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A Cowboy from Ft. Worth, Texas walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.

The Cowboy told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the old cowboy handed over...

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What's the difference between my wife and my student loans?

My student loans fuck me with interest.

Shout out to my student loans

for being the only one from college keeping in touch

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Having student loans is like being in a shitty marriage.

They fuck you once a month for 25 years,

they make you feel guilty about every dollar you spend,

and you spend an unhealthy amount of time wondering if you could fake your death to get out of the whole arrangement.

What's the difference between a car loan and wanting kids?

Me wanting kids has a 0% interest rate.

Post Malone Has Started His Own Student Loan Service in an Attempt to Lift the Burden Off of New Graduates

It's called "Post Malone's Post Pone Ma Loans"

A woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan

The banker asks, “Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?”

The woman says, “Yes, of course. I’ll use my Rolls Royce.”

The banker, stunned, asks, “A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?”

The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers...

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Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for a $5K loan

The loan officer requested collateral, and the man gave him the keys of the Rolls-Royce. The car was driven into the bank's underground parking and the man was given the $5K.



Two weeks later the man goes to the bank and asks to settle up his loan. The officer tells him "It will be $5...

My cousin called and asked if I would loan her £300.00 to help her pay her rent.

I told her to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back. Before I called her back my aunt called, told me that my cousin was lying and not to give her the money.

She goes on to say that the real reason my cousin wanted the £300.00 was to get her boyfriend out of jail so s...

Thank you student loans for getting me through college!

I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you

I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism.

If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed.

When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan

But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution

I don’t think I’d have made it through university without the help of my student loans

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay them

A frog goes to the bank wanting to take out a loan...

...he goes up to the counter and starts talking to the clerk. Her name tag reads “Patricia Wack” so he says “ Mrs. Wack I would like to take out a line of $10,000.” Mrs. Wack looks at him skeptically and says “I’m going to need your name and account number as well as collateral for the loan.” The f...

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What do you call a black man who has just paid off his house loan?

Mortgage Freeman.

Loan

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.” She’s sta...

Kermit's $30,000 loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation."

Patricia looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.

The frog says his name is Kermit J...

A frog walks into a bank for a loan...

A frog walks into a bank for a loan and is greeted by the teller.

“Well goodness me! In all 30 years of working here I’ve never once seen a frog come in! How can I help you today?”

“Well ma’am, I’ve come in for a loan.”

“I see. I can definitely help you begin the process for th...

A frog walks into a bank looking for a loan...

The frog goes up to the teller and says ‘hey, could I get a loan please?’ The teller, Ms. Patricia Wack, looks at the frog and decides he doesn’t look to reliable. ‘Sure,’ says ms. Wack, ‘but you will need to provide collateral, what can you offer to ensure we are making a safe investment?’ The frog...

I was so bad at math my bank refused to give me a loan

Thank god I had someone to cosine

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A frog walks into a bank to apply for a loan

He addresses the teller by the name on her name badge and says "excuse me, Ms. Whack. I need a loan."

She says "Holy shit, a talking frog!"

"Actually my name is Kermit. And I need a loan."

"You're Kermit the frog?"

"No but I was named after him. My dad is Mick Jagger. He...

Frog wants a million dollar loan



A frog walks into a bank, and approaches the teller. He sees the tellers name tag read Paddy Black and says



"I'd like to take out a loan, Mrs. Black"



"Certainly," says the teller, "how much would that be for?"



"One million dollars." replies the fr...

I thought my student loans were great when I got then.

Now they're outstanding!

An elderly man goes to his bank to get a loan.

The associate, a long time friend of his, greets him with a hearty handshake and asks him what the loan is for.

The man replies, "Well, I'm getting a mail-order bride, and I'd like to upgrade my ranch for her arrival."

"Well, how old will your bride be?"

"She'll be 23 when she ...

The Department is Education is canceling $150 million in student loans.

Those are a lucky 4 people.

