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Ruff Jokes

Why are dogs afraid to go to space?

Because of the vacuum

Edit: Sorry if this joke is ruff

Double Edit: on the other hand, when I go to space I feel no pressure

A dog runs up to their master carrying an unusual stick.

Master: Hey boy, what do you got there?

Dog: *Bark*

Master: Bark? Well where did you get such an unusual piece of bark?

Dog: *Ruff*

Master: The roof? Well how did you get all the way up there?

Dog: *With the ladder*

Ruff Policy

My dog, Case, swallowed my proof of car insurance. It's really no big deal though. My insurance is just in Case.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A ruff night NSFW

A guy walks into a bar as soon as it opens, bags under his eyes, hair all messed up and vomit on his shirt and says, "Bartender, give me the strongest shot you've got."

The bartender says, "Man, you look rough! Must have been one helluva night."

The man downs his shot and says, "Man, I...

A man and a dog walk into a bar

Both get up on stools and the bartender says "sorry no dogs"

"But my dog can talk"

Bartender: "Prove it"

"Fido, what is the top part of a house called"

Dog: "Roof, roof"

Bartender (annoyed): "You're going to have to do better than that"

"Fido, what is the hi...

I gave my dog a beer last night. I asked him how he felt this morning.

He said ruff.

A Dog's life:

A man sees a dog whom he hadn't seen in a couple of years......and says: "Hey, Rufus! How're you doing? How's life been treating you?"

and the dog says: "RUFF! Ruff-Ruff-Ruff!"

(oh, i'm sorry to hear that!)

Why do used cards have dog ears?

They have ruff edges

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy and his dog go into a bar...

...and the guy sits down at the bar.
He orders a beer and drinks it, then orders another. The dog sits patiently at his feet. When it comes time for the guy to pay, he looks the barman in the eye and says, "I'm afraid I don't have any money."
The barman is about to kick this joker's ass when...

A Man Walks Into a Bar with His Little Dog...

He puts the dog on the bar and says to the bartender, "25 bucks says this dog can talk!"

Bartender says, "I'll take that bet. Make it quick."

Man looks at the dog and points upward. "What's the name of this thing over our head keeps the rain out?"

Dog barks, ...

What did the dog say when he sat on the sandpaper?

Ruff ruff

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend and I only ever have sex in the doggy style position

She said I misunderstood her when she told me she "likes it ruff"

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are all running from these police officers.

They find a shack that has 3 potato sacks in it and decide to hide there in the sacks. The police officers find the shack and see the sacks.

They kick the first one with the brunette in it. She says "Meow, meow!". So they think it's a cat in there.

They move on and kick the second one ...

A dog goes and licks a tree.

The dog exclaims ruff...bark

Eating dogs is frowned upon….

…not just for medical and ethical reasons, but because the meat is also a little ruff.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do dogs like their sex?

Ruff.

I’m so sorry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his dog walk in to the bar

The man tells the bartender he’s celebrating getting his dog back from his ex because his dog can talk.

“Oh, yea? If that dog can talk all your drinks are on the house,” the bartender says.

“Deal. Hey boy, whats sandpaper feel like?”

The dog barks, ruff! ruff!

“Hey boy, w...

Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...

The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.

After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and ki...

One furry asked another furry how she like it in bed

'Ruff', she said.

Having puppies

**Three dogs are at the vet's. Talking dog talk.**

Rover, "Why are you guys here?"

Sparky, "I been peeing all over the house. I'm going to get my nuts cut off." Ruff.

Barky, "I growl at everything. I'm going to get my nuts cut off. Ruff.

How about you Rover?"

Rover...

Did you hear about the dog that writes books?

Probably not, he’s never been published.

He only does ruff drafts.

How many times a day does a dog bark?

About 100, but that’s just a ruff estimate.

Three mice

Three mice are being chased by a cat. The mice were cornered when one of the mice turned around and barked, "Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!" The surprised cat ran away scared. Later when the mice told their mother what happened, she smiled and said, "You see, it pays to be bilingual!"

No matter how good you treat your dog

They will always say they have it ruff

Three people are running from the cops.

Three people are running from the cops. The first hides behind a fence, the second behind some garbage bags, and the third in a sack of potatoes.

The cops walk by the fence and hear "ruff ruff" so they think "oh, it must just be a dog" and walk by.

The cops walk past the garbage cans a...

What kind of papers do dogs write?

A ruff draft.

A guy walks into a bar with his dog...

A man walks into a bar with a small dog under his arm and sits down at the counter, placing the dog on the stool next to him. The bartender says, "Sorry, pal. No dogs allowed."
The man says, "But this is a special dog -- he talks!"
"Yeah, right," says the bartender. "Now get out of here before...

A dog walks into a bar...

Bartender nods and says, "Hey dog, haven't seen you in a while, how are things going?"

Dog looks at him sadly and replies, "Ruff."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend and I tried Anal sex for the first time today.

It was a little ruff at first but I'm finally managing to sit down again.

As a bootleg vet, I get asked to turn cats into dogs

it's a ruff job.

What did the dog say after a hard day at work ?

"Today sure was ruff"



Read that today on my university's art wall and made me smile a bit , thought i'd share it :P

Go on, ask your dog how’s life.

He’ll most likely answer, „Ruff!

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