South America Jokes - 43 Hilarious South America Jokes

How much does it cost to fly to South America?

A Brazillion dollars

(I stole this from Trixie Mattel)

Did you hear about the bomb in South America?

Everything around it blew up into a Bolivian.

Hey did you guys know South America is getting overpopulated?

Yea, there’s like a brazilian people there.

My wife said she slept with a man during her trip to South America.

I said, "I don't Bolivia."

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN...

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure...

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
<...

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A man with a penis growing on his forehead visits the doctor, worried.

"Doctor, I have a penis growing on my forehead!"

The doctor examines the situation, sits the man down and asks, "Have you been to South America?"

"South America? No, not at all!"

The doctor responds, "You should go, they have stunning beaches and beautiful girls there.” Then ask...

An original joke by my 6 year old this evening. What is the largest number in South America?

A Brazilian!

There is a new cruise line that goes down the west coast of South America

It's called Perusing

What’s the coldest country in South America?

I don’t know but it’s probably pretty Chile

A Missionary in South America

A Missionary in South America teaches native indigenous tribesman to English language. They paddling on a boat on the Amazon River and the Missionary teaches him: "This is a river. This is a forest. These are the trees. There are leaves on them. "

Down by the river they saw a couple making l...

Who rides through South America on a horse with a rifle and a savoury tart?

The con-quiche-tador

Why does no one swim in the western coast of South America?

Because the water is Chile

What pokemon does South America have that other continents don't?

Zikachu.

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UN Survey

Last month, the UN conducted a global survey:

# "Please give us your honest opinion about a solution to the Food Shortages in the Rest of the World."

The poll turned out, not unexpectedly, to be a huge flop.

Why?

\-In Africa, participants didn't know what ...

A death toll too high to imagine

On September 29th 2006 President George W. Bush receives a briefing from one of his staff

"Mr. President, we've just received reports of a commercial plane crash in south America, 154 Brazilian people died."

"Oh my God, that's terrible..." The president replies solemnly, thinking quiet...

A worldwide survey has been carried out with the following question:

*"PLEASE, GIVE US YOUR OPINION ON THE LACK OF FOOD IN THE REST OF THE World"* No result was achieved, since the following problems were facedduring the survey's implementation:
1. In Western Europe no one knew what is "lack"
2. In Africa no one knew what is "food"
3. In Eastern Europe no on...

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An old man is hosting his retirement dinner with his family, friends and coworkers

He’d lived a long life- when he was only 25 he went on a mission trip to South America where he met two young boys who he later adopted. Seeing the standard of living in South America prompted him to study medicine- a field he completely excelled in and successfully developed vaccines for over ten d...

The last wish

A dying man gathered his Lawyer, Doctor, and Clergyman at his bedside and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash.

He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelopes in his coffin.

He told them that he wanted ...

So George Bush is in his office...

His adviser comes in tells him, "Mr. President I'm afraid I have some bad news. There was an explosion at our embassy in South America, two Americans were killed as well as three Brazilian citizens."
Bush looks at him and says, "Oh my God... How many is a brazilian?"

A small quiz

Think of a number between 2 & 5.
Now times it by 9.
Now take the sum of the two numbers in that number(example: 42: 4+2=6).
Now subtract that number by 5.
Next see which letter corresponds with that number(1=a 2=b 3=c and so on).
After that think of a country that is NOT in North ...

Kids from around the globe were asked to write an essay...

and the teacher asked, "Please write in your own opinion about the insufficient amount of food in other countries."

But none of the could write it.

The kid from South America didn't know what 'please' was.

The Asian kid didn't know what 'your own opinion' was.

The Europea...

What’s the one problem that everyone from Asia, Africa, North America, South America, Antarctica, Europe, and Australia have in common?

Living within continents.

I don't know how many tigers there are in South America

But I'm sure there are ocelots

Cringe joke I came up with, I think

Who’s the richest man in South America?
Why, Jeff Pezos, of course!

July 2nd, 1776

South America : Hey USA, you free tomorrow night?

USA : ‘Fraid not mate, I can do the night after though.

The secretary of defense entered Donald Trump's office.

