What do you call a fish that provides woodland services, primarily pruning and treatments to preserve old or damaged trees.

A tree sturgeon

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The woodland statues and the Fairy

Two statues have stood facing each other for over a 1000 years. A handsome Male and a beautiful Female. One day a Fairy floats down from the sky and tells them that she has seen them there for ages and will treat them to half an hour as humans.

As soon as she had waved her magic wand and they...

Why did the woodland creatures burn down the Hoover factory?

Because nature abhors a vacuum..

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The woodland critters decide to open a public restroom...

They all participate as best they can to build it, and Owl, the mayor of the woods gives it to the public. The next day as Owl is taking a stroll, he notices that one of the windows is smashed.

He calls an urgent meeting where all the animals gather together.

\- I am sorry for this bot...

One large woodland creature that can’t feel pain, four large woodland creatures that can’t feel pain, three large woodland creatures that can’t feel pain, seven large woodland creatures that can’t feel pain.

I know there is a joke here somewhere, but it seems like just a bunch of random numb bears to me.

What do you call a woodland creature that takes your car without your permission?

Common deer

I was driving through a woodland area the other day and accidentally hit a stag

It really spoiled the wedding

I live in constant fear

I live in constant fear that one day while I’m least suspecting it someone might break in to burglarize and kill my mother-in-law, who lives at 375 Woodland Ave in the light blue house, only one dog who is friendly and no alarm set, always leaves the kitchen window unlocked and without screen, sleep...

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A man is on a walk with his dog at the park

Suddenly, his dog runs towards a glowing object on the floor. Before the man can stop him, the dog has swallowed the object. A flash of blinding white light temporarily blinds the man, and when he looks back he is amazed to see his dog say "Hello!" to him.

"You can talk?" the man asks.
...

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The New New Math....

I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tel...

A new app for forestry...

As a pretty techno savvy guy studying forestry in the U.K., I'm always on the lookout for new apps relating to forestry.

Needless to say, I recently found this great app for foresters who need help with felling trees. It's quite simple, they can upload images of trees/woodlands which need fel...

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A duck walks into a bar....

"vodka and coke please" the duck says. The barman is amazed but manages to reply "do you want ice?".

"no thanks, I want to drink it quick, I've had a nightmare fighting a boiler today and need to take the edge off"

The barman hands the drink over, The duck wraps his beak/bill around ...

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