UPJOKE
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Hacked Jokes

To the guy who hacked my Reddit account

I will find you, and I will kill you


Edit: no you won't


Special edit for u/takes_joke_literally , are you happy now?

My account got hacked. If you get a DM about meat from me, don't click on it.

It's spam

To the person who hacked my account

I will find you, and I will kill you.

I think I've been hacked by Russia

Edit: I not hacked. Motherland do no such thing. Have good day.

Officer: I need you to try and identify the body I have to warn you the body was hacked up

Civilian: Yes, that’s my bother Reese

Officer: Are you sure?

Civilian: [nodding] those are Reese’s Pieces

Why was Santa hacked?

Because he accepts all the cookies.

My brother was murdered today

cop: do you mind identifying the body \[puts hand on my shoulder\] I have to warn you the body was hacked up.

me: \[tearing up\] yes that's my brother Reese.

cop: you're sure?

me: \[nodding\] those are Reese's Pieces.

My email password has been hacked.

That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.

What bleeds once a month in the mouth?

Me, when I remember to floss once a month.

My bank account was hacked!!!

The hacker was so disappointed, he started a fundraiser for me.

EA says that it was not hacked....

For the rest of the joke you need to pay $4.99

Breaking news: EA has been hacked

Apparently the hackers have stolen some 780GB of data. EA insists no player data has been compromised.

They said it's in the game.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hacked :o

Boy: The principal is so dumb!


Girl: Do you know who I am?


Boy: No...


Girl: I am the principal's daughter!


Boy: Do you know who I am?


Girl: No...


Boy: Good! \*Walks away\*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to get out of a speeding ticket...

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer...

Help, someone in Russia is trying to hack my phone

Edit: sorry, I not hacked. Mother Russia do no such thing. Have good day comrades.

Hacker sent me an email that he has hacked into my computer.

I said "prove it" and he sent me the username and password of my email, bank and social media accounts.

I replied "Thank you, that was the easiest Forgot Password process I have ever come across".

My 7yo daughter hacked my dad’s joke...

My dad asked my 7yo daughter which letter of the alphabet has the most water in it. The answer he was looking for was C.

My daughter immediately shouts out “P!”

Why did Mary and Joseph's WIFI get hacked?

Because Jesus WEPt.

The executioner decapitated the man in a single stroke, and then hacked him into pieces.

Almost a flawless execution, but then he butchered it.

I hacked the recipe computers

at the Campbell's Soup Company. Do you want me to post them in their entirety,

Or just the condensed version.

Account hacked

My account was hacked the other day. The poster was so polite that he sent me a message to ask me if he could post through my account.

Thank God for the Canadians..

Have you heard about the IT employee who got hacked weeks ago?

Well, he is in pieces now.

Please send help. I barely hacked onto the internet from China. My country is censoring and controlling us.

Edit: Just kidding. China is a wonderful place. They treat us well and care very much about our human rights. Thank you.

What did John Bobbit say to the Dr. after Lorena hacked his cack?

“Doc, you’re going to re-member me!”

Our ATMs cannot be hacked due to 2 high security protocols...

1. No cash.
2. Out of service.

Can anybody help me figure out who hacked all those Yahoo accounts??

At least someone could remember my password.

Grindr got hacked in March of 2018.

Looks like someone found the back door.

Michael J Fox stole my old iPhone & hacked his way into it.

I think he’s looking for The Secret of my 6S

Educational video website Lynda.com got hacked

I hope they learned their lesson.

I hacked Russia's servers last night and got caught...

I was Putin jail.

Man killed on golf course

A foursome of guys waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of women were hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies were taking their time. When the final lady was ready to hit her ball, she hacked it 10 feet. Then she went over and whiffed it completely. Then she hacked it another ten feet and f...

You know what's the saddest part of North Korea getting hacked?

It won't get to see this.

Computer Hacking Investigator Job Interview

A guy went for an interview at a big IT company for the position of "Computer Hacking Investigator"

The boss asked him:

So, what makes you suitable for this job?

Well, he replied, I hacked into your computer and invited myself to this interview.

FFS my Reddit has been hacked. Please ignore any messages you may get from me about tinned meat...

It’s spam

So Kim Jong-un is claiming he personally hacked into Sony's servers in retaliation to them broadcasting a spoof interview.

Is there no end to this Olympic gold Medallist's
talent?

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