A frog goes to get a bank loan.

He hops up on the desk of Patricia Whack, one of the bank employees, and says, “I want to borrow $500,000.”

Patricia says, “Well that’s a lot!”

Frog says, “It’s okay, my dad’s Mick Jagger.”

“That’s nice,” Patricia answers, “but if you want to borrow that much, the bank needs som...

Cletus takes out a loan for a new truck.

He keeps up with the payments, and everything seems to be going well, when suddenly the bank repossesses it without warning.

He decides to go to the police, and it turns out he's not the only person who's been ripped off by this particular bank.

After talking to the police chief, it'...

My ex had given me a loan, and I finally made my last payment.

Now it’s just some money I used to owe.

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The Loan

Bob lent Bill $1000. Today Bill arrives at Bob's door. It's 10 am on a Saturday. Bob's wife answers wearing only a bra and panties. Bill looks her up and down and says, if you drop your top I will give you $250 in cash. She pauses for a moment to think it through and whips it off. Bill counts out ...

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A young lady becomes a hooker, and after her first night on the streets, the other hookers are asking her how it went...

"Well, the first guy I met was really hot! A marine with all kinds of muscles!"

"Ooh! Nice!" another girl says. "How'd it go?"

"Well I told him it was $50 for a fuck. He said he didn't have that much. So I told him it's $25 for a blowjob. He didn't have that much either. So I said it's...

So an old friend called and asked me if I could loan her $400 to help her pay the rent.

I told her to give me a minute and let me check my bank account and I'll call her right back." Before I could check my funds, her sister called and said, "Don’t give her any money because she's been lying!" Her sister proceeded to tell me that she wants to use that $400 to get her baby daddy out of ...

So a guy walks into a bank in Manhattan and asks for the loan officer

The loan officer comes over immediately.

“How can I help you, sir?” he asks.

“I’m going out of town on business for two weeks and need to borrow $5,000,” the man answers.

The loan officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan.

So, the man ho...

A frog walks into a bank looking to get a loan.

He walks up to the first teller available, Mrs Whack.
“Mrs Whack, I would like a loan”
“But you are a frog!?!”

“Yup, I just need a small loan though, I just want to buy my own lily pad.”

“Okay, well what is your name?”

“Kermit”

“You aren’t Kermit the fro...

Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan?

Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest.

What's the value of a cosigned loan?

It depends on θ, but between -1 and 1.

When you give loan to a person and never see him again:

Relax. It's money well spent.

An old Indian walks into a bank and asks for a $5000 loan.

Clerk: What are you going to do with the money?

Indian: I'm going to go into the city and sell my handmade jewelry.

Clerk: Do you have collateral?

Indian: What's collateral?

Clerk: Collateral is something of value that can cover the amount of the loan. For example, do you...

A frog wants to get a loan

A frog goes into a bank and speaks to the teller about getting a loan. The teller, Mrs. Whack, brings him over to a desk where they can discuss.

"So, what will this loan be for?"

"It's to buy my father a new stereo. He's super into rock & roll."

"Not to be intrusive, but you...

Me: Hey babe, are you a federal student loan?

Me: hey babe, are you a federal student loan? Because it looks like you have low interest

My date: Yep.

Me: oh

Why should you never loan LeBron James a dollar?

He will give you back 75 cents and say he wasn't sure about what happened to the fourth quarter.

Why couldn't the mathematician take out a loan?

He needed someone to cosin

This probably isn't the place to post this.

My heart breaks! VERY SAD DAY TODAY. A good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school and training, has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training, and money. Even worse, is the fact ...

If I had a penny for every Trump joke being made right now

I would have a small loan of a million dollars

90 year old farmer wants a loan.

He goes to the banker for the loan to buy land. The banker has some concerns due to the old codgers age.
"What happens if you die before the loan is paid off?" The banker asks.
"I'll send you a check from heavan, because God would want all my obligations taken care of," The old farmer answered...

To help pay for school, my bank left me a loan.

