Mom finds a large number of BDSM magazines beneath her sons bed.

Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"

Whats the difference between a bdsm slavegirl, and a mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking if you slap it.

How can you tell the difference between a nerd and someone with a BDSM fettish?

Ask them what a dungeon master is

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What exactly is sexy about BDSM??

Beats me.

What do you call a vegan who’s into BDSM?

Biodegradable

I’ve been into BDSM recently.

I was having trouble figuring it out, but luckily my friend was willing to show me the ropes.

A man walks into the library and asks "where are your books on BDSM?"

The librarian replies "they're still being bound."

What do my showers and BDSM have in common?

If it doesn't hurt, it's not hot enough.

OC joke: How to differentiate if a person is a genetics expert or a BDSM enthusiast?

Ask them the opposite of 'dominant'

I once knew a soldier who was into BDSM.

Corporal Punishment.

BDSM really isn't good for one night stands...

There's usually strings attached.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sadist hydrocarbon introduces himself at a BDSM convention...

"hi, i'm propane"

I hope you're into BDSM

Cuz my humor is pure pun-ishment

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got kicked out of the BDSM sex club

I came without permission

My neighbor is a cougar into BDSM

You could say she is into strapping young lads.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man came home to his wife who had the BDSM equipment out [NSFW]

Wife: "Come and play with me"
Man: "Okay..."

He tied her down, and one of the things the woman was into was using objects that aren't meant for sexual use for her pleasure.

So, the man went into the backyard and got a wooden post from the fence.

He walked back in and slid th...

Hank Hill got a job working in a BDSM store.

He sells pro-pain and pro-pain accessories.

Which subatomic particles are into BDSM?

Top and bottom quarks

What was the BDSM students favorite class?

The Ropes Course.

2 masochists went to a BDSM convention

The convention was doing a special showcase of some dominatrixes who were considered the best at their job, they were all on separate booths where they would give out free samples and show off their techniques.

On the first day the more experienced masochist wanted to go to the woman with th...

TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask

Whoops, wrong sub

I am new to BDSM

Can someone show me the ropes?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a BDSM-loving vegetable?

Butternut squash

What do you call a shellfish that is really into BDSM?

A mussel bound freak.

At what age does a secret agent usually get interested in BDSM?

Bond age

I want to become an expert in BDSM

But I’m still working out all the kinks

I used a MeetUp app and attended a BDSM meetup...

but left the meetup a little blue :(

Did you hear about the first time offender who was in to BDSM?

He got off with nothing but a slap on the wrist.

What's the difference between BDSM and Necrophilia?

About 5 minutes.

My BDSM community took me to court for not being hardcore enough.

I got off with just a slap on the wrist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I showed my grandfather some BDSM porn on his new computer. He said, "I just don't understand you young whippersnappers."

I think he meant: "snapper whippers."

What do you call a dog who's into BDSM?

Sub-Woofer

I used to be into BDSM, bestiality, and necrophilia...

But then I realized I was just flogging a dead horse.

My wife and I are really into light BDSM play...

...even our favourite breakfast is spank aches.

(NSFW) I have celiac disease, and my BDSM wife likes to tie me up and feed me wheat bread...

I’m a gluten for punishment.

What is it called when secret agents try BDSM?

James Bondage

Someone at a BDSM convention asked me what investments he should make

I told them to invest in stocks and bonds

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A russian man and his wife are into BDSM

A russian man, Vladislav, and his wife, Anna, are very into BDSM and roleplay and have very kinky sex every night. One night, when they are both particularly into it, Anna decides that she can't take much more. Only issue is, Anna can't remember the safeword. She starts telling her husband to stop, ...

What do you call women who like BDSM & Pizza?

Domnihoes®

Electric shock treatment for my BDSM addiction?

Yes, Please!

The opposite of BDSM is BDHM

Baby, don't hurt me

If you post BDSM jokes on /r/jokes....

Does it count as a submission?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a mom was cleaning her son's room and in the closet she found some BDSM porn DVDs

Needless to say she was very upset. She took it all and waited until his father came home and showed it all to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. 

She finally asked him, " What should we do about this?" 

Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you sh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a BDSM couple's favorite dessert?

Whipped cream pie.

What's the worst part about riding a train who's conductor is into bdsm?

You can only get off when they tell you to

What do you call an infrequent prokaryote who's into BDSM?

Cell dom.

Where does a gas that's into bdsm live

A propane tank

A priest and nun were doing BDSM

Bible Discussion Study Meeting

BDSM is supposedly a hit with the youth

But it's just something I'd rather not get tied up in

A short guide to extreme BDSM

Some couples like what they have. Others want to experiment. This is a quick and simple (and dirty) tutorial for some extreme [BDSM](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM) play in a young couple's bedroom.

As far as special equipment goes... well, it'll become obvious as you read.

Step ze...

BDSM browsing reddit...

Just a dom looking for a sub.

What do you call a math teacher who's really into BDSM?

