So my family and I go past a nursing home...

There are balloons on the sign. My wife says "maybe someone had a birthday", my daughter says "maybe it's for a fundraiser", and then my son says "maybe someone they didn't like died and they are celebrating"

A boy is coming home from a party ...

On the way home , he has to go past a graveyard .But since he didn't want to miss the game on the TV , he goes through the graveyard which has a shortcut to his house .

The graveyard was covered with thick fog which was so much that he couldn't see the ground in front of him . Eventually, it...

One day, 3 men died and went to heaven

"Religion?" God's secretary asked the first man.
"Jewish," the man replied.
"Okay, go to room 23, but be very quiet when you go past room 8," the secretary said.
"Religion?" he asked the second man.
"Muslim."
"Go to room 10, but be very quiet when you go past room 8."
"Religion?" h...

Three men die and go to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the pearly gates.

He says to the first man, "Welcome to Heaven! Back on Earth, what denomination were you?"

The first man say, "I was a devout Presbyterian".

St. Peter says, "Excellent! Then go to door 10, but when you pass door number 2, be very quiet."

He then asks the second man, "When you wer...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Grocery Store Experience

5-7min read. Based on a true story.

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I was at the grocery store yesterday picking up some ingredients to make breakfast for the week. I already had a few essentials picked out like Milk, Eggs, & Bacon. Yes, Bacon is an essential. I moved to the cereal aisle but got stuck decidin...

A guy is getting a tour of his new office from his boss

They swing by the printer. “There’s the printer” he says.

They go past the bathroom. “And there are the facilities” he says.

They enter the break room “here’s where you take breaks.”

Finally, he shows him the coffee machine. “...and that’s the joe, k?”

A monk, 3 nuns and liquid soap (long)

So 2 monks were going to have a shower and as they got in, they realised that they didn't have any soap so one of them went up to his room as he had some there. As he was leaving, he saw 3 nuns in the hallway so posed as a statue to wait for them to go past.

When they reached him, the first n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 1944. The Americans are advancing fast. Adolf Hitler is furious and starts to listen to defensive tactics proposed by his commanders...

The first commander suggests they pull out the tanks from the Eastern front and deploy them in the Western front, so that the defenses there would be hard to go past.

"Are you crazy? That's a horrible idea!" Hitler exclaimed.

The second commander steps in and suggests a horrible idea f...

Two men are playing golf

Two men are playing golf and while smashing through the holes, get stuck behind a couple of female players. The first man says to his opponent, "I'll go ahead and ask if we can go past!"



He comes back looking like he's seen a ghost and gasps: "I couldn't ask; one of the ladies was my...

A man is on a photo safari in Africa.

He finds an elephant in distress, lying in the bushes. Upon inspection, he finds that the elephant has a large, sharp rock embedded in the bottom of its foot. He carefully pulls the rock free, and the elephant gets up and saunters away.

Almost a decade later he is back in his home town when a...

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar and asked the bartender for a pint.
While he’s drinking his pint, he here’s a small voice “you’re very handsome”.
He looks around for the source of this voice, but sees nobody near him.
Another few minutes go past and he hears another small voice, “those jeans look re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is desperately looking for a husband, but she happens to stumble upon a stores that sells men.

The woman can't believe her luck, and runs inside. On the first floor, there is a sign that reads:

"Welcome to the Husband Store! There are 9 floors in all, but be warned: once you go past a floor, you're not allowed to go back down. You either make a purchase, or leave empty handed."

...

A Catholic priest is drowning in the Ocean.

A Catholic priest is drowning in the Ocean. A lifeguard swims past and asks the priest: "Do you need help?"
Priest replies: "Don't worry. God will save me."
A few minutes go by and another life guard swims past. He says: "Here, grab my hand I can help you get back to shore"
Priest rep...

A traveling salesman was driving on a lonely country road on his way home one night when a huge storm came up. He saw farmhouse up the road and headed for it. He knocked on the door and the farmer answered. The salesman asked if he could take shelter from the storm at his house.

The farmer welcomed him in and put him up for the night. In the morning, the kind farmer served him bacon and eggs and the salesman was extremely thankful for his hospitality On his way out, the farmer walked him to his car and the salesman saw a pig with 3 legs go past. The salesman asked why does...

There was a very religious man that bought a nail factory

When the factory was about to open he hired a marketing guy to make a TV commercial, his only instruction was that it had to have a catholic theme. A few days go past and the guy returns with the video to show the factory owner. The video starts: there's a Roman soldier nailing Jesus, who is all blo...

Rating your girlfriend

A bartender notices one of his regulars looking dejected.

" Hey John, what happened to you?"

" My girlfriend broke up with me. "

Interested, the bartender leans forward and asks why.

" Well. This morning I told her she was a 60."

" Well that's kinda understan...

Englishman, Scottishman and Irishman Prison Escape...

An Englishman, Scottishman and Irishman are all prison inmates but have hatched an escape plan. The escape plan goes well and the three of them are outside the prison walls and running away to freedom.

About 15 minutes after their escape they realise that the prison guards are catching up to...

A traffic cop and some penguins

So a traffic cop is sitting in his car on the side of the road. The cars go past, nobody is speeding. However, as police officer is watching, a car with a dozen penguins drives past. The cop pulls the man over and says, "Sir! Why do you have all these penguins in your car?" The man shrugs and says. ...

England will in fact attend the World Cup.

They have, however, agreed to not go past the group stage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hot Russian Catholic Girls (Or Orthodox, I guess) [NSFW]

There was a bomb at the Russian Catholic Girls' school, and all the girls died. Being Catholic, they were greeted by St. Peter at the gates.

They're all queued up and St. Peter says to the first one, "Have you ever touched a man?"

She thinks for a moment then recalls, "Yes, I did, I to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man's Car Breaks Down Near a Monastery...

A man is driving down the countryside in China and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"
The monks graciously accept him, fix his car, and prepare a meal for the man. Stuffed, the man...

A religious man went out to sea

A religious man went out to sea to avoid distraction and be closer to God. A few hours in, his boat sinks.
A couple of hours go by and a yacht comes past and the owner shouts
"Hey do you need a lift?!"
"No! God will save me!" The religious man shouts back.
A few more hours go past and ...

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