If you have a cold for a long time and your immune system is fighting it then

you are fighting a Cold War.

Why are ants immune to COVID-19?

They have anty-bodies

What disease are anti-vax kids immune to?

Adulthood. I hope this isn't taken.

Scientists have declared that ants are immune to COVID-19....

They think its probably because they have.... anty bodies

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A survey said that people that sleep with their pets get less allergies and helps the immune system and they live longer.

Bullshit... I tried sleeping with my goldfish and nearly drowned.

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Why do I always feel great on Saturday and Sunday, and sick on all the other days?

Maybe I just have a weekend immune system.

My immune system is racist

Every time it finds a foreign body it tries to eliminate it.

What makes santa immune from covid-19?

Santabodies

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Clever Monkey and the Mighty Lion

One day, Clever Monkey was swinging through the canopy, leaping with great agility from branch to vine. Watch him as he swings and capers, the joy in his eyes, his monkey smile. Surely he was the fastest, smartest and perhaps the HAPPIEST of all the animals in the Kingdom.

As he capered abo...

Lice are immune to corona

makes scientists all over the world scratch their head

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Scientists say masturbating improves the immune system.

Use that information at your own wrist.

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Did you know the average age of a professional curler is 45? Pretty much making the sport immune from performance enhancing drugs...

Unless they start testing for Viagra. Then the sport would be between a ROCK and a HARD PLACE.

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Your penis so small....

That when you put it in a girl her immune system tries to fight it.

Why is Ant-Man immune from getting coronavirus?

Because he has an anty-body!

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Did you know that when you the sperm originally enters the vagina the female immune system tries to destroy it? But later on it helps it get to the egg....

This is the just another example of a woman not being able to make up her mind

Germs boost your immune system

They say that exposure germs boosts your immune system. So to ensure a healthy amount of exposure, a couple times a week I take a sip of some tea that's been sitting out for a few days. I don't plan it.....
But it still happens :(

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Since we're doing favourites, here's mine:

Three men are walking along a beach when they come across a lamp buried in the sand. They pull it out and dust it off and out pops a genie.

"For giving me my freedom, I shall grant each of you three wishes," he declares.

The first guy says, "I wish for a billion dollars!" Poof, his b...

What type of cancer is an anarchist immune to?

Prostate

Allergies

Did you know, allergies are your immune system treating a harmless substance as a big threat? To put it another way, it's in my DNA to be overly dramatic about things.

Read a story recently about a guy who went deaf as a result of having acquired immune deficiency syndrome.

He had hearing aids.

Scientists find a man immune to Covid-19 because of a genetic mutation

They conclude that 1/2 of the population in Alabama are immune to Covid-19.

Anti-Vaxxers are immune to logical arguments

too bad for them they aren't immune to everything else

Africans are immune to cholera

I mean first off cholera lives in water

A New Strain Spreading Faster Than COVID

Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.

Scientists warn that a virulent strain of humans are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving researchers at a...

One the plus side,

I am completely immune to flash-bang grenades.
- Helen Keller.

Why are native South African Tribesman immune to lightning?

'cause you can't Shaka Zulu.

Alcohol Addiction

My anxiety has been in overdrive since the start of the Pandemic. I feel like I need more and more alcohol everyday.

I am going through at least a liter of the hard stuff everyday.
I start using as soon as I wake up and don't stop until I go to bed each night.

My Dr. says I need t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's too bad Coronavirus isn't solely transmitted sexually

Most of Reddit would be immune

Schrodinger's Virus

We all have Schrodinger's Virus now.

Because we can't get tested, we can't know whether we have the virus or not.

We have to act as if we have the virus so that we don't spread it to others.

We have to act as if we've never had it cause if we didn't have it we are not immune....

An immunologist and a cardiologist are kidnapped...

An immunologist and a cardiologist are kidnapped. The kidnappers threaten to shoot one of them, but promise to spare whoever has made the greater contribution to humanity. The cardiologist says, “Well, I’ve identified drugs that have saved the lives of millions of people.” Impressed, the kidnappers ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anagram lovers are more likely to get corona if

* exposed to a corona infected person
* they have weak immune system
* asked to spell racoon

[OC] My kids seem to magically only get sick on school days...and quite a lot of them.

It's like they've got weekend immune systems.

My friend is so stupid

I took a cab to his house and he was all worried I was going to get the coronavirus. I told him not to worry. I have auto immune disease.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad is gay

and he lives with his partner. I'm immune to all "yo mama" jokes.

-Yo mama's so ugly yo dad had to get a husband.

A kid talks to his dad about coronavirus

Kid: "Dad, why is coronavirus infecting so many people?"

Dad: *explains the biology of a virus and how it affects the immune system*

Kid: "Dad, I don't get it..."

Dad: "Don't worry son, you'll get it soon enough."

An American, a Hindu, and a Russian land in Purgatory.

A grey-winged angel with a huge whip hanging from his belt meets them and says: "Alright, here's the rules. Anyone who takes three strikes from my whip without screaming, can go straight to Heaven. You can shield yourselves with whatever you like. We've got everything here. Who's first?" The America...

*Pollen accidentally enters body*

Immune system: What the hell is that?

Pollen: Oh hey. Sorry. We got a bit lost. The wind kinda bl-

Immune system: OH GOD WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!

Pollen: What?! No! We just got lo-

Immune system: OPEN THE FLOODGATES!

Pollen: The what?

Mucus membranes: Sir. All th...

What do Ghandi and Mary Poppins have in common?

Gandhi's political power was born from his ultra modest means - but it came at a price. His feet were in terrible condition due to his insistence on wearing rough leather sandals. Hunger strikes weakened his immune system and he was very prone to illness, but in his moments of weakness, he is said t...

Three expectant mothers are sitting around a table knitting sweaters for their babies to be.

The first mother says "I'm taking folic acid, I want my baby to have a strong immune system". The other mothers nod.


The second mother says "I'm taking calcium supplements, I want my baby to have strong bones". The other mothers nod.


The third mother says "Oh, well I'm taking T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's a new drink at the bar...

A man named Derek walks into a bar and takes a seat next to another man. The man looks over and says "Hey, have you heard of the new drink called 'Bounce'? It's amazing!"

Derek responds "Yeah? What's so special about it?"

In which the man replied "You wouldn't believe it, it makes you ...

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