Holding Hands Jokes - 14 Hilarious Holding Hands Jokes

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When you see a deaf couple holding hands, maybe it's not romantic....

Maybe they just want each other to shut the fuck up.

My dad’s joke: You see an older couple holding hands.

The older couple are laughing and apparently very much in love.

Mom: Wow look at that, old but still passionate.

Dad: I know them. They’ve been married for 40 years.

Mom: Oh wow really?

Dad: Yeah, just not to each other!

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So there was this magical forest with a marble statue of two nude lovers holding hands.

They stood tall in the center of the magical forest for hundreds of years. One day, by happenstance, the Spirit of the Forest reflected on the two lovers and felt pity for them. He decided to bring them to life. He mustered up enough of his magical power to cast a spell allowing them to be living hu...

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A girl is about to have a heart surgery, holding hands with her boyfriend and talking

G: I love you Mike.

B: I love you more.

Girl gets put to sleep and the surgery begins.

A few hours later, she wakes up, and only her dad is next to her.

She asks : Where is Mike?

Dad answers : You don't know who gave you his heart?

Girl is shocked and start...

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A homicidal rapist is holding hands with a little girl.

They are walking through a dense and eerie forest at night. Sounds of owls, wolves and other animals echos around. "This place is really scary sir" says the girl. The man looks around. The sound of wolves send chills down he's spine. He looks at the girl and says: "Yeah. Imagine me that I have to re...

I saw a couple walking and holding hands during the quarantine..

It mad me sad to see two people hate each other so much.

2 guys holding hands were refused service at a local spa...

It was a mask man date.

The young couple was holding hands in the nudist camp.

"When I tell you that I love you," he asked, "why do you always lower your eyes?"

"To see if it's true," she answered shyly.

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I bought a Russian porno magazine the other day called Barely Legal.

Opened it up and there was a picture of two men holding hands.

A little boy and a clown are walking into the woods together holding hands

It's night time and everything is very dark.

The little boy turns to the clown and says "I'm scared"

To which the clown turns to him and replies "You're scared! I'm the one that's gotta walk out of here alone"

No one believes seniors . . . Everyone thinks they are senile

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared...

John and Jane were holding hands walking in the middle of the road. A car drove right between them.

At the hospital, their mutual friend Jacquelyn asked the doctor, “how’s John?”

The doctor replied, “he lost his left arm and leg... but he’s *all right* now.”

After giving the doctor a long stare, she asked, “how about Jane? Is she okay?”

The doctor sighed, “what’s *left* of h...

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out."

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out." I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip flops and shot down the stairs. I was rather shocked when I got down to find our lad holding hands with his mate Michael.

"Dmytry! I take my hat off to you!"

"You and Sarah have been married for 50 years, whenever I see you walking around town you are still holding hands!
Well." Dmytry began

"If I let her go she will surely buy something!"

Translated from Russian, sorry if I made mistakes.

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