He told Donald Trump that a drone strike in South America had killed 4 brazilian people.

He expected Trump to take this lightly, but much to his surprise, Trump's face turned white with shock, and he promptly fainted.

After Trump awoke, the secretary of defense said "I didn't know you ...

It's only Ice cream!

A penguin decides he was sick of living in the antarctic and wants to go see the world.

So he decides he's going to drive through the Americas. Anyways he's been driving up from South America and he makes it to Arizona when he gets a flat tire.

He finds a garage to take his car to an...

Canadian query

Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:

"Could you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food
Shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a massive failure because of the following:

1. In Eastern Europe ...

So there's an Amazon River now? What's next? Lake Facebook? Mount Paypal?

How did Amazon manage to name a whole river in South America after them? Did they pay the governments of all the countries it flows through, for the naming rights?

What was the river's name before Amazon bought the naming rights to the river?

And how long will it be before there are ot...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and a New Yorker...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a New Yorker are flying in a plane over the deep jungles of South America. The plane crashes in the jungle and the three men are captured by pygmy cannibals. The cannibal chief says, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is we're going to boil you, eat you, and...

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My name is Carmen...

A man is enjoying his time on a beach in South America when a beautiful young woman wanders over and strikes up a conversation with him. A few minutes pass, and he inquires as to what her name is. She replies "My name is Carmen."

"That's a nice name," he says.

"My name used to be Luci...

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The Football Team

A football team was travelling on a plane to South America to attend to an important game.

In mid flight, the captain notices that the airplane starts shaking a lot; so he calls the hostess to the cockpit and asks her:

"- What's going on back there?!"

"-...

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I recently sailed around the world on one of those “once in a lifetime” cruises.

The cruise was scheduled to take 6 months, visit all 7 continents, and make port calls in over 30 different cities. I was very excited and could not wait.

The cruise began with several uneventful stops along the gulf off Mexico and down the Eastern side of South America. As we neared the sout...

A old nun was telling a new nun what it will be like being a nun in South America. She was telling her about all the fresh fruit that they have. Then she said farther down south they have bananas this big |.........|

The new nun responded Father who?

A barista, a viking, and a veterinarian are getting dinner together.

The topic of vacation comes up and the barista says, "I don't have a lot saved up, so I think I'm going to stick around town this year and just take it easy."

The viking chimes in, "I'm going to take my ship out with my mates and raid the lands to the south." The other two look a bit shocked....

An oldie but a goodie. [It's a version of an older joke]

On November 14, 1984, the United Nations sent out a survey to every country, asking "Would you please share your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey flopped pretty much everywhere.

In Africa, families were confused about what "food"...

I like my girls like I like my coffee...

Fresh, not matured, and sold from a shady part of South America.

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Northerners

Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven God went missing for six days.

Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day, resting. He enquired of God, 'Where have you been?'

God pointed downwards through the clouds. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?'...

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Pussy Eating Frog (NSFW)

A woman had some time to kill, so she decided to go browse in a pet store. She's looking around, and the owner approaches her and asks if she's looking for anything in particular. She says, "No, I'm just browsing."

"Well, perhaps I can interest you in one of our new arrivals. He's a very r...

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The Foo Bird

A group of explorers traveled to South America in order to find El Dorado and other places of great fortune. On the first day, they met up with the locals in the town they were staying in. There the locals warned them of the dangers of the jungle, specifically the Foo bird.

During their firs...

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Penguin visits the desert.

A penguin living on the southernmost tip of South America decides he's been freezing his ass off for far too long. He decides to rent a car and take a road trip up the West coast to warmer destinations. Eventually he winds up in San Diego, where he sees a sign for Las Vegas and decides he'd like to ...

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Three friends get lost in the jungle...

So three guy friends on vacation in South America get lost in the jungle.

Eventually after hours wandering and near death. The trio find themselves on a remote area of farmland where Coca plants are being grown.

Before long they get caught by the local drug lord who owns the land and ...

Building that wall

The leaders of all the countries of the north and south American continant get together to discuss world problems and see what they can do to improve the world. After a long hard day President Donald Trump decides to go on a walk to think about what has been achieved, he is soon joined by the Prime ...

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