A denominatrix.

I'm new to BDSM, but my girlfriend is really supportive...

She said she'd show me the ropes.

I’ve been in the BDSM scene for a while. Recently, I developed feelings for a girl that wanted me to control her. She was amazing...

She was definitely a r/subifellfor

Why are dogs into BDSM?

They like it ruff

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who's into BDSM and scat?

Several shades of shit

I need advice. I was whipping someone in a gimp mask during a BDSM session, but when he took it off - it wasn't my husband.

Whoops, wrong sub.

What did one Indiana resident say to the other Indiana resident at the BDSM convention?

Hoosier daddy

I want to make a BDSM joke

but I keep getting tied up on the punchline

An older woman's husband dies during a bdsm session.

She decides to do something crazy with her life, and buys a Harley, gets a few tattoos, and goes out in search of the Hell's Angels.

When she finds them they give her an initiation test.
"You ever killed a man?" They ask.
"Yep" she says. "Killed my husband."
"You ever steal ...

[BDSM] I accidentally flogged another dominatrix's client

Oops, wrong sub

I had to break up with my cop girlfriend. We’re both into BDSM...

but I’m not comfortable doing blackface

I would help with your bdsm kink

My hands are tied at the moment though.

They've finally figured out how to get rid of BDSM

The clampdown starts this week

What did the busy BDSM enthusiast say to avoid coming into work?

"Sorry, my hands are tied!" ^^im ^^^so ^^^^sorry

I had a vegetarian girlfriend who was into BDSM.

She did not carrot all if I beet her.

[BDSM] The other day I came home and found a man tied up on my bed that didn't look like my boyfriend.

Whoops, wrong sub.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mom decides to clean her sons room.

Under his bed she finds a large collection of BDSM porn. Disturbed and not sure what to do she goes to her husband. "What should we do about this?" she asks. He replied, "Well we sure as hell can't spank him!"

What country is into BDSM the most?

Tie-Land

What is the BDSM communitie's favorite scripture?

Turn the other cheek.

Why did the the dad get kicked out of the bdsm club?

His pun-ishments were to harsh.

So my dog told me it was into BDSM

So I tied it up and turned on the vacuum cleaner

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny's mother was cleaning his room...

and while putting his clothes away notices some BDSM magazines tucked under his socks.

Unsure of what to do, Little Johhny's mother waits till her husband gets home and shows him the magazines.

Mother: I don't want this smut in my house, how are we going to punish him?
Father: I h...

They say that whenever Superman hears a woman's high-pitched cry for help, he immediately comes.

BDSM must really turn him on.

What would a book on BDSM culture written in alabama be called?

Fifty Shades of Hay.

BDSM is disgusting and I absolutely hate it. I'd speak up but no one would listen,

My hands are tied.

I've got a problem with people who are into BDSM

I just want to strangle them.

Why should you never trust a bdsm enthusiast when the game is on the line?

They enjoy getting beat when tied up!

What do you call BDSM santa?

A subordinate claus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just watched aggressive sex between a group of people that celebrate pride and individuality in 720p

It was HD LGBTQ BDSM

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Former pornstar walks into a bar

Former porn actress walks into a bar and sees one of her old coworkers. They get to talking and the active porn actress asks her why she quit.

Well, they keep wanting me to do weirder and weirder stuff. At first it was just BDSM. But then they pushed me to do beastiality which I really regre...

This new restaurant opened up in my town.

It's a BDSM themed Italian restaurant.

.

.

.

Their specail is the *Fetish*ini

If I had a mask that only revealed the attractive parts of my face...

People would think I was really in to BDSM

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of elderly folks were watching television at the retirement home...

They were enjoying their show until it was time for a commercial break. Having nothing else to do, they stayed sitting and watched the commercials. Suddenly, one advertisement displayed attractive men and women in rubber bodysuits, latex clothing, and BDSM-looking outfits. The elderly were aghast....

I kink my neck so often...

I'm starting to think I'm secretly into BDSM

[NSFW] A mother and father are snooping around in their son's bedroom.

Being a bit nosy, they search around the room to see if their son is hiding anything "naughty." The father checks under the bed and, in shock, sees tons of BDSM and bondage tapes, DVDs, and magazines.
The mother couldn't breathe. It took her a while to say "Oh my god! What should we do about this...

A Mother is cleaning her kids room...

She finds a bunch of BDSM gear and fetish mags. She shows her husband

Mom: What do we do?

Dad: I'm not sure, but whatever you do you better not spank him!!

Mom says to Dad:

"I've found a BDSM magazine under our son's bed. What are we supposed to do about it?"
Dad replies: "I don't know honey, but I think, hitting him would be very wrong."

50 Shades of Little Johnny

Johnny's Mum was cleaning under his bed when she found a stash of BDSM magazines.

A bit concerned she asks Johnny's Dad what he thinks she should do.

Johnny's Dad responds "whatever else you do, don't spank him"

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