Now my bank won’t leave me alone.

A frog wants to get a loan

He goes to a bank and there is a pig behind the front desk.

The pig introduces herself
“I’m Pattywack, how may I help you”

The frog asks for a loan and to use an action figure as collateral.

Pattywack explains that the action figure is not enough to be collateral.

Pat...

What did the Loan Officer say to the Tightrope Walker after he gave him a loan?

You have an outstanding balance

I recently got a loan so I could start my own ice cream business...

I'm going to have a rocky road ahead of me.

I got my student loans down from 100k to 50k overnight with this super easy life hack.

Divorce

Girl, am I a loan offered to ppl with impeccable credit and a long history of timely payments?

Bc I have 0 interest

A Lawyer Walked Into a Bank to Get a Loan...

...and a bank employee assisted him with the requirements. The employee asked, "How much are you going to borrow, sir?"

"Five thousand dollars," the lawyer said.

"And when do you intend to pay it?" the bank employee asked.

"In 30 days."

"Okay, sir, we have a standard 18% ...

Kermit the frog walks into a bank to request a loan.

Kermit the frog walks into a bank to request a loan.
He meets the loan officer whose name is Mr. Paddywack. Paddywack says what can I do for you Kermit?
Kermit says I'd like to get a loan for $20,000.
Well that's a lot of money Kermit. What kind of collateral do you have asks Paddywack....

Frog gets a loan.

There once was a frog that belonged to Keith Richards. This frog went to the bank to get a loan. At the desk was a woman named Miss Pattywack. The frog says "I'd like to get a loan please". She replied "Well you're gonna need some form of collateral". The frog says "I don't have much, but what about...

A frog goes to the bank to get a loan...

A frog goes to the bank to get a loan, walks up to the teller, sees her name tag and says politely "Hello Ms. Pattywack I would like to take out a loan." She asks him his name and he replies "Kermit McJagger". She then asks him if he has any collateral and he places a small elephant statue on the ta...

A frog goes into a bank to ask for a loan

as he walks up to the teller he sees her nameplate reads Patty Black. The frog asks for a loan of fifty thousand dollars to build a beautiful new home on prime real estate, a lily pad in the best part of the pond. The bank teller says that in order to secure a loan of that amount he would need somet...

I recently made an impossible escape room and I’m extremely proud!

It’s called Student Loans.

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My husband and I both lost our jobs.

We were desperate for a way to make money so I brought up the idea of being a prostitute. He was ok with it as long as he was able to be close by for safety.

I was on the street corner when a car pulled up and a man asked what it would cost to fuck? I had no idea so I excused myself and ran o...

The loan officer approved my plan to go forward and take out a mortgage for the horse farm I've been looking at.

He called it a stable investment.

An Italian herb seller gets a loan from the mafia.

Two weeks later, the boss walks in for his payment. Unable to pay his debt, the herb seller pleads for his life.

"Please sir, give me one more week!" he exclaims.

"No," responds the boss, "your thyme is up."

A frog walks into a bank

A frog walks into a bank
And he goes up to the counter and says "I want to take out a loan"
The woman behind the counter says "well I don't know if we give loans out to frogs but I'll see what we can do"
Her name is Mrs. Wack
So Mrs. Wack says "If I can get your name we'll get you starte...

Pickup line: Hey girl, did I take a loan from you?

Because my interest in you keeps growing.

My new bank is awesome. It's called condensation savings and loan.

They give credit where credit is dew.

A frog goes into a bank

He hops up on the desk of the loan officer.
''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?'

The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''

''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''

The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form....

What a dumb blonde... wait...

*Blonde goes into a bank

Blonde: I need a loan for $5,000.

Bank-teller: We'll need some sort of deposit.

Blonde: Ok, here's the keys to my car (Mercedes-Benz S600)

*Blonde leaves

Bank-teller(laughing): She's so stupid! Leaving a $100,000 car as a deposit for a $5,0...

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