UPJOKE
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Closure Jokes

Tunnel closure

The Dartford Tunnel has been closed today as
The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the tunnel approach last night.

There was concerns that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was...

Starbucks announced the closure of 200 stores in Canada.

Guess i'll have to cross the road now.

A blizzard hit a remote prison way up in the mountains, the faculty were all evacuated but there was no time to save all the inmates.

After the weather calmed down, the roads were snowed over, and would be impassable until the thaw come springtime. Rescuers were flown in to find the the inmates had all perished due to the unbearable cold. It seemed the only think left to do was to remove the bodies to give closure to the families ...

I wish I could find out what happened to my neighbor who couldn't pay his mortgage.

You know, for closure.

There are two types of people in the world:

those who need closure

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a bar

with an alligator under one arm and a shillelagh in the other.

He walks up and slings the alligator up onto the bar and brutally WHACKS it over the head with the club.

The alligator’s mouth verrrry slowly creaks open, revealing a gaping maw of savage teeth.

The guy whips out hi...

I love Alt + F4

It offers me closure

Why did the newly widowed woman stop paying her mortgage?

For closure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Grocery Store Experience

5-7min read. Based on a true story.

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I was at the grocery store yesterday picking up some ingredients to make breakfast for the week. I already had a few essentials picked out like Milk, Eggs, & Bacon. Yes, Bacon is an essential. I moved to the cereal aisle but got stuck decidin...

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polack...

An Irishman, an Italian and a Polack are on death row, awaiting electrocution.
The warden takes the first man, and asks him if he has any last words. He says, 'I'm innocent. Perhaps years from now, evidence will show I"m telling the truth'.
The warden says, 'Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what t...

So this farmer named Juan wants to run for city council.

He notices his small town is going downhill and wants to make a difference. He asks his wife what his slogan should be and she says: "Well you don't beat me, the kids, or your cow, so use that."

So Juan runs for city council using the slogan: "I don't beat my wife, I don't beat my kids, I don...

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