UPJOKE
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Why did the walrus become a plumber?

Cause he loves a tight seal.

Where is the best dentist for walruses?

Tuscaloosa

A walruses car broke down.

While waiting for the mechanic to troubleshoot the problem he decided to walk to the ice cream parlor. He ordered a vanilla ice cream cone and ate it while walking back to the car shop. As he finished the last bite he realized he forgot to grab a napkin. As he desperately tried to clean his very sti...

So a walrus walks into a bar,

All of a sudden everyone starts freaking out and screaming “It’s John Lennon! He’s alive!”

What’s the difference between yo mamma and a Walrus?

One is fat, stinks of fish and has a moustache. And the other is a walrus

What do call a Scottish walrus?

William Walrus.

What's the difference between an egg and a walrus?

An egg doesn't fight back when you're hungry.

Why do walruses love a Tupperware party?

They are always looking for a tight seal.

What’s a walrus favorite part of a house?

The walls!!

Why did the walrus feel bad about himself?

Because he was untuskworthy.

How do you make a walrus commit suicide?

Point at its chest and say 'What's that?'

Walrus is driving down the street when suddenly.....

His car breaks down in the hot desert. He calls a towing service and takes it to the nearest shop in some small town he's never been in.

Mechanic tells him it's going to be awhile. Walrus says, no problem. I'll just go across the street and treat myself to something cold at that restuarant ...

Why did the Walrus cross the road?

Just for the halibut.

A mother walrus is lecturing her child

wagging her flipper, she lectures "you shouldn't be selfish, after all it's walrUS, not walri.". The child walrus, thinking walrus was a Latin word, is naturally confused.

My wife is so ugly...

she walked past the walrus enclosure at Sea World, and her iPhone X unlocked itself.

What do you call the walrus special forces group?

The tusk force.

Two Eskimos have killed a walrus

and they are on their way to their settlement. They are pulling the walrus by the tail, but it's really hard to pull since its tusks keep digging into the snow and the tail continuously slips out of their grip.

Halfway home, they come across a geologist. The geologist sees their struggle and ...

Steam hissing out from under his hood, a Walrus pulls his convertible into a service station...

The service station attendant looks over and says "looks like you've blown a seal"

"No I haven't," says the Walrus, "I've just finished an ice-cream."

How do you kill a walrus?

Tell him there's something on its chest

there's a walrus walking down the street.

A man stops and asks him" where the hell you goin?" The walrus said" to a Tupperware party." The man, bewildered, asked " Why?" To which the walrus replied " heard I might find a tight seal."

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What do a walrus and a ziplock bag have in common?

They both like a tight seal.

In honor of the guy on the front page that ruined his dick by putting it in a bottle.

What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?

I think we should sea otter people.

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A Walrus and car trouble

So, a walrus is driving down the road when blue smoke starts to pour out of his tailpipe. Luckily he sees there's a mechanic just ahead, so he pulls in. The mechanic promises to take a look and tells the walrus he can grab some lunch across the street.

So the walrus heads to the restaurant ...

Two jokes from little kids... That shouldn't have been from little kids.

I've never seen either of these posted, so I thought I would share. The first was told to me by my brother when he was about ten years old:

A group of white me in the early 1800's are looking to hunt buffalo in the great American West. They hire a Native American guide and set out. They pick ...

This penguin is driving around

when his car breaks down. He brings it to the local mechanic, a walrus. The walrus says it'll be a while, so he might as well get something to eat. The penguin decides to get some ice cream, because penguins love ice cream. But penguins are also very messy eaters. He gets this ice cream all ove...

Deaths since GoT Season Premiere:

Lady Lyanna..

Jorah..

Theon..

Melissandre..

The Night King..

3627 Walruses who fell from the top of a hill because the ICE IS MELTING AND PLANET EARTH IS IN DANGER AND OMG WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT ASAP

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My friend works at NASA developing robotic exploration vehicles...

A few years back he was intensely busy with a major project involving a multi-million-dollar remote-controlled rover, often sleeping at the lab and coming home only once every 3-4 days to shower, change clothes, and feed his cats. One of his cats got sick at that time, but he didn't even have time t...

A penguin on a road trip through...

...the desert noticed steam coming out from under the hood of his car pulled over in a small town. He found a walrus working in a service station who said he could fix it straight away. Penguin was understandably hot and asked where he could find a cool treat. Walrus mechanic told him about an ice ...

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