Did you here that all newly elected politicians have to take an updated oath of office?

It’s now called the Hypocratic Oath...

Why do Yakuza swear a loyalty oath?

Because they can't do pinky promises.

An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad.

Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died.

Until then, she’d never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued.
“You must take the loyalty oa...

If a doctor takes a hippocratic oath after completing med school, what does a lawyer take after graduating law school?

A hypocritical oath.

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A child crashes his bike in front of a church

The priest see's this and bring the boy inside to treat him. The boy having a concussion stays the night in the church. In the middle of the night he hears a blood curling scream. The next morning he asks the priest what the sound was and says "I am sorry my child I cannot tell you for you are not a...

I'm done stealing. I took an oath today.

But I swear I will give it back.

Trump actually attended Biden's inauguration

He was the crying baby you heard right before Biden took his oath

I've memorized the hippocratic oath! It goes: 'Clack clack clack clack clack!'

To be fair, it's the Hungry Hungry Hippocratic oath.

My doctor smokes a pack-a-day, but he had the nerve to tell me I have to stop smoking.

I guess he took the hippocritic oath when he became a doctor.

“Do as I say, not as I do.”

-The Hypocratic Oath

Future Headline: Trump refuses to rise to take the oath at his trial.

He heard you can’t arrest a sitting president.

They say you should just let sleeping dogs lie.

But what if they're under oath?

You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," the lawyer sneered at a witness on the stand.

"If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

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A woman is getting dressed after her visit to the doctor

"So, Doctor", she says, "How about a kiss goodbye?"

"I'm sorry", the doctor replies, "But that would be terribly unethical. Hippocratic Oath and all that. I really shouldn't have even had sex with you".

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Before graduating to full priests, the candidates had to undergo

The cardinal test.

To make sure that they would stick to the oath of celibacy, the graduating would be priests were all taken to a room and made to stand in a straight line and covered their eyes.

The bishop tied a little Bell on their penises and then brought in a naked beautiful woma...

A farmer is in court, suing the trucking company whose truck injured him in an accident

He is on the stand, and the company's lawyer is questioning him, trying to disprove the merit of his claim.
"Mister Brown," the lawyer says, "did you not tell the responding officer, after the crash, that you were -and I quote- fine?"
"Well," says the farmer, "you see, I was driving my mule to...

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A dominatrix was trying to improve her PR so she changed her name to Harm

One day she was getting a medical check-up and she realized she would have trouble paying her doctor. Being a sex worker, she tried to see if there was an alternative way to pay.

“Doctor, isn’t there something we can figure out?”

“I see where this is going and I appreciate the sentim...

Old Custom In Ireland

There is an old custom in Ireland, to bow the head briefly in prayer when saying “Jesus” - particularly when saying the line from the Ave Maria, or Hail Mary, that ends with “... the fruit of thy womb, Jesus”

In christening services, where babies are dedicated to the Church, parents and godpa...

A couple wins a free day at a golf course

But just a few minutes into the game, the husband breaks the window of one of the most luxurious houses nearby.

When they arrive to try to talk their way out, the door is open, and a man with a luxurious robe stands next to a expensive looking broken crystal lamp.

- are you the owner o...

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(NSFW) The hippy and the nun

One day a hippy walks into a bus, when he spots a nun sitting in the first chair. To him, the nun is one of the best looking women he has ever seen. Being the straightforward guy he is, the hippy walks up and asks, “Hey, wanna have sex?” The nun, shocked, smacks him in the face, and gets off at the...

A man is charged with first-degree murder and is on the stand, being questioned by the prosecution.

“Did you commit the crime?”

“No sir, I did not.”

“I remind you that you are under oath. Do you know the penalty for perjury?”

“Yes sir, and it’s a darn sight less than the penalty for murder.”

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The Policeman & The Hispanic

It’s around the holiday season and Bob the policeman is scheduled to work. He decides to set up a speed trap at his favorite roadway in Arkansas.

It’s been a few hours and Bob hasn’t seen a single driver. Just then, suddenly a pickup truck flies past him doing well over double the speed limit...

A tale of Middle Earth

In the land of Gondor there lived one of the most renowned gardeners in all of Middle Earth.


All the various people would come to Master Kizal for healing herbs that could be found nowhere except his gardens. The Elves would come to him for rare tree saplings and advice on how to care f...

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A collection of lawyer jokes.

My grandfather was a lawyer & judge and had a fantastic sense of humor. He has many humorous law books, and the following are some his favorite selections from Larry Wilde's book *The Ultimate Lawyers Joke Book*. Hope you enjoy..

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The Man and the Nun

A man gets onto a bus. On this bus, the man meets a nun. The man, being a straight-forward guy, asks the nun if she wants to have sex. The nun replies "Heaven's, no!" and gets off the bus. When the man gets off the bus, the bus driver stops him.
"You know, that nun visits a grave every night at m...

Arrogance

Back in the days when Los Alamos was a small company town, a noted theoretical physicist was called as a witness for the prosecution. Rising to take the stand, the great man smiled and nodded affably in the direction of the jury box.

This infuriated the defence counsel. “Your Honor, I don’t ...

A choir boy goes to confession...

He says, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned."

The priest asks, "What is your sin, my child?"

"I've had carnal knowledge of a girl, Father."

"My son, it is good that you have confessed this to me but wasting your innocence on these base acts is a sin. In order to fully redeem ...

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There once was a little fella in school named Dirty Johnny...

One day in class, the teacher says "Now, this is what you're gonna do here, class, I want you to stand up and tell a story from your life, and then afterwards, reveal the moral to that story".

So a girl raises her hand. "Yes, Becky! What's your story?".
So Becky stands up and she says "My ...

A monk is allowed to say only two words every year

Per his oath of silence, a monk is only allowed to say two words every year. After his first year, he comes before the head abbot to speak his two words.

"Better Food."

The head abbot understands and obliges the monk, hiring a new chef and improving the food quality at the monastery....

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Donald Trumps' Inaugration

This came from a U.S. soldier's wife. It says it all:


"I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as the government underwent a peaceful transition of power a few short months ago ...


At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism while Donald Trump took his Oa...

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