UPJOKE
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I've begun investing heavily in beef, chicken and vegetable stocks.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

i watched a commercial that said: "forget everything you know about stocks

so i did

then the commercial tried to sell me stocks, but i didn't know what the hell they were!

If you ever feel lonely, buy stocks.

You will have company

Where does 007 invest his money?

Bonds. Stocks and bonds.

What do you call a bunch of hedge funds that already lost $70 B shorting stocks?

A good start. HOLD the LINE.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Catholics make so much money with stocks and cryptocurrency?

Because they have perfected when to pull out.

If you invested early into Tesla stocks, you would be a millionaire. If you invested early into Apple, you would be a billionaire. If you invested £10 in 1890,

You would be dead.

I managed to buy some GameStop stocks at only $8/share!

It is called "GameStop Total Landscaping," right?

I felt very lonely so I bought some stocks

It's nice to have a bit of company.

I am a stock broker

I am broke after investing in stocks

With the recent hike in GameStop stocks...

You are able to return something from GameStop and get your money back for the first time.

During this pandemic, I'm buying lots of stocks.

Beef stock, chicken stock, fish stock. Soon I'm going to be a bouillon-ere!

I’m new to the stock market and I’ve been getting really good at pinpointing the peak of penny stocks. I’ll explain.

That’s when I tend to buy them.

Warren buffet says buy stocks that you understand.

I bought Budweiser and Marlboro stocks .

For richer or poorer

I asked my wife if she'd be interested in investing some of her money in stocks, like I invest mine.

She responded: "No, because if you'll get rich, I'll be rich, too."

So I asked her if the reverse is also true. Her response was:

"Sure! If I'll become poor, you'll be poor, too...

After 8 months of trial and error, hundreds of hours of YouTube, losing money, almost giving up, I can finally say I made my first $100 trading stocks

Never mind, I'm in the red again.

So my brother works at a research facility. His employer only stocks the bathrooms with single ply toilet paper.

They say it leads to the most breakthroughs

I called gamestop custsomer service regarding their stocks and was put through after a 30mins wait..

And guess what? They told me to hold.

So yesterday, I ran into this savvy gold investor. He dropped his wallet as I was walking behind him. He didn’t notice so I picked it back up and ran it to him. He then proceeded to thank me profusely and gave me his number so I could get a share if his stocks. Do you wanna know what I said next?

“Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.”

I recently started investing heavily into penny stocks.

It just seemed to make a lot of cents...

I finally got around to buying marijuana stocks. They went down in flames at least as fast as any other pot I have ever bought.

I need a joint

I've put all my money in see-saw stocks.

To be honest they've had their ups and downs.

I bought some Bose stocks today.

It was a sound investment.

Girl, if your beauty was represented in stocks, I'd invest everything...

Because you're at an all-time low.

(Use it to seal the deal on Valentine's Day)

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