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Immunity Jokes

I have a joke on immunity...

but you have probably herd it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We might eventually get herd immunity

But what about hoard immunity?

I read in a medical journal that sniffing Rosemary will improve your immunity during this rainy season...

But my colleague is not understanding when I do this and now she’s calling the security...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend told me yesterday that if you eat cow feces you grow an immunity to cancer

But that's bull shit

Why did Johnny Depp lose his court case?

Because he didn't have Heard immunity

Your momma's so fat

She achieved herd immunity by herself

There's a dog walking in the jungle.

Being a dog, he has amazing hearing, and heard a leopard sneaking up on him. He found a bone and starts chewing on it and remarks rather loudly "that was a tasty leopard, I wonder if there's anymore around here!" The leopard, startled by the comment, leaves in a hurry. Meanwhile up in the trees, a m...

Johnny Depp refuses to get another dose of the vaccine

He says he now has Heard immunity

Johnny Depp would be in a much better position if it wasn't for anti-vaxxers.

If it wasn't for them we would all have heard immunity by now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back in the day, Chicago was run by the Irish mob

Now, before the Italian mob took over- I'm sure you all know Al Capone, Frank Nitti, Lucky Luciano, and the like- Prohibition era Chicago was run by the Irish mob.

The Irish gangs owned Chicago outright for a solid 18 months after Prohibition went into effect, before police raids, pressure fr...

So a man goes to his doctor and asks....

Patient... doctor does this provide immunity? Doctor.... only for the manufacturer

Yo mama is so fat

When she took the vaccine she got herd immunity

No one ever listens to me about vaccines.

I have heard immunity.

Three men are sitting in a hospital room. The first asks the second how he contracted COVID19.

He replies, "Because I support Boris Johnson's herd immunity."

The first man responds "But I am here because I attended a protest against Boris Johnson's herd immunity!"

They turn to the third man who has been sitting quietly in the back, and ask him how he contracted the virus.
...

Why dont ambassadors get sick?

Diplomatic immunity

A serial killer started kidnapping and killing all female cousins of his mother & father.

When arrested and asked for reasons, he said, “I just heard that you need Aunty-bodies to build immunity against Covid.”

How did the cowboy survive the stampede?

He had herd immunity.

There’s a place in the Mideast that doesn’t need the Covid vaccine.

They have Kurd immunity.

Why are Santa's reindeer allowed to spend Christmas together?

Because they have herd immunity.

With the news about Johnny Depp and Aquaman 2, there's a sign the pandemic is almost over.

They've reached Heard immunity.

If a foreign diplomat recovers from COVID-19...

Does he have diplomatic immunity?

Why is Jonny Depp’s second wife no longer suing him?

In the last couple months he developed Heard Immunity

I figured out why President Trump thinks he doesn’t have to wear a mask to protect himself from viruses.

Somebody told him he had diplomatic immunity.

Wonder why none of the world leaders have coronavirus?

They all have diplomatic immunity.

My software developer friends tell me to stop exposing them to COVID-19 jokes...

.. but I tell them it's the best way to achieve nerd immunity.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half >!the population of the planet dead thanks to anti-vaxx morons actively working towards deleting herd immunity.!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW Possible Coronavirus Inoculant Found

Experts suggest that a hormone found in ordinary semen may, if consumed in sufficient quantities over time, produce a gradual immunity buildup to the Covid19 virus.

Source: Am expert

In Greek mythology, Chiron was known for his knowledge and skill with medicine

One could even call him the Centaur for Disease Control.

He was a big believer in herd immunity.

Why did the ambassador have extra resistance to harmful foreign bacteria?

He had diplomatic immunity.

The Biology Exam.

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk'.

The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

However, he wrote:

1) I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wise words and thoughts.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tole...

Not mine found it somewhere

A master smuggler bragged to border control that he was about to start smuggling but they wouldn't be able to catch him.
Soon, he crosses the border on a donkey.
The guards diligently and thoroughly search him and the donkey, but come up empty.
The smuggler smiles and passes.
The...

COVID-19 plagues a rural country town in the States.

Lockdowns have been imposed, and the infection rate is rising fast. An overweight and diabetic anti-masker is standing on the steps of the church, going against lockdown procedures, when a bystander coming from the grocery store walks by. “Better return home man, the infection rate is rising fast!”<...

Thought I'd try writing bad monologue jokes today. Like Jay Leno bad.

Russia says it will begin patrolling with nuclear submarines again for the first time in 20 years. Nuclear subs that are 20 years old? I didn’t know Russia had Subway.

In Texas, a husband and wife are blaming one another for sending ricin-laced letters to public officials. As the saying goes,...

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