My wife keeps asking why I need tissues at the end of joyful movies

I told her I always need them after a happy ending.

I carry tissues around with me so I never get an STD

I always have kleenexes

The difference between men and women

What's the biggest difference between men and women?

What they mean when saying "I got through a whole box of tissues watching that film"

What kind of tissues do mathematicians like?

Multi-ply

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I always have a box of tissues near my computer...

I cum prepared.

I watched Schindler's List last night and only used a couple of tissues

If it wasn't for that shower scene I wouldn't of needed any

Big difference

There's a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."

...

Joke is not mine.

I ran out of toilet paper

now I have trust tissues.

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Jake went the doctor for manhood problems

Jake went to the doctor and told him he was having a problem, as he was unable to get his manhood erect:

The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were damaged and there was nothing he could do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment...

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What do 2 tissues do before they have sex?

4-ply

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Why did the blonde have square boobs?

Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

There’s a big difference between a boy or a girl saying

“I got through a whole box of tissues when I found out my 18 year old sister was adopted”

It's always good to carry some extra tissues with you...

You never know when you'll come in handy.

Tissues

There was once a really wealthy lady in Persia. People believed she knew black magic. Curious, the Shah sent over one of his advisors:

Advisor: So how is it that you amassed all this wealth?

Lady: When I was 13 my Uncle gave me a funny looking lamp..

Advisor: ..a magical one?...

I was told to bring a box of tissues with me when my friends and I watched Bambi.

You can imagine my disappointment.

Who is in charge of the tissues?

The Hankie Chief.

A box of tissues is mingling with a roll of toilet paper at a party.

Tissues to toilet paper: “so that’s what I do. It’s so embarrassing. What is it that you do?”

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The great detective Herlock Sholmes was hired to investigate the disappearance of one of the most important political figures in the nation.

He was quickly briefed on the current situation: at two in the morning, a young woman named Andrea had been captured by an unknown party. Now normally, a kidnapping wouldn’t be something to call in the great Herlock Sholmes for, but Andrea was a special case.

In the nation of Modgasia, the go...

differences..

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman.

A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday...”

Why does Dr Pepper come in a bottle?

Because he was all out of tissues

A man had trouble trusting people

However, everytime he used paper towels to clean his nose, he was perfectly fine.

He had trust tissues.

My girlfriend broke up with me and I’ve been having a tough time getting over her. My friend said I should try having a one night stand, and I gotta say, it really helped!

The tissues are much closer to my bed now when I cry myself to sleep!

Postmortem

A man dies, but has no recollection of his last moments. Death greets him with a television screen and a box of tissues and says "I want you to come to your own conclusions".

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Masturbation may help prevent the common cold.

Hope so, I’ve got no tissues left.

I came into some money recently.

Probably should’ve just used it to buy some tissues but whatever.

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Doctors of reddit - who is that one patient you really wish you'd seen again?

It was actually during my junior year. A man, about 50, came in with walking difficulties - you could tell he was really struggling when he arrived at the surgery and even looked uncomfortable when he sat down. I was expecting a leg, hip or even back complaint but once the door was shut he admitted ...

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