My doctor told me that, due to an obscure medical condition, I would never be able to feel shocked or frightened ever again.

I wasn't surprised.

My wife and I were talking about obscure animals.

She said, "I want to get a manatee."

"That's very generous," I replied, "I will take it with two sugars."

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Did you hear about the guy who was on trial for masturbating to obscure court cases?

He got off on a technicality.

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Obscure blood tests

The man called the doctor to ask if the test results for his wife had returned.

- Yes, they have, but the test answers are a little unclear, the doctor said. Either she has AIDS or she has Alzheimer's.

- Okay, how can we clarify this further?

- Run her a few miles out into the w...

I really wanted to make an obscure joke about tools, but awl I could come up with was this one.

Nailed it.

Engineers gonna engineer

A scientist, a mathematician, and an engineer end up stranded on a small island inhabited by some very reclusive locals. They find themselves in jail the next day for breaking some obscure law that nobody can really explain.

They're sentenced to death. Not that their "crime" was all that sev...

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What do you call a Nazi leader who only listens to obscure bands?

Adolf Hipster

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I find obscure laws sexy

And I love to get off on a technicality.

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My friend wanted to take me to his basement to show off his collection of obscure films

Weird flicks but okay.

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Billy has had bad luck with women in general but to top it off, he also has this obscure fetish where he likes to piss in his s/o’s mouth. So he decides to give tinder a go.

Luckily for Billy, he got a few matches.

His matches didn’t initially know about his fetish, he wanted to disclose that information as things got more frisky.

One by one Billy took his matches on a date which eventually led to them going to his bed. Upon reaching his bed, he’d ask th...

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A guy walks into a bar

He has his dog with him. It's an ugly little yellow dog. He sits down at the bar next to a Marine.

The Marine has his dog with him. It's a German Shepherd, and it bristles at the ugly little yellow dog.

The Marine says "Son, you need to get your ugly little yellow dog out of here, or m...

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A well-dressed man, complete with top hat and monocle, walks into a bar.

The bartender, who has seen it all, pours the dapper gentleman two fingers of their top-shelf 25-year-old scotch. Just as the man begins nursing the peaty, smoky booze, a rabbi, a priest, and a minister all walk into the bar, arguing about how to prove the existence of their respective Gods.

...

My friends probably don’t think I would hit them in the face with an obscure vegetable just to get a laugh

Let’s just say they are in for a rutebega’ning

I heard an Iraqi guitar tutor is offering to teach guitarists songs in obscure tunings

Lessons will be in BAGDAD

You know how many hipsters it takes to screw in a lightbulb?

Oh, it’s some obscure number you’ve probably never heard of.

Obscure historical joke... Mithridates VI walks into a bar...

The bartender asks, "So, what's your poison?"

100% True Story - Funniest Thing That Ever Happened to Me

Not long after my younger son was born I left the Army and, not having a new job to go to and my wife having a great job, I looked after the house and my two boys for some years.

When my older son started school, we would walk home together and discuss what he'd learned and talk about life. ...

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One summers day, a group of young girls decide to go swimming...

One summers day, a group of girls decide to go swimming rather than class. Instead of the more popular spots, the friends choose a discreet little pond on the far side of the lake. Sure, its privately owned but they're unlikely to be discovered there.

When the young ladies get to the pond, t...

The poor father of a Chef sees an ad in the local newspaper: "Come visit the Carnival and see our newest attraction, the Great Winged Monster!"

So the man makes his way down to the Carnival and pays the $2.00 admission price to get inside.

While inside the Carnival grounds he walks around, seeing ads for rides, games, food, and even shows! After a couple hours he finally sees it, a sign outside an obscure looking tent saying 'Great ...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria and sits at an empty table while he waits for the waiter. The waiter hands him a menu and the Elk ponders for a bit. He's not really in the mood for pizza, so he narrows it down to pasta. The Elk is finally ready to order, so he calls for the waiter. The wa...

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A woman went to a synagogue in Poland after the Holocaust to record the history that was nearly lost forever, where she found an unusual tradition she had never seen before.

At the synagogue, when they carried the Torah\*, they would bring it around to everyone who wanted to touch the Torah, which was normal. But when they brought the Torah down the center aisle, the carrier would get down on their knees and knee-walk all the way!

The woman had never heard of thi...

Thump... Thump... Thump...

A man is walking home one foggy night,
When behind him he hears:

Thump…

Thump…

Thump…

He looks back, but the source of the sound is obscured by the fog. He continues walking.

Thump…

Thump…

Thump…

He begins to walk faster, and looks back over...

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A travelling man stops at a pub in regional Australia for lunch and a beer.

He walks in and spots a poster that says "Make my horse laugh and cry and get $1000!".

The man goes up the bartender to ask what this is about.

Bartender: "We have a horse in the stable behind the bar, and if you can make it laugh and cry then you'll get $1000. We've had so many people...

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A man was eating a bright, red apple.

It was on a warm, sunny day that the most peculiar of things occurred. A man, was happily snacking on a bright, red apple when, too lazy to walk to a trash can, he threw it out the window. A seemingly non-problematic apple would have been ignored under any other circumstances, but the man lived on t...

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Pleading to the r/jokes community. Can we please stop all the "this is an old joke" comments?

I mean, every joke that makes it to the front page has the obligatory "this is an old joke", "I've heard this before" comment. Unless the OP literally made the joke up themselves, then *every* joke on here has been heard before. My internal response to those comments is always "NO SHIT."

Ye...

There is an old town...

And the town is built around its Catholic church. Both the church and the town have been around for a pretty long time. They've got a long history. There was an incident a long time ago that led to a citywide law against workers of the Catholic church opening flower shops. But it's a pretty obscure ...

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"I'm the strongest man alive"

said the drunk man to the bartender.

"Oh really? Well we actually have our own local strongman competition, if you're interested. Keep in mind, it's a bit obscure. You up for it?"

"Psh. I can do anything," he slurs.

"Okay. Your first test is behind that door. You need to hogtie...

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A collection of lightbulb jokes

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Just Juan

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Two. One to hold the lightbulb and one to drink until the room spins.

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Just two but who knows how the...

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A true story about my grandad

I remember we used to think my grandad was autistic or some kind of idiot savant. He left school at 14 with no qualifications, worked for 50 years as a coal miner, never read a book in his life but whenever you asked him anything, no matter how crazy or obscure he always had the answer. Then we got ...

The Zoo Joke (Long)

So there's this zoo, and this zoo isn't very affluent, but, if someone visits the zoo, it is definitely to see their gorilla.

One morning, the workers come in early to open the zoo like normal and find, to their great sadness, that their famous gorilla has died of old age. The zoo staff are ...

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A man walks into a bar and asks for a

lager and lime, the barman hands him an apple.
What is this the man says?
taste it, the barman says.
The man bit into the apple and says " Wow, lager " now turn it around says the barman. " wow Lime says the man. After 5 apples the man goes home drunk.

NEXT DAY.
The man after wor...

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Does masturbation improve reading?

I read that masturbation brings a remarkable improvement in lexicon, and I was absorbed by this statement devoid of reason. Everyone knows that it exacerbates me when I witness a petulant fool brandishing bombastic cultisms as banal corollaries whose ephemeral purpose is to obscure the rickety colle...

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An Australian radio station was having a word competition...

An Australian radio station was having a word competition sponsored by a dictionary company. If you called in and you had a word that wasn't in their dictionary, you'd win $1000.

Lots of people tried with obscure words, but every time it turned out that it was in that dictionary.

One d...

So I was walking down the street one day, when an oddly dressed man caught my attention.

He was wearing a long, white, clinical robe and shouting at nearly everybody that came within his proximity. Having foolishly stopped out of curiosity he approached me. “Global Warming is having a drastic effect on the globes axis!”, he yelped. “The rotation of the Earth is speeding up dramatically,...

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Uranus ( long )

Originally from Buck Buchanan 9 i just had to share) let the Uranus jokes come forth.............anyway....

“It's my understanding that the first six probes were recklessly plunged into Uranus at such excessively high speeds these early attempts only produced massively dense clouds of methane...

Hipster Jokes!

Why did the hipster float down the tributary?

Because the river was too mainstream.


How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Some obscure number you've never heard of.


Why did the hipster burn his mouth when he ate pizza?

Because he ate it be...

A dog applies for a job as an accountant...

So a dog goes in for an interview at an accountant's. Unfortunately the manager HATES dogs for some obscure reason from his youth.

Anyways, the manager tells the dog that it's got to pass three tests, else it can't be hired.

"First, you've got to be good with computers."

The do...

some hipster jokes

Q: What do you call a hipster with a speech
impediment?
A: Mumblr. Q: Why do hipsters love ice?
A: Because ice was water before it was cool. Q: Why are all the ugly chicks hipsters?
A: Because beauty is just too Mainstream!Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a
lightbulb?
...

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Some recent grads having a beer..

Three guys, Mike, Dave, and Doug were at a table in a bar enjoying some beers and conversation. A stranger came by and asked if he could join them and was immediately welcomed. After about an hour of lively conversation the stranger said, “I can tell you are all recent college grads. I bet I can gue...

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A Les Mis Joke (from r/Lesmiserables Joke by u/shepy66

Ok, so there were these two guys at a high school, a really weird, lame, goth kid from France, and a really popular rich kid named John. Nobody actually new the French kid's name, but he was strange enough for people to make up their own. Creep, Emo, Lame-ass, Weirdo, and plenty of other (and much w...

Couldn't sleep

So I couldn't sleep last night, and in an effort to wind my brain down, I ended up looking up obscure European military facts.

Did you know there was once a unit in the Scottish armed forces that's only job was to watch over furniture?


Yep, they were called the Scotch Guard.

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Good puns. Hooks. Help.

Im trying to find good puns. Basically saying something to another person
that is a little obscure to get his attention then a shitty pun to follow.
One I use is the kid born with out eye lids. The doctor had to use foreskin, it was a success except he is a little cock eyed.

Another n...

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