A woman is walking on the mountains when she sees a huge flock of sheep, lots of sheep are grazing in a very green meadow. She spots the shepherd near them so she goes to talk to him out of curiosity.

The shepherd notices her approaching him and greets her.

“Oh, good morning young lady, maybe I can help you with something?”

“Yes, hi! I was walking on that path over there and I saw this enormous flock and I had to come and know more about them!”

“Sure thing. What is it that yo...

What did the selfish beaver say to the deer that asked him to help stop the flooding affecting her grazing grounds?

Frankly, my deer, I don't give a dam.

Two cows are grazing in a field...

One cow says to the other, "Are you worried about this Mad Cow Disease?"

The other one says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter!"

My cows broke out of their pasture, and started grazing in my marijuana field.

The steaks have never been higher.

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On a certain day, a bull and a pheasant were grazing on the field...

It once happened, on a certain day, a bull and a pheasant were grazing on the field. The bull was grazing on the grass, the pheasant was picking ticks off the bull.

Then the pheasant looked at a huge tree which was at the edge of the field, and very nostalgically said, "Alas, there was a time...

In a last ditch effort to curb over grazing, some ranchers have decided to drive their cattle up into the mountains.

Analysts say the steaks have never been higher.

Two cows are out grazing in a pasture.

One turns to the other and says, "Have you heard about this mad cow disease that's going around? Its pretty scary stuff."

The other cow nods and chews its cud thoughtfully. "I suppose it is pretty scary, but it doesn't affect us ducks."

Cow jokes, if you're in the mooOoood....

What do you call a cow with two short legs?


Lean beef.

​

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

​

Why did the cow get an award?

It was out standing in the field.

​

What do you call a cow...

Two cows are talking to each other while grazing....

The first cow says
"Hey I heard there's a case of mad cow disease going around, are you worried?"

The second cow looks at the first and says
"Why should I be worried? I'm a squirrel."

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Susan the cow

Susan the cow was just in the meadow grazing, when she heard the sound of bells. Panicking she starts running towards the barn, where shes met by more ringing of bells. Looking around Susan sees Garet the bull and all his heifers. They all had fancy bells on that make delightful noises at ever movem...

A biologist, a logician, and a philosopher are driving down the road in County Clare...

They see the profile of a brown cow grazing in an adjacent meadow. The biologist says, "Look, Ireland has brown cows!" The logician says, "No, sir, all we can say for certain is that Ireland has at least one brown cow." The philosopher retorts, "Alas, my fair companions, all we can know for certain ...

Two farmers are having a conversation over a fence...

One farmer looks over the other's shoulder and spots two cows grazing on the field behind him.
He asks the farmer "-By the way, how much milk do you actually get out of a cow?"
"The white one or the black one?" The other farmer asks.
"Oh, the white one then." Says the first farmer. "A...

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3 Homeless men are traveling far and wide until they come across a mansion.

They all stare in awe at the magificent view. Suddenly, an older woman comes through the door. She's elegant in her manner, but her looks certainly aren't flattering. Behind her however, were 20 women of age 18 and older, but still younger than 25. They were each sexy in their own manner, some flirt...

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A cowboy named Bud...

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his
herd in a remote mountainous pasture in
Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW
advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The
driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes,
RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the
window ...

A missionary has spent the last few months bringing the joys of Christ to a primitive forest tribe.

He has become a friend of the people, and has taught them much. One day, one of the chieftain's many wives gives birth to an albino child. The chieftain has never seen such such a thing, and immediately assumes that his wife has been unfaithful and has been intimate with the only white man in the fo...

Man goes to the ER badly beaten ......

with a golf club wrapped around his neck. The doctor says “what the hell happened to you?” The guys says well I was you golfing with my wife. When she drove the golf ball out of sight over a hill. When we came over the hill there was a cow grazing slowly but no golf ball. We looked everywhere for it...

After a terrible storm, a man and his sheepdog are stranded on a large desert island.

They manage to set up camp and survive. The man searches the island every day, but never finds any other people.

One day, as the man and his dog are walking, they find a small flock of sheep grazing.

Looking at the sheep, the man gets an idea.

