpes and student loan?

You could have some fun time before you get herpes.

The Frog Who Wanted A Loan

“A frog came into a bank to obtain a loan. He spoke to the loan officer Mr. Paddywack. When Mr. Paddywack asked the frog what he had for loan collateral, the frog held out his hand. "What's that?" asked Mr. Paddywack, but the frog could not talk. So, Mr. Paddywack took the frog in to see the manager...

I hate loan sharks.

Much better to just buy them outright.

I was so bad at math my bank refused to give me a loan

Thank god I had someone to cosine

A toad comes in for a loan...

Paddy Wack worked at a bank. Once on a busy winter morning, a toad came into the bank asking for some money.

The toad asked for a small loan, about $200. Paddy Wack asked him if he had ever taken out a loan before, and he said no.

Paddy wack said; “Mr. Toad, you have no evidence that...

A customer walks into a bank...

...and tells the cashier: "Good morning. I've come to pay the final installment on the loan used to buy a baby stroller"

Cashier: "That's wonderful. And how is the baby doing?"

Customer: "I'm doing alright, thank you."

What's the difference between a car loan and wanting kids?

Me wanting kids has a 0% interest rate.

An elderly man goes to his bank to get a loan.

The associate, a long time friend of his, greets him with a hearty handshake and asks him what the loan is for.

The man replies, "Well, I'm getting a mail-order bride, and I'd like to upgrade my ranch for her arrival."

"Well, how old will your bride be?"

"She'll be 23 when she ...

"Gilbert O'Sullivan came into my bank the other day,"

"What did he want?"


"A loan again, naturally..."

An old Indian walks into a bank and asks for a $5000 loan.

Clerk: What are you going to do with the money?

Indian: I'm going to go into the city and sell my handmade jewelry.

Clerk: Do you have collateral?

Indian: What's collateral?

Clerk: Collateral is something of value that can cover the amount of the loan. For example, do you...

What's the value of a cosigned loan?

It depends on θ, but between -1 and 1.

Shout out to my student loans

for being the only one from college keeping in touch

I don’t think I’d have made it through university without the help of my student loans

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay them

A Lawyer Walked Into a Bank to Get a Loan...

...and a bank employee assisted him with the requirements. The employee asked, "How much are you going to borrow, sir?"

"Five thousand dollars," the lawyer said.

"And when do you intend to pay it?" the bank employee asked.

"In 30 days."

"Okay, sir, we have a standard 18% ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frog walks into a bank looking to get a loan.

He walks up to the first teller available, Mrs Whack.
“Mrs Whack, I would like a loan”
“But you are a frog!?!”

“Yup, I just need a small loan though, I just want to buy my own lily pad.”

“Okay, well what is your name?”

“Kermit”

“You aren’t Kermit the fro...

Cletus takes out a loan for a new truck.

He keeps up with the payments, and everything seems to be going well, when suddenly the bank repossesses it without warning.

He decides to go to the police, and it turns out he's not the only person who's been ripped off by this particular bank.

After talking to the police chief, it'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Loan

Bob lent Bill $1000. Today Bill arrives at Bob's door. It's 10 am on a Saturday. Bob's wife answers wearing only a bra and panties. Bill looks her up and down and says, if you drop your top I will give you $250 in cash. She pauses for a moment to think it through and whips it off. Bill counts out ...

I got my student loans down from 100k to 50k overnight with this super easy life hack.

Divorce

A Man arrives at his small business first thing on Monday morning. He is met by the local Sheriff and his deputies, armed with a warrant for his arrest and a full search and Seizure of his business and assets.

After he is placed in handcuff and read his rights, a Slim mild mannered man in a suit approaches him and identifies himself as an IRS agent.

IRS Agent: “Are you Mr Jones who resides at 188 Boardwalk Rd?”

Mr Jones: “Yes I am”

IRS Agent: “Do you own and run ‘Jones: Fun house...

Why should you never loan LeBron James a dollar?

He will give you back 75 cents and say he wasn't sure about what happened to the fourth quarter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frog wants to get a loan

A frog goes into a bank and speaks to the teller about getting a loan. The teller, Mrs. Whack, brings him over to a desk where they can discuss.

"So, what will this loan be for?"

"It's to buy my father a new stereo. He's super into rock & roll."

"Not to be intrusive, but you...

My ex had given me a loan, and I finally made my last payment.

Now it’s just some money I used to owe.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.