This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You stole my viola, cello, and double bass.

You made me so angry, I'm violint now.

A double bass player

A double bass player gets a call for a gig. Says he has to meet everyone else at the docks at 9pm. He's there waiting when he gets bashed on the head and knocked unconscious.

He wakes up ducked taped to his bass, floating in the harbour. After his first panic fades he looks around and notice...

How long does it take to tune a double bass?

Nobody knows.

The Boston Symphony were performing Beethoven’s Ninth

In the piece, there’s a long passage of about 20 minutes during which the double basses have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak out and go to a nearby tavern for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession (as double ...

In the last movement of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony...

...the double basses have a few big chords right at the start, then nothing for 10 minutes, then come in right at the end for the big finale. During rehearsals, the bass players started putting down their instruments, going for a quick drink, and comng back in time for the end.

On the night o...

An illustrious Count, Wictor Oblodowsky, agrees to conduct Beethoven's 9th Symphony in a Baltimore gym.

He's hesitant at first. He'd only been to America once before, and it was a favor for a friend. The oboist in his orchestra kindly loaned him the first season of The Wire, but the Count never watched it, as he'd never gotten around to buying a DVD player.

After an uneventful flight and some t...

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