Now, he isn't the kind of guy wh...

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The blind pilots

Passengers of a 747 begin settling in for their scheduled takeoff when two men in pilot uniforms stumble into the plane, one with a seeing eye dog and the other with a walking stick. The passengers think it's some sort of joke and think nothing of it, but the men carefully and methodically make the...

Cow Jokes

What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean Beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.

Two cows are grazing in the field. One cow says to the other, "Hey Dorris, you worried about this Mad-Cow Disease epidemic?" The other cow turns and says, "Why would I be? I'm a chic...

For my teacher who used to tell this one....

Two traveling salesmen were riding together across West Texas when their car began to sputter and cough. Soon, it died completely and they were stranded on the side of a state highway with little traffic.

Fortunately, a pick up truck pulled over to help. The driver was a comely middle aged wo...

Job taken seriously

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the ...

A physicist, engineer, and statistician go hunting...

After a long day of no luck, they are walking back dejectedly, rifles slung over their shoulders. Suddenly, they spot a deer in a clearing 150 feet away.

"I'll get him," the physicist says, doing some quick calculations and taking aim. BANG! The shot goes 10 feet long, but amazingly, the deer...

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Chum the sheep

There was this young man who had had enough of city life so he moves to the country and decides to run a sheep farm. He educated himself as much as he could on how to run a farm. He bought a farm, and buys a heard of sheep. Everything is going well, the sheep are properly housed and fed. The she...

So two scientists invent a machine that can travel to other dimensions...

After much calibrating and testing and preparing, the scientists hop aboard their creation and activate it. There is a blinding flash of blue light and in an instant the scientists are sitting in the middle of a grassy field. There is no sign of their lab...or really anything familiar at all.
<...

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Now that you put it that way...

A christian missionary spends a year in a remote African village spreading the gospel. In that time the tribal chiefs daughter gets pregnant, and eventually has a baby that turns out to be white.

Outraged the chief confronts the missionary. Being the only white person his daughter had ever ...

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A young bull and an old bull...

A young bull and an old bull stood at the top of a hill, looking down upon the valley below where hundreds of cows were grazing.

"Hey! Let's run down this hill and fuck one of those cows!" exclaimed the young bull.

"No." stated the old bull. After a moment he continued "Let's walk dow...

A man is very thirsty...

A man is very thirsty. As he is stumbling down the country road he sees a cow grazing in front of a cottage. "I'm saved!", he says to himself as he milks the cow and quenches his thirst.

The man knocks on the door to pay for the milk. "Your cow's milk saved me," he says. The home owner repli...

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An aboriginal son asked his dad how they come up with names for their children.

The father replied.
"Well you see son, when your sister was born I looked out of the tipi and I saw a deer eating grass so I named her Grazing Deer. When your brother was born I looked out of the tipi and saw an eagle flying so I named him Soaring Eagle. Why do you ask Two Dogs Fucking?"

Five Little Piggies

A farmer had five female pigs and, as times were hard, he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.

While at the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. As the farmers lived 60 miles fro...

Hero Pig.

So one day a man is driving along in his car, and he gets a flat tire. Now, luckily, he gets the flat right in front of a farm. So he gets out of his car, walks over to the farmhouse, knocks on the door, and the farmer steps out. Now, the man starts talking to him about his flat tire, but he can't h...

The tale of Hobbin & Noggin

One day a farmer's mare birthed two foals. One was named Hobbin, and the other Noggin. The two horses grew up and loved to race each other. One day the farmer noticed the two racing each other around the pasture and thought to himself, "Wow! These horses are quick!" So the next day he entered them i...

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A man walks into a bar...

After a while of socializing, the man walks up, places a Pilsner glass on the end of the bar counter and says to the bartender: "I'll bet you $100 I can stand at the opposite end of the counter, take a leak, and get every single drop of piss into that glass without even grazing your counter." The b...

King ordered his Minister to find 5 idiots

A King of a Kingdom called his Prime Minister and asked, like there are Brilliant people in his State will there be Idiots available?.

Minister said there will be.

King then ordered his Minister to go around the State search and bring 5 of such Idiots and present to him in the Council...

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