The 20+ Best Sleep Together Jokes

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A newlywed couple are about to sleep together…

Before the intercourse begins the wife says, “give me 30 dollars.” The husband says, “for WHAT?!”. She says, “everytime we have sex, you are to give me 30 dollars.” The husband relectuantly complies.

After 40 years of marriage, the wife comes home really happy one day with the news of a smal...

Q: What do you call it when a bunch of suicidal people all sleep together?

A: A Hangover

I remember the first time I went to my girlfriends house and her dad didn’t let us sleep together.

Which is a shame because he’s very attractive

My girlfriends father is very religious and says we can't sleep together.

Which is really unfortunate because he is extremely good looking

Three guys were traveling for a ski trip to the mountains and had to stop in a small town to rent a room for the night.

The small mountain inn only had one room left, and it only had a single queen size bed. Being a drafty old inn, the men decided to sleep together in the same bed to conserve space and warmth.

The next morning the guy who slept on the left side of the bed said, "Oh my god, you guys, I had the ...

When I went to the park today, I saw an old man sitting on a park bench crying.

I asked him what was wrong.

He replied, "I have a beautiful 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning, and then gets up and makes me pancakes, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."

I asked, "Well then, why are you crying?"

He says, "She makes my favourite lunch...

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Another penis joke

A big man who had a reputation for having a large member met a stunning lady one evening.

Later they decided to sleep together - when the man undressed the woman started laughing when she saw the word MINI tattooed on his penis, the man was not bothered at all.

Later, after some fore...

One night, a man and a woman meet at a bar

. After a drink or two, they start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors attending an out-of-town medical conference.
After about an hour, the man says to the
woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight-no strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun."
Considerin...

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Two horses live on a farm.

Their names are Harry and Larry. Harry and Larry are best friends. They do everything together, they eat together, play together, sleep together...

One day, while Harry and Larry were grazing in the fields, Larry said to Harry, “Harry, I think it’s time we figure out who the Alpha Horse on th...

I stayed at my girlfriends family's place durring the Christmas break.

Her father was being a prick and wouldn't let us sleep together, which is a shame, because he is a real good looking guy.

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Three brothers are travelling by foot on a long, deserted road.

They see a farm. There are no hotels nearby, and they really don't want to sleep in the dirt, so they go in, find the farmer, give him five hundred bucks, and ask to spend the night. The farmer has two guest rooms in his house.
"Would you like to sleep together? I only have two rooms."
The br...

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A lich walks into a tavern

The whole place fell silent. The customers have heard tales of their existence, but most have never seen a lich before. The lich plops himself down at the bar counter, a few seats away from a human warrior and his busty mage companion. They exchanged looks.

"Whoa," the mage whispered. "It's a...

A man and a women had three children

A man and a woman had three children, all girls. The mother had always wanted a son, but every time she tried to have a baby with her husband, they would give birth to a girl.
One day, the man has to leave his wife for a year, to join the military abroad. The woman decides to take the opportunity...

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Three guys went camping on a really cold night

They decided to sleep together to stay warm.
In the morning when they woke up the guy on the left side said: I had a dream that I was fucking Jeniffer Aniston so furiously.
The guy on the right side said: I was fucking Salma Hayeck on my dream.
The guy in the middle said: That's weird,
...

My go-to joke: Chicken walks into a bar...

A chicken walks into a bar, meets an egg. They go home together and the sleep together, and when they're done the chicken rolls over in bed, lights a cigarette, takes a drag, and says, "Well, I guess that answers *that* question."

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A young couple were killed in an accident on the day before their wedding.

When they arrived at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter asked if there was anything he could do to make being in heaven even more pleasant. So they said that they are good Christians and never had sex before, explained about dying the day before their wedding and asked if it was possible to be married in h...

John had terrible breath.

One weekend he and his buddy Mark went on a camping trip.

They only had one tent so they would have to sleep together.

John's breath was so bad that Mark couldn't stand it in the small closed space of that tent, so he told John everytime he wanted to say something he should poke him...

Two men and a woman

Two men and a women became shipwrecked on a small remote island in the Pacific. Every night, the three of them would sleep together. After many nights like this, the woman felt guilty about what she was doing and threw herself off a cliff, killing herself instantly.
After a few weeks, the men fel...

I caught my wife cheating with the neighbor last night

They are both banned from being the banker during monopoly game night now.

That will teach them to sleep together.

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[My favorite] So the parents call in a babysitter

She arrives to find the boy she is to take care of crying. Bending down she ask the boy "what's wrong?" the boy then responds "I lost my teddy bear" "Oh i can be your teddy bear" she replies and, the boy agrees. The parents leave and, time passes. "Bedtime!" the boy responds "but, I cant sleep